A/N: Ok, so I have writers block on my other story, which yes is still Untitled. And because of recent events I got the inspiration to write this story. It's based loosely on my life the last 2 months as I try to cope with losing my mom. You see my dad and the rest of my family feel I should go to counseling so I do go grudgingly of course, but they think I should write or scrapbook or something that I like to do, so here I am now writing this story for you. Enjoy!

Why is this happening to me? How did this happen? Have I been that bad of a person that God had to do this to me? I know I've never been the holier-than-now-go-to-church-every-Sunday type of person but why?

All these thoughts kept running through my head as I stood in line having hundreds of people telling me how sorry they were!

For those of you who guessed it, yes I am standing at my moms wake, my best friend in the whole world! And people one by one come and tell me how sorry they are for my loss. Sure they're sympathetic, but how can someone who hasn't lost their mom at age 15 tell me everything is going to be ok!

I look over to the front of the room and look at my mother laying there: lifeless, in eternal rest…forever! My eyes start to tear up but I hold them back. I have convinced myself that I don't need to cry. I can hold it in, because no matter what people say I will not allow myself to cry! I want to cry but I also want to stay strong for my dad, my grandparents and for Luke.

I still haven't figured out how she and my father could have hid this kind of thing for so long. Even when it got so bad the doctor said she had a slim chance to make it another year. Even then they still didn't tell me, they didn't tell anyone. How could my best friend in the whole world keep something like this from me?

That night when she went to the emergency room because she was having trouble breathing I thought she had the flu or something and she'd be fine in a week. I didn't think anything of it, until they told me she had fluid in her lungs. I didn't even think that was so bad. But now I know what was really wrong, the secret they kept from me and I just, I hate thinking about it. Because that's when my world came crashing down around me.

Flashback

It was Friday night and my mom was still hadn't come home from the hospital, she'd been gone two nights now. I guess my mom called my dad from the hospital and he came down. Now, don't get me wrong I love my dad, but he hasn't been there for more than half my life.

I'm sitting here in my kitchen, with my dad sitting across from me, I have no clue what he's going to say to me. And he looks like he's been crying. 'Why would he be crying?'

"Ror, I, um, I need to tell you something about your mom."

"What?" I asked getting even more nervous by the second.

"She, um, she's got cancer." He told me starting to choke up.

I looked at him shocked for about a minute and when I eyes started to tear up, I ran to my room and locked the door. I lied down on my bed and cried. I cried because I was going to lose my best friend. I cried because I didn't understand why this was happening to me. I cried because I had no idea what else to do. I felt numb. I could hear my dad calling me, asking me to come out she he could talk to me, but I ignored him. The rest of the night I just lay there, in bed, watching my favorite shows and her favorite movies until I finally fell asleep.

P.S. Most of this story will continue with her remembering things like a flashback, until I work my way to the funeral and the wake.

Oh yes and be sure to REVIEW!