AN: Ok, this story is divided into three parts: the first is gen; the second one is shippy, with some kissing and stuff; the third one has a little painplay. You can read however far you feel comfortable—the first one, or first two can be read separately. If you're brave- and old enough- you can follow the link on my profile to the original story. Enjoy!
"How many Coalitions is it now?" asked Prussia, lying on his back- in his boots- on England's bed. England's eyebrows twitched.
"Six," he said, glaring stonily.
"Holy shit, man, that's a lot of Coalitions." England breathed in and out, slowly, and found himself wondering if he really needed the other nation's help. Torgau, said .part of his mind. Jena-Auerstedt, said the other. He inhaled and exhaled again. Either way, said the most pragmatic part of his personality, he needed all the help he could get. Even if that help came in the form of- "Seriously, what have you been doing all this time? Hasn't it been like, a decade?"
"Two," said Russia, smiling sweetly.
England glared at the two of them. "You," he said, gesturing at Prussia, "have fought for nineteen days in the last fifteen years. And you," he said, turning to Russia. "Don't even get me started on you. If you had have joined us back in '93, we wouldn't even be in this situation."
Russia's smile didn't waver. "Oh? I didn't realize you were wanting so badly for the imperial troupes of Mother Russia."
England and Prussia shuddered in tandem. "Don't do that, man," said Prussia. "It's creepy."
Russia looked confused. "What have I done?"
"You... don't call yourself that, ok?"
"Call myself...?"
"'Mother Russia.'"
"I don't think I called myself Mother Russia."
England had his face in his hands. "You did," he said, muffled.
"Oh," said Russia, unrepentant.
"Anyway," said England. "Don't you two dare intimate that I haven't been making every effort. Do you have any idea how much this war has cost me?"
"Oh yeah," said Prussia. "We know, you haven't gotten laid since '88." England spluttered.
"Oh?" said Russia, looking genuinely confused. "What about Amiens?"
England slammed his fist down. "I have been at war nonstop since 1792-"
"Amie-"
"Enough about Amiens! What were you two doing? Staying home and picking your noses!"
"I think he's getting mad," said Russia.
"Yeah, calm down, man."
And in the end, what else could he do? He buried his face in his hands. "I hate you both."
Prussia grinned at Russia. "Come on now, old man. We know you want us."
"I want your support. If there were anyone else..."
"It's cool," he said, putting his hands behind his head. "I don't mind being a replacement." Russia nodded, placidly. "We are so gonna kick ass."
England sighed, tired already from the battles they hadn't yet fought. He certainly, certainly hoped so.