This fic was first published for the blackbutler forums Thursday Crack Ficlet "Love Confession" thread.
WARNING: Excessive crack ensues. And love confessions. Lots of 'em. XD

Soma, Agni, Paula, Lizzy, Ciel, Sebastian, Finny, Mey-Rin, Bard, Claude, Alois, Hannah, The Triplets, and Pluto. Yes, Pluto.

-CaladriHaru

"Kuroshitsuji: It's not all about Hatred and Revenge"

*At the Phantomhive London residence, a certain Indian butler sets down his master's tea, giant crocodile tears in his eyes*

Agni: "Prince, I…I love you!"

Soma: "Agniiiiiiiiiiiii!" _ "I love you , too!"

*the pair leaps into each other's arms and rubs their cheeks together endearingly*

*At the Trancy manor, three silent footman gaze longingly after the beautiful blue-haired maid*

Triplets: We love you, Mistress. Please notice us!

*But Hannah gazes sadly after Alois who crouches on his knees and clutches Claude's pant legs.*

Hannah: Master, the one who truly loves you…that person is me.

*Still, Hannah makes no move as Alois continues his tearful confession*

Alois: "Claude, you are my 'highness.' Don't you understand? I love you, you creepy bastard!"

*But Claude makes a noise of disgust, pulls away, and stalks off for better prey…*

*At the Phantomhive Manor, love is in the air*

Paula: "I love you, Mistress Lizzy! I just wanted you to know." *Paula tries to enfold Elizabeth in an overly-bosomed embrace, but Elizabeth is already running towards a small figure in blue.*

Lizzy: "CIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEELLLL!" *Lizzy glomps the startled earl who looks ready to run for cover.* "I love you, Ciel!" *she nuzzles her nose against Ciel's neck until the boy manages to half-pry her arms free. He looks around frantically for Sebastian and a little assistance, but Lizzy grabs him and presses her lips to his until his face is as blue as his suit.*

*moved by the touching scene he is witnessing in the Phantomhive manor drawing room, Finny reaches out and collars an unsuspecting Pluto*

Finny: "Awwww! Good boy! I love you, Plu-Plu!"

*Pluto clearly wants to be in the arms of a different servant and he whines piteously as Finny's superhuman hug slowly extrudes the hellfire out of his lungs*

*From behind the edge of the door to the drawing room Mey-Rin's cheeks flush and she tries to push the very bad thoughts of Finny and Plu-Plu out of her head*

Mey-Rin: "Finny is so cute." *she tilts her head trying to bring the pair into better focus, astounded by the rosy color in which she now sees the blonde gardener * "Wait, could it be that I…that I love him? That I love Finny more than just a fellow servant?" *Mey-Rin presses her hands to her cheeks to cool the burn of emotions a bit too graphic to reveal here*

*As Mey-Rin ponders this surprising revelation, she feels a strong arm around her waist.*

Bard: "Mey-Rin, you're…you're actually very pretty, did you know that? And…and I am a hot-blooded man in my prime…and I…I haven't been with a lady in so long and…and…I have to admit that whenever I put a cigarette in my mouth I think of you. I love, you, Mey-Rin."

*Mey-Rin's nose starts to bleed just a little as Bard tilts her back and begins placing smoke-flavored kisses over her gasping lips…just as Sebastian, hearing some commotion, enters the room.*

*Sebastian takes one look at the ridiculous love fest and turns on his heel as fast as he can. He begins to suspect that everyone has been ensorcelled or else drank something very unfortunate in the wine he brought up for dinner. Unfortunately, just as he enters the foyer to make his escape, the front door opens. *

*Claude Faustus stands on the threshold wearing a positively malevolent grin and brandishing a black rose in his teeth which he removes with a grande flourish.*

Claude: "Sebastian Michaelis…"

*Claude smiles a bit more and holds out the rose, the implications quite clear…*

Sebastian: -_- "ORZ…"