"Unsure, Reassure"
#12 - Reach for the Stars
Never before had the stars seemed so near, so close. If he stood on the very precipice of the world and stretched his hand forward, surely his fingertips would brush the shimmering, burning tips of light. Sprinkled on a vast black sea, the pinpricks of pale color and white heat blazed cheerfully, alighting the powerless world with a trace of magic and wonder. Though the summer night breathed heavily with moisture in the air, the stars sliced through the haze to the sleeping inhabitants of that city.
Though not all slept.
Insomnia had become a close friend of Musashi's for the past few days—a neverending train of thoughts that kept him awake during the quietest of hours—musings that only came when the rest of the world slept, unaware. That night, the man found himself lying flat on his back on the roof in a crowded city, a blanket stretched taut underneath his bare skin. The warmth of a body besides his set a small smile on his face. Fond, indescribable feelings welled in him as he stared at his night companion—his roommate, his lover.
Power outages were not common, and a few blocks away, Musashi could hear the quiet rumble of trucks moving, electricians prodding at breaker boxes and wires, or generators whirring for the nearby hospital. But on the roof of his apartment building, he had discovered a pocket of silence to share with Kotaro. With an arm already wrapped around the shoulders of the smaller frame, he pulled the dark-haired man closer to him.
He traced the heart-shaped face with his free hand, pausing at the lips. A strange ache billowed inside of him, lifting itself higher through his chest until the pressure slid through his lips as a sigh.
"It's funny," he wondered aloud, his deep voice an inaudible murmur; "how people end up together."
He removed his hand, eyes remaining glued on the Kotaro's paler skin, gently illuminated by the starlight.
"Not as funny as interrupting a perfectly good dream," came the surprisingly coherent reply.
A dark eye squinted at Musashi. He could only offer a look of mild chagrin to Kotaro. The smaller man closed the eye shut once again and arched his back in a stretch before pressing his face into Musashi's shoulder.
"I woke you?" Musashi asked quietly.
The question earned him a half-hearted swat.
"My bed moved," Kotaro replied, his voice muffled.
Seconds ticked, and Musashi's bleary eyes again took refuge in the sky's nightlight before he dared to speak again.
"Do you have the answer?"
Rhetorical more than anything, the question hung on a forlorn note, Musashi having assumed that Kotaro had already slipped back into blissful oblivion.
"Answer for what?" snapped a reply. Without waiting for a response, however, Kotaro continued in his sleep-roughened voice; "We stayed together because there is no feasible way you would survive on your own."
"Is that it?" Disappointment was masked behind humor.
"We had sex—"
"Hormones. We were still teenagers."
Kotaro lifted his head high enough to glare at Musashi for the interruption. "We had sex," he started again; "and the rest miraculously fell into place."
Musashi said nothing, the sudden revelation far from what he would have imagined his overly passionate boyfriend to conjure. He let his head fall back onto his pillow, eyes staring longingly at the patterns of stars. One lonesome adventurer raced across the sky, his tail disappearing shortly after; his destination, unknown. The one star—identical in beauty, parallel in stature—had broken from the others. The one star had been unafraid of whatever came next.
A hand lightly slapped his chest, and Musashi jerked to see Kotaro still staring at him.
"Really, don't start moping," the smaller man chastised, the beginning of a frown on his face.
"I wasn't," Musashi argued, his voice distant.
"Yes, you were—"
"How can you say everything just fell into place?"
The sudden question shut Kotaro up, and he again buried his face into Musashi's chest, warm air releasing onto skin as he sighed.
"I don't believe in fate. You know that." A poke accentuated the muffled words.
"Fate did not bring us together. Alright. I get it."
"There you go again with the moping!" Kotaro sat up, shoving the blanket off of them.
His dark eyes were burning when he finally turned them upon Musashi, still lying flat on his back. For a moment, the two could only stare at each other. Kotaro's lips would twitch as though about to release some great revelation only for his face to fall blank every time. His arms were rigid at his sides, but with a gentle jerk, he allowed movement once more, a hand extending toward Musashi.
"You are treating this like we're in a battle," Kotaro murmured, his eyes locked on one of the dark buildings in the distant. "But there is never a winner or a loser in the wars of love."
Musashi blinked at the change of demeanor. "Poetic, aren't you?"
The hand slapped him again. "If you can be a gloomy insomniac, then I can be a poet!"
Another lull hit the conversation, and the hot, oppressing darkness began to close in onto Musashi with vengeful speed. The clicking static of electric currents filled the air with a soft hum as the nearby building shuddered with light. The squares of windows painted white and yellow with the return of power nearly blinded the man who had grown so accustomed to the dark. Already, the stars seemed several watts dimmer.
"The power's back on," he commented, offhandedly.
The blanket pulled tighter around his waist warm skin again pressed against his side, and a pair of arms slowly snaked around his neck.
"Shut up," were the words whispered to him before lips pressed against his.
As electricity surged through the city, a soft glow started to rise from the buildings, masking the presence of the stars above. The oppressive heat in the air twisted with the power, creating a current that raced through the skies and streets, raising hair and bumps on any exposed skin. The couple of the roof pressed closer to each other, their shared blanket lying abandoned beside them. Despite the heat, they clung to each other, sharing their heat, tasting each other, exposing their innermost words. The city strained also to life, mimicking their every gasp, whimper, and groan. The whole world seemed to tremble with them.
Time slowed for a moment, and what felt like an eternity later, the lurid glow of a nighttime city chased the shadows away. Comfortably lying in sated silence, Musashi and Kotaro lie tangled in their blankets alone on the rooftop. As sleep began to cloud their senses, hushed words brushed against Musashi's ear.
"I believe in choices—not the dictatorship of fate."
Stars faded as the glow of a nighttime city reigned. His boyfriend's breathing deepened, and Musashi felt his own eyes droop a little, the heat forcing him to succumb to sleep. The surreal night fell into its worn path, all sense of fantasy strewn aside. And the city and her inhabitants slept, unaware of all.
One final star, summoning his strength and courage, blazed to life in a brilliant dance across the black stage of a sky. Silently, he followed the path of shooting stars, the trail of white fire scorching the blackness behind him. And he was gone, faded into the faraway land of wishes and dreams where he would run with the stars of the world.
END