Blondine and Bobby Pins were running around trying to save the world when the ground suddenly flipped its shit.
"Am I drunk before noon again?" yelled Blondine. "I am trying to drink away the pain of never fucking my sister before she died."
"No, you perv," sighed Bobby Pins, "there are roots trying to get us."
"Oh jeez," yelled Bitch on the Beach, "are they all wiggly and aggressive and really handsy and stuff?"
"Yes," said Blondine, who was suffering a lot of scratchy bark on his face.
"RUN," Bitch on the Beach told them. "You run now!"
"Why?" asked Bobby Pins, who is a contrary bastard.
"Have you never seen anime?" said Bitch on the Beach. "If it looks like it has tentacles, and you value your asshole's integrity, you run."
"What?" said Blondine. The roots were waving around him seductively and he didn't know what these feelings were.
All the roots were ignoring Bobby Pins now and focusing on Blondine. One raised up to the level of his chest and hovered there. He stared at it.
"Touch it," Bobby Pins whispered.
"What?"
"Touch it."
Blondine reached out and high-fived the root. It seemed pleased. It burst out in flowers. It still hovered in front of him, though. He tapped it again and this time left his hand out. It tapped his hand back.
Then they played Patty Cake. It was not sexual at all. But Bobby Pins still watched it like it was pornography.
THE END