Author's Note: This story is inspired by the Gratsu (Gray x Natsu) yaoi called 'Regrets of the Crying Sky' by the amazing and talented Wild Rhov. The concept is what was used, as you can see this is yuri, the pairing Erza and Lucy. I have not plagiarized any of her work and do not intend to in this story. Enjoy!
Erza walked through Mangolia, heading to her apartment. She had gotten back from the annual masters meeting. She was glad for the getaway. She loved her guild more than anything, but getting from it was refreshing.
At twenty-nine she felt age creep up on her. She was not old, but she was no longer a teenager. She no longer went on jobs. Her team was no longer together. Everyone else had moved on. Gray married Juvia and had two little girls, Yuki and Summer. They even have a third child on the way. Wendy took over for Porlyusica as the healer the guild turned to in their time of need. Happy and Carla had a little exceed close to hatching. Even Natsu and Lucy were married and had a little girl, Ember.
Erza stayed alone. She never married and never had kids. Kids just did not seem like a good idea. She was too busy to be a single parent and she had not found someone she would want to settle down with. Well...the only people she wanted to marry would never be hers. Jellal was never around and broke off any chances of them being together. It hurt Erza, but not as much as many would think. She was more in love with someone else. She could not have her. The woman she loved-yes, a woman-was married. Erza loved her more than anything, but she could never have her.
Erza looked around, staring up at the sky. The dull grey fit her melancholy mood. Times like this were so common. She was alone. The life she chose. She could never settle, so she just never fell for someone. If she did feel herself falling for someone, it was never as strong a feeling as the love she held for her one true love. The inability to find love caused a deep ache in her chest. She felt like something so beautiful from her life had been taking. The only thing that could rid her of that pain, the numbness that came with all this was seeing the woman she loved or thinking of her, but that only lasted so long.
She was beautiful, the one she loved. Her smile that perfectly stretched her soft pink lips and made her brown eyes sparkle. Those eyes, they were so alluring. They always made Erza melt, take away all the coldness in her lonely heart. That was always temporary, because Erza eventually snapped back into reality, knowing that smile was for someone else, those eyes sparkled for only one person. Lucy married Natsu. The girl Erza fell for was committed to someone else.
Erza could not recall when she fell in love, but only when she realized it. She did not know why or how it happened. It was during the Grand Magic Games that she knew. When Erza would crawl into Lucy's bed she felt so secure with Lucy next to her. Hugging to Lucy and looking at the blonde's peaceful face as she slept felt like bliss, something that was meant to be. It was something felt she had been missing all her life.
Erza got to her apartment. She moved out of Fairy Hills when she was twenty-three and moved into a spacious flat. She stopped storing her armor outside her magic space. Her friends never were comfortable having their kids around such dangerous weapons, so she decided to do it in means of child-proofing her place if she ever had to babysit.
She had several spare bedrooms for when new people join the guild and had no place to live. The place did not have much furniture but still had this warm feeling and the walls had countless photographs on them. She had a study where she spent a lot of her time either working or reading.
The knight took off her jacket and walked into the kitchen. She put a tea kettle on the stove to heat up water for tea. She needed something to warm her cold body. The January night was beyond freezing, saying that Erza felt it showed it was a doozy.
As she curled up on the couch with a book and a cup of tea she heard a knock at the door. She groaned and got up, just after getting comfortable. "They better have a good reason to be here, whoever they are," she muttered.
She opened the door to see the woman she always had on her mind. Lucy held her three year old daughter in her arms. Both were shivering.
"Lucy?" Erza looked at the two with concern. "You alright?" She quickly let the two in.
"The heat in our house is out," Lucy told her. "Can we stay with you? Just until Natsu comes back from his job."
"Yeah...of course. Never could turn away a friend in need." Erza cracked a friendly grin. I could never turn her down. I would do whatever she wanted me to do, she thought. "Would you like some tea?"
"Sounds lovely, thank you." Lucy smiled at Erza. Erza felt her heart melt like it always did.
Erza quickly poured Lucy a cup of tea and put in what she recalled was what Lucy took in her tea. Milk and honey. "So how are thing?" Erza set a cup of tea down on the coffee table for Lucy.
"Fine. My job as a columnist at Sorcerer's Weekly is awesome, and I recently got a book deal," Lucy said as she set down Ember on the couch and wrapped the toddler in a blanket. "It's being put on second print."
"That's great! I always wanted to read your stuff, you know," Erza told her as she sat down on the couch. She picked up little Ember and held her close. She toyed with the little girl's blonde hair. "It's been so long since I've seen you. My little Emby baby!" Erza tickled her. Ember squealed and giggled.
"Zaza!" the little girl giggled, using the name she called Erza.
"Don't rile her up, it's close to her bedtime," Lucy sighed.
"C'mon, I've been away for almost two weeks, I missed this little bugger. She's so cute!" Erza grinned.
"Jeez...you miss her more than her father does when he comes back from jobs," Lucy said, her voice dry and flat. She grabbed her tea from the coffee table, her wedding ring clinking against the mug. The noise reminded Erza of her losses, like a buzzer ringing out at the final second of a game, declaring one a loser and one a victor. It was one of many things that reminded Erza.
"I'm sure he misses her like hell. Same goes to you." Erza held Ember close, enjoying the bliss of having such a lovely child to keep her from a night of heartache caused by solitude. She had always wanted kids, but she wanted someone she could have kids with. Going alone just seemed dumb and not nearly as appealing as having someone there who stood by her and the child.
"Yeah, I miss him." Lucy sat back. She looked at Erza and Ember. She smiled slightly, the corners of her mouth tugging up. Seeing Erza with kids just seemed to make sense so much. Erza would have made a great mother. Strong yet tender, stern yet sweet. She would also make a hell of a role model, being so strong, loyal and dedicated. She could be assertive when needed and loving to those she cared about. She always seemed to soften around kids. She loved being around kids. She played with the children of the guild and watched when their parents were away. There was another one that Lucy could not recall until she thought about Natsu. Erza was mature. She was more like a parent rather than a friend. She could be the bad guy when she had to be. She was ready for kids. Natsu sometimes seemed like he was not ready, to Lucy at least. He was not a bad father, just seemed so scattered and sometimes would not be willing to give punishments or teach discipline.
"Hey, Lucy, it seems Emby might be ready for bed. Do you want me to tuck her in for you?" Erza asked.
"No, I got it." Lucy picked up Ember and carried her the bathroom. She helped the toddler get ready for bed, changing her into her PJs and then helped her brush her teeth, Lucy doing most of the work for the child. She washed the tiny, pink, princess themed toothbrush and shook it dry before tucking it into the bag she packed for Ember. She tucked Ember into one of the guest beds. The bed had rails to keep a child from rolling off the bed as they slept. Erza set them up for when she babysat.
"Good night, my little star," Lucy whispered as she kissed Ember's forehead. The child was fast asleep.
Lucy looked down at her daughter. The child looked almost nothing of her father. All she had of him in her physical appearance were the bits of green in her onyx eyes. She was almost all Lucy. Her eyes were mainly brown, her hair was the golden blonde color as Lucy's and she basically looked like Lucy did at age three. Ember even seemed to not even like the flames her father had spent all his life controlling. It frightened her, actually. Ember was more interested in her mother's spirits and how her 'aunt' Erza could make swords dance in the air.
Erza looked out the window, watching the snow fall, She chuckled at a thought, remembering a memory from her childhood. The time her and Mira spent the entire day having a snowball fight when they used to be rivals. They were out the entire day and by the time they were done their hands were so numb that by the end of it they could barely hold their snowballs. It seemed nowadays her joy came from memories, and thoughts of Lucy. Everyone else was usually occupied in their own lives to really give Erza enough of their time for it to save her from the shadow of solitude that always hid her. She ran her finger through the condensation on her window, caused by the warmth of her home and the cold from outside. She made little shapes in it like a child would. Ember and the other children in the guild would do such things on the windows during the winter. They wrote messages in sloppy, often misspelled writing and then tried to draw the people of the guild and they would alway turn out as stick figures with no proportion like one would expect from very young children, but still everyone called them lovely.
Lucy walked back into the living room to see Erza drawing in the window like a child. She laughed at the sight. Always have that childish side of you, Erza, she mused. Erza blushed slightly, realizing she had been caught.
"Oh no, dont' mind me," Lucy giggled. She sat next to Erza. Erza shifted away from her. Enough to create distance, but not enough for Lucy to notice that she was shying away. "So...have you heard from Jellal lately?"
Erza looked out the window, seeming a bit absent. "He wrote to me recently. He's fine, but he narrowly escaped capture. The bounty hunters are becoming more cunning."
"Must worry you greatly, the man you love constantly on the run." Lucy placed her hand on Erza's back and gently rubbed it over the spot between Erza's shoulder blades.
The simple touch sent shivers down Erza's spine. She hid her reaction, acting indifferent. "I don't love him, not like you think, at least. He's not my one true love. He's like family to me, he knows me better than most people do. He isn't the one I desire, though. Why we aren't together; I don't settle."
"So you're alone now. Couldn't you have just settled? He loved you and you love him. Sure, he isn't the one...but he's something. You care about him. Isn't that enough?
Lucy asked, seeming to speak as if it was familiar to her. It was. Natsu was a great guy, Lucy owed her life to him. He's the whole reason she got into Fairy Tail. She loved him, she really did. She didn't want to lose him, but there was always someone she will always have feelings for, feelings stronger than the one she harbors for her husband. She could not been with them. It was frowned upon and she was too far gone. She lost her chance, the chance to take a huge risk and confess. Being with the one she loved the most was a pipe dream. Her love was only heard by deaf ears, unknown to everyone but Lucy herself.
The words offended Erza slightly. "Because I'd rather be alone. It's not fair to him if I used him like that. I know I can't have the one I truly want! And that kills me...but it would destroy me to with anyone who isn't them."
Lucy huffed in frustrations. She sprawled out on the couch. She had no idea what to say next. She did not want to get in an argument with Erza over this.
Erza studied Lucy. She looked at the beautiful woman before her. Lucy pouted like a child. It was almost too damn cute for the knight to handle. The position Lucy had put herself in was tempting to Erza. She wanted nothing more than to get on top of Lucy and kiss those soft lips. She did not know to feel blessed or cursed by being in the presence of such a gorgeous woman. She could look at her all her life. She wished she could. She wanted to fall asleep in the same bed as that woman and wake up next to her. She wanted to tell her the three words she always wanted to hear them back. She wanted to kiss the woman she loved. She wanted to touch her, make love to her. But, as Erza studied her love lose, she saw why could have none of those things. The scar caused by Natsu's teeth on Lucy's neck. Dragon Slayers put marks on their lovers, marking them as mates for life. Lucy usually hid it, finding it a tad embarrassing, but today it was on full display, as if just to remind Erza that no matter what, no matter how much she wanted it, she could never have Lucy. She could chase. but she did not dare. She would complicate things, and by the slim chance that she got what she longed for, it would hurt Natsu. Her life long friends. She could never betray him like that! He was like a brother to her. And there was also a child in it all. Erza knew if she did something and hurt Lucy and Natsu's relationship, it would also hurt Ember. Still it felt so damn hard not to do something about the desires burning deep within her heart.
There was a silence between the two women for a few minutes. "I couldn't be with them. I was too late. My fear of losing them is the reason I lost them. Cruel irony, eh?" Erza said, breaking the silence. A mock grin played across her lips. The feeling of her words hung in the air. She hoped that saying it out loud could offer some odd form of release. Saying it without going outright and telling it all. Telling what she could get off her chest to take away some of the pain, move her a few steps out of the hell she lived in, caused by her hidden emotions.
"Who is he? The one you truly love?" Lucy asked, her voice quiet.
Erza cocked her head to the side. "I think you mean, 'who is she?'"
Lucy looked at her for a moment, a bit shocked. "I didn't think you liked women."
"My secret. I trust everyone, but I just don't feel like going through the drama of coming out. So only you know."
"Is she in the guild?" Lucy sat up and looked at Erza. Lucy noted that Erza seemed nervous, like her deepest secrets were being exposed. Lucy supposed that was accurate, what she was saying was probably locked away for years, but now Erza had let it boil to the surface and allow Lucy a peek into it all.
"Well…"Erza did not know if she should lie or not. The true answer left quite a bit of girls for Lucy to guess from, but it seemed probable that she would be able to piece it together eventually or would press for a name.
"I'll take that as a yes." Lucy scooted a bit closer to Erza. She took Erza's hand into both of hers. "You can trust me, okay? I won't tell anyone what you tell me about this subject, I promise."
"Yeah, she's in the guild." Erza gulped, feeling a lump form in her throat.
"Is it Mira? You two have history and she's extremely beautiful. No, she's single, you could still have her yet you say you lost your chance. So the one you love is taken…"
Erza gripped to a pillow, needing something to tightly grasp. he knew this was going to happen.
"Levy? No, you two aren't really that close and she just doesn't seem like your type…"Lucy furrowed her brow as she thought.
She'd be surprised. Her and Levy have a few traits that are similar. They are best friends so it makes quite a bit of sense for them to be alike, Erza thought.
"Juvia? No, she has been attached to Gray since day one. The girl you love, she'd have to be a friend, someone who possibly even showed interest in you," Lucy exclaimed.
"Yep…"Erza felt herself grow my nervous by the minute.
"She had to know your past and has to have been through part of it herself. She had to know you and your flaws, yet still sticks around. She has to be no more than...let's say four years younger or older than you, just a guess. She had to understand your passion and not fear your abilities.
How can she figure me out so easily? Erza shifted, feeling sort of fuzzy, the feeling one gets when they were happy and/or in love. It makes me sort of happy that she's bothered to know all this, and it's true.
Lucy pieced it all together. Really the only girl that fit all of the criteria was...her. That could not be it. It just could not!
"Erza?" Lucy looked at her old friend, staring into her eyes. "Is it me?"
Erza shut her eyes. She did not reply. She knew this was going to happen. If Lucy already figured it out, she might as well confess, get it off her chest.
"Answer me."
"Yes, Lucy, it's you."
Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Hopefully I can have the next chapter up soon. Follow, favorite and review, please.