Pain Distracts Pain

Hey this is just a oneshot about my fave member of Mcfly, Harry Judd. Some Dougie/Harry and Tom/Harry Friendship. And I also just made up a name for his sister, so... yeah. And just pretend Mcfly still lives together. This is my first story, so sorry if its not that good. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Mcfly :(

He walked slowly into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. Once he heard the faint click of the lock, he made his way to the sink. He grabbed his razor blade and pushed up the sleeve of his shirt. He slowly, but surely, brought it down to the inside of his left wrist, and cut a neat, thin line. The feeling of sharp metal against flesh,ripping it open, was like his own personal high. It distracted him, even for a brief moment, from his real pain. He stared at the red line he had just painfully drawn, and knew then he should stop. But without thinking, he brought the blade back down and cut a longer line. he winced at the sharp pain it caused, but couldn't help but like it. He cut five more lines, blood draining into the sink, before he grabbed a paper towel and wet it. Once he finished cleaning them, he pushed his sleeve back down and walked out of the bathroom.

He dragged his feet down the hallway, making his way into the living room where his band mates sat. Dougie was on the couch, legs crossed Indian style as he absentmindedly tuned his bass, strumming ever so often, the soft vibrations bouncing off the walls. Danny lay sprawled out on the love seat, TV remote dangling off the couch in his hand. He had his eyes glued to the television, watching something. Harry wasn't exactly sure what. Tom sat on the lounger, knees bent. A note pad was leaning against his thighs as he chewed on the top of his pen, thinking of lyrics for a song he was working on. Dougie looked up and grinned, shouting, "Hey Harry! Where have ya been? You were gone for, like, hours!" He threw his arms in the air, almost flinging his bass off his lap. Danny rolled his eyes. "Doug, he was gone for fifteen minutes, no need for the over dramatic crap." Harry put on a fake smile, and joked, "Yeah, your such a drama queen sometimes!" Dougie stuck out his tongue childishly, before crossing his arms and pouting. Harry chuckled before taking a seat next to Dougie. He crossed his arms and watched the TV, hoping that would be the end of their conversation.

After dinner, Harry had made his way into his bedroom, pulling out his phone. he somehow got into his pictures, immediately catching his breath. There were hundreds of pictures of her. His sister Jane was only two years younger than him, and they had been inseparable. He remembered the day his mum had brought her home. he had gazed at her like she was a shiny new toy. he would delicately touch her palm with his small index finger, her immediately wrapping her fingers around it. he had told his mum he would be, "The best big brother in the whole wide world!" He sadly laughed at the memory, when he was only two years old. He used to always help his mum take care of her, determined to keep his promise. They were best friends, doing everything together, from preschool through high school. He had met the band the summer after his senior year, and they had immediately become like family for the both of them. he smiled at how he remembered her monster crush on Dougie, who had been her age, fifteen. They were looking for a drummer, and agreed that he fit the spot. He remembered how she would come to the studio and listen to them play, giving his constant thumbs up with a look of pure giddiness on her face.

He scrolled through all the pictures, until he came to the last, most recent one. She was nineteen in the picture, planting a sisterly kiss on his cheek. Tears streamed down his face. it had been taken two months before the accident, two months before she died. He began breathing heavily, dropping his phone on the floor and collapsing to his knees. He sat there and sobbed, feeling overwhelming amounts of of abandonment, loneliness, sadness, self loathing, too many emotions to count. he furiously wiped away his tears as he ran out of his room and into the bathroom, not bothering to close the door. he forcefully grabbed the razor blade, jabbing it into his arms and cutting. He felt a wave of pain, and relief wash over him. A sudden buzz filled his head. He looked down, and figured he had cut too deep, from the large, sloppy wound on his arms, blood pouring out. he didn't care if he died, for then he would be with his sister. he felt the razor slip from his hand, as dizziness began to overwhelm him. "Holy crap! HARRY!" was the last thing he heard before he blacked out.

Dougie was playing XBox with Danny, when Tom asked, "Hey, harry ran up there pretty quick. do you think there's something wrong? I thought I heard crying last night." Danny replied, not looking away from the screen, "Maybe he's still upset over his sister." Dougie cut in, "I don't know, that was two years ago, thought he would've gotten over it by now." Tom sighed and stood up. "I'm gonna go check on him." He made his way down the hall, and was about to pass the bathroom, when he heard something clang against the tile. He peaked in and nearly fainted. There stood harry, cuts everywhere, a large, fresh one covering nearly half his forearm. His hand was slightly gripped, as if he had been holding something. Tom's eyes fell on the bloody razor on the floor. Everything hit him at once as he screamed, "holy crap! HARRY!" He ran and caught harry as he passed out. Tears were sliding down his cheeks as he screamed, "DANNY! DOUGIE! HELP!"

Danny and Dougie ran in, stopping dead at what they saw. Dougie immediately began sobbing, running to his unconscious friend. Danny snapped into action, running for a phone. Dougie was shaking harry violently, screaming at the top of his lungs, "HARRY! WAKE UP! HARRY DON'T LEAVE ME!" Dougie looked as if he'd have a heart attack from the way he was panicking. Danny came running back in, and tried to calm down Dougie. He only pushed him away, clinging to Harry. a few minutes later, the paramedics showed up, pulling Dougie away from the unconscious drummer. he didn't calm down, but instead began screaming and kicking. "LET ME GO! HARRY!"

At the hospital, they all sat in the waiting room, waiting anxiously to see how he was doing. Dougie was sitting on one of the plastic chairs, knees pulled up to his chest. He had stopped thrashing out, but was now in some kind of mental state of shock. Danny sat on one of the couches, staring at Dougie, waiting for him to come back down to earth. His eyes were glazed and bloodshot, making it obvious he had been crying. Tom was on the floor, leaning against the wall, head in his hands. He was trying to push out the awful image of Harry from his head. Danny finally spoke, though his voice came out rough, "What happened Tom?" When he didn't answer, Dougie spoke, his voice think with tears, " P-please tell m-me he w-wasn't - " tom cut in, voice sounding frustrated, "he was cutting himself alright! And by the looks of the scars on his arms, he's been cutting himself." Tears began forming in Dougie's eyes again, though he didn't bother to wipe them away again. Tom sighed. 'I;m sorry Doug, its just, I can't begin to believe that he would harm himself like that!" They were all silent before Danny said, "It's not you fault, tom." Tom pulled at his hair. "I noticed something was wrong! I could have stopped it!" Danny said back firmly, "No one could have stopped it! We just need to talk to him about it!"

The doctor came in and asked, "Mr. Judd?" They all stood up at once. "We're his band mates, the ones who called." The doctor nodded for them to they reached his room, they all immediately gasped. There lay Harry, extremely pale, more scars than they thought bore on his arms. His eyes were closed, and his heartbeat steady. The doctor spoke, "We got to him just in time, for he was suffering from extreme blood loss. If you hadn't found him when you did..." Dougie's breathing went ragged, Danny rubbing his back to calm him down. the doctor continued, "He should be waking up any minute, so you can stay here, but I'd like to ask you all a question first." The looked at each other, already knowing what he wanted to ask. "Does Mr. Judd cut himself?" Dougie immediately said, "NO!" The doctor calmly argued, "he has many scars on his arms, and i can't understand any other reason for it." Dougie snapped, "That's our business. leave it alone." The doctor sighed and left. They looked at Dougie, who in turn responded, "they would have taken him away!We can help him without him having to leave!" Danny and Tom only looked at each other. There was no way to convince Dougie otherwise. He had always been closest with Harry. It was like they were brothers. if Harry wasn't around, Dougie would be all but dead. It was probably why he was taking this the hardest. He was never good in these situations anyway.

Just then, they heard movement from the bed, and watched as Harry's eyes fluttered open. Dougie let go, and said, "HARRY! YOU'RE ALRIGHT!" Harry didn't say anything, only looked down. Dougie let go, and asked, "Harry?" He got no response, so Tom lightly pushed Dougie aside. He shook his head and simply asked, "Why?" Again he didn't answer, just looked down. Tom sighed and turned to the other two. "Guys, I'd like to talk to Harry alone for a few minutes OK?" They nodded and left. Tom turned to Harry, taking a seat on the plastic chair near the hospital bed. "Harry, why would you do that? You could have... I found you and..." Harry then whispered, "Why didn't you let me die?" Tom raised his eyebrows. "What?" Harry asked louder, "Why didn't you let me die?" Tom was too shocked to respond, just staring at him wide eyed. After a few minutes, he managed to choke out, "W-why would you want to die?" Harry laughed humorlessly. "I don't deserve to live! I should die!" Tom knew what he was talking about. "Haz, you couldn't have saved her. And it was two years ago!" After a few seconds his eyes widened. "Have you been cutting yourself for two years?" Harry didn't want to talk about it. Tom sighed, "Harry, you need to talk to us!" When he didn't answer, Tom shook his head and walked out of the room.

In the hall, Tom made his way to the guys, and said, "He wanted to die." Danny stopped breathing. "Why?" Tom said simply, "He thinks that he shouldn't be able to live if his sister didn't get to." Dougie could feel tears forming in his eyes. "NO! He can't leave us! He belongs here! Everything would go with him!" Tom put a hand on his shoulder. "He wouldn't talk to me. Dougie, I think your the only one who might be able to get anything out of him." Dougie didn't reply, but walked past them into his hospital room.

Dougie slowly opened the door, and stared at him, unable to move. This looked nothing like the Harry he knew. This one looked lifeless, and hopelessly depressed. Harry mumbled, "I'm not contagious you know." Dougie cautiously made his way to the plastic chair Tom had sat in. There was a few minutes of complete silence, until Dougie asked, "Why would you try to leave me like that?" Harry's head snapped up, only to be met by tear filled eyes. His dull blue eyes softened, as he spoke quietly, "Why should I be able to live, when she didn't get the chance?" Dougie pursed his lips together, before saying, "Because you need to live for her! Do you think she would be happy right now if she knew you were killing yourself? You have people who need you, Harry! Like Tom, Danny, and I! We were devastated, too. I know very well it was a million times harder for you, but she would want you to let go, and move on!"

Harry looked at him long and hard, before admitting, "I know, but... I can't. Nothing's been right since she left. I haven't been right!" Dougie sighed, and asked, "How long?" When he didn't answer, he shouted, "How long have you been cutting yourself?" Harry hesitated, but finally spoke, "The first few months, I always did, more frequently. I stopped for a while, but since a few months ago, I... I cut myself a lot. That big one, it all just caught up to me. I couldn't handle the stress and guilt and loneliness anymore! I snapped." Dougie just stared at him for a long time, before it clicked. "Her twenty-first birthday was a few months ago." A tear rolled down Harry's cheek. Dougie sighed and said, "Harry, I know it hurts. I've been through loss, and it may be one of the worst things I've ever dealt with. But it really hurts to see you throwing your life a way like this! I lost one of my best friends because he burned himself! I can't lose you, too. You have no idea how much you mean to me, to everyone!" Harry stared for what seemed like hours before he whispered, "I miss her, Doug." Dougie sadly smiled and said, "I do, too, Haz. Don't disappoint her up there. She watching you, all the time." Harry smiled weakly, before it faded. "Dougie, I can't go through this alone. I feel so depressed all the time." Dougie clenched his teeth and smiled through tears that began brimming in his eyes. "Your not alone, Harry. You never will be. Me and the guys will help you through this, step by step."

END

Me: Well, that's it for my first story. I know it was kind of sad, but I guess I was feeling kind of sad that day, I don't know. I have an overactive imagination. I come up with stuff all the time. Please review and tell me what you think! I'd appreciate it. Thanks for reading! :D