July 15, 2000.
Sharon Raydor paced the hall in front of the elevators, waiting for the door to open once more. Four times the doors had opened, and still, there was no sight of him. She hadn't had any coffee; she couldn't. Doctor's orders. The lack of caffeine was starting to get to her, her head was pounding a little, but she couldn't sit down. She needed to see him. "Sharon?" Andy asked, stepping out of the elevator, "What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk," she said, grabbing his arm and puling him towards the break room. It was early and still empty, so once they got inside, Sharon closed and locked the door behind them.
"Hey, what's going on?" he asked, rubbing his hand soothingly down her arm. Sharon shoved her hands in her pockets, looking around to everywhere but Andy's face. "Are you going to tell me what's going on? People are going to start getting suspicious if we are in here much longer," he grinned.
"I'm pregnant," she blurted out, slowly raising her eyes to meet his.
"Y-You're…" Andy stumbled on the words, sure he'd misheard what she just said.
"Pregnant," she nodded, ""Not ideal, I know, but-"
"How far along?" Andy interrupted, his eyes locked with hers.
"Six weeks. Must've been Memorial Day weekend," she shrugged. She remembered it well. Her parents had volunteered to take the kids on a long weekend trip up to San Francisco, and Sharon had the weekend alone with Andy. Miraculously, they had both gotten the weekend off, and they spent most of it in bed with one another. Andy smirked, he too thinking back to that weekend they shared.
"Its great, Sharon," he smiled, pulling her into him for a hug. He quickly let go, aware that anyone could walk by at any time, but he kept her hands cupped in his.
"R-Really?" she asked hesitantly, "I mean, I'm still married. This, us, people can't know. How are we going to deal with it, Andy?" Tears began welling up in her eyes, and Andy was certain she was going to fall apart at any minute. He squeezed her hands in his, letting her know that he was there for her.
"Sharon, its okay. We'll talk about it later. Come to my place tonight, please?" Sharon nodded, "I'll cook dinner. What do you want?"
"Sharon blushed. Her cravings had been strange to say the least, and that is part of what sent her to the drugstore a few days ago and to the doctor's yesterday to confirm her suspicion. "I've been craving hamburgers and applesauce," Sharon laughed, watching confusion splay across Andy's face.
"Uh, okay," he nodded, "I can manage that. Hamburgers and applesauce. My place, six thirty. Okay?" he asked. She nodded, smiling as he squeezed her hands once more. Andy glanced around to make sure nobody was passing by, and quickly leaned forward to press a kiss to Sharon's cheek. "I love you."
"I love you, too," she whispered.
October 10, 2000.
"Andy, that's not how…no…over there," Sharon laughed, watching as Andy struggled to place the rocking chair where she wanted it. She had to get used to the idea of her room and the nursery being a shared unit, but the thought of making her two older children share a room was out of the question. Besides, this way the baby would be closer to her and might not wake up the kids in the middle of the night.
"You sure Jack's not going to just show up and see all of this, get a little curious?"
Sharon shook her head. "No, he only comes by once every six years or so. He was here last January, so I think I'm safe for at least another four years."
"I love you," Andy spoke upon getting the rocking chair in its proper place. He turned around and kissed Sharon firmly on the lips, his hands rubbing the swell of her belly.
"Yeah," she mumbled against his lips, "It was talk like that that got us into this mess in the first place."
"You call it a mess, I call it a blessing," he grinned, kissing her once more.
"You know, it started off as frustrated sex between co-workers. How'd it turn into this?"
"A few long weekends and a baby?" Andy offered.
"Oh, is that it?"
"Its a logical explanation," he shrugged. Sharon never planned on loving him, and she didn't think that he ever planned on loving her. It just sort of happened. Now, here they were, a year after their sordid affair began, in love with a baby on the way. Sure, she was forty-eight and pushing the limits of her childbearing years, but she looked at this baby, at their daughter, as a gift. A child conceived out of sin and wedlock, but a blessing nonetheless."
"You're waking her up," Sharon spoke, feeling the baby move to sit on her bladder, "And she's telling her mommy that that last cup of tea might have been too much."
"Sorry," he sighed, watching her turn to make her way to the bathroom.
"You're not," she shook her head.
"No, I'm not."
"October 31, 2000
Passing out candy at the PAB should have been easy. It should have been simple. Something like this, it shouldn't have happened. Andy sat in the hospital waiting room, staring at the clock. 11:54 PM. Sharon had been there for over an hour, and Andy still hadn't heard anything from any doctor. He still wasn't sure exactly what happened. The whole thing had been a blur. They were sitting outside, buckets of candy surrounding them. Sharon's children were older, and she her children didn't want her hanging around them on Halloween anymore. Andy's children still didn't talk to him. The two of them volunteered to pass out candy at the PAB, allowing the officers with younger children to go out on Halloween. Hundreds of families had passed by, children dressed up as ghosts and werewolves and firefighters and, of course, police officers. If Andy slipped those kids an extra piece of candy, well, that was his business. The night went by quickly, and before they knew it, Sharon and Andy were putting away the last of the bowls and decorations. They left most of it in the break room; it was late and they both needed rest. As they walked out the front doors, gunfire rang out. Andy jumped in front of Sharon, but it was too late, she had already been hit by gunfire, a wound to the right side of her abdomen. Andy hadn't been able to focus, screaming for help. Somehow, an ambulance had arrived Andy insisted riding alongside Sharon to the hospital. That was at 10:30. Here is was, now, 11:57, Andy noted, and still, no word. This had to have been a trick, he thought, because it certainly wasn't a Halloween treat.
November 1, 2000
The sobbing grew into silent chokes. Andy knew there wasn't much he could do to comfort her. Hell, what was he supposed to do. She had been shot, and although by the grace of God the bullet missed the baby and the placenta, but the blood loss and shock had caused Sharon to miscarry. She woke up to see him holding her hands, his cheeks and eyes red from crying, and she knew. She didn't even have to ask. She immediately began sobbing, turning her head away from Andy. He squeezed her hands in "his, his way of showing her he was there for her, but she pulled her hands and turned away from him. He understood, she needed to process it. Still, it didn't make it easier on him. He hated seeing her hurt, both physically and emotionally. There she was lying in a hospital bed, recovering from a gunshot wound and now having to mourn the loss of their daughter.
Andy remembered when Sharon told him it was a girl. She was sitting on her couch with her feet in his lap. She was massaging her toes, watching as she laughed when he tickled a particularly sensitive spot. "Andy, stop!" she giggled, "Your daughter is kicking my bladder and that tickling isn't helping."
"D-Daughter?" he grinned, stopping his assault on her toes.
"Yeah, daughter. Think she'll be anything like you?"
"As long as she has your looks, sweetheart."
November 15, 2000
"I never thought I would have to do this," Sharon sobbed. She was released from the hospital two days before, and she insisted on burying their daughter as soon as she could, "It isn't fair. We shouldn't have to bury our daughter."
"I know," Andy choked through the tears, "It isn't right." He stared at the headstone in front of them. Catherine Flynn. Sharon had chosen the name. They hadn't decided on one before because they thought it was better to wait until she was born. Her voice would be the deciding factor of her name. They needed something to put on her death certificate, though, and Sharon immediately said Catherine. Catherine, Sharon explained, was the Saint of miscarriages. Andy found the name fitting, and agreed without question. He was just honored that she had chosen to give her his last name. He hadn't been sure of her intentions, with her still wanting to keep their affair quiet, but he was pleased that she made that decision.
"Andy," Sharon sighed, wiping at her face, "I don't think we should do this anymore."
"What?" Andy asked, looking over to her.
"I don't think we should do this. Take me home. Go home. Let this end," she stated simply.
"Sharon, we-"
"No," she interrupted, "We can't make it work. Not now. Take me home, Andy. Meet me back here next November. We'll talk," she turned and headed towards his car. He nodded and followed behind her, too shocked to argue. After losing his daughter, he was losing the woman he loved, too.
November 1, 2001
"You're here already," Andy spoke, walking up beside Sharon.
"I just got here a few minutes ago," she shrugged, clenching the tissue in her hand, "Hard to believe it's been a year."
"Yeah," Andy nodded, glancing at Sharon and then to his daughter's grave. He imagined she would have been taking her first footsteps by now. She may even be saying her first words. She'd be moving around and fussing about. He would be spoiling her with toys and birthday gifts, trying to be a better father for her than he was for his two older children.
"I'm sorry," Sharon whispered, pushing back the hair that the wind had blown into her face.
"Yeah," Andy sighed, wiping at the tears on his cheeks, "Me, too."
November 1, 2005
"Sorry I'm late," Sharon said as she ran her hand down Andy's arm.
"It's fine," Andy nodded, glancing over to her, "You've been crying already?"
She nodded, "Jack left again. He was back for three whole weeks this time."
"He's an asshole," Andy replied.
"He is," she nodded. They fell into a comfortable silence, staring down at their daughter's grave. She would've been five. She would've been in pre-school, riding her bike, dancing in ballet class. Instead, her small, fragile body lay in the ground, and Andy and Sharon stood above her, reminded of a life they once shared.
"How are you feeling?" Andy asked.
"Fine. I get a pang in the side when it rains, but other than that, I'm fine," she nodded, "How are you?"
"Okay," he nodded, "New job is keeping me busy. Its a welcome distraction.
"That's good. Hopefully this means I won't be having to write an after action report for you for awhile," she glanced over to him.
"I'll try my best."
November 1, 2014
"Its strange, driving here together," Andy said as they walked together to their daughter's grave. They managed to get an hour away from work, and they knew driving together would allow them to make the most of their time.
"It is," Sharon agreed, "Did you ever tell your kids?"
"I've told Nicole," he nodded, "Now that she's speaking to me. She may have told Charlie. I don't know. I haven't asked him and I still haven't found the right time to talk to him about it."
"I'm glad you were able to tell Nicole," she smiled sadly, "How'd she take it?"
"Well. I didn't tell her it was you, though. I didn't know if you would like that," he looked over to her.
"Thank you," she smiled, "Maybe sometime, but for now, I'm glad its between us."
"Me too," Andy glanced down at the headstone in front of them, "Just wish she could be here."
Sharon leaned against him, their shoulder brushing together, "I know. Me too."
November 1, 2015
"Could you imagine having teenager right now?" Andy asked, brushing his thumb along her knuckles.
"I do," she chuckled.
Andy rolled his eyes, "Yeah, okay. Rusty. But, a teenage girl. Going out on dates and to dances, could you imagine it?"
"Not really," Sharon shook her head, "Could you imagine there being two dating women in one household?"
"Its okay, I know her mother is dating a stand-up guy," Andy winked, "But I can't say the same about any boy she would have been bringing home."
"Yeah," Sharon laughed, "I think she would have been okay, choosing the right kinds of boys. After all, I am her mother."
"I know," he grinned, "She would have had my temper, tough," he added.
"You think?" she asked.
"Of course, and it would have driven you crazy."
"Like father, like daughter, then," she smiled. Sharon bent down to brush her fingers across the letters on the headstone, "Do you think we would have called her Cate?"
"Maybe," Andy nodded, "I would have called her sweetheart."
"That's what you call me," she glanced up at him.
"And Nicole," he agreed, "Its what I call all of the women I love." Sharon smiled at that. She and Andy, through all their ups and downs, were there together, on what would have been their daughter's fifteenth birthday, just as in love as they were when they found out they were expecting her. Neither had said it yet, though. It just didn't seem like the right time, and now wasn't it, either, but Sharon didn't miss the way Andy had said 'the women I love.'
"She would have had your brown eyes," Sharon stated, looking deep into them.
"And your hair," he added, "She would have been beautiful."
"She is, Andy."
"Yeah," he nodded, thinking about the daughter he never met. She was an angel in Heaven, now. A beautiful angel. "She is."