Even though it's been over a month, I'm still annoyed that Lexie died. Part of me hopes that Mark dies too just so we don't have to see him without her..
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did I wouldn't fuck up the stories.
He knows that his efforts are in vain when Yang couldn't look him in the eye any longer and went to find bandages. He drops against the plane in defeat.
His Little Grey. She has to survive.
With a new sense of purpose, he lies on the hard ground wishing he could switch places with her. As he's clutching her hand, he remembers everything from her turning up at his hotel room with a whispered "Teach me," to her rambling confessions of love days ago. He remembers the endearing shy girl who blushed over everything he said, he remembers every touch, every happy moment between them. He remembers the confident woman that she has now become.
Because even though he's telling her that she's going to survive this and that they'll be together for the rest of their lives, he knows that her life is going to end soon. But he tries to push this knowledge aside and pretends that everything is fine, even if it's just for a few minutes.
He pretends that the last few years of separation haven't really happened.
He pretends that they're going to get through this, and help will be coming any moment.
He pretends that they're going to wake up to each other every morning.
He pretends that they're going get married, Lex wearing a white dress and walking towards him as everyone they love watches.
He pretends that they're going to have a baby, a brother or sister for his Sophia, with her dark hair and his blue eyes.
He pretends that they're going to grow old together after watching their children and grandchildren grow.
He pretends that this isn't going to be the last time he's going to hear her voice saying "I love you."
But for those precious few minutes where she clings to life whispering her love for him, he pretends that everything is going to be okay and he isn't going to die right along with her.
And when she finally takes her last breath, he feels his whole world crash around him.
He closes her eyes with shaking hands and whispers his love to her for the last time. He can't bear to look at her, his Little Grey who was once so full of life, now so still. He ignores Meredith's tormented cries, he has no words of comfort for her. He sits still, staring into nothing ignoring the world around him.
Why is she going where he cannot follow?
He wants to join her, wherever she is. He's not needed here anymore. Sophia will be okay, she has two parents, she never needed a third. Callie has Arizona, Derek has Meredith. The only one who needed him was gone.
Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Each excruciating moment feels like an eternity.
They're meant to be together, whether that's here or wherever she is now. So when he slips into the sweet oblivion of unconsciousness, he prays that he is joining her at last.