A/N: This is just a crazy hare-brained idea I came up with randomly, a few days ago. Hope you all enjoy!
WARNING: Extreme silliness in this chapter!
"Guys, have you seen Thor and Loki? They've been gone for several hours now and its dark outside." Steve walked into the living room, checking his watch and glancing around worriedly. Only one other Avenger was there, which was currently Clint Barton.
"Cap, they're big boys they can handle themselves," Clint said from his place on the floor where he was playing a video game. His body kept jerking this way or that, the controller writhing in his hands as he fought to gain mastery of the video game. "Besides, who cares if its dark out there? They can find their way home just fine without one of us babysitting them."
Steve Rogers crossed the room and abruptly shut the game off. He turned to glare at Clint, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Hey I was in the middle of that!" Clint complained loudly.
"Now that I have your attention," Steve said coldly, authority thick in his voice. He stared the other man down until Clint's complaining subsided. "There were two other things I wanted to share with you. One, it's that Stark is also missing. And two, it's snowing outside."
At the word "snow" Barton jumped up and rushed to the window, pressing his face to the glass. "Oh wow. You're right Cap. It looks like a blizzard..." his voice trailed off thoughtfully. He jumped up again and zipped out of the living room. Someone had apparently had too much coffee today. Within moments Captain could hear the sound of zippers being zipped up.
Steve headed out of the room and down the hallway. Rounding a corner he saw the archer hurriedly zipping up his parka. "What are you doing? Going out to search for them? That might be a good idea, considering its almost midnight..."
"Search for them?" Clint scoffed. He pulled on a dark blue cap, folding it over his ears. "Why the hell would I do that? Thor may be an idiot sometimes, but he can certainly take care of himself. And I don't give a damn about Loki. If he freezes out there it'll be an early Christmas present for me!" Clint said excitedly.
Steve regarded him with a deadpan look. "What are you doing then?"
Clint finished slipping on a pair of heavy-duty boots. "Why Cap, didn't ya know that blizzard conditions are the best time to go out and have some fun? I'm heading out there now before I get dragged into babysitting duty again. Remember the last time you had me babysit? The Hulk?" Clint shuddered. "I remember babysitting the Hulk."
Steve barred Clint's path. "Okay, fair enough. No one should have left you alone with the Big Guy. But this is different. Thor and Loki might be in trouble and its our job as a team to go out and help them.''
Clint groaned loudly, setting down the snowboard he'd been holding. Steve wasn't even sure where he'd gotten that.
"Steve, there's no guarantee that they're even IN trouble. More than likely they were just being idiots and got lost somewhere." Clint crossed his arms, which was slightly difficult because of his puffy jacket. "And Loki's NOT a part of our team. He's just banished here where WE have to keep an eye on him."
It was clear that Clint had issues with letting things go.
"Barton, right now I don't care if Loki is Satan himself. He is still under OUR protection, and it's our duty to keep an eye out for each other. It's called being a team."
Clint swallowed another sarcastic retort. "Okay. What do you want us to do? This city's huge. They could be anywhere."
"Not quite," a new voice said. Natasha Romanoff appeared suddenly, with Dr. Banner following a ways behind her. "We just saw something on the news that you're going to want to see."
Steve shared a look with Clint. Natasha waited patiently for the two men to make up their minds.
Bruce, sensing the need for urgency, spoke up. "It's about Loki. He and Thor are-"
"GREAT! Now I know EVERYTHING. Thanks Bruce!" Clint glared daggers at the other man.
"We didn't even tell you what was going on," Bruce retorted, rubbing his temples.
"Yeah... You did. You said it was about Loki, and then you blinked rapidly three times. This means that Loki and Thor must have gotten drunk, which we all know makes you uncomfortable," Clint continued to speak in a hyperactive rush. "Nat said it was on the news so it must be crude or horrifying, and yet its important enough that the police don't just arrest them. Which leads me to conclude that they got drunk, Thor passed out, and Loki is performing some dorky act of foolery.'' Clint stopped to take a breath, then sighed happily. "At least I don't know what Loki's doing yet."
Bruce's eyes widened and he smirked, "I've seen the news flash twice, and you know more about it than I do."
"My god guys, will you just come and look at this?!" Natasha's infuriated voice reached them from the living room. Rather than incite the fury of the Black Widow, the men all rushed into the living room to see what the hubbub was about.
Suddenly the TV headlines were blaring from the speakers. Images flashed onscreen, moving too rapidly for any of the viewers to make sense of.
"Breaking News, The sudden flurry of snow has brought out a not so usual crowd in downtown New York. People are gathering everywhere, whether on the streets or in their living rooms, to watch the god of Mischief and Lies currently dance around... on a light pole... Completely in the nude. Will more curious weather be coming? And with it our friendly superheroes? We go now Live to the scene with Lindsey Karp. How are things there Lindsey?" The news anchor asked, a broad smirk riddling his features. At his words Steve and Clint froze.
"Things are almost normal here Frank, except for the naked man streaking down the streets of New York. No wonder the weather here is so 'exciting'."
The scene cut to a snowy street in Downtown New York, where just visible in the flurry of white one could see a pale, dark-haired man dancing circles around a street light. He appeared to be holding a bottle of something in his hand. Taking a sharp turn the Asgardian tipped his bottle and some amber liquid sloshed out. As the news anchor had said, Loki was totally naked.
''We need to get there right now,'' Steve said aloud, writing down the address on a notepad and pulling on his coat.
''I was dancing... With a woman... And she took off all her clothes... Lalalala...'' Loki sang, a little off tune and his words jumbling together haphazardly.
The Avengers stood in the snow, partly averting their eyes as their nude friend danced around in circles. His brother lay facedown in the snow, unconscious. News helicopters hovered overhead, getting shots of all the Avengers as they faced down their old nemesis.
Bruce jammed his hands in his pockets. He glanced around at the others, his breath forming white mists in front of his face. "Did anyone bring extra clothes?" Unfortunately, no one did. "Guess we all conveniently forgot in the rush to get here," he muttered.
Steve cleared his throat and took a step forward, taking the position of leadership as usual. "Loki," he said gently. When the Asgardian gave no heed he called louder, "LOKI!"
The dark-haired man whirled about, a smirk plastered on his features. Steve approached Loki cautiously, getting more and more uncomfortable.
''Stay back!'' Loki shouted, waving the drink at them. "I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU!" He took a step forward, and was about to say something else when he tripped over Thor. He landed on his face in the snow.
''I did not need to see that,'' Natasha said drily. She didn't bother to look away.
Loki rolled onto his back, chuckling. ''Look at all the pretty... Woman...'' He was breathing deeply and Steve could tell he was extremely intoxicated.
''C'mon guys, let's get him in the car.'' Bruce said, gesturing for Loki to take his hand.
Loki looked at the hand drowsily, and then he comically began shaking Bruce's hand. ''I'm Loki of Asgard... How are you?" He lowered his brows thoughtfully, struggling to think. "And where's your enormous green friend?"
"I'm fine, and he's not my friend," Bruce said curtly. "Aren't you cold?"
Loki shook his head, his face splitting in a wide grin as he laughed obnoxiously. "No no, not at all." He pulled himself into a sitting position and cocked his head at Bruce. "Do you want to know my secret?" He giggled. "I'll tell you. C'mere."
Bemused, Bruce leaned down a little closer, just to humor the Asgardian.
"PSSH FFFTTTT THHHTTTTRRRFRRRRR SSHSHHH..." Loki whispered the nonsense gleefully. Then he burst out laughing. Bruce jumped back, rubbing at his ear. This was just getting weird.
"Just kidding!" Loki chirped. "My secrets are too valuable to share."
''Get in the damn car.'' Natasha pulled Loki up and dragged him over to the vehicle. She ignored him as he whimpered and tried to pull away.
''For some reason I think he likes the cold,'' Clint announced, getting in the passenger seat of the SUV.
Steve glared at Loki pointedly. Clint laughed at his expression and imitated an old person.
''You young whippersnappers! Drinkin' around like that!''
''You know I don't talk that way,'' Steve growled, shoving Thor into the trunk. ''Try to contact Tony.''
Clint grumbled and flipped open his phone. ''Uhh... Steve? He already sent us a message.'' He showed Steve the phone and pressed enter, a video pulling up. It was an aerial view of a street corner where Loki was dancing and Thor was unconscious. They heard Tony's voice speak into the phone, his words slightly muffled and slurred.
''You guys like my present? I do. It was hard to get those two into a bar but in the end... Everything worked out.'' Tony's permanently sarcastic voice drawled. ''Happy Holiday's!''
''TONY!'' The whole team roared.
A/N: Please read and review :)