We sat together in the warm sunlight. A small thicket of trees surrounded us, and the river glittered behind the trunks. It was high summer, and for once, it was actually sunny. On the way there, they'd seen little children playing in the sun that would soon be gone, while their parents hid away in the shade, complaining of the heat.

In the warmth, I was able to lean back and shut out the world. Nothing mattered except where I was, and who I was with.

Lily's voice echoed non-stop through my head as she talked and talked beside me. "…And I can't believe it's been four years already! Next year we have our OWLs. I think they'll be alright…"

Lily was the light of my life. Going home meant going back into the darkness. The shouting. The anger. The bitterness. Lily was my one saviour, and the thought of her, my light in the dark.

"Sev? Can I ask you something?"

I sat up slowly, searching her eyes.

"Of course."

She looked at me hesitantly, then looked down started picking at the grass beside her."I know…I know you have other friends. Mulciber...Avery…you know I don't like them. They're kinda creepy. But…I mean...we are still best friends...right?"

She stared up at me again, her eyes piercing mine with a slight frown. It was hard to hide the shock I felt – her question surprised me. I suppose...I had never too obvious with my emotions. She didn't know exactly how I felt about her.

Something inside me suddenly screamed for me to tell her how I felt. Could I be brave enough? To tell her the truth? It was an absurd idea really. She'd never speak to me again. The fear bubbled up inside me, and my gaze faltered. Lily was still staring at me expectantly. I sighed.

"Lily…I…"

"Yes?" she asked hopefully, her emerald eyes sparkling.

"I…of course." I sighed. "We will always be best friends"

She breathed a sigh of relief, though not as vast a sigh as I would have expected.

"Good."

Was that all she could say? Good?

She lay down in the grass again. Her beautiful red hair rested softly behind her head like a dark flame. I lay down next to her and closed my eyes. The warm sun made us sleepy, so we stayed by the river for hours. We talked softly. Lily more than I. When she talked, I just listened to the melody of her voice, and relaxed.

5 hours later, I was sitting on the cold floor of my room. Shouting filled my ears and I put my head between my knees. What use was it? They wouldn't stop fighting until one of them died.

"What about Severus! You're going to leave both of us? You wouldn't!"

"Darn right I would! You and that boy are a pain in my arse!"

Glass smashed and the front door slammed shut. This was far from unusual. I waited a minute to ensure that father wasn't coming back, then quietly got up and opened my door. My mother was crying in the kitchen. Her body heaved with sobs, and her face was buried in her hands.

I moved her to the dusty sofa and gave her a light kiss on the forehead. She stared up at me with a sad smile. I moved back to the kitchen, and opened the fridge, searching through the beer bottles for something to make for dinner.

I cooked it the muggle way. All the while my mother sobbed quietly on the sofa. Finally, I gave her a plate of spaghetti. She looked up at me again and thanked me. I took none for myself and returned to my room.

This was my life – the cold and dark of home, and the warmth and light of Lily. Whenever she was with me, the world seemed so much brighter.

I closed my eyes and tried to picture her. Her flaming red hair, her emerald green eyes...already such images were slipping away. She made me feel alive. But for how long would she stay? Would I ever be able to tell her how I felt?

And if I did...was there even the slightest chance she could love me back?