A/N: Hey people. I am back with another story.
Keitaro: Oh, no.
Motoko: What sort of stupid idea do you want to put down on the Internet this time?
Chris: Let's just say you're lives will all change tremendously.
Everyone but Chris: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
Motoko: You vile male! Doing something to pair us with him!(Points to Keitaro). You'll pay for this! SECRET TECHNIQUE: STONE-CUTTING SWORD!
(Motoko's attack hits Chris in the face)
Chris: Ow.
Kitsune: Why did you not go flying?
Chris: Oh, I am an author who writes in what happens before a story. I can make a chase scene start for no reason and get the living day lights knocked out of me and I would still live. For example...
(chase scene starts throughout Hinata City for no apparent reason)
Shinobu: Why are we chasing him?
Kitsune: I have no idea.
Naru: What did you do?!
Chris: I started a chase scene for no apparent reason.
Motoko: WHY?!
Chris: Because it's fun.
Naru: GET OVER HERE SO WE CAN BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF YOU!
Chris: You two are mad, aren't you?
Naru: YOU'RE ****ING RIGHT WE ARE!
Chris: Okay, who doesn't want to see me get beat up a lot?
(Shinobu raises her hand, still running)
Chris: Okay, I can send you back to the house. Is that okay?
Shinobu: Y-Yes.
Chris: Okay.
(Chris snaps his fingers, Shinobu goes back to the Hinata House)
(Chris gets chased into an alley, Naru and Motoko beat him up for two hours)
-Two hours later-
Chris: (groans in pain) Ow, my finger.
Naru: We hit you everywhere and only your finger hurts?!
Chris: Yeah. Disclaimer: the characters aren't mine, they belong to Ken Akamatsu. STORY START!
|/\/\|
One day, one might have walked by the Hinata-Sou and heard nothing. Anyone new to the neighborhood would simply walk by and act completely normal and calm. Then, someone nearby who lived in Hinata for a while would stop and stare, wondering aloud, "Hmmm. This place seems too quiet." Then the new person would try to ask what they meant, but they stop when they see a man soaring through the sky, having crashed through the wall. "Ah, there it is," is what the person familiar with the town would say.
Of course, that new person never saw Keitaro flying out the side of the building from Naru's crazy punch before, just on occasion flying through the city they lived at previously.
Nor would they have guessed the crazy coincidences that Keitaro was surrounded by everyday. Such as the fact that he was not only the lone male in an all-girls dormitory, but the manager of it. Or how he just happened to live with seven girls that could not be any more different from each other than they were if they tried; a strong warrior from a family of demon slayers, a mad-scientist teenage genius princess, a shy girl who could out-cook the best of the profession, a twenty-two-year-old anemic woman who could talk to turtles and said the word "ara" a lot, a twenty-year-old alcoholic who took her looks and used them to get out of rent, a little blond brat who could pull a vase out of nowhere, and the girl at the top of the list of test scores with a punch possessing force beating that of a musket.
Of course, if told any of this, they would say, "That's crazy!" They would say a lot of that if they were to ever stay there for one day. What was going on, you might ask? Well, I'll say it. It was a typical rent collection day. Which was Friday afternoon.
First, he went to Motoko's room. She was always the punctual and ethical girl of the group, plus she wanted to chat with him as little as possible, he knew. Hence, she would fork over the money quickly and tell him to get out or feel her wrath. He felt it on a daily basis anyway, but he would run out of her room all the same, leaving a scoffing Motoko behind him.
Usually. Not this time though. This time was different.
This time started like normal; he walked to her room and knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" she yelled.
"It's Keitaro. I'm here to-"
"I know why you are here, Urashima-san. You only come to my room to collect rent. Just open the door," Motoko interrupted him, sounding very much annoyed. Again, no different from usual. He rushed to open the door, not aiming to irritate a samurai who could kill anyone but him, as she always tried and never succeeded in doing so. Again, an uncanny emulation of usual.
"Here is the rent for two months, Urashima-san. Do not bother me until then or I will have your head," she threatened dryly, the threat so routine it never sounded serious anymore and sounded more like a deadpan joke.
"Right. Well, see you at breakfast, Motoko-chan," Keitaro said nervously.
After he ran away from the door like usual, he reasserted himself. Next on the list was Kitsune. Keitaro shuddered. She NEVER paid her rent. At least, not in yen. However, it wasn't HOW she paid that bothered him. It was how Motoko or Naru or both of them would show up at the time least convenient and smack him out into the open air and into the ocean blue...off the coast of Oregon. All elaborately planned by none other than the devious Fox herself. Still, it was better than being launched into the stratosphere after accidentally walking in on Naru or doing something to make Shinobu cry and THEN getting launched into the stratosphere by Naru.
He started walking to her room, figuring it was best to get it over with than wait until after everyone else's rent was collected. As he reached her door, he stopped and sighed. 'I wonder what she has planned for me THIS time,' he wondered. He knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Kitsune asked.
"It's me, Keitaro. I'm here to try and collect rent," he said.
"Oh. Come in, Kei-kun!" she responded seductively.
Keitaro groaned in dismay. 'Oh, dear. It sounds like she is going all out this month. Kami-sama, help me,' he thought.
He opened the door and got only a mild nosebleed from the sight before him. Kitsune was lying on the futon in a bikini with a flower pattern on it.
Wiping up his nosebleed with a handkerchief, he said, "You know, as many times as you have worn that on rent collection day, I have yet to get used to it."
"I know, where do you think I got the idea?" Kitsune said playfully.
Once Keitaro recovered, he stated, with his usual lack of confidence, "I-I'm here to collect your rent, Kitsune. Do you have it ready for me this month?" he said, not really thinking she would follow through.
"Actually, I don't. But I'm sure we can work something out," she said, pressing her ample chest into his back.
'Huh, she already played her trump card. She must really want to get this over with,' he thought, knowing the fox as well as she knew the many different companies of sake in Japan.
"Alright, Kitsune, how are you going to pay your rent THIS month? You know you could just ASK and I will give you an extension. Even though you are already five months overdue on your payments," he said matter-of-factly.
"Would you really? Well, this time, I was going to give you a massage. Would you like that, Kei-kun?" she asked in a friendly tone.
"Well, I am a little tense. Thanks, Kitsune. I would like a massage," Keitaro accepted.
Kitsune started to massage his shoulders. 'Wow. She's very good at this. I guess she really wants to do me a favor this time. I wonder why it's a massage THIS time and not a span of time where she makes me faint from blood loss. She's probably pranking me again. Better enjoy this massage before she can get through with her prank,' he thought.
And yet, the rest of this 'prank' never came.
Kitsune finished with her massage. "Thanks for that, Kitsune. You have no idea how much I needed that." Keitaro thanked her.
Kitsune hugged Keitaro from behind as he stood up. Just another one of her seductive charms. "No problem, Kei-kun. Anytime," she said, still hugging him from behind. This was making him blush.
Unfortunately, this was the time Naru came into Kitsune's room. They were friends, after all. But what she saw put a blush on her cheeks and an angry growl on her lips. Apparently, seeing Kitsune in a bikini was acceptable, but if she were to hug Keitaro from behind, it wouldn't be acceptable.
"KEITARO, YOU WEIRDO!" Naru yelled, charging at Keitaro like a wild zoo animal on the rampage. Kitsune let go just before Naru reached him. Kitsune had a front row seat to Naru sending Keitaro into the stratosphere.
BOOM!
Kitsune looked out of the hole in her room at the flying man traveling the stratosphere. She was standing behind Naru, laughing her head off. At first, Naru was cooling down, so she didn't notice the hysterical fox lady rolling around on the floor until she calmed down.
"What's so funny, Kitsune?" Naru asked confusedly.
"I'm just laughing at the slapstick comedy in this situation," Kitsune managed to get out while laughing.
"Slapstick humor?" Naru asked. She was more confused than before.
"Yeah. I was giving him a massage to pay off my rent and you showed up right after I was finished. He wasn't being a pervert, but it was still funny when you sent him flying! Ha!" Kitsune explained, slowly stopping her laughing fest.
"Really?" Naru asked skeptically.
"Yeah. Anyway, what did you need, Naru-san?" Kitsune asked, massaging her cheeks.
"Actually, I just came to ask how you were going to pay your rent THIS time, but I was too late, apparently," she responded.
"Yeah, Keitaro-san beat you to it," Kitsune said.
Meanwhile, Keitaro landed behind Mutsumi's old apartment building's ruins across the street. He got up and dusted himself off. 'Okay, I got Motoko-chan's rent, Kitsune-chan needed an extension, Shinobu-chan works off her rent, Su-chan payed rent for sixty years when she got here, Sarah-chan was getting paid for by Seta-san, so that leaves Naru-chan and Mutsumi-chan,' he counted.
He walked across the street and up the hill of the Hinata-Sou. And yes, by running up the steps, not jumping up them like The Incredible Hulk. He DID run up them extremely fast, though.
He walked to Mutsumi's room once he got back to the house. He knocked on her door.
"Yes? Who is it?" Mutsumi asked with her usual relaxed, scatterbrained ditziness.
"It's Keitaro. I'm here to collect the rent," he said.
"Oh. Come in, Kei-kun," she said kindly, completely differently from Kitsune.
He opened the door and went into her room. There was surprisingly little to do with watermelons or kotatsus, aside from an open storage crate in the corner and a kotatsu in the center of the room. Aside from those two things, there was a futon and a few pictures of her huge family and some boxes.
"Uh...still unpacking, Mutsumi-chan?" Keitaro asked.
"Well, I only have to unpack the beanbag chair, couch, and some pictures, but yes, I'm still unpacking," Mutsumi responded.
"Well, back to the situation at hand, do you have the rent for your first month here? If you need an extension, it's okay," Keitaro asked.
"No, I have the rent right here, Kei-kun," Mutsumi said.
"Alright. Thank you, Mutsumi-chan. You always make things easy for me. Thank you," he said gratefully.
"You're welcome, Kei-kun. Here is the rent for the month," Mutsumi said.
"Thanks," Keitaro said tiredly.
"Hey, Kei-kun, you seem bothered by something. Do you want to talk about it?" Mutsumi offered.
"Well, there's not much to talk about, really. I'm just worried about everyone. They don't know how far I go to try and keep them happy. But I suppose they don't need to know right now. After all, I don't want them to worry about anything. That's MY job," he said, walking out the door, leaving a thought-faced Mutsumi in her room.
'Something seems different with Kei-kun. I wonder what he's hiding...ooh, watermelon!' she thought, moving to get some watermelon, having seemingly forgotten about her thoughts.
Meanwhile, Keitaro was already on his way to Naru's room. 'Alright, Naru-chan is the last person I need rent from. I just hope she doesn't try to kill me,' he thought to himself.
He made it to Naru's room and was about to knock on the door when he heard someone yell "HELP!" and a thud.
'NARU! I have to help her!' Keitaro thought. He busted down the door on an instinct. 'Great. Now I have to fix that,' he thought bitterly. He looked around the room and saw a big, burly thug the size of a couch trying to make a break for the window. Keitaro looked around for something to throw when he spotted a notebook. He picked it up and threw it like a disc. It caught the burglar in the leg, making him tumble INTO the window rather than out of it. He broke the window with his head, falling unconscious.
"Wimp," Keitaro laughed, untying the unconscious Naru and tying up the man who tied her up with those ropes. He called the cops and told them that a thug was trying to hurt one of his residents. They asked for the address, got it, and said they were on the way.
Fifteen minutes later, Keitaro heard a knock at the door. He was waiting for the cops, the still-unconscious thug right in front of him.
"Who is it?" he asked the people on the other side of the door.
"Police. We got a call from the manager saying that one of the residents was attacked by a thug," a man responded.
Keitaro opened the door. "Yes, he's right here," he said. Two policemen came in and dragged him down the stairs.
"Is this place an inn again? I thought this was an all-girls dormitory," the guy at the door asked.
"No, it's still an all-girl dorm. I'm just the manager," Keitaro answered.
"And how did a MAN become the manager of an all-girl dorm?" he asked skeptically.
"Well, my grandmother asked me to run this place after she left on a world tour all without telling me. Did you want to see the deed?" Keitaro asked, pulling out the deed. The officer looked it over a few times.
"Hmm. Seems real," he said, handing the deed back to Keitaro.
"Well, that's because it is," Keitaro said, taking the deed. "I figured you would ask for it," he added.
"Alright. Goodbye, sir," the officer said, waving goodbye and leaving.
"Goodbye, officer," Keitaro said back. Then he turned around to the couch. "And you guys can hide WAY better than that. I know you're there," he said, causing the girls to fall back and shriek in surprise.
"You know you could have just ASKED me who was at the door, right?" he added.
"Sorry, Kei-kun. We got curious," Kitsune said innocently. She turned around to head up the stairs.
"Right. Can I have my wallet back now? You know I would loan you money if you just ASKED, right?" he asked.
Kitsune took his wallet out of her pocket, surprised but not shocked. "How did you know I took your wallet?" was her question.
"C'mon, Kitsune-chan. We've been living together for...how long was it? Two years? We've done some crazy things together. I know my tenants," Keitaro pointed out with mock surprise.
"Well, I guess that makes sense. So can I borrow a few hundred yen?" Kitsune asked.
"Sure, Kitsune-chan," Keitaro said, handing her the money.
"Umm, Sempai...why were the police at the door?" Shinobu asked nervously.
"Well, I was going to Naru-chan's room to collect rent when I heard her scream for help. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. Then, I heard a thud and glass breaking. I finally busted the door down and the fat guy was lying unconscious next to the broken window and Naru-chan was tied in ropes. I'm guessing he's clumsier than me," Keitaro explained, lying.
"Well, that makes sense. When I woke up, Keitaro-san was in my room, my window and door were broken, and one of my notebooks was lying near the sleeping ugly," Naru said.
"So, uh, Naru-chan, do you have your rent?" Keitaro asked.
"Oh, yeah, it's right here," Naru responded, getting out her rent money. Everyone went back to their separate ways, leaving Keitaro to walk back up to his room to tuck away the collected rent money.
Dinnertime
Shinobu looked at the stove. She was preparing a dinner of grilled salmon, rice balls, and ramen (A/N: for clarification, the rice balls are wrapped in seasoned seaweed and the ramen will have bits of beef and steamed carrot inside). The salmon would be done in five minutes and she already finished preparing the rest of the meal, despite the number of people she was cooking for. Eight people! No one normal works that hard, let alone no normal fourteen-year-old! Yet she managed the second-largest workload in the house all without physical help from anyone. Her friends gave her moral support, but they let her do all the work she did. It was a fact she was very proud of. In a house full of people older than her, only one of them being younger than her, she did the second-to-most work in the whole house!
What made her even prouder was the fact that the only person who managed a larger share of work than her was her Sempai, who had helped her through her own burning buildings that were her problems, like how he was a great role model to her.
She chuckled at that thought. She seemed to be the only one who saw him as a role model in the whole house. Of course, she couldn't brag about it because she didn't ask anyone else what they thought of him. With that thought, a he went off to each resident's room to tell them that dinner would be ready in five minutes.
...
Once dinner was ready and everyone was gathered around the table, everyone started eating.
"Thanks again for a great meal, Shinobu-chan. You work so hard," Keitaro commented. Everyone agreed.
"Th-Thank you, everyone," Shinobu happily replied, starting to eat her portion of the food.
Nobody could speak for a minute or two. Then Naru decided to start a conversation about the crazy encounter she had that afternoon with the 'sleeping ugly', as she put it.
"Just how did a fat thug get in here, anyway? I thought it was easy to hear someone who weighed a ton walk down a hallway," she asked incredulously.
"Well, everyone was either out at school or sleeping off a hangover, so I wouldn't be surprised nobody caught him," Motoko pointed out.
"Wow. No wonder nobody could detect a man that huge walking the third floor hallway," Kitsune said with wonder.
"And just how could someone get that cartoonishly fat?" Su asked innocently. This got a laugh from everyone present.
After the meal, everyone stood up and walked towards their rooms. Suddenly, though, they heard a voice shouted through a bullhorn.
It shouted, "ATTENTION, HINATA HOUSE RESIDENTS! COME OUT ONTO THE ROOF OR I WILL DESTROY THE HILL!" The voice was so full of anger, it could have been the villain of a cheesy romance comedy.
Almost everyone responded with a surprised "Wha...!" or "What the...?". They all ran to the roof as a group.
"Oh, no," Keitaro said, as if he failed someone.
Standing on the side of the hill was a giant robot that looked really menacing. It stood at the foot of the hill and the Hinata gang had to look up to see the face of the robot. It was easily as wide as the longest wall of the Hinata-sou, if not wider. The face of the robot had green glowing eyes and a vicious expression. This is the kind of robot that looked able to easily level a city. What horrified everyone the most was the fact that there was a military squad, an Air Force squad from America, and a few dozen police cars all shooting firearms of all sorts, from machine guns to missiles to grenades, without making a scratch in the thing, much less a hole.
"GIVE ME NARU NARUSEGAWA AND NOBODY GETS HURT!" he shouted, as the voice made it clear that it was a man on the mic.
Before anyone else could respond, Keitaro yelled, "WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH HER?"
"That is none of your concern, mister. What are you even doing in an all-girls dormitory, anyway?" they all heard the robot say.
"I have a legitimate reason, which you will never know," Keitaro yelled back to the robot, so the occupant could hear it.
"Anyway, give me Naru Narusegawa and I will leave you in peace," the speaker repeated his threat through the robot.
"Never! SECRET TECHNIQUE: STONE CUTTING SWO-" Motoko yelled, running and jumping at the robot to hit him. It was all she managed before getting swatted by the giant metal hand. Motoko lay on the roof, unconscious and defenseless.
"The hard way it is, then," the robot said. He shot a missile at the group of girls, who fled in terror. Keitaro dragged Motoko as he ran after the group of girls that were his biggest responsibility. The missile chased them to the top of the roof, where they turned to the missile, screaming and bracing for the death shot, fearing for their seemingly shorter-than-previously-estimated lives, as they couldn't run very well on the roof. Motoko woke up just in time to panic with the rest of them.
Only, it never came.
They heard a sound resembling a hand hitting metal. Once they realized they weren't dead when they thought they should be, their curiosity made them open their eyes to see what happened. What they saw made them gasp.
Keitaro was standing there, one hand clearly grabbing the missile with little effort by the tip. His fingers dug into the metal, making the missile's propulsion of fire sputter and stop. Keitaro himself was growling angrily at the robot, making the others curious. He threw the missile at the robot using strength unparalleled by anyone. The rogue missile hit the robot in the face.
"OW! What the-?" he said.
"YOU...WILL...NOT...TOUCH THEM!" Keitaro yelled, running along the roof towards the robot without slipping. He jumped off the roof and started flying towards the robot. And it was actual flying, not him jumping off the roof towards the robot. He started glowing a clear gold and his eyes started glowing red as he flew to face the robot.
"Hold your fire, men!" cried the leader of the military squad down below.
The robot held up its palm to blast a jet of flame at the challenger. Keitaro, however, swung his arm upward and the flame stopped in front of him like a wave. The curve of flame resembled a knife. Keitaro then pushed his arm forward and the blade of flame he created pushed forward against the jet of flame the robot was spewing out. The flame sliced the robot in two. The pieces were about to crush the whole military squad below, but Keitaro grabbed them by the leg and threw them skyward really hard, causing someone to leap out of the head and open a parachute. Everyone expected to see the pieces fall down a minute later, but they were still waiting after four minutes, by which time Keitaro had already landed on the roof again, golden glow gone and eyes their normal color again.
Everyone was staring with surprised reaction on their face, of varying levels. At the top of the list was Motoko, Naru, and Kitsune, none of whom believed Keitaro could ever be brave, let alone brave enough to take on a giant robot. They didn't expect him to win, either, especially not the way he did. The rest of the residents were not nearly as surprised as those three. That isn't to say that they were not surprised or mildly surprised. No, they were still totally surprised that Keitaro could fight like that.
"Holy..." Kitsune started. She never managed to get out the rest of that, however, as she was too dumbfounded to speak, even after half an hour went by and the armies had left. Every other resident was in the same boat.
|\/\/|
And that is chapter one of a new story. And, I know, this is another 'Keitaro's secretly a cool guy' story, but I am really into those kinds of stories. Plus, I have some other ideas for crazy stories, but I am waiting until after I finish Lessons before I write one of them. I like to only have two stories in progress at a time.
Kitsune: I hope you have some pretty good ideas that don't have this recurring theme.
Chris: Yeah, yeah, yeah. More chapters on the way. This story will update slower than my other stories because I type it on my phone. Well, bye!
-smack-
Naru: YOU IDIOT! WHAT ABOUT PUTTING US INTO THIS ENDING PORTION OF THE STORY?
Chris: Oh, yeah. I forgot to say 'readers'. Bye, readers.
Naru: NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!
(Screen fades to black)