It has been so long since everything happened. I was a teen then, and it all seemed so big. All so important, like it would define me as a person later on in my life. It seemed that anyone who would look at me would know. They would all be certain that I had had this one guy in my life. That he was the one who left his mark, the one who impacted me more than anyone ever could again.

When I met him I was young. And naïve. I was a teenage girl thinking I had a lot more figure out in life that I really had. I pleased myself in thinking that I was tough. And strong. And wise. Truth be told, I think I was. For a while. I had this wall up which made me appear all those things I thought I needed to be. After a time, pretending kinda became who I really was.

Then, I met him. His laugh was a little louder than mine had been for a long time, his eyes a little brighter, his step lighter. And a part of me I had ignored for a long time was jealous of him.

Jealous of what seemed to be so easy for him, happiness, freedom, self-assurance. Being a free-spirit worked for that man, he could and would never be anything but that.

I never thought I could be like that, but the next best thing was to hope I'd get a chance to be with someone who was all those things. Those things that I never really knew I wanted. Those things that suddenly seemed to be all I could ever need. He was right in front of me and already had them all; that's when I started to fall in love. Fast. Hard. And irrevocably in love with that silly, childish man.

And for a few weeks, I never felt more alive, more content with where everything was standing in my life. I was slowly becoming this not-so-heavy-hearted girl I always wanted to be. Everything seemed easier, everything seemed possible.

That little voice in my head telling me that it was too good, I choose to ignored. Day, by day. Little happy moments; one at a time. Not overthinking. No worrying. Just being.

Maybe after a while, when this little voice kept talking, progressively roaring, I should've listened.

Sometimes, when a spirit seems so free, it is not. Turns out, he had baggage. Was carrying a burden that he his still carrying to this day.

Two cute little burdens. Two kids who did love their father, and his silly faces, and his not so funny jokes. Probably just has much as I did at that point. It seemed so fitted and so right for him to have those children while remaining a child himself, only a little wiser.

And obviously, it made perfect sense for these youngster to have a mother. A mommy who would love them unconditionally and who would love their daddy just as much.

That's where the voice was right. A part of me still believed I should've known. Someone else already had taking that free-spirit for capture. And while he went willingly years back, it probably was not what he wanted anymore. Yet he stayed.

Ironically, the one who seemed so free when I believed myself to be trapped within my own walls, was actually the one stuck being the bars of an other; my own self being the one who had been free all along. I just had to realize it and comprehend the beauty of it all; the uncertainty, the unscripted future ahead and every doubts that came with it.

And I did. I honestly believe I did. At least for a few weeks, maybe a few months even.

We still shared those tender looks and those silly smiles. My heart still did those little jumps, every damn time. His did too, at least I relish believing so. For a while it was enough, it was more than enough. I had my little glimpse of what we could've been and I dreamed of a day when we could be.

The day has yet to come, and most of the time I have difficulty believing it ever will.

All I know is that after all this time wishing and hoping I could be as free as he was and realizing I actually was more then he could ever hope to be again, I'm starting to wonder if maybe it would be better to be capture.

He'll remain behind those bar someone put up for him, but if he ever gets out there's a little box waiting for him. In that box, a tentative scared heart only waiting for its taken.

Mine.