Ok, hi. My friend wrote this and wanted me to put it up here for her cause she can't have one. So, yeah.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. :D
Edward's Opinions
Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. I have a few opinions on Jacob Black that I feel a strong urge to tell. Jacob Black is a flea bitten mutt with a huge snout. That dog needs to be taken to the pound or to be put to sleep. I even have somebody on stand by. "Isn't that right Rose!"
"You better watch your furry butt, hound! The Blonde's on your tail!"
"OH YEAH! That's my girl!"
"Emmett, please. I was talking to Rosalie."
"Oh right, sorry."
"AHHH!! OH MY GOSH, EMMETT! You can talk to her about that later! PLEASE! Not on my piano!! GRRRRRRRR!"
"HAHAHAAHAHA! Come here, Rose!"
"GRRRRRRRR"
Loud crashing in the background.
Edward (snarling at Emmett's thoughts) was chasing Emmett who was laughing at Edward.
Esme yelling at them to "Take it outside, boys!"
Umm, ok, well Edward's alittle busy at the moment, so I'm going to take over. I think that Jake does need to be taugh a lesson but -
"Taught a lesson? He risked every thing just so he could his stinking paws on my daughter! EMMETT, GET OFF!!"
I know he did risk all our lives, including Charlie's... Grrrrrrrrrr, he almost got Charlie killed. I forgot my point.
"Oh no, Bella calm down!"
He has to restrain her from going to find Jacob herself.
Jacob convienently walks in through the door at that moment.
"Hey, everybody. What's up?"
He hasn't even realized that Edward is holding Bella back, or that every one but Emmett, whose thoughts were elsewhere, was glaring at him.
"Hey, leech! Why did the blonde drown?"
"Amuse me." Rosalie says through her teeth, hunching over into a crouch ready to spring.
"Cause she saw her reflection in the water and was trying to save herself."
That was all it took. One second Jake was standing there, laughing at his horrible joke, and the next he was out door, on the ground trying to free himself from three furious vampires.