Main Characters: (will change chapter to chapter)
-Judge Marilyn Milian
-Bailiff Davie Jones (DTBG or bailiff for short)
-Kevin Kelly (Plaintiff)
-The Rock (Defendant)
-Trish
Disclaimer: These things are pointless. I like most of the wrestlers I make fun of, I don't own anyone, nor do I own the WWE (if I did, why would I be writing fan fictions?). I don't own the Peoples Court, The Judge, or the Bailiff guy. The Peoples Court is actually the WORST court TV show. I recommend some good Judge Mills Lane, but that wouldn't work with my story line. Some words may seem fake, but really they exist, just in my brain. I might "accidentally" have a few shameless plugs. But, Most importantly, read with caution author is NOT responsible for lemming like activity, i.e. Jumping off cliffs or bridges, or/and insanity either permanent or temporary. Now that I've finished with that bullshit, onto the real story.
PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!
(THE PEOPLES COURT ROOM. The Bailiff Davie Jones is standing near a door and the Judge. On one side is The Rock and on the other stands Kevin Kelly. In the middle, slightly elevated and a little bit farther away from the two is Judge Marilyn Milian.)
Judge: Alright, has the bailiff sworn in the litigants?
Bailiff: Yes, ma'am, I have.
Judge: Let's begin then. Why are we here today sir?
Kevin: Well, I work with The Rock. We both work--
Judge: I'm sorry sir, but what is your name.
Kevin: My name is Kevin Kelly ma'am.
Judge: (to the Rock) And your name sir?
Rock: My name is the Rock.
Judge: Sir, I'll need your real name.
Rock: The People's Champion?
Kevin: His real name is Dwayne Johnson, he has kind of lost his mind. He's stuck inside his wrestling gimmick.
Judge: Oh, okay. What are you suing Mr. Johnson for?
Kevin: I'm suing the Rock over Character defamation. It really makes things easier if you play along with the Rock's gimmick.
Judge: (confused) Um. Ok. Tell me the story behind this accusation.
Kevin: Well, as I was saying, I work with Rock in the WWE. I interview wrestlers, and I tend to interview him very frequently.
Judge: Believe it or not, I have other cases. So, drop the background and give me the dirt.
Kevin: (nervous laugh) Ok, He always works in ways to make fun of me. But, the one that is the worst is that during every interview, towards the beginning or very end, he calls me a hermaphrodite.
Judge: Is it just between the two of you? In front of the whole office?
Kevin: In front of a live audience, all of my co-workers, and anyone who tunes into watch Smackdown! on Thursday nights.
Judge: An estimate of people?
Kevin: At least two million.
Judge: Wow. Does he call you anything else?
Kevin: A sick freak, he pushes me out of the way a lot, and asks me questions but slams his hand in my face and tells me to shut the hell up.
Judge: Anything else you need to add?
Kevin: I have a clip of him talking to me before a Pay-Per-View my employer held that he was participating in.
Judge: Let me get his side of the story first. Sir, can I get your side of the story please?
Rock: Yes. This jabronis maybe a co-worker but he is a hermaphrodite.
Judge: (Kevin Kelly is looking really annoyed) So you admit to these accusations?
Rock: The Rock will admit to his accusations because the Rock has more import things to do then battle with this candyass.
Judge: Excuse me sir, but you will respect this court and NOT cuss.
Rock: The Rock apologizes for his rudeness. (Edge enters out of nowhere)
Edge: Whoa, the Rock is apologizing for his rudiocity? That's got to be a first! (He walks out, everyone else is confused, but then moves on and ignores the "incident" that just occurred.)
Judge: By any chance can you stop referring to yourself in third person?
Rock: Does not compute.
Judge: Ok, Rock, listen to me for a second. You need to stop and think before you talk. Think, then talk. Ok?
Rock: (has a look on his face like he's thinking really hard) Think, then talk. The Rock understands. The Rock does not have time to put up with Kevin Kelly and his Shenanigans.
Judge: Your in a court room. You really need to take this seriously. You are being disrespectful to me, this court, and you really need to be respectful.
Rock: What are you 'Takers lawyer or something?
Judge: Who's 'Taker?
Kevin: He's referring to the Undertaker. The Man who is all about respect.
Judge: I am not Takers Lawyer. Now, please, take these accusations seriously. Do you plan to defend yourself at all or was this just a complete waste of my time?
Rock: The Rock is not out of line. The Rock is the only one in this room who is thinking straight. I believe you have lost your mind.
Judge: Bailiff, can you show this man out of the court room. We will continue the trial without him until he is needed to answer a few questions.
Rock: The Rock says you can't kick the People's Champion out of the People's Court! When The Rock said he had more important thing to do- The Rock was not lying!
Judge: Bailiff--
Rock: Sh! (The Rock puts his hand up like he does to all of the people who interview him) The Rock says you stole the Rock's Court and committed many crimes against the People's Champion.
Judge: (Appalled) Excuse me? (Bailiff guy looks confused and is walking over towards the Rock, The Rock gives him an evil look, and he goes and sits next to Kevin Kelly. Kevin Kelly is reading The Rock Says BOOK)
Rock: The Rock thinks that he has been cheated with a strong injustice. The Rock says he should be the People's Judge for the People's Court.
Judge: You can't just wake-up and decide to be a Judge. You have to go to Law School.
Rock: The Rock takes people to school all the time. Let's settle our indifferences in a quick fashion.
Judge: What are you proposing?
Rock: The Rock says any match inside the ring would be ok.
Judge: I'm a judge, I don't wrestle.
Rock: The Rock says this complicates things.
Judge: How bout a battle of legal Darden?
Rock: What's Darden?
Judge: Language.
Rock: The Rock doesn't think that would work. The Rock doesn't want any ideas from a candyass jabronis like you.
Judge: Excuse me?!? (By this time the bailiff and Kevin Kelly are holding their own little conversation. Kevin Kelly gave up on reading the Rocks book and is now doing a crossword puzzle from the newspaper. The Bailiff is helping. Their conversation seems to be slight mumbles and slowly getting louder. The Rock and Judge Milian are both confused and trying to think of something that would be fair to both.)
Rock: The Rock has his own movie. We can test to see who liked whose movie better.
Judge: (This is turning into a battle of resumes)Never been in a movie.
Rock: Promos? TV?
Judge: I have my own TV Show and you're on it right now.
Rock: I've hosted SNL.
Judge: I've been made fun of on SNL.
Rock: Hm...(They both think for a while)
Bailiff: Seventeen down is Court.
Kevin: Oh yea, and that makes Twenty-two across proceeding.
Bailiff: Nine is Wrestling.
Kevin: Thirty-Three is Water.
Bailiff: Eleven is hermaphrodite. (Silence, Kevin Kelly gives the guy an evil look) It is! (Kevin looks at his puzzle and fills it in.)
Kevin: Twenty-One is Warning.
Bailiff: No, Twenty-One is Shameless Plug. Oh wait, that's twenty-one down. (Hey, I warned ya! Check out my other "WWE" *The F sounded better* Fan Fictions and review!)
Kevin: Ha! You're right. (The Rock interrupts)
Rock: Will you two hermaphrodites shut the hell up? The Rock and the Judge lady are trying to think of a fair way to settle our dispute.
Kevin: (W/o looking up) You're in a court room.
Rock: Point being?
Kevin: Use it to your advantage.
Judge: What do you mean?
Kevin: (still not looking up and filling in answers randomly) Have a mock-trial whoever wins, gets what they want. Kind of like a screwed up bet.
Judge: What? (The Rock quickly looks around, almost ready to pounce on somebody)
Rock: (The Room is silent, staring at Rock suspiciously) Where are you Austin?
Kevin: That wasn't Austin, if it was, he would have interrupted by now.
Rock: Good. Now, how is this going to work Kevin Kelly.
Kevin: First, you lost your case to me, so you have to apologize next Smackdown! Secondly, you get a "Judge" that is completely unbiased--
Bailiff: --They probably shouldn't know much about law--
Kevin: --Or Wrestling. (Judge and Rock look even more confused) I'VE GOT IT! Davie and I will be the judges. I mean, I have no respect for the Rock because of obvious reasons.
Rock: Once the Rock gets you in the ring--
Kevin: Ah, shut the hell up you candyass!
Rock: (Pouts) That's my line.
DTBG: (Davie the Bailiff Guy) Well, sorry Judge, but you order me around a lot more then its needed, so I respect you as much as Kevin respects the Rock....Please don't fire me...
Judge: Just don't say that in front of anyone else, Davie.
DTBG: Fair enough Judge, Fair enough.
Judge: So, how is this all gonna work?
Kevin: I know about wrestling and Davie knows about Law. We'll be the judge, Rocky will be the plaintiff and Judge, you'll be the defendant.
Rock: (Whiny) The Rock just wants The People's Court!
Judge: I would like to keep my job. I like being a judge.
Rock: THE ROCK WANTS IT!!!!!
Kevin: Stop fighting! Judge, please go and take the Rock's spot. Rock please come over here. Me and Davie will venture up to the Judge's box. (The Four scurry around. The Rock ends up in the judges box, judge is placed at the Plaintiffs podium, Davie and Kevin are in the middle of the Room.) No, this isn't right. Rock, you go there (points to the Plaintiffs podium) Judge, you go there. (Points to the Defendants podium) We go there (Points to Judges box, they all scurry again. This time they end up where they all where originally.)
Rock: (in a state of mass confusion) The Rock lost?
Kevin: No. (Kevin drags the Rock to the plaintiffs podium.) STAY HERE!
DTBG: (drags the judge to the defendants podium.) Stay here Judge. (Davie and Kevin walk up to the Judges box. They both try to sit down. Davie goes to get another chair)
Kevin: (when Davie picks up the chair, Kevin flinches) Your not gonna hit me with that right?
DTBG: I'm gonna sit on it. (Kevin looks relieved)
Kevin: Now, everyone is in the right spot. We will begin the proceedings.
DTBG: Has the bailiff sworn in the litigants?
Kevin: Dude, your the bailiff.
DTBG: I found a quick replacement. Bailiff, please enter the court. (Trish walks in)
Trish: I have sworn in the litigants.
DTBG: Thanks Trish.
Trish: No problem (she leaves)
DTBG: Ok, Rock, What's the problem?
Rock: I, The Rock, am the People's Champion. The Rock is not ungrateful to be standing in the People's court, its nothing like that at all. You see, Kevin Kelly and Davie the Bailiff guy, The Rock feels like he is abandoning the People by not being the Judge for the People's Court.
DTBG: Can you not talk in third person?
Rock: Your request confuses the Rock.
Kevin: (whispering to DTBG) Don't try to make him stop the third person thing, he'll give you the people's elbow or something.
DTBG: That can't be good.
Kevin: No, its really not. Anything you would like to add Rock?
Rock: (Whiny) THE ROCK WANTS TO BE THE PEOPLE'S JUDGEEEEEE!!
DTBG: But you're already the People's Champ.
Rock: (Teary-eyed) But the Rock wants to be the peoples judge too!
Kevin: Ok, Rock, please sit and down, and let us get the Judges story.
Judge: I just want a job.
Kevin: Would you give up this job?
Judge: If the circumstances were right.
Kevin: We'll take a twenty-minute recess and then return with a verdict.
DTBG: (whispering to Kevin) Do we really need a twenty minute recess?
Kevin: Dude, we are just going to play video games.
DTBG: Awesome--
Edge: (magically appears)--Ness.
DTBG: Huh?
Edge: The correct word is awesomeness.
DTBG: Righttttttt. (Gives Edge a weird look) Where'd you come from anyway?
Edge: Eh? (magically disappears)
Kevin: Anything that is remotely related to Wrestling will have random people appearing.
DTBG: Did he say "eh?"
Kevin: Yea, he's Canadian. (The Anti-Americans aka Test, Christian, and Lance Storm enter the court)
Lance: Excuse me, but you have no right to make fun of Canadians Kevin Kelly.
Christian: Yea, we are sooooooo much better then you guys!
Kevin: Christian, go throw a temper tantrum. Test, you're cool. You should ditch these morons.
Test: Fair enough, have you seen Edge? (he magically disappears the same way Edge did. Christian is complaining)
Lance: Shut UP! Your a disgrace to all Canadians!
Christian: I'm mellllllllltiiiiiiingggggggggggg. (he disintegrates)
Lance: Now, going back to my rant. Don't make fun of the Canadians just because your American you think--
DTBG: Dude, you're in an AMERICAN COURT. If you go this far out of your way to hate us, then you just have major issues. Maybe you just don't like Canada that much.
Lance: What are you implying?
Jericho: They are implying that you shut the hell up.
Lance: Is that a fact?
Jericho: I'm Canadian too, so get out. You're so annoying.
Lance: Egomaniac.
Jericho: Damn Straight.
Lance: You have no Canadian pride.
Jericho: You hate yourself that's why you say you hate America, it's really you just being an idiot and wanting attention because you're not bright enough to come up with a better gimmick.
Lance: Eh?
DTBG: Why do Canadians say "Eh"? That's how this how thing started anyway.
Lance: Eh is better then saying Huh?
DTBG: Huh is just a California thing.
Jericho: Dude, you stole that from a shirt.
DTBG: No, I didn't.
Jericho: Lance did. Your a disgrace. (Lance starts to cry and runs out of the room.) I got rid of him pretty well.
DTBG: Where did you come from anyway? I mean the other people magically appeared but we saw that happen, but when did you come in?
Jericho: I fell asleep in the audience place last night. And I woke up to Lance Bitching. Anyway, I'm outta here. (Walks out of the room)
DTBG: What the f--
Kevin: Let's just leave to a recess before anything else happens. (They leave to the Judges Chambers. Five minutes later, you hear bickering from the chambers. You cant really understand much, as it is slightly muffled. A few "No I want to be-" and "You played them last game!" or "TABLES!" and "Sledgehammers rule man!" are heard too. The Rock walks over and sits next to the Judge they start to flirt)
Rock: Do you like pie?
Judge: You really want this job don't ya?
Rock: (thinks) um...yes. Yes The Rock does.
Judge: It's not as fun as you think.
Rock: If the Rock wants the job, the Rock means the Rock wants the job.
Judge: Well, maybe one day you'll start your own court, but at the moment, I need this job.
Rock: The Rock thinks--
Trish: All rise, Kevin Kelly and Davie the Bailiff guy (The Rock scurries back to his seat) are re-entering the court room. (About Ten minutes later, they actually enter the court room)
DTBG: Sorry it took so long, we got caught up in decision making.
Rock: You guys were playing video games. We heard you.
DTBG: Well, after extensive video game playing-
Trish: What game?
DTBG: Wrestlemania X8 for Game Cube. (It's tied in level of greatness with No Mercy for N64.)
Trish: What characters were you?
DTBG: (bows his head in shame) I was Stephanie McMahon.
Kevin: I was you Trish. (Trish and Kevin Kelly blush.)
Rock: (trying to make it less apparent) Hermaphrodite!
Trish: I think it's cute! (Kevin blushes, Rock gives the People's Eyebrow)
Judge: The Verdict?
DTBG: The Rock is the People's Champion. But, the Judge has had this job for YEARS.
Kevin: However, the Rock has an extremely short attention span.
Rock: The Rock takes offense to that.
Kevin: It's true Rock. (Kurt Angle poufs in, is about to open his mouth.) Angle, get the hell out! Everyone hates you. (Angle stomps off) Anyway, The Rock gets to be the People's Judge for twenty cases, or until he gets bored of it, whichever comes first.
Judge: But, I need a Job!
Kevin: You can take the Rock's spot and wrestle. Me and Trish--
Rock: (sitting down reading a big book and looking very intelligent) Trish and I. (Every gives him weird looks)
Kevin: ....Yes...Trish and I will teach you wrestling and promos and that stuff, while Davie will teach the Rock Law.
Rock: Whoa whoa! The Rock doesn't like this. Kevin Kelly, you are the People's Bailiff.
Judge: I don't want anything to do with wrestling, I'll probably lose my license as a judge or something.
Kevin: The other jobs are in Porn.
Judge: I'll take one of those jobs.
Rock: You sick freak!
Kevin: Davie will help ya there, somehow.
DTBG: Dude, I wanna take your job.
Kevin: Have fun.
DTBG: Do they beat you up?
Kevin: Only verbally. Well, that's a lie...Not all of them.
Rock: FINALLY THE ROCK HAS REGAINED HIS COURT ROOM! My first act of business is to kick your candyasses out of my courtroom! Bailiff hermaphrodite-
Kevin: God Dammit! You lost your case, you can't call me a hermaphrodite.
Rock: Yes The Rock can. The Rock's the judge. DON'T CUSS IN MY COURTROOM! Please show the beautiful Judge and the sexually confused bailiff and Trish out of the Rock's courtroom.
Kevin: This way please. (whispers to Davie as he is showing them out) You're so lucky you don't have to deal with him.
DTBG: I'm sorry. (They all leave, Kevin walks back towards the Rock)
Rock: What's the first case Jabroni?
Kevin: No one else is in the room, can you at least pretend to be nice?
Rock: Kevin Kelly, The Rock makes fun of you only because the Rock likes you.
Kevin: Shut up rock. One day, I'm going to find a way to get you back for all the times you called me a hermaphrodite and all of the relationships you've killed. I'll get you back.
Rock: Wanna wrestle?
Kevin: I don't swing that way.
Rock: You wouldn't be able to wrestle with the Rock.
Kevin: I really wouldn't want too.
Rock: Then the Rock won't have to kill you.
Kevin: I'm not gay Dwayne. BACK OFF!
Rock: I'M THE ROCK! Bring in the first case.
Kevin: The litigants haven't arrived yet.
Rock: what's the case over?
Kevin: Copyright infringement.
Rock: Over?
Kevin: You Suck.
Rock: The Rock will ignore that remark. Who's it against?
Kevin: I'm not even going to bother explaining. Kurt Angle vs. X-Pac.
Rock: That explains everything. The Rock apologizes for snapping at you.
Kevin: Apology accepted. Angle's the plaintiff.
Rock: He is sucha little whiny ass bitch!
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!
Next Up: The key question that boggles everybody's mind at least once when they are suffering from insomnia: Who really sucks more, Kurt Angle or X-Pac. This question and more that you could care less about will be answered soon enough! Oh It's True, It's damn true.
Angle: That's my OTHER catchphrase dammit!
Author: YOU'RE NOT WANTED...yet...GET OUTTTTTTTT! COME BACK FOR THE NEXT SCENE! (Angle leaves)
Hurricane: Anyone need a superhero?
Author: Sure. I wanna go buy some bobble heads. Fly me there?
Hurricane: Alright. (They Fly out of the courtroom)
Rock: This is just too damn weird.
Taker: (Taunting) Rockkkkkyyyyyyy! (choke slams him, giggles, then runs away)
Really, it's over now, I promise. PLEASE REVIEW! And do as the shameless plugs say and check out my other shiznit...PLEASE!!