If Only She Knew
Skye hurried to open the Lakehouse door, wondering who was causing the insistent knocking. Who she saw at the door, caused her to faint from shock and disbelief. When she came to the woman she had hoped was only a figment of her imagination was still there and trying to get skye to come to.
"It is you," Skye said in a wonderous tone.
Brenda helped Skye to her feet and then extended her hand to Skye. "I'm Brenda and you must be Skye."
"Yeah." Skye shook the womans hand. "Does Jax know you're here, that you're alive?"
"Yeah, actually I ran into him earlier and we talked. He told me to stop by and meet him here. He said that you were out of town."
"Yeah, I just got back today. Jax told you about me right?"
"If you're the Skye Chandler-Quatermaine that Jax is madly in love with, then yes he has told me about you."
"Madly in love? Jax said he was madly in love with me?"
"Not exactly. But when I asked him if he was with someone, he said that he was with you and his eyes just lit up. He didn't have to say the words, I knew."
"But, now that you're back it changes everything. Especially the way he feels about me. I could never be a match for you Brenda, even when he was with me he was never really over you. He couldn't even talk about you."
"I highly doubt that. He's with you now and he should be over me by now."
"No, if you knew how much he actually loved you and how much pain and heartache when he thought that he lost you, you would know that you are the one he wants, not me. I would be the most horrible person in the world if i stood between you and Jax. I'll tell him you stopped by."
"Thank you Skye, it was nice meeting you. Jax did good, i can tell you make him happy."
Skye smiled and showed Brenda out. Jax arrived home soon after that. Skye was just sitting on the couch and had tears in her eyes and rolling down her checks.
"Skye, what is it, whats's wrong," he asked concerned, moving to her side quickly.
~I don't know who's side i'm takin'
But I'm not takin' things too well
I can see inside your achin'
But is it still too early for me to tell?~
"I saw her Jax, she came here. We're you planning on keeping yet another secret from me. Huh? Well, this one really tops the charts."
"Secrets? Skye wha are you talking about? I havn't ben keeping secrets from you. Why are you so upset all of the sudden? What happened, is it Edward?"
"No!," she screamed. "She came here Jax! She was here and I talked to her. You know what I'm talking about Jax! Why didn't you tell me that she was back?!"
"Skye, I was going to. I was just waiting for the right time to..."
"Break my heart?"
~I try to help you through the hardest of times
You're heart is in your throat
and I'm speakin' my mind
Though it looks as if it's over
I'm still not over you~
"No Skye, I would never want to break your heart you know that, you know that I care avout you."
"And I also know that you love Brenda. She is the gone but never forgotton love of your life. How could i ever compare to her. She seems like such a wonderful person Jax. She even tried to reassue me that she wasn't gonna take you away from me."
"Brenda is a wonderful person."
"Does she still love you?"
"I don't know."
"Well she seemes pretty sure when i talked to her. Do you still love her?"
"I never stopped."
~ 'Cause i still love you like I did before
I know for sure that you still fell the same way I do
If only she knew ~
Skye had expected that answer, but it still took her time to digest it. She got off the couch and turned her back towards Jax, because she didn't want him to see the affect he had on her. "You know, i know that you love her and havn't gotten over her. You know the nights when I would get out of bed and wander around the house? Those were the times that you said her name in your sleep, not mine, hers."
"Oh, Skye, I'm so sorry. I never mean to... You should've told me..."
"And then what Jax? Make you feel bad or guilty because you can't get over the woman you lost?"
"Skye, I'm so incredible sorry for hurting you like that, i never would have... You mean so much to me."
"Hey, no stings attached remember?"
~ I try to let go
but i don't know if i can take it
"Cause the way you looked at me
Made me see that i really can't fake it~
Jax moved to where skye was and turned her around to make her face him. She tried to look away, but Jax grasped her shoulders firlmy and held her firmly in place. "No Skye! You know that it was never like that between us! You know that! Don't fight what you feel for me and don't try to deny it!"
"It doesn't really matter what I feel for you now, does it? I've already lost you Jax, so you don't have to make a noble speech to justify how you feel. Please don't. It just hurts even more." Now, Skye was forced to let Jax see the tears fun down her face. Tears which Jax let go of her shoulders and wiped them away.
~ I tried to help you out through
the hardest of times
You're heart is in our throat
and I'm speakin' my mind
Though it looks as if it's over
I'm still not over you~
"Don't," she pleaded with him to stop desperatly, as she pulled away from him.
"Skye, what you and I have is a good thing, don't ever doubt that..."
"But?"
"But Brenda coming back is some sort of miracle that i was blessed with. I though that I'd never see this woman again and now she's back."
"So, where does that leave us?"
"I don't know Skye."
"Please Jax, don't shut down now, not like this. I need to know where we stand, where you and Brenda stand. You at least owe me that Jax, please just tell me the truth Jax, please."
~ 'Cause i still love you like i did before
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do
If only she knew~
"Skye, i care about you. I have always cared about you. But, with Brenda i was given a second chance, and you know better then anyone that those don't come around too often. When I saw her I thought I was dreaming, she was just there and I felt like I had found something that I had been searching for."
"Yeah, love, Jax, you found love. What kind of person would I be if I put up some kind of fight to keep you away from her. I don't even think I could look myself in the mirror. I know I've done some horrible things, but I would never keep you away from her Jax, I couldn't.'
~ I know she loves you and I can't interfere
So I'll just have to sit back and watch
My world dissapear~
"Skye, I'm so..."
"No, Jax, you don't have to apologize for how how you feel about her. Really, you dont. I know how you feel, i've always known. Besides, it makes things so much harder and it hurts too much to see that 'I feel sorry for you' look in your eyes. So, please dont."
"Ok, if that's what you want."
"Yeah, that's what I want. And Jax, can I stay here for a little longer? I promise that I'll have my hings out by the end of the week. It would just be nice to have some quiet, rather then a hotel room."
"Of course you can, thats no problem at all. Goodbye Skye."
~ I try to help you out
through the hardest of times
Your heart is in your throat
and i'm speakin' my mind
Though it looks as if it's over
I'm still not over you~
As Jax began to walk out the door, Skye called our to him on impulse. "Jax, wait."
"Yeah?"
"Before you go, there is something that I need you to know."
"Ok, what is it?"
"It's somethng that I really need to say to you, for myself and for you to know. And this isn't a scheme to keep you, I promise you that. It's just the truth. And I'm saying it now, because suddenly have enough courage to and relly nothing left to loose. I love you Jax and you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I am so incredible grateful to you for that. So thank you."
"Skye, I..."
"Jax, you don't have to say anything back. You are a good man, who deserves all the happiness in the world. All that i want is to see you happy Jax. So, go and be with the woman you love. You deserve so much Jax."
Jax nodded and left the lakehouse. So overcome with emotion, Skye fell agansist the bak of the couch, allowing the couch to support most of her weight. She let her sobs she had been holding back out.
Skye jumped when she heard the doors open and then slammed close again. Before she could even tell what was going on, Jax swept her up into his arms and kissed her breathless. He poured everthing into that one kiss, his love for her, his desire, lust passion, need for her. And hoped she could tell. He felt hot tears on his cheeks and couldn't tell if they were hers or his or both.
~ 'Cause I still love you like I did before
I know for sure that you still feel
the same way I do~
"What are you doing here," Skye panted, breathless from their previous kiss.
"Doing what you told me to, being with the woman that I love and who makes me happy. You are the one that I love Skye and you are the one that I want to be with. When you were saying those things, it made me realize that I love you, not Brenda."
Skye was so overcome with joy, and happiness, and love, she jumped into Jax's arms and wrapped her whole body around his. "Oh god Jax, I missed you so much. Please don't ever leave me again. I need you so much," she uttered to him as she kissed every inch of his face and neck.
"I wasn't gone that long," he teased.
"Any time away from you is too long Jax. A second seems like an eternity when you're not wih me."
"How about I show you just how much i love you," He whispered seductivly into her ear. She nodded a yes and he reposintioned her in his arms to carry her into the bedroom to show her just hom much he loved her.
~ 'Cause I will never ever walk away
I'll find a way
She could never love you like I do
If only she knew~
After their lovemaking, Jax had fallen asleep and Skye fought back sleep to just watch him sleep, like she had done many nights. He just looked so peaceful and so innocent when he slept. All the problems he had to deal with, everything that had happened to him in his life, all faded from his feautures when he slept. But, then Jax whispered again in his sleep that brought Skye to tears.
Tonight, Jax heard Skye soft crying and woke up. Skye was huddled over and trying to muffle her crying in her knees. Jax put a comforting hand on Skyes back. "Skye, what is it?"
Skye turned towards him and looked so sad when she did. Jax knew exactly what he had done and was already so sorry. "Skye, I'm so sorry I said her name Skye..."
Skye quickly quited him by putting a finger to his lips and shaking her head no. "No Jax, you didn't say her name. You said my name tonight, and it really touvhed me. That's why I was crying."
Jax pulled her into a giant hug. "Oh god, Skye, I love you so much. You're the only one that I want to dream about. Actually, who needs dreams when I already have a dream come true in my arms."
"You're my dream come true Jax. I love you so much."
"I love you too Skye." He kissed the top of her head and rocked her to sleep.
~ 'Cause I still love you like I did before
I know for sure that you still feel
the same way I do.
'Cause I will never ever walk away
I'll find away
She could never love you like I do
If only she knew~
End
Megan Wenger