The Night Will Always Win
By ithinkyourewonderful.
Disclaimer: Not mine, never was, never will be...
Rating: PG-13 (Language)
Placement: Set between "Queen of Hearts" and "The Cricket Game" (IE - Emma and Snow are back, and Cora's well on her way but not here yet.)
Summary: Post-Curse - Regina has a bold plan to protect Henry, but can Emma trust her? Especially when it means learning from the Evil Queen herself?
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Chapter One - Don't Look At The Moon Tonight
x ~ x
"What is it like?" Emma asks. She figures she should take advantage of the darkened room. Of Regina's odd mood. She might be rewarded with an answer - or punished by being flung across the room. Again.
"What's what like, Miss Swan?" the regal woman asks, as she tosses off the hood of her cloak.
"Magic." Emma answers as she watches Regina move around the room but trying to stay in the shadows. It's as if the other woman was afraid of the moonlight streaming in through the windows. The moon seems brighter lately, fuller, if that's possible - but Emma can't tell if it's because she's seeing it seemingly for the first time, after their return from Fairy Tale Land, or what.
"I thought you were here to learn how to protect Henry against Cora, Miss Swan, not to play twenty questions." Regina kneels at the bookshelf and reaches for something.
"Magic is all Cora has, Regina." Emma explains. "If we're gonna protect Henry, I want to know all I can about her." And about you, Emma finishes the thought in her head.
Emma doesn't know if she can trust Regina, not fully. She knows she won't hurt Henry, not willingly - but this was also the woman who ripped out her own father's heart. Literally reached in and removed it in an act of pain. This was clearly a woman who wasn't in control of her own actions when her emotions were involved. If she had to, she would say she trusts Regina about as much as she trusts a wild animal. But she wants to. She wants to trust her. It's not just to have someone who shares the fear over Henry's safety, or to guide her through the upcoming battle, or even because she's the Savior. No, she wants to trust Regina because she needs to have someone who understands her, and despite the snide and snarky comments - Emma knows Regina understands her. All of her. Because she understands the older woman like she's never understood anyone else.
It scares her.
It scares Emma to know she understands the older woman who condemned an entire world to suffer alongside herself.
"It's like being at one with the universe." Regina begins, her voice low, reminding Emma of the hushed tones used in churches. She rises from the ground and crosses the room, her cloak brushing Emma's arm as she passes. In the dark, Emma can't tell if she's gliding or hovering. "Once you use magic, it's like you're at one with the universe. Every atom of mine can feel every atom of yours. It becomes a part of the apple tree outside, the pages of Henry's books, the wind and the waves and the birds and the stars and the sky. There is a one-ness, a sense of belonging, when you use magic." A flame appears, a candle burning in the dark - no match in sight. In the warm glow, Regina's skin shines like bronze, her eyes hooded and dark with magic and emotion and power and god knows what else. She places the candle on the fire place mantle and crosses back towards Emma until they're nearly side by side. "Take the candle. There is no boundary between my body, my mind, the air around us, or the flame. We're all one." As if on cue, the flame goes out, leaving them in the familiar cold of the moonlight.
"Nice parlor trick." Emma mutters on edge.
"I am available for children's birthday parties." The other woman delivers in a deadpan manner.
"Good to know - do you face paint as well?" Emma replies. She can sense Regina moving beside her, behind her, until the edges of the cloak touch her arms again, there's barely any space between them.
"Just breathe Miss Swan."
"Breathe." Emma repeats, terrified. She can feel energy crackling around them. She can smell the other woman's familiar perfume, mixing with something else, something primal, elemental.
Metallic.
She can feel her skin come alive down the the nerve endings as Regina puts a hand on the younger woman's hip and leans in to whisper in her ear: "Light the candle."
"I can't. I don't know how." It takes a lot to scare Emma Swan, she kinda likes to see herself as a badass, but she had to admit, she was getting there. But there was something else, another emotion undercuts the fear in Emma's belly and it's exhilaration. She sneaks a look sideways and finds her breath catching. Regina is beautiful. She's always know this. But with the other woman beside her, touching her softly, looking at her so intently - this is the first time she sees it.
"Yes, you can. It belongs to you Miss Swan. Magic is your birthright."
"Regina, I don't want to do this." Emma steps away, forcing herself to move apart. She can't think with the other woman so close to her, to her thoughts. Her lips so close to her ear. It was too much. All of it. Too much fear and touching and - "I don't want to and I don't want you to either."
"It's not about you Miss Swan. Once you became Henry's mother it stopped being about you. It's now about him and he needs this from you. We both do. My mother is on her way, if she isn't already here. I can't protect you and Henry from her. Not always. Not forever."
"Yes you can!" Emma argues, craving a sign of the old Regina, Mayor Mills, not this magic-induced woman.
"I need to know that you're ready for it, for her." Regina continues, ignoring Emma's arguments. "I need to know you're armed with something more than that silly toy sword of yours!" Her voice is erratic, but low, trembling with fear. Emma can only wonder at what would terrify the Evil Queen herself to such an extent. The Queen who tore out her father's heart - "I need to know that Henry ... And you ... Are safe." In the moonlight, Emma can see the desperation in the other woman. Her desire to protect her son, but something else as well. A desire to protect her too? Emma can't tell what's real, what's magic and what's the moonlight playing tricks on her.
"Let me teach you," Regina offers, pleads, extending her hand from her black cloak out towards Emma, "Let me protect you. Both of you in the only way I know how!"
Emma looks down at the offered hand. And then up to the face it belongs to. She knows she should think of Henry now, only Henry, but all she can think of, is the woman in front of her. And her lips. Her lips as red as blood. As red as - a cloud passes over the moon, it leaves them in the dark and breaks whatever spell Regina had cast over the moment and allows Emma to breathe. And think, practically and logically.
She knows she can't always count on Regina. She knows she shouldn't even count on her now, but where Henry's concerned, she knows Regina would move heaven and earth to protect the child - whether he wants it or not. If she thinks of Regina as a wild animal, it's a mother bear, claws and teeth ready to tear apart anyone limb to limb who threatened her child. Emma can't help but feel jealous of her son for having a protector like she'd always wanted. But this benevolence of Regina's was a tenuous thing, as delicate as a strand of silk, and perhaps as strong, but it could still snap, and Emma had to be ready for that. She had to know what the other woman was capable of in order to know her better.
"Teach me." She finally agrees, taking Regina's hand and stepping back to their previous position - her back to the shelter provided by Regina's slight shoulders. She feels Regina return her left hand to her waist, the other hovering over her right. "Focus." She begins. "Know that you are borne out of True Love -" Her voice hitches at these words and Emma prepares a swift comeback to the inevitable insult, but it never arrives. Regina simply continues to speak into the other woman's ear like you would speak to a lover, her words softened by the curled ribbons of blond hair. "Every element in the universe came together on the day you were born. The sun and the moon and the wind and earth."
"You would know." Emma mutters, as she tries to lighten the mood, break the intimacy that's being built around them. She doesn't know how, but she can feel Regina smile. "You're right, I would."
"So that makes you how much older than me exactly?" She teases, turning her head to see the woman's response, but she's underestimated the older woman's proximity and finds their lips are inches apart. She can't understand why she wants to kiss the other woman.
She suspects it must be magic.
It has to be.
It has nothing to do with how incredible she looks.
Nothing at all.
She senses the other woman knows what she's thinking. She must be able to hear her heartbeat, see her eyes focused on her lips.
If she does, however, she doesn't act on it, simply smiles as she returns the distracted woman to the task at hand, "The candle, Miss Swan."
"Right," Emma breathes, returning her head to her former position, "The candle."
"You are a part of everything in universe, Miss Swan, and it is all a part of you. Do you know what that means?"
"I should've paid attention in yoga more?"
"It means you're a part of the candle."
"I'm a part of the candle." Emma sighs, trying not to show her annoyance. Believing her parents were Snow White and Prince Charming were one thing - but this...crap... was another.
"Lighting the candle will be no different than rolling your eyes - and we know how good you are at that. Close your eyes Miss Swan."
"Regina - this is bull -"
"This is the first step. If you don't get this, you can't do any of it. Anything. I need you to understand this." Regina fights to keep the frustration out of her voice. "I need you to trust me. Trust that right here, right now, I'll protect you. Now close your eyes."
Emma closes her eyes and immediately feels Regina wrap her slim body against hers. She's shocked that the other woman is actually trying to make her feel safe. Secure. She's shocked she can feel the protection offered by the other woman. Emma's afraid if she opens her eyes the warmth will disappear - she's not ready for that.
"Can you feel the night?" Regina asks, as she sees now that Emma has adjusted to their contact.
"I can feel the darkness."
"Good. Now - can you feel me?"
"...yes." Emma answers eventually. She's having a tough time feeling anything but her.
"There is nothing separating you from me." Regina murmurs into the trusting woman's ear as she slips her free hand into Emma's, their fingers intertwining.
Emma's heart stops beating.
Her lungs stop breathing.
And then it begins - all at once.
The only thing Emma can liken it to is like being shocked back to life. Everything feels different, sharper. She can feel not only Regina's hand in her's but she can feel Regina. She can feel a sensation flowing from the older woman into her, and she can feel sensations leaving her.
She feels everything.
She feels pain.
"Breathe." Regina reminds her - and Emma can't tell if she hears the word or just feels it. "Savor this. Remember this." Regina continues, but Emma feels so much. Too much. Too soon. She can feel the cold moonlight seep into her heart and the darkness against her hair. And Regina. She feels Regina. All of her. Not just her body, her hand, but fear. She can feel power. She can feel love. So much love. More love than she though possible, not just from the Evil Queen, but anyone. So much love it hurt to keep feel. "Breathe." She hears again.
"Regina..." Emma speaks, but refuses to whimper, to exhibit pain. "Make it stop. Make it go away."
"You're doing so well. Don't give up. It'll get better - just think about the candle." She releases her grasp on Emma's hip and wraps a protective arm across the trembling woman's chest, like a lifeguard's grip. "Just focus on the candle -"
"FORGET THE CANDLE!" Emma screams as she pushes away from the other woman - tries to escape the flow of feelings and sensations - but for her slightness, Regina holds on tight and refuses to let go. "Focus on the candle.""
"I can't!" Emma shouts, as she still struggles.
"You can Emma. Move past the darkness. Move past everything until you feel the wax and the wick. Imagine you're crossing the room."
It hurt. It was too much - every nerve ending, every cell in her body was a live wire exposed to the universe at large. And Regina... As long as the older woman held onto her, she could feel waves of pain and love pour into her. She can feel her hand compress in Regina's grip. She can't feel anything but pain. Pain and darkness.
"Do it. For Henry."
Emma hears Regina's voice take on her mayoral tone - threatening and low - but she knows how to react to that. She knows to fight against it and curl her lips into a smirk and throw her shoulders back.
Light.
She feels light. It's so far away but it's there.
And she can feel Regina laugh in her ear. Full of relief and joy and exhaustion and wonder. So near. She drops - or at least feels like it when her guide drops her hand and steps back. Emma feels empty, unplugged. She feels like a shock has just run through her body and has now left it. But she's alive. Empty but alive.
"Open your eyes Miss Swan." It's weird for Emma to hear the words now, instead of feel them, but still she opens her eyes and sees the candle flickering in the far end of the room. "I did it?" She wonders out loud, looking towards her teacher to make sure this isn't a trick.
"You did!" Regina smiles across the darkness to her. More than smiles even. Ever bit of her is humming with joy. Emma has lit the candle - a small, but very necessary first step in protecting Henry, and the town, and yes, protecting the Sheriff as well. "I did! I did it!" Emma's voice rises, "I did it because I'm awesome! We're awesome! ... And I'm exhausted." She lowers herself to the floor, her back against the couch, her eyes closing.
She wakes when she notices a glass of water being placed in her hand, but when she opens her eyes, Regina is still in the same place she'd been standing for the last few minutes. "Did I do that?" She asks, worried her powers are growing quickly beyond her control.
"No dear, you most certainly did not. Now drink up. You're going to have a hell of a hangover tomorrow." She watches as Emma drinks the water quickly, half of it ending up on her hoody. "What happened Regina?" She asks when she's gulped everything down. "Magic."
"That felt like more."
"Magic is powerful."
"Obviously." Emma's tired, but not too tired to roll her eyes. "I mean, you even called me Emma. That's pretty serious."
"I don't remember Miss Swan."
"Well I do." She decides not to press her luck. "I felt you."
"I was beside you the whole time."
"No Regina," Emma puts the glass down and looks up, "I felt you. All of you. All this...pain and power and..."
"Miss Swan," Regina began as she starts collecting the odds and ends of their evening together, "With magic - especially magic with someone, it's easy to feel like -" She turns around and stops speaking - there's Emma, hovering behind her, having risen silently. Regina prays to the universe that the other woman can't feel her now. She prays the other woman can no longer feel her thoughts, how stunning she thinks her apprentice is, her hair glowing silver and gold in the moonlight, her skin alabaster white like a statue. She can't afford to have these feelings for anyone, let alone Snow's child, the Savior of Fairy Tale Land. She can't afford to develop the weakness of love, or affection, for this, this child - because in every way, Emma, all 29 years of her, is a child compared to her.
Without warning, Emma is touching her hand, touching their lips together in a kiss.
And the world seems to explode for one, brief, eternity.
Love and hate and fear and safety and jealousy and desire - so much desire - flows from one to the other as Emma pushes them, stumbling towards the first surface they can find - the couch. She pushes Regina down and climbs on top of her, straddling her. It must be the magic, the charge built up in them that's forcing this, forcing their hands to roam over the other's body, forcing their fingers to tangle in hair - blond and brown. Regina knows she should stop it, but she can't do anything other than grab a handful of Emma's hair and tug back, so the other woman's neck arches, leaving it exposed for her mouth to work it's way down.
"Is this part of it, Regina?" Emma pants out, her arms resting on the seated woman's shoulders, forcing the words out, trying to pull herself out of this cloud, this fog of emotion. Regina doesn't answer, she just she drags her teeth lightly across the exposed collarbone put forth on display. She stops only when she gets to the hem of Emma's tank top. She hopes this isn't a side effect of Emma's magic. She doesn't want to think the only reason that the other woman could display a desire for her was magic - but she knows better. She knows there's no other way, no other explanation for this behavior. She places a delicate kiss where pale skin meets the white material and closes her eyes. She can feel Emma slide off of her and onto the couch beside her.
"I'm sorry." Regina begins, voice low and quiet, "I should've stopped it."
"Didn't seem like I gave you much of a choice there." Emma laughs awkwardly. "Wait, where are you going?" She asks, as she watches Regina rise from the couch, feeling the cool air around her as if for the first time.
"I should've, I should've known - planned better." Regina began, her back to Emma, trying to organize her disjoined thoughts into a steady stream. The other woman wasn't the only one to experience the exchange of energies and emotions and it was jarring, upsetting, on so many levels to Regina who hadn't felt anything more than hate and rage and pain in years. "It was dangerous to start without you understanding what you were getting into." She turns around to face the other woman, who's now curled up on the couch. "But we don't have time. We just don't - not if you're going to get ready to face my mother."
"But I did good didn't I? I'll get the hang of it." Emma smiles, sleep clouding her eyes, "Won't I?"
"You are the Savior." Regina states. She knows they need to continue, push through the night, every night, if Emma will ever be able to do more than light candles and summon apples. But looking at her, lying there on her couch, looking at her, so like her son, Regina can't help but cave. For the unaccustomed, the initiates, magic is exhausting, overwhelming, They can continue tomorrow. They must.
Against her better judgement, Regina moves to towards the bookshelf and takes out a throw blanket and spreads it over the reclining figure as the candle blows out on its own. "Did you do that Miss Swan?" Regina can't help but ask, terror rising in the back of her throat. If it wasn't, it could - "I told you I'd get the hang of it."
"You are the Savior." Regina repeats, an odd feeling of pride rising up in her chest.
"Now," Emma began, drowsiness slurring her words, "Exactly how much older are you than me?"
"If you must know Miss Swan -" Regina moves to the doorway of the living room, toying with the idea of going to sleep tonight, "I'm 30 years older than you... We share the same birthday. Now good night...Emma." Regina turns and makes her way to the staircase in the dark, pausing only when she hears Emma calling out in the dark "I heard that...Regina." She smiles, because she can, because she's a dying woman who's not dead yet.
Because she can't help herself.
TBC.