Gotham University was a building like any other in the city. Wracked with misfortune and home to one or two of its own demons.
Throw a stone in Gotham and more likely than not you'd find yourself within striking distance of some type of ghost tale or another. Hospitals and places of knowledge were usually the worst offenders. It seemed that no matter what concoction of chemicals fell onto some poor soul within Gotham it would result in much the same. Different effects maybe but the same end result – another lunatic to add to the ever growing list. The city university was not exempt from these tragedies, if anything it was exemplary example.
Perhaps the most notorious horror story to originate within its walls was one Jonathan Crane, or as the media knew him best – The Scarecrow.
Brilliant as he was, there were simply some men born with a darkness inside of them that grew and twisted out of control given the correct nurturing. Call it what they may, evil, insanity, a broken soul – all in Gotham could agree that a man such as the Scarecrow was best kept away from the rest of society. For their own safety of course.
Yes, they'd call for the man's imprisonment. For his execution when the fear grew too much to control and people's compassion left them in favour of self preservation. Yes, in a second they would scream for something to be done about the single madman – because he was easy. Scarecrow, like so many of Gotham's costumed rogues, was an easy pick. There was nothing grey about his situation beyond the occasional moment of humanity.
In a sense the Gotham Rogues were a scapegoat for true evil. For the true horrors people suffered daily.
For it was all well and good to point at the one in the costume, the one that stuck out and acted outside of given parameters of society, and call that evil. It was easy to look beyond their own circle, beyond their own people and call blame to an outside force. An outsider, a stranger – a difference.
It was much harder to look inside.
Avery Hale knew all too well how difficult it could be to peer past one's own skin and find something detestable inside. People were afraid to look too close, to see themselves for their faults and graces alike. Similarly it was near impossible to look at ones own people and recognize blame may lay with them also.
No, no. It was easier to simple name another group, another person who was different to themselves and call it evil.
History always showed these patterns. Divide, dehumanize and finally demonize. Avery had read about it as a child and when he'd opened his mouth to ask why – he'd been shot down by his peers and teachers alike.
What makes a man evil? If it is the body count he leaves behind then how does one justify the actions a good man takes in war? If it is the moral fiber with which he conducts his person, then why are some of the most renowned figures in history known to be criminals, abusers, drunkards that would sooner sell a land into slavery than lose so much as a cent out of their own pocket? How about a man who betrays his people in country to do something in the name of all humanity – to do what he believes is right. Only to be executed for his crimes. Is he evil or good?
As a child these questions were frequently the cause for disquiet among his teachers and the other students. Because it was disruptive, because it did not fit with the narrative they were teaching and frankly put his teachers were not being paid to deal with disruptions such as his.
Avery understood. He knew that they were expected to teach something and he was expected to repeat it back to them on the papers given. Yes, as a child these queries were out of place and put a great strain on all those around him.
Why the first time he took the name of arguably the most evil man in all of history and pointed out the small good he had done and the larger evils he had managed to snuff out – he'd been struck. He learnt quickly what lines existed and what thoughts could not pass through mind to mouth.
So Avery thought. He buried himself in his thoughts, looking for pieces of a puzzle he hadn't quiet found the time to name yet, and searched. Never once giving voice to his own internal ponderings.
That was what lead him to look inside. What pushed him to take those first timid steps into his own person and see all the little pieces of himself. Some so unsightly they kept his up at night, wondering if he should exist when such ugliness lived inside of him. Festering and eating away at his efforts to come out of his youth as a respectable young man.
It wasn't enough. So he looked deeper. Kept searching for that one little piece of him that would explain it all away. Avery Hale spent his youth searching for his own sense of morality. He spent twenty-seven years searching, desperately trying to figure out what it was that stayed his hand from evil when threats of a god or man's punishment did not sway him.
He passed out of childhood, confused and agitated into the awkward stages of being a teenager with little grace. When he finally stumbled, dazed and unprepared, into maturity he had managed to find a bit of his own foot. Grounding himself with some base facts and observations of himself and the world. By the time he was ready to really begin diving into what made society tick Avery had already become a fully-fledged adult. Yet still he searched for the answers to things he still failed to fully understand.
It was during his final years of searching that he first met Jonathan Crane.
Crane was younger than himself by at least half a decade but he was impossibly brilliant. Crane started his studies not long before Avery had finished his own, young and focused on what he desired, he easily surpassed Hale's own studies.
Both men were too lost in their own worlds to take much notice of their peers. Hale spent much of his time reaching out to people and finding himself at a loss for how satisfy his own expectations of them. While as Crane slipped through the cracks, at best ignored and at worst ridiculed. The result was much the same for the pair; they completed their studies with a distance to their peers.
It was for the best in a way. Both emerged with their education and titles. Both came out just as focused and ready to continue their work and ultimately they ended up in the same place.
They always did. Always.
"Ah, Dr. Crane. A moment if you will?" Avery called out to his college, having just caught him before the man could scurry out of the university doors and vanish back into his abode. Avery had been trying to snare him for just a few seconds for the past week with little success. It was purely good fortune that he'd managed to catch sight of him that day and even more fortunate that Crane stopped when called.
As Avery approached, he took notice of the psychology teacher's clothes. They were too tight on him, at least two sizes too small and he noted a small rip at the shoulder seam of the right sleeve. There was likely more damage but it was obscured under the man's pile of books – all of which were in considerably better condition than his clothes.
Naturally Avery said nothing. It was hardly his place.
"Professor Hale…" Crane greeted reluctantly, a dryness to his tone that Avery chose not to dwell on. Casting one last small longing look towards the university doors, Crane gradually turned to face his coworker. "What service can I provide you?"
Jonathan Crane had been his student once but even when that had been the case, Hale was distinctly aware that Crane had the ability to run mental circles around him. At least within the range of his own area of study. Dr Crane was the best mind in the building all things psychology, however his narrow-minded view regarding what urged humans on did limit him somewhat.
Keeping both limitations and genius in mind, Avery approached the younger man with a mental note to keep his expression warm.
"I've heard your students talking, Dr Crane." There was a slight stiffness in the man's spine at Avery's comment. He had not meant it to sound like the beginning of a chastising. Quite the opposite. With Crane being such a quiet, withdrawn student, Avery had worried he might not take to the spotlight that was required when teaching. He'd never been more relieved to have been wrong. "They say you're passionate in your teachings, I'm relieved to hear you're taking to this position so well. After what happened…"
Avery paused, a frown crossing his face as he thought of the former psychology professor. He'd been Crane's mentor and Avery knew the wound must still have been fresh for the man who'd just stepped into the shoes of another. No doubt Crane was still reeling from it himself, he'd been the last one to see his old mentor before the tragedy occurred.
It was so horrible. No one had expected the professor to throw himself from the roof – he'd seemed so happy. So stable.
Shaking off the dreadful thoughts, Avery returned his attention to Crane, wishing to express his willingness to assist the young man with any strains that might accompany him. It was a luxury that had not been extended to himself when he first began to work in the university and Jonathan had a difficult enough time with his financial state and the scorn of a few other teachers within the building.
"Regardless." Avery straightened up, rifling through a few of the papers he'd been carrying tight to his chest. He'd been keeping them handy on the off chance he was able to catch Jonathan before he hurried off. He was right to have done so. "I'd very much appreciate it if you could have a look over a few of these papers."
A shadow of doubt crossed the young doctor's face. Avery could see hesitance there and so he threw out the bait he knew the young man couldn't turn away from. "I specifically took out the ones using my student's theories on fear as stimulus within a population. Simon has a rather interesting take on fear motivating great good in people as opposed to evil. Similarly Jessica proposed that human nature inherently relies on fear in order to sustain a particular standard of living. Of course I can't say I particularly-"
The papers were out of hands before Avery had quite finished speaking and a familiar comforting smugness curled in the back of his mind. A ghost of approval to mirror the satisfaction his outward self felt.
Crane rifled through the set of papers that Avery had offered him with a spark the man had come to recognize. While Jonathan might have limited himself in the way he focused on the nature of fear, he was never opposed to exploring all the various aspects and twists one could take on the matter. Still Avery wished he'd expand his field of work just a little bit, but as always the doctor immediately shot down any suggestions that just maybe fear was not the most important part of human nature.
It was an argument they'd had more than once, or as near to an argument as they managed. Crane was so subdued and Avery didn't fancy himself as much of a fighter – verbal or otherwise. Debate was well within their parameters but arguments were a rarity. Still Avery couldn't say he disliked the occasional impassioned discussion. Crane had certainly enlightened him and he could only hope that at least one or two of his own proposals had made it into Jonathan's consideration.
Fear was such a despicable thing.
While Jonathan sorted through the inked words right there in front of Avery, the older man let his mind dwell on the aspect of humanity that so captivated the young man. He'd thought of fear in exceedingly simple terms most of his life. Fear kept people safe, it drove them to do things to keep them alive and urged them away from risky actions. It served a fundamental purpose in society and Avery had been happy to leave it at that.
But then Jonathan Crane had appeared in his classroom.
Oh, of course he said nothing during his lectures. It wasn't in Jonathan's nature to put himself on stage in front of his peers. As such it was always after the other students had cleared away that the skinny, poorly dressed youth would approach him and put forward a complaint or comment on his simplification of something as extensive as fear.
Never one to turn away an eager mind or shut out a new thought, Avery encouraged Crane to further dispute him. His hesitation had lasted all of five seconds before the young man was talking a mile a minute, filling Avery's head full of new ideas and information. Even at that stage Crane surpassed him in his knowledge in that particular area but he still had a lot of catching up to do in others.
Four years later and there they stood in the hall of the university, both teachers and both eager to keep on their set paths. Regardless of where they might be leading.
Understanding was so close that Avery could practically taste it. Completion so near he could feel it grazing his finger tips as he blindly grasped for it. He had grown to accept and quietly despair the very thing that motivated Crane. Fear, for all the good it offered – was perhaps the fundamental element of the things that plagued humanity most.
"What do you think?" Avery asked after a sufficient time had passed. "You are aware I could easily look over them myself, but I felt it would be…inconsiderate to not at least offer you the chance to peek."
The look on Crane's face was positively vibrant. Feverish almost and not for the first time Avery wondered about him. Worried that he might need help himself rather than offering it to young wayward boys to assist with their anger and trauma. Still, Avery had never been able to begrudge happiness or passion and so he indulged Crane's quirks.
"I'll have them back to you come tomorrow." Crane promised and Avery smiled with the thought of the discussion that would come the following day.
If Crane would appear before him with a hundred new ideas circulating his mind or if he'd storm in and snarl his displeasure at which ever student begrudged his ever favoured human characteristic.
"I look forward to it."
…
…
The following morning was decidedly not one of their more pleasant disagreements.
"How can you claim to understand the basic construct of society when you fail to acknowledge that fear is-!"
"Just one of many human faculties!" Avery cut across the younger man sharply.
They'd been having this 'discussion' for what was the better half of their lunch break. He was unsure of at what point their once reasonable tones had escalated but now they were bordering on shouting at one another and Avery was very nearly at his wits end. The coffee they'd both brewed to slug through the rest of the day had been promptly forgotten and it would be stone cold by the time either man remembered they'd made it.
"You cannot forgo things like compassion, charity, basic human decency!" He continued to assert, unaware that he was beginning to make exaggerated gestures with his hands. Ranging from throwing them in the air to simply jamming a finger in Crane's direction. Had he not been so fired up Avery would have had the presence of mind to be a little more careful with his fragile bones.
"People are compassionate because they're afraid of those same bad things being done to them. They are charitable in the hopes that they won't be left without a leg to stand on should their own fortunes vanish. They're decent because they are afraid." Dr Crane quickly countered, his own actions perhaps even more dramatic than Avery's. His limbs were considerably longer than Avery's own after all.
Professor Hale had been valiantly defending one of his student's papers he'd submitted to Crane the day prior to this lovely discussion. It was one he rather liked, perhaps a touch juvenile in its approach but a pure account of how the masses reacted towards one another and what could prompt acts of generosity outside of obligation, shame or fear of some force punishing them for lacking kindness. Avery thought that with a bit of fine-tuning this particular student stood a chance to shine – to really work their way through the novelties of human society.
Admittedly the young man was more interested in the economical aspects of social science but Avery found he positively shone in the philosophy course he took on the side. A hobby the boy had told him, a hobby. Children these days, they amused Avery in ways he hadn't thought possible.
"I refuse to believe that all of human society can be built on such a negative mindset." Avery spat back at Crane, his temper flaring.
"Why?" Jonathan was quick to rebuke and Avery found himself rather less fond of Crane's ability to conjure up confidence from places unknown when speaking his opinions on fear. "Does it scare you?"
"Oh for heaven's sake-!" Avery felt he was a moment's notice away from shaking Jonathan out of frustration. Instead he once again, as reasonably as humanly possible while positively fuming, asserted what he'd already said countless times that day alone. "Not everything stems from fear, Dr Crane."
"Of course it does."
A headache was abruptly forming between Avery's eyes and he found himself staring silently at Crane. He intended to go on and Avery wasn't going to bother wasting the air to try and speak over him. He'd just have to wait Crane out and maybe find something in the young man's argument to pull apart. "You for example are afraid that I am right. Afraid that all that human decency you cling to is just a fabrication to cover the only real human motivator."
Despite his reassignment to let Crane talk, Avery spat out a sharp, "Absurd!" at that comment. He got little else out before Jonathan was going full steam again.
By this point the pair had gotten so lost in their bickering that they'd let the rest of the world fall away around them. The other teachers that had been present, heating up left overs and going for another pot of well deserved coffee, had long since stopped trying to be subtle in their eaves dropping and either evacuated the area or were flat out ogling them.
Word must have spread about the impending teacher fight, that or their voices really had escalated to a shout, because few curious students had gathered. Daring to peer into the teachers lounge to see what the fuss was. Imagine their surprise when they found professor Avery, arguably the most mild mannered teacher, and Dr. Crane, universally agreed to be the most anti-social and peculiar of their teachers – arguing it out like a pair of hotheaded students themselves.
The likelihood of blows was low enough that some students lost interest, the ones who took neither man's class drifting away over time. While those that did know at least one of the pair became enraptured in the simple absurdity of it all. The teachers that attempted to shoo the curious eyes way didn't find themselves having much success.
All the while Crane lectured Avery whilst the older man tried desperately to remake the same point he'd been making all morning. Each time it fell on deaf ears until Avery remarked he was practically talking to a brick wall. Crane's responding remark was just as scathing and one student actually had the gal to giggle at the display.
"And what if you're wrong?" Avery snapped finally, relenting enough to allow the 'if' to slip in. Anything to get Crane to yield for just a moment. "For argument's sake, lets say you're wrong and not everything is based on fear – what then, Dr. Crane?"
"I hardly think-" Crane began.
"For argument's sake."
There was a brief, frosty silence as Crane stared down his former teacher. Avery saw something swimming behind the young man's eyes but couldn't quiet place what it was. Perhaps, in a perverse way, that concept was Jonathan's own personal fear. The one that was buried so deep inside of him that even Crane refused to unearth it.
It was like a splash of cold water when Avery recalled his own youth, dragging those fears and demons out wherever he could find them. Throwing them up on display to himself even at they corroded his insides and left him bare. Avery had hunted through every ugly little aspect of himself, chasing down whatever small spark of evil he could in himself and ripping it apart.
In an effort to understand. To understand himself, others – everything. Now he stood here bickering with another man almost a decade his junior who was yet to do just that. Avery chose to dissect himself in ways only he could, Jonathan was not obliged to follow that course of action.
And so begrudgingly Avery conceded.
Jonathan must have seen it in the way the fight left his body and abruptly the argument was over. There was still caution written on Crane's face, unwilling to completely let his guard down lest Avery throw him another curve ball. Instead he offered a compromise – an exchange of knowledge, of vision.
"I'll make a deal with you, Dr Crane. You write me a fragment of your mind, a piece of your view on the world in respect to my own. Show me how fear influences my area of study and I'll take it into proper consideration. Then I'll present it to my own students to consider."
"You'll teach it in your classroom?" He didn't believe him, of course not. It was too good an offer, an easy one at that. Yet Avery confirmed what was on the table with little more than a stiff nod.
Part of him was genuinely wary of what Crane would put down in front of him, given the chance.
"I imagine you'll do the same?" Jonathan ventured and Avery chuckled dryly with a small shake of his head as he eased back down into his chair. Unaware he'd stood at all. Somewhere along the way both men had gotten to their feet and started fighting in earnest. With the argument sizzling out Avery suddenly felt the weight of his own weak body again and needed the seat.
"I'm sure I've shouted all of it at you this morning. No need to get it down in ink." The remark might have almost been worth it for the tiny smirk that Jonathan gave Avery in return.
"I will be asking for something in return, Professor Hale." Avery simply tossed Crane a curious look before gesturing for him to request away. His voice was sore from all their snide comments; he needed a moment to regain the ability to be snippy. "You'll tell me what you're afraid of." Jonathan paused before adding as an afterthought. "Not right away, think about it for a while then tell me and I'll tell you if you're right or not."
Being dissected by another person was hardly a new experience for Avery and behind his conscious mind there was that usual stirring again. Furious, and ugly in its rage. Avery didn't mind people poking around in his mind, however there were parts of him that did. An invasion of privacy that part of Avery seemed to protest but he paid it little mind. Offering up a mental compromise to quiet its disgruntle complaints before agreeing to Crane's proposal. He was almost interested to see what the young psychologist would deem a lie and even more interested in what he would offer up as a lie to himself.
The day wasn't even out before Jonathan Crane appeared in his classroom, papers in hand. Avery took them, very nearly cringing as the soft paper glided into his hands. Something containing what would no doubt be incredibly unpleasant should not feel so light. While Avery Hale regarded the papers cautiously, Crane grinned.
What Avery returned home with that night was all he'd expected and more. He could hear Jonathan's impassioned, almost fanatical voice leaking through in the writing. He knew every expression, no matter how minute they were, in every paragraph and despite himself – Avery was ensnared.
For all the terrible things Crane proposed, there was an undeniable excitement in his work. More to the point Avery found himself surprised with how closely Crane actually did address his own personal passion. Human decency had always captivated him.
As a child he wondered what it was, in his teenaged years he pondered why people attempted to keep it and now as an adult he scrutinized those who were and were decidedly not decent.
He'd raked over history time and time again. Picking apart horrors of others and what specifically made them atrocities. He found good where they should be none and evil where it had no place. In an effort to combat these contradictions, to make them fit neatly into a set of logical answers – Avery had done what he'd always done. He'd looked in.
What he found inside himself and society - much like what he currently found written down in Jonathan's hand – scared him.
Avery laughed. A dry, bitter sound of disbelief. He was afraid and oh how he knew Crane would have reveled in it. How quickly he would have pounced on even the smallest opportunity and start pulling Avery open and gutting him of every fear and insecurity he'd ever had. All with that same fascinated smile. Ruthless as he was – Avery would never doubt the man's effectiveness.
Jonathan had written Avery's fears down in the pages he'd handed over that day. Easily, effortlessly – putting all of Avery's struggles to understand himself to shame.
For when Avery pried himself open and peered inside to see where his ugliness stemmed from – he had indeed found fear. Small and cowardly, curling up behind his anger and judgment. The secret motivator for all his faults, fear had influenced him and Avery watched as it controlled all of society.
He sat in his home for hours, simply pouring over Crane's words. The papers he brought home from his students momentarily forgotten, as he was enraptured in the words Jonathan had handed him. It was a detestable, disgusting account on humans. Highlighting the weakness in all of them, Avery included. But he couldn't seem to look away and the arguments began to weave inside of his mind, taking root there and refusing to be dislodged with any amount of reasoning.
He had only just finished reading the final word of Crane's notes when he was pulling himself out of his seat. Dashing for his coat and cane – hurrying back to the university.
Avery couldn't say exactly what compelled him to move so quickly that morning. Surely it could have waited until the sun had risen. But he didn't give the day the time to catch up with him. It would have been obscured by the ever-constant clouds shrouding their fair city regardless.
Huddled away in his office, Avery worked. He scrapped the lessons he'd had planned, scrawled down his new plans and true to his word he included Crane's notes into the new schedule. Before he knew it Avery's every thought and query was falling out onto the pages as he scribbled away.
For all their fighting, Crane had been victorious. He'd successfully pinpointed what it was Avery had been missing and every once in a while Avery cursed the brilliant young man. He reviled him in those brief moments, hated that Crane was able to so easily draw out what Avery had been seeking for years.
A simple understanding of what was wrong with the world.
Jonathan praised fear, he cultivated it – damn near seemed to worship it. But Avery's opinion of it had shifted in the opposite direction. It was the cause for too much suffering and hatred in his eyes. The safety it provided also divided humans and stood in the way of progress. Avery could never and would never abide by such a thing.
"Evil." He had once told his class. "Is history. We perceive something as evil because we have moved beyond it, because we are outside looking in. We look back and shun our ancestors for their treatment of coloured men and women. We spurn them for their outdated views on sexuality and individuality. We cast them out, distance ourselves and title them as 'evil'. " It had been a rather offhand comment but one student, a young girl who had been new to his class at the time had spoken up.
"Are you saying they aren't evil? What about slavery? Women not being able to vote?"
"On the contrary, I believe that evil – evil on mass – is simple a matter of becoming obsolete. Many things we, as a society, collectively view as immoral were once a norm. Only once it falls out of normalcy can something be labeled as evil. As such progress could be considered the true morality. Or at the very least, what we accept as moral."
He'd gone on to discuss how idiocy was much the same. At the time baking one's self in oil at the beach for a lovely glow was considered a healthy thing to do and smoking no more problematic than eating red meat. Things that, with the benefit of hindsight, were clearly wrong. Dangerously, stupidly wrong. But it was normalcy. Avery simple proposed that morality was much the same, an ever changing, shifting view of the world. There could be only a few set rules of human morals.
His class he agreed in the majority that things like murder were immoral no matter the time period. Avery had carelessly agreed.
Jonathan Crane and written away his words in little more than a sentence.
To kill someone was immoral because people feared being killed. Make it immoral, you make it illegal – you protect yourself from those that would kill you if there were not threat of repercussions. Avery could not dispute that line of thought in his own heart. Crane extended similar explanations to all base morals. Theft, cheating, murder, rape – all of it he could quickly and simply boil down to fear in one way or another.
By the time the sun finally peeked over the horizon, only signaled by the lighter shade of the cloud cover over head, Avery was on his second coffee and when the university floors opened to the students he was well into his fourth. His mind was still alight, going too quickly to really be considered calculated. He was excited.
Because he thought he finally had it. The final simple piece he'd been looking for. That answer to morality that had pestered him for so long. All given in little under five pages of a young Jonathan Crane's work.
"Good morning everyone." Avery greeted his class that morning. Shuffling into the theater putting most of his weight on his cane. The lack of sleep showed but Avery's new enthusiasm for what he was going to say that day trumped the exhaustion.
The usual class had gathered and Avery was pleased to note that very few of his class had decided to skip the class that day. Those that were dispassionate or tired were quietly hiding in the back and Avery was content to leave them there. This was a simple lecture, one of three they had each week and so long as they let some of the discussion slip into their heads and kept their papers in order – he let them rest.
"Today I'm going to ask you about fear." There was a resounding groan from half of the gathered students. Avery stopped. "Ah, let me guess. Those of you who just grumbled have come from Dr. Crane's clutches have you?"
"Please." Miss Higgins complained from her seat at the front of the room. The poor ginger girl groaned, slumping boneless against her fold down desk. "We've heard so much about fear. Can we talk about something else? Anything else?"
Avery chuckled; passing those that clearly had Crane's class a sympathetic glance. "Unfortunately I've made Dr. Crane a promise to have this discussion with you. Let me at least try to keep you awake, if you find yourself unable to bear it after a few minutes we'll search for another topic."
There were no more verbal complaints but Avery could feel himself losing a few of them. "Do you all remember what I asked you last week?" He asked, hoping that the prompt would help pull a few of them back from sleep. The kids enjoyed tossing around their own ideas on what the world was and should be. It was a self-absorbed habit that he played on frequently. People loved to talk about themselves, their ideology was merely an extension of this.
"About morals?" Timothy asked slowly, one student that made an effort to always show up but was usually too tired to really focus. Avery knew he was doing too much work – stretching himself too thin. He appreciated the boy's efforts to still come to class while running on three hours of sleep. They were both working on roughly the same number of hours that day. It may have evened the playing field a tad.
"Yes. I asked you all to go away and truly consider yourself. As honestly as you possibly could and come back to me with a few frank observations. This is not something I can help either one of you with – you'll have to work on it yourself."
Avery noticed a small hand go up. Unusual, most students simply just spoke up; abandoning the practice of asking for permission once they shrugged their final years of high school. Usually earlier than that even. Taking notice of the small novelty, Avery eagerly called upon the student to speak.
"Is it...is it alright if I tell you about what I found out? You asked us to use ourselves as example to figure out why people hated others." A back row student this time. Shifting nervously in her seat, Sally gave an honest attempt to give him some feedback. Though she clearly didn't fancy the spotlight. "I…well I thought- because well you see – I grew up hating men s-so I…"
She was turning red very quickly and Avery did feel pity for her but more than that he felt excitement. Yes, that was what he was looking for. An honest, albeit slightly awkward observation of ones self. She was ashamed of what she had once felt and it made it difficult for her to speak about it now, but she'd acknowledged it and Avery couldn't have been prouder.
"Did you figure out why?" Avery pressed, willing to let Sally forget she'd spoken up at all but not before trying to urge a conclusion out of her. "Why you disliked men?"
Sally looked like she was attempting to curl in on herself, no doubt able to feel all eyes on her. Avery noticed with fascination that Sally's comment about men had stirred most of the class in some way or another. He could see the challenge forming in some of their eyes; there was no doubt at least one student in here that would be ready to refute Sally at a seconds notice. Brand her as a misandrist or a radicalist.
This was what Avery was searching for. This primal reaction to being threatened and as Sally spoke his conviction only grew stronger.
"The boys picked on me when I was a girl. They said I couldn't do things because I was a girl and they pushed me around…so I got scared. I thought that if I didn't fight back, or hate them then I'd be weak and my whole life would be dictated by someone else…so I…so I hated them."
"But now you don't?" Avery half questioned, half comforted the girl with tone alone. He was not here to judge her for the past she'd had. After all she'd gone through a perfectly normal process and come out a fine young lady. Avery was curious to see how aware of the process she was.
"N-No! Not at all. I mean…you can't hate a group of people just because of some bad eggs. Right…?"
Never had Avery wanted to applaud a student more than he did in that moment. Well, Avery had never been much for holding back admiration, and so he did just that. Three quick claps of approval, the fist drawing a jump from Sally before she realised he meant to praise her.
"Perfect." Avery commended the young girl before tapping his cane back on the ground, returning to the center of his class. These days were his favorites, where he was free to simple hold a discussion and throw around ideas – leave the textbooks and assignments for the coming lessons.
"You see, as much as some of you may have tired of Mr. Crane's lectures – he has given me quite a bit to think about on the matter of fear in society. Sally, you were afraid and so your fear – without you even knowing at the time I'd wager – turned to hatred as a defense mechanism."
"Similarly on the other end, fear drives one man to deny oppression in order to maintain the notion he is a good man and does not need to fear losing his position in life to another group of people. By the same token, a woman may hate men for fear of being oppressed or returning to the way things were. On the other side of that there is the man, who is afraid that things will change so drastically that he will become the one being subjugated. People close their borders because they fear imagined monsters. Whole groups are demonized and rejected for the fear of a select few extremists. So on and so on."
Avery paused to take stock of his class. Already he could see it, the denial growing behind some of their eyes. The unspoken cry of 'you're wrong, I'm not like that! It's them, the outsider'. He looked at it in their eyes and wondered if they really believed it deep down. But then there were others that had a different look. The same one he'd worn when reading Crane's paper. They agreed and Avery felt exhilarated.
He spoke quickly. Diving into how fear could be blown out of proportion and cause mass panic or distrust of a whole group of people. One, to use Sally's words, bad egg could result in thousands of others baring the brunt of their crimes. A different religious mindset or set of chromosomes could result in new words being used to describe the same atrocity. One man could be labeled a terrorist of delinquent while another could be called troubled or a murder after carrying out the same act with little more than a different pigment of skin between them.
"What we fail to do, on mass as a species, is look in at ourselves and accept fault. It is hard for a country to look at itself and admit that the danger might have come from within its walls when it can instead blame another place or people regardless of where the threat truly originated. It can be just as difficult for a race to look at themselves and see their actions as equally biased as the people they rally against."
Avery paused and then with a small smile said the most obvious thing in the world.
"There are times where our fear makes us forget that each and every one of us is little more than another person. They are just as human and just as afraid as anyone else."
The class went on and those that had been difficult or uncomfortable tentatively put forward their protests and contradictions. Bringing up famous, well-known actions that justified the divide between people. Most of which could very quickly be countered with a simple statistic or correction of a factual error. Avery worked to make them see, to stop rejecting the notion that perhaps they had faults of their own and look closely at themselves.
Avery implored each and every one of his students to not let fear blind them. To look at the things they believed and fully dissect why it was they thought that way. Should they do that and come away unchanged then that was simply the type of person they had chosen to be – Avery would not begrudge them for that.
By the end of the lesson the class had almost entirely agreed in this simple way of viewing the world. He went away hoping perhaps he'd made stronger young men and women of his students.
He was hardly surprised when he found Dr. Crane lingering by his lecture room door at the end of the lesson. Avery had been expecting the man at some point or another to appear and ensure that Avery had indeed kept his word. Rather it was Crane who seemed to be the one left startled.
"You read my proposal." He noted simply as Avery cleaned up his desk. "And you taught it."
"I do believe that was the deal we struck, yes."
Crane did not immediately respond to that and Avery allowed the young man to work through whatever thoughts were troubling him in silence. Then finally he glanced back in Avery's direction.
"You twisted it considerably." There was a note of warning in that observation but still Avery was not surprised.
"I teach fear as something that drives humanity. I encourage my students to acknowledge, accept and then overcome their own personal fears as well as that of the masses. Little more than that."
Crane wasn't pleased with this. Shifting in agitation, drawing the already tight fixing suit a little too taut around his arms as he crossed them over his chest. Avery knew Crane's interest in fear went far beyond curing or over coming it, however he couldn't say exactly what his aim with it was. To understand maybe. It was possible Crane's desire was just as pure as his own – that need to comprehend humans.
Or perhaps it was not. There was every chance that Jonathan's obsession was malicious in nature. Although it disheartened Avery to believe so.
"You asked me to tell you my fear." Avery began, snaring Crane's attention once again. "At the time I considered things as simple as fear of failure, death – pain. Things that everyone in their right mind would fear. But if I were to say what my greatest fear is, it would be the thought that humanity will simply fall apart. That our society will collapse in on itself and we'll tear one another to shreds like animals without an ounce of sympathy between us."
"Is that really what you fear, professor?" Crane pondered and Avery did not miss the note of cynicism in the younger man's words.
"Is there anything more terrifying than that, Dr Crane?" He reasoned calmly. "The collapse of all human decency – a scary thought, is it not?"
With his things gathered, Avery stood as straight as his poor spine would allow and took stock of his colleague once again.
In his youth, Avery decided that Jonathan was likely a target of much ridicule. He wore his pain like a badge in many respects, allowing it to twist his mindset into what it was today. His focus on fear, his sharp temper and seemingly boundless capacity for hatred – all of it screamed of his suffering. Avery was hardly the psychologist that Jonathan was but it was not a difficult case to pull apart.
His own childhood might have reflected what he was today. Avery was willing to concede that his own experiences may have influenced his focus on human decency. He imagined most people were the same in this respect.
However most of Jonathan Crane was as much a mystery to him as the day he appeared in his classroom. Some things were easy to pick, facets of his person obvious from the moment Avery laid eyes on him. But the rest was hidden, deep down beyond his reaches.
Had Jonathan been kind enough to allow it or Avery bold enough to request permission – he may have attempted to dig deeper into the man's mind.
It was hardly fair, seeing as Crane seemed to need only a look to know exactly what Avery's person consisted of. Had he been a more private man, a more uncertain person, he would have shrunk away from Jonathan's scrutiny. But as it was, Avery stood with all his defects and strengths that he'd analyzed in himself on display for Jonathan. With only one locked deep enough that he felt certain even the infamous Jonathan Crane could not unearth it without proper probing.
Ignoring the ever-protesting feeling at the back of his mind.
Avery was the most accomplished liar in that respect.
He allowed anyone and everyone access to his demons. As a child he'd had learnt early what demons were appropriate and which would have him sent back to a professional in need of counseling. Talk of imaginary friends, conflicting thoughts or – dare he so much as think it – another presence within him were all grounds for medication and psychiatric help.
So Avery learnt what to say and what not to say. He figured out when he was expected to smile and when to frown and most importantly when to display his defects and when to hide his true ugliness behind the shield of honesty.
He did not worry about his mental health. He functioned just as anyone else would with the exception of his weak body and frequent hospital visits. His mind was a rather valued part of his person and Avery was proud to think that it was perhaps one of the few parts of him unburdened with sickness.
Just because Avery Hale never felt alone, nor complete was in no way cause for alarm. In childhood he called it an imaginary friend, as an adult he chalked it up to the way his mind was wired. Nothing more and nothing less. The suggestion of his childhood counselor that he might have had a deeper condition was laughable. Voices, split personalities, delusions – none of it applied to him. Professor Avery Hale was as sane as he'd ever been and he believed this with the same level of conviction that he believed the sun would rise and set each day.
Jonathan had not left the doorway, still looking in at Avery as if he dared not trespass into the other teacher's space. A courtesy that Dr Crane no doubt found himself without on most days, Avery made a note never to entre the man's teaching space without express permission.
"And what would you do if it did collapse?" Crane questioned. Studying Avery for any indication of a lie. He would find none. "What would you do if your worst fear came true?"
Without missing a beat. "I would not allow it."
Jonathan smiled at the simple sharpness of the professor's answer. Avery didn't look too deep into that expression, knowing that if he did he'd find something unsightly beneath it. Instead Avery took his cane in hand and made his way over to Jonathan. He paused momentarily sharing the space of the open doorway with the other man.
"I will not allow it."
Then he left. Knowing full well that Crane would not leave it be. He would probe for more when he was able, look for deeper fears but for today it was enough. Avery left doctor Jonathan Crane lingering in the doorway to his lecture theater and pondered exactly in what way the man would attempt to assault his mind next. He expected it to be much the same as their other conversations – forgotten coffee and clashing principles. Avery expected it to begin the same as always the next morning.
However it never came.
The following morning doctor Crane is sacked for firing a gun inside his classroom.