Disclaimer: Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley, Severus Snape, and Argus Filch belong to J.K. Rowling and the capitalized sections are direct quotes from the Harry Potter series. We just decided to take some of her quotes out of context and thus this fic was born. Thanks Callie and Andie for co-writing this. Enjoy!
Update: I have created a new story called "Minerva Interrupts Severus' and Argus' Special Mew-ment" which is a sort of extension of the short scene with Filch and Snape. Please read and review! :)
Ron and Harry sat in the common room with Hermione by their side, doing homework with Ginny. Ron and Hermione were in a heated debate about Malfoy.
"I'm just saying, Malfoy seemed very proud during potions class," Ron moaned.
"SOME WIZARDS JUST LIKE TO BOAST THAT THEIRS ARE BIGGER AND BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE'S," Hermione said, comforting Ron.
"YEAH, SIZE IS NO GUARANTEE OF POWER," Ron admitted.
Harry looked at his friends, aghast. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ON THE RECEIVING END… HAVE YOU?"
Ron and Hermione slowly shook their heads, turning red.
"Well, maybe you should sometime…" Harry winked and bit his lip.
"I guess I might want to, but I wouldn't know what to do…" Ron admitted while Hermione looked scandalized.
"I can show you if you like," Harry offered.
Ron's look of conflicted desire was all Harry needed to know that this would happen.
A few days later…
Harry had been eagerly anticipating collecting on Ron's promise to be on the receiving end for once. He had wanted to ask him in person, but Professor McGonagall was droning on and on and class wasn't ending anytime soon. INSTEAD HE CONTENTED HIMSELF WITH SCRAWLING A NOTE TO RON: LET'S DO IT TONIGHT.
RON READ THE MESSAGE, SWALLOWED HARD, and blushed, but Harry could see the excitement in his eyes. Finally, he nodded, making sure that McGonagall wouldn't notice the mounting tension between them.
After class got out, Harry, wanting the night to be perfect, headed to the library to do some research.
Hermione walked up to him a few hours later, questioning why he was in the library. He usually never stepped foot in there. Her questions were soon answered by looking down. There seemed to be something more enhanced than usual.
"AN ENGORGEMENT CHARM, I SUPPOSE?" SAID HERMIONE, HALFWAY BETWEEN DISAPPROVAL AND AMUSEMENT. "WELL, YOU'VE DONE GOOD JOB ON THEM."
Harry looked off to Ron, sitting over a few tables over, studying.
"THAT'S WHAT YER LITTLE SISTER SAID," whispered Harry, NODDING AT RON. "MET HER JUS' YESTERDAY."
Ron looked up at hearing a mention of Ginny. Harry sent a smolder his way, full of longing and promise. Ron blushed, pushed his books off the table, and stormed out of the library. Harry knew he would have to try harder to get the intention of his desire across.
Despite his time in the library, Harry still felt inadequately prepared for his night, so he approached the one person he knew would have the information he needed - Snape.
HE PUSHED THE DOOR AJAR AND PEERED INSIDE— AND A HORRIBLE SCENE MET HIS EYES. SNAPE AND FILCH WERE INSIDE, ALONE. SNAPE WAS HOLDING HIS ROBES ABOVE HIS KNEES.
Harry stopped in the doorway, stunned at what he saw, but undeterred at heart, and kept watching. Harry remembered the other time he walked in on Filch and Snape, in his first year, when Snape had been injured. "I guess their relationship has developed since then…" Harry thought. Filch WAS ON ALL FOURS AGAIN ON SNAPE'S OFFICE FLOOR, but this time in different context.
Harry decided he had seen enough, and turned to go back to the Gryffindor common room. He ran into Ron polishing his Chudley Cannons figurines by the fireplace. Ron began enthusiastically filling Harry in about their recent victory. HARRY, HOWEVER, HAD NEVER BEEN LESS INTERESTED IN QUIDDITCH; HE WAS RAPIDLY BECOMING OBSESSED WITH Ron Weasley. Ron noticed that Harry wasn't paying attention to his news, and nudged him out of his daydream. Looking into Ron's blue eyes, Harry was surprised to realize that he had begun wanting his best friend instead of his nemesis everyone thought he was into. Wanting to steer the conversation into more interesting waters, Harry brought up the subject of their wands.
"Wow, your wand looks good, regardless of its recent interaction with the Weeping Willow," Harry complimented Ron.
At Ron's disbelieving look, Harry elaborated. "IT'S IN FINE CONDITION… YOU TREAT IT REGULARLY?"
"POLISHED IT LAST NIGHT," Ron replied, grinning.
HARRY LOOKED DOWN AT HIS OWN WAND. HE COULD SEE FINGER MARKS ALL OVER IT. HE GATHERED A FISTFUL OF ROBE FROM HIS KNEE AND TRIED TO RUB IT CLEAN SURREPTITIOUSLY. SEVERAL GOLD SPARKS SHOT OUT OF THE END OF IT. Hermione GAVE HIM A VERY PATRONIZING LOOK, AND HE DESISTED.
"Do you have to do that here?" Hermione questioned the pair of boys.
"Where else are we going to?" Ron asked, indignantly. "He has a fine wand… RATHER THICKER THAN ONE USUALLY SEES… QUITE RIGID… TEN AND A QUARTER INCHES"
Hermione blushed. "That isn't something you usually share with other people, Ronald."
Harry preened and whispered something in Ron's ear that made him blush, stand up, and walk up to their room, followed by his best friend.
Once they were in their room, Harry sat down and patted the bed.
"WE'RE NOT GOING TO USE MAGIC?" RON EJACULATED LOUDLY, betraying his nervousness.
"Why would we, when there are better means… more… old fashioned means?" Harry smirked devilishly in response, tossing Ron a small bottle.
"Well are you going to help me out then," asked Ron after examining the bottle.
"I DUNNO," SAID HARRY. "MAYBE IT'S BETTER WHEN YOU DO IT YOURSELF, I DIDN'T ENJOY IT MUCH WHEN DUMBLEDORE TOOK ME ALONG FOR THE RIDE."
The next morning, Harry was sitting in the common room staring into the fire. HARRY DIDN'T SLEEP ALL NIGHT. HE COULD HEAR Ron SOBBING INTO HIS PILLOW FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE HOURS. HARRY COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY TO COMFORT HIM. HE KNEW Ron, LIKE HIMSELF, WAS DREADING THE DAWN. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WHEN THE REST OF GRYFFINDOR FOUND OUT WHAT THEY'D DONE?
The rest of his house slowly started waking up and coming downstairs to head to breakfast. After a few minutes, Ron came down the stairs and sat down in the chair next to him.
"WHY SO MISERABLE, HARRY?" HE SAID QUIETLY. "YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD OF YOURSELF AFTER LAST NIGHT."
Harry looked down at his hands. "This was all to satisfy your curiosity. HOW WAS IT?"
Ron CONSIDERED FOR A MOMENT. "WET," HE SAID TRUTHFULLY.