By DsignG4
Spoilers: Marcus is still dead, does that count?
Summary: The year is 2271.... And Susan finds a way to not repeat past mistakes.
Beta kudos: Frances for her rushed late night red pen round. You're the best, toots.
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The Anniversary 1/1
"Gimme another," I said hoarsely to the bar tender as he leaned in and without speaking asked me if I needed anything else with a tilt of his head. I shot back the rest of the liquid and placed it on the counter for him and informed him this time I wanted a double.
He nodded and returned moments later with my drink, a polite smile and a sympathetic look. "What's the matter, Colonel Ivanova? You been in here longer than usual today."
I fingered the edge of my glass a looked up. "An unpleasant anniversary, Ben, that's all." Congratulations. Ten years of living on borrowed time, I said to myself shooting it back in one gulp I told myself to shut the hell up until I told it otherwise. Happy anniversary indeed.
Grimacing, I plunked it on the counter again and pointed while my sinuses swam with the vapors as it passed by. He pulled up a bottle, and filled it again, this time a triple. But he did not move; he stood there hands on the counter waiting as if he was ready to listen. I did not look up but took the glass, then the bottle from the counter in front of him and rose, moving to dark secluded table in the corner. Ben shook his head and went to help another patron. I felt bad, but I really didn't feel like talking about it with anyone. As much as I had grown to trust Ben, as much as you trust any bartender, he didn't need to know the details. Too many knew as it was.
I sipped now, the initial need for the drink over. Trying to not to dwell on it I looked about the bar. I considered returning to my cabin and to be greeted once again by the only thing that I ever had waiting for me - paperwork. But somehow, today on this day, being around people even as remotely as I was seemed far more suitable.
People watching, is that what I have resorted to? But watching from afar had taught me much about those on the base. Who had a temper I needed to know about, who didn't like who. I probably knew more than any of them probably wanted anyone to know.
Like that one, I thought. The young Lieutenant Commander Peter Chambers. In all ways an admirable career officer with a stellar record and a expressway to a history book, and I should know. He was never late, took a day off, or called off sick. He was dedicated. Rarely took time to socialize so all this energy was focused on the job. At the rate he was going he was on the way to Major. I bet before he was even 40. A role model of a modern serviceman.
He was also one of the most eligible bachelors on the base. He was in his early thirties, handsome with a strong jaw and wavy auburn hair dark brown eyes that I had to admit even had caused an inadvertent flutter in my long dead heart once or twice when they were fired in my direction.
I noticed someone else watching him as well. Just a touch from across the room, I quickly identified a young pair bright eyes steady through the darkened room aimed at Chambers. She was sitting over there with a group of her friends a couple tables away from me. Lt Junior Grade Jenna McQueen. She worked in his department as a Logistical Engineer.
Even across the room with my sorry psi abilities I could feel it -- it was like I walked into a brick wall. It had been familiar feeling once, such oriented desire and longing. Love. Deep and honest. For me to pick up on it at all in this bar it had to be STRONG. And this was. So very strong.
It'd been a long time since I'd felt that feeling. I could always tell when he walked into the room, you could feel it in the air almost. It took everything I had to not react to it. He was around so much there for awhile that it became almost a familiar comforting hum just beyond normal reach. After while I could even tell when he was looking at me, it changed, vibrated almost. I liked knowing he was there. Then he was gone. Sometimes I'm not sure if I miss him or the hum more.
But that hum, slightly different, but just as intense was exactly what was coming from the Lieutenant towards the Colonel. It's familiarity must have what caused me to feel it to begin with. I took another drink.
I watched as she got up to pick up food order from the bar and passed him on her way by. The polite but tense glances said it might even be mutual. Oh yes, the little upward curl of his lip after she passed, that little smile said it all. It was definitely mutual. My eyes dashed from one to the other, so far away from the other and wondered what the hell they were thinking. What game were they playing? Wasting so much time.
I could feel the tear well up in my eye, but I couldn't stop it. I quickly wiped it away with my sleeve and took another drink. It was taking hold, I could feel it wrap little soothing fingers around my mind.
Before I knew it it had my drink and bottle in hand and took the seat next to him back at the bar.
"Colonel." He acknowledged nodding curtly.
After a few seconds I began uneasily fingering my glass's edge. "So, Peter, how are things in your world?"
"Very well, Colonel-"
"Call me Susan, we're both off duty. No need for formalities," I instructed. The look of shock on his face almost made me chuckle. I held up my bottle of half drained Stoli. "Can I offer you a drink?"
"Thanks, but no. I'm set," he raised his glass. "Anyway, Logistics is running at about 90% efficiency. We have about 14 on staff and-"
"Good, but not what I wanted to know," I said uninterested. "How's your personal life?"
"Excuse me?"
"Are you getting enough off time?"
"OH. With all the duties that come with the head of the department I don't find much time for personal time."
"That's what I thought," I said shooting back another glass and then filling it. "I'm going to offer you some advice, if you'll have it."
"Of course, I'd appreciate any advice you'd have Ma'am." He said it eagerly, and he certainly did be to be honest about it.
"Make the time," I said taking another slug, only draining half the contents. "Duty doesn't keep you warm at night, and it makes a lousy pillow."
"I don't follow."
"Why should you, I wouldn't have." I muttered to myself.
"Perhaps you've had too much to drink. Maybe I should walk you home." He stood.
"Sit down, Chambers! I barked, and he sat quickly. Nice to know I still hadn't lost my touch. "I'm Russian, I know when I'm drunk. I'll damn well tell you."
"Yes ma'am."
"And cut the 'Ma'am' crap. This has nothing to do with work," I said leaning back. I pointed at him. I looked away. "Do you know what today is?"
"November 20th."
"No."
"Tuesday?"
"Today is my anniversary," I said solemnly looking at the glass in my hand and then finishing it off.
"Oh! I didn't know you were married ma'am." He said.
"I'm not," I said looking up and held his gaze heavy with my own, feeling the effects of so much vodka in so little time. I stared straight ahead, absorbed in droplets in my glass as they ran down to the bottom. "During the Civil war, I was too wrapped up in duty, service and honor to be bothered with a personal life. But there was this guy," I felt warming smile invade my old cold face.
I leaned in, no one else needed to hear this so I whispered so only he would hear and laid it out simply, and unemotionally. "And he made it pretty clear he cared a lot for me. I had duties, responsibilities. So I acted uninterested. Ignored him, avoided him. Because I knew I felt exactly the same way. There wasn't time for it. Or that's what I told myself. He saved my life ten years ago today, but it cost him his own. Not a day goes by that I don't regret every chance that I missed."
"That's a very sad story, Ma'am, if I may say so."
"Indeed," I sat down my glass and looked at him. "I see a little of myself in you y'know. Your drive, your determination, your dedication to your work. Very admirable."
"Thank you Ma'am."
"But very lonely. I never see you spend time with anyone. That scares me immensely." I felt a temor in my lip. "Don't make my mistakes, Peter. No one should ever make my mistakes again."
I could tell my words shook him. He wasn't sure what to say but finally answered. "I wont' Ma'am."
I rose to my feet, the alcohol making my knees weak I do so slowly. "There may be hope for you yet," I said placing my hand on his shoulder. Looking over it I saw Jenna glancing our way curiously, then away when she saw me watching. I leaned in and whispered into his ear. "I think McQueen would like a drink. Why don't you go buy her one."
The slight flush to his cheeks told me I had not been so off my mark with those two. He nodded with a small smile. "I think I can find the time for that."
"Make the time," I said giving him a sound companionable wallop on his shoulder and straightened my uniform. "Goodnight, Lieutenant."
"Sleep well, Colonel," He sad warmly.
"I just might tonight," I gave a firm smile back and left giving a polite nod to Jenna as I left, who looked totally confused by the whole thing.
Reaching home I changed clothes and put on a pot of coffee to brew. This was a special occasion, only the real stuff would do tonight. I rummaged around under the bed and pulled out a box. I blew the dust off it and removed an old framed picture.
I only pulled it out for special occasions. I could never keep it up all the time, I tried, several times. It just hurt too much to see him everyday. I ran my fingers lightly over the sharp dark features, then sat it to stand in on the side table facing me. I picked up my coffee cup, leaned back into the cushions and began to tell him about the last year.