disclaimer: i own nothing Twilight related, just this plot.
yes, i know Edward is out of character. This is how i envision a gay and problem free Edward. so =P to anyone who has something to say about that.
This is SLASH so if you don't like it, then don't effing read it! I don't want comments about that. Flames are cool as long as you don't trash the slash. seriously not cool.
you have been WARNED!
otherwise, enjoy lovelies =D
**freshly edited (i was too lazy to edit the first time around)**
JPOV
Fingering the barrel of my riffle, I stared off into space. I desperately tried to ignore my surroundings. It was all for naught, though, as it was impossible to dissociate myself from the heat of the camp, the smell of filth, and the moans of injured and hungry men. For the thousandth time since I joined the army, I asked myself what had ever intrigued me about this life. All the boys back home had made it seem like a glorified position to be a part of the Confederate Army. Like a fool, I blindly believed them. I could not wait to receive my crisp gray uniform with its gleaming metal details. I was itching to hold a gun in my hand, to see the glint of the sun shinning off my sword.
Never, had I thought of the hardships I would face. I had never thought of the fact that I would have the very distinct honor of watching my friends, friends I had grown up with, fall beside me with glazed, unseeing eyes. I never thought that I would come to so easily recognize the scent of human blood, no matter how faint its traces. I never thought I would be screamed at for not killing a boy, a boy no older than fourteen. I never thought I would be told to help other soldiers steal from the other army.
So many things did not make sense to me anymore. If Americans, Confederate or Union, believed in God, then why were they purposely going against his wishes? My chest tightened when I thought of how my mother would react to my actions. I knew she would probably cry, cry for me and for everyone else involved in this cyclic war. Slowly, I tilted my head back and blinked my eyes rapidly, in hopes of stopping my tears. In vain, I hoped that no one would notice my anguish, least of all Emmett McCarty.
"What'cha crying for, Whitlock? Somebody steal your knickers or something? If they did, I could always yell out 'Oi! If you stole Ickle Jazzikins' undergarments, best give 'em back before he has a fit.' I am such a great friend," a boisterously loud voice exploded a few feet behind me. I was so startled that I fell of my log into the side of my tent. I looked on as my tent collapsed in front of me. Gleeful laughter rang out behind me. Turning, I plastered the most severe look, that I could manage, onto my face.
"I was not crying, Emmett. And, jeez, could you, please, be slightly more quiet," I pleaded, hoping he would not push the subject of my crying. Luckily for me, he seemed to just overlook my moment of weakness. "And don't call me that ever again."
"I can try to be quiet, but we all know it only happens in battle," he chuckled, not noticing my instinctive cringe. Emmett was the type of boy that was cut out for this army stuff. He never let gory sights get to him, always looking past them and planning how to get ahead while staying alive. Not to mention, he had the body of a fighter. He was tall, even more so than me. He must have weighed well over 200 pounds, seeing as there was so much intimidating muscled on him. Had I not known him, I would have been terrified. But, his boyish charm, curly brown hair, sparkling blue eyes and adorable dimples definitely took away a large portion of that image, for me, at least. In short, Emmett was beautiful.
I rapidly blinked my eyes to refocus on Emmett, who was slowly noticing my lack of attention. I panicked slightly, just barely hoping that he had missed my ogling and the direction of my thoughts. I was quite sure that if he had known, he would have hit me; most of the boys that I knew would. "So, Jasper, I was coming over here to get you. We're supposed to be at a meeting by the general's tent. He's got some new plan for us. Somethin' 'bout the Yankee camp through the forest a little ways," Emmett said after a moment of thought. I was pretty sure he had temporarily forgotten his purpose, as I apparently brought him so much entertainment. He nodded his head once, pleased with himself for doing his job, before grabbing my arm and heading through the field of colorfully mismatching tents.
I zoned out as we trekked through the camp toward the biggest tent in the area; another thing I had recently discovered, nobodies get nobody sized tents. Soon enough, we arrived before a large crowd of people, most likely all those in camp except for the injured. Sitting down on the burnt grass, Emmett and I settled in to hear of another task that was to be placed upon us.
The general stared at everyone coldly, until every last person was completely silent. Clearing his throat, he spoke in a strict, succinct voice. "Soldiers, you have done well so far in listening to my orders. I applaud your efforts to push the enemy back. You have been successful on numerous occasions. Tomorrow, we will once again strike to push the Yankees out of our territory," he began. Looking down, I saw the light from the sun glinting off the expensive buttons on my thin muslin shirt. Mother of pearl. I slowly rubbed my thumb over one of the buttons that my mother had painstakingly sewn onto the shirt. Clenching my fist, I tried not to think of how much I missed her; it would do me no good to dwell on something I could not change.
I jerked to the side as Emmett suddenly dug his elbow into my stomach. Surprised, I looked up to see the general looking at me. I gave him a sheepish smile and silently decided to pay more attention to his speech. "The first division will go to the west side of their camp and begin an ambush. The second division will head to the east side and wait until the Yankees attempt to flee east, thus heading them off. Is this understood by all," he questioned. When everyone nodded, he continued. "Your superiors will direct you in the specifics of your movement when we are in battle. For now, go find some supper and enjoy your evening. Tomorrow we fight, "He finished before vanishing into his tent with a flourish.
Emmett stood and stretched his arms out and above his head with a loud sigh. I raised my eyebrow at him as I stood up. He looked at me sheepishly before mumbling something about going to find Nurse Hale. Chuckling, I shook my head as I watched him walk off in search of the tough blonde who had captured his heart. "What?! There's nothing wrong with appreciatin' a fine beauty such as Rosie," he shouted back at me.
I walked aimlessly back in the direction of my tent, passing through the mini city in the meadow. "Wade in the water. Wade in the water, children. You gotta wade in the water, children. God's gunna trouble, Gods gunna trouble the water," I sang quietly as I walked. The song has always intrigued me with its powerful melody and blinding hope, even if I had heard the slaves on grandpa's plantation singing it. It always made me think that maybe I was not so different from them, as I had been led to believe.
"Hey, you! Boy! Don't you be singin' any of those slave songs 'round here. You should know better. We ain't fightin' for nothin'," and older man yelled at me from his mangy cot, visible through the open flap of his tent. I colored brilliantly, before muttering a quiet apology and hastening towards the safety of my tent, only some yards away.
Sighing, I dragged my forgotten riffle inside of my hastily reconstructed tent. With a slightly loud yawn, I acknowledged the fact that it was half past eight and I had yet to eat. I shook my head and decided that it did not matter, anyways. With that decided, I slipped the soft shirt over my head, feeling sweat drip down my back and pool at the base of my spine. The cot seemed to call to me invitingly, even with its lumpy, flat mattress. Soon enough, I gave in to my desire and collapsed on the uncomfortable bed. Quickly, I could feel my heavy eyelids drooping shut. Before I could drift off completely, I sent up a short prayer. God, it's me; Jasper. Please watch over my mama for me. Keep her safe until I can get home to her. Thank you…
I awoke with a start, my heart pounding a familiar tattoo in my chest. With a gasp I sat up and furiously rubbed the heels of my hands into my closed eyes. Try as I might, I could not prevent the sobs building in my chest from coming forth. "It's not real Jasper. Get a hold of yourself. Mama's fine. There was no fire. When you get home, she's gunna be waitin' there with that custard pie," I mumbled to myself as he finally started to calm down.
After what seemed like an hour, I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. Musky, early morning light was seeping through a tear in the side of my tent, giving the small area a pale dusty façade. If I listened close enough, I could hear the birds chirping, blissfully unaware, in the trees outside. There was not much noise coming from the rest of the camp, so I assumed it was just past dawn. Standing up, I arched my back, releasing a contented groan as I felt it popping.
I spun in a quick circle, looking for my shirt. With a laugh, I saw that I had managed to hook it onto the end of my riffle when I had thrown it the previous night. Grabbing it, I ducked outside. With a sigh, I shook my overgrown, blonde curls out of my eyes. Looking to the east, I could see clearly, the bright morning sun. I fumbled for a moment before I finally managed to get my shirt on correct. Really, I normally did not have that much trouble; staring at the sky just seemed to distract me from my sad reality.
I walked further out of the camp and crossed over the point where the burnt grass had been trodden down into a meadow filled with wild flowers whose names I could only guess. Thoughtlessly, I fell backwards, surrounding myself in the sweet, floral scent. My eyes fell shut, and I smiled wistfully at the feeling of late spring air engulfing me in its warmth and fragrance. After a time, I heard the sound of heavy footfalls coming my way. Emmett.
"Morning, Jasper," Emmett said cheerfully as he plopped down, gracelessly, beside me. I grunted in response, not feeling much for talking. "Ya know, for someone who loves to wake up so early, you aren't exactly verbose."
"Good morning, Emmett," I sighed as I turned my head to squint up at him. A smile lit my face as I notice that he was holding two plates of food; unappetizing, but it was food none the less.
"That's what I though. I knew you only liked me because I bring you food! You are such a horrible friend, Jasper Whitlock," Emmett cried with mock despair. A laugh escaped me as I sat up and whacked him across the back of the head. "Hey! I resent that!"
"I don't. Now, please, hand me my food," I said sweetly, adding my heart warming, dimpled smile that I had inherited from my daddy. Emmett chuckled deeply as he handed me the plate full of what could only be described as mush. The food seemed to be screaming at me to ignore it; it wasn't worthy of my mouth. I ignored its imaginary cried and scooped some into my mouth, gagging almost instantly. "I don't know why I always get so excited when you bring food, even when I know it'll taste rancid," I mumbled around the blob in my mouth.
"It's 'cause you don't eat. Sooo when I do remember to bring food, you act like a ravenous badger that has just seen a freshly cooked turkey or somethin'," Emmett guffawed. Choking, I tried to swallow my food before I burst into tears of mirth. Of course, he noticed and started to laugh even louder, scaring some nearby birds out of the trees. I absently noted that laughter mixed with sunlight made him seem, altogether, so much more handsome. I instantly forced myself to laugh so that he would not catch onto my staring.
Soon enough, he sobered and began to eat again. We sat in silence, eating our food. I thought that this was, ironically, like the calm before the storm. As if he could read my thoughts, Emmett spoke: "So, are you ready for battle?"
I stared at the ground, my brows furrowed, for a few seconds, deciding on what to say. "I don't think so. No, I'm not." I looked up and saw him looking at me questioningly, so I continued. "War isn't all I thought it'd. I just wanna go home to Mama now. I'm tired of seein' my friends die, Emmett." Leaning back on his hands, Emmett looked to the sky.
"I know what you mean. I miss Tennessee and my family. At least yours is only a day's ride away. I don't think I could leave though; Rosalie's here and I don't wanna say goodbye. Plus, she's got no family. I'm gunna try to convince her to come to Tennessee when this is all over," he admitted with a blush.
"Aww, Emmie's in love," I joked, immediately receiving a jab in the side. "Seriously, I don't think she'll say no. I've seen her around camp and she always ignores all the men tryin' to talk to her but then you show up and she looks like she's just found out Christmas is comin' early." I watched as a wide grin slowly made its way onto Emmett's face, bringing his dimples into view. As he opened his mouth to reply, the shrill cry of a bugle blasted through the camp; it was time to dress for battle.
I made an indistinguishable noise as I stood along side Emmett and headed back to our tents, located directly across from each other. As we came upon them, I looked around at the tatters of our lives. An idea popped into my head and I knew to act on it immediately. "Emmett, I can't stay here. Listen, I'm gunna pack my stuff and hide it in the trees. I'll go to battle and when it's in heat and people won't notice I'll escape and grab my bags and McDougall's horse, since he said no one can use her. When it ends, do me a favor and say I died."
I watched in anxiety, rocking on my heels, as he slowly understood my plan. Shock crossed his boyish features as he nodded solemnly. Before I could blink, Emmett wrapped his arms around me in a fierce hug. "I'll do it, Jasper. Please be safe. I'm gunna miss you and your strangeness. I'll write when this is all over," he said as he stepped away. I managed a half smile as I turned towards my tent; I would miss him as well.
My uniform hung over a chair in the corner of my tent, crisp and orderly. Smiling, I quickly grabbed the gray jacket and hat, carelessly throwing them on; it didn't matter to me as it would be the last time I wore them. I ducked down to grab my pack from under my cot and threw all my things inside: extra clothes, pictures, and my journal. Poking my head outside the tent, I saw Emmett waiting as men and boys ran towards the edge of the meadow. "Hurry up, Jasper. You've got about a minute to hide your stuff," Emmett murmured.
Nodding my head, I dashed around the back of my tent and into the trees. I quickly spotted a tree with a flowered vine climbing its branches and decided to dump my stuff behind it. Emmett whistled sharply and I jogged out of the trees to see him holding our riffles. He threw one to me as soon as I was close enough. "Let's go. Don't want the general wonderin' 'bout where we are," he said with a sad smile. Instantly, I knew he was thinking of my impending departure.
Walking through the camp, I looked around, taking in the sights for the last time. Lines of rope hung from the trees, covered in soggy clothing. Pots littered the ground around burnt out fires. Mounds of dirt lay around the edges of the camp, signifying new graves. Injured men sat, sprawled out in front of their tents, watching with dull eyes as we passed them by. I truly would not miss this place.
Sooner than I had hoped, we arrived at the general's tent. As soon as we were seated the general stepped outside. His white blond hair and cold, blue eyes shone dangerously in the sunlight. He looked every part the fierce leader that he was. He paced before the company, a grim smile on his face. After successfully building up the anticipation he spoke. "Men, today we fight; fight to protect our home land, fight to protect our rights, and fight to protect our livelihood. I expect each and every one of you to report back to this camp at the end of the battle. For the unlucky few who don't, I wish you a peaceful death. Report to your captains immediately. We leave in quarter of an hour." With that said he nodded at us and grabbed his riffle, before striding over to the captains.
Slight chaos ensued as everyone scrambled to their feet. Walking with Emmett, I adjusted my hat and slung my riffle over my shoulder. Before I was ready, we stood with a group of men awaiting our instructions. Captain Harrold looked at us before briefly expanding on the plan. It was simple; run where he said to run, shoot when he said to shoot, and hide when he said to hide. When he finished, I figured that a prayer might be a good idea. God, it's me again. Please help me make it through, today. My mama needs me. If you let me survive today I promise to never skip Sunday mass again. I just need to make it out alive, with no problems. Please grant me thi- "Whitlock, what are you doing? We're leaving, boy," Captain Harrold shouted.
"Um, I was prayin' sir," I mumbled sheepishly, receiving a curt nod in reply. All around me, men were starting to walk into the trees. I followed Emmett as we headed towards the side where we would await fleeing Yankees. The wet forest floor squelched beneath our feet as we walked. Every once in a while Emmett would chuckle at a particularly loud squelch, muttering something about sounding like hogs; probably some memory from home.
As I walked, I dragged my fingers over the rough bark of the passing trees. I yelped loudly as I slammed into Emmett. "Watch where you're goin', Whitlock. We're here," he whispered. I shook my head and sat on the ground with a muttered sorry. Twigs cracked and popped all around us as the rest of the division crouched on the ground. I felt a nudge in my side so I turned my head towards Emmett. "When you leave, ditch your coat and hat, so no one recognizes you." I smiled at him gratefully, knowing those words were going to be the last I ever heard from him.
After what seemed like only a few minutes, the sounds of screaming and gunfire started moving towards us. My heart started racing as I jumped up to hide in a clump of trees behind me. I stared with wide eyes as Emmett pulled the trigger on his riffle for the first time. He turned and smiled at me, before dashing wholeheartedly into the battle. All around me, men were screaming in agony.
A small scream escaped me as a boy with a blue uniform fell to the floor at my feet. He stared up at me with panicked eyes, clutching his stomach as blood slowly seeped through his shirt. I could do nothing but watch as the life slowly drifted from his eyes, until his body lay, useless and unmoving, in front of me.
Stepping cautiously out of the trees, my legs shook horribly. I raised my gun and started shooting at the branches of nearby trees, hoping no one would notice my lack of involvement. My eyes nearly popped out of my head as I heard a thunk at my feet. Looking down, I did not even hesitate before grabbing the shaking grenade and throwing it as far as I possibly could. A hysterical laugh escaped me as I thought about how close I had just come to dying.
Tears began to leak down my face as I saw men falling around me, freshly spilled blood flowing steadily on the ground like rivers after a rainstorm. Sweat dripped down my forehead as I ducked and dodged around flying bullets. Why had I ever thought this life would be fun? Running for my life could never be considered entertainment, no matter what cause it was for. "Come on, Jasper! You've gotta get out of here. It's now or never," I screamed at myself before taking off, running at full speed back towards camp.
Gasping for breath I threw myself out of the trees and towards the nurses' tent. Practically falling inside, I heard a few feminine gasps around me. I stood fully and shook the hair out of my eyes, trying to get rid of the terror surrounding me. Rosalie quickly hurried over to me with a wet cloth. Before I could speak, she roughly shoved me into a chair. "What are you doing back already, Jasper? Are you hurt? Is..is Emmett alright," she asked sternly, trying to cover up her fear.
I looked up into her beautiful and worried face, knowing I could never lie to her. As she washed the sweat and dirt away from my face, I spoke. "I'm fine, Rose; Emmett is too. Listen, you can't tell anyone this, okay? I'm leaving today; gunna take McDougall's horse and pull a runner. Emmett's gunna say I died in the battle. If anyone asks, say you saw the horse spook and run off." Rose's mouth fell open in shock, before her eyes started to water. I watched, as she quickly pulled herself together, seeming to come to a decision. She turned sharply, facing the other girls in the tent. They all seemed to shrink under her gaze, as she glared fiercely in warning at them.
"You heard what he said. If any of you go against his story, you will have to answer to me," she said in a low, deadly voice. I smiled slightly as she turned back to me. "What are you still doing here?! You have to leave soon." I took a deep breath as I stood up, nodding once, before ducking back into the sunlight. As I walked towards my tent, I pealed the jacket off my body before yanking my hat off as well. My eyes widened as I remembered the injured men left behind; they could know nothing of my presence. Quickly leaping over pots, I slid behind the line of tents and continued my walk.
As I passed the tents, a smile started to bloom on my face. I really was going to leave. The smile stretched as I came upon the tree wrapped in the floral ivy. I bit my cheek to prevent my self from whistling while I heaved my pack across my shoulders; the added weight did nothing to destroy my spirits.
The sun shone brightly overhead as I walked through the trees, towards the place where I knew McDougall's horse was tied. I noted, in passing, that a horse that spooked once in its lifetime really did not need to be kept from battle. I was just grateful that she was. The shiny, black horse snorted at me when I approached her. She seemed to approve of me, since she did not back away as I raised my hand to stroke the side of her face.
She released another snort as she turned her muzzle into my hand and licked across my palm. "Hey, girl. Do you wanna get out of here? I have a nice farm back home with a few other horses. You'll be happy there," I whispered in her ear as I untied her from the tree. I spun for a moment looking for her riding gear, letting out a sigh of relief when I noticed it draped over a nearby log.
She did not move a muscle as I slowly dressed her. She seemed to be standing tall, as if to redeem herself of her previous failure. I was eternally grateful to her for the immense trust and cooperation she gave me. She did not even seem to mind as I loaded my pack onto her side. My heart felt lighter as I climbed atop her back, feeling that much closer to freedom.
With a smile, I grabbed the reins and kicked her sides. She took off at a fairly moderate pace; I knew she was trying to hold back but desperately wanted to move faster. I let go of the reins with one hand, before reaching behind me to grab my jacket and hat. I looked at what was left of this last chapter of my life before flinging them into the trees. Knowing there was really nothing to hold me back, I nudged her sides and urged her to go faster. She kicked her legs up into a faster pace, heading around the outside of the battle, far enough away that no one would notice our passing.
We rode for about fifteen minutes before the sounds of battle could be heard close by. I pulled back on the reins, coming to a stop. I sat there for a time just listening; listening to gunshots and cries, cries of pain and cries of victory. I desperately hoped that the heart wrenching cries were coming from anyone but Emmett.
I startled as I noticed movement a ways off to my left. Turning my head, I squinted in that direction. My breath left me in a whoosh as a boy, no older than myself, stumbled into sight. I felt my jaw drop as I saw the strange bronze colored hair atop his head; it was like nothing I had ever seen. I pouted as I realized I could not see his face; it was turned down, in shadow. My eyes slid lower, absently noting the blue uniform that was covering a fit body, one that I desperately hoped to see.
My eyes widened as I finally saw the bottom half of his leg; blood was pouring from it steadily. I watched, horrified as he clutched a tree next to him and visibly shuddered in agony. The breath caught in my throat, as he finally raised his head. Tears were flowing freely from his closed eyes. He was pale, I could tell, but his pain made him almost ghostly. His face was scrunched up in a mix of extreme pain and despair; he almost seemed to have no hope about him. Even so, I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Slowly, he slid down the tree until he was seat on the ground.
His head lolled on his shoulder, face tilted towards me. My eyes widened, once again, as he slowly opened his. The sharp green eyes, dulled in pain, looked pleadingly at me, as if I was his only hope. "Please," he cried, in a beautifully broken whisper. "Please help me. I..I can't go back there." As I stared at him, more tears fell down his angelic face. I knew right away; no matter what this boy had done, he did not deserve to die. His eyes pleaded with me as a groan escaped his mouth.
As I hopped off my horse, the boy let out a sort of half groan, half laugh. Getting closer to him, I could hear his labored, painful breathing. Coming closer to him, I could see how truly handsome he was. Beautiful, I thought. "Not beautiful. Broken. Dirty," he panted out while slowly shaking his head. I stilled for a moment, shocked that I had spoken out lout.
"Listen; if you come with me, you're gunna be called a traitor. I was in the Confederate army. I'm sneakin' off, though. Goin' back to my mama," I said as I crouched down to his level.
He closed his eyes again and shook his head. "I..I don't care. I've got nothing back in Chicago to hold me. I'll stay here; no one will know." I stared down at his sweating, pallid face before agreeing to help him. Keeping his eyes closed, a thankful smile flitted across his face. My breath hitch at the sight; never had I seen a more perfect picture.
"You're gunna have to lean forward for a moment, okay? I have'ta take your jacket off; can't have anybody realizin' you're from the Union, dar-" I quickly stopped myself, shocked at what I had almost said. He was not my darling, so I had no right to call him that. He did not seem to notice my slip, as he leaned slightly off the tree. I slid one arm behind him, to hold him up, before popping open the buttons on his chest. As I worked, I noticed how his breathing became more ragged. Worried, I asked "are you okay? I'll be done in a moment, so just hold tight." He did not answer, only letting a hiss of breath pass between his clenched teeth. Finally, I was able to slip his arms out of the jacket and lean him back on the tree.
"I'll be right back. I have'ta get rid of this jacket," I explained when his face became panicked as I walked away from him. He calmed instantly before nodding and dropping his head against the rough tree bark. I walked further into the forest passing the signs of new life all around me. Ironic, I thought, how nature was creating new life without a care for the fact that a mile away men were destroying their own lives. Eventually, I stopped and dropped the jacket to the forest floor.
I ran back towards the boy, knowing I could not stay in the area much longer. He was whimpering quietly when I reached him. As soon as he saw me, he attempted to quiet his cries. I shook my head as a sad smile crossed my face. "You don't have'ta stop cryin' just 'cause I'm here. I promise, I wouldn't tell anybody 'bout it. If it hurts, cry. My daddy always told me that real men aren't afraid of showing their pain; stupid men are," I said as I walked past him towards my stationary horse; she seemed to have taken up a guard post for the boy. I searched through a couple of McDougall's packs, attached to her sides, before smiling at the medical supplies I found buried at the bottom of the last one. Pulling out a roll of cloth and forceps, I made my way back to the bronze headed boy, who was now freely crying.
"This is gunna hurt a bit. I have to get the bullet out of your leg," I explained as I slowly rolled his thick, wool sock down to expose the wound. He hissed as the fabric was pulled away from the jagged skin around the bullet. "I won't mind if you decide to squeeze my arm 'till it's about ready to fall off," I said absently as I touched the forceps to the bullet. He immediately latched onto my arm as I slowly pulled the bullet out of his calf. Throwing it on the ground, I pulled his sock up, only enough to wipe away the flowing blood temporarily. His hold on my arm slackened only a little as I pulled his shoe and sock off.
Picking up the cloth, I wrapped it around his leg as tight as I could, without causing him any more pain. I silently handed his shoe to him, waiting for his breathing to calm. "Are you ready to stand? I'll help you get up and everything, but we've gotta get out of here. It's not safe," I told him. He nodded and looked up at me, pleading with those sad, green eyes. I knew right away what he wanted from me, he was just unable to say it.
Bending down, I slipped my arm around his waist, his going immediately around my shoulders. I slowly stood upright, pulling him to his feet besides me. The boy leaned most of his weight on me, while standing on his good leg. We lumbered along at a snail's pace until we finally reached my horse.
Staring at the beautiful black mare in front of me, I recognized a problem; he could not possibly climb up on his own. "I'll have to lift you up. You don't mind, do you," I asked quietly, embarrassment coloring my words and my face. He took a shaky breath and shook his head. "Okay, um, grab on to the reins really tightly; use 'em to hold yourself up," he slowly followed my orders, breathing becoming more labored as he went. "I'm gunna lift you up now. When you're high enough, swing your leg over. Do you want me to sit in front or behind you," I added as a last second thought.
He was silent for a moment, before he blushed, interesting, and whispered "in front, please." I nodded, even though he could not see it, before gently grabbing his slim hips. Slowly, I raised my arms up, my own breathing labored just as much as his. After what seemed like an hour, he swung his leg over the saddle and flopped down on the mare's neck.
I stood still for a moment, trying to calm my racing heart; I had never been so close to someone so exquisite before. Eventually, I grabbed his shoulder and gently moved him into a sitting position. I hopped up on to the horse, in front of him, right as he was beginning to fall forwards again. He groaned quietly as he slumped forwards onto my back. A shiver worked its way down my spine as I felt his warm breath ghost across my neck. Pull yourself together, Jasper. Now is not the time to be acting like this; he's injured. Breathing deeply, I cleared my throat. "You'll have to wrap your arms around me. I'm gunna try to go fast. We need to get outta here soon. Plus, I wanna make it to mama's by tomorrow," I told him gently.
He nodded his head against my back as he wrapped his arms snugly around my waist. I waited until he was situated before nudging my new mare forward. As we started off, he let out a contented sigh against my shoulder. "Thank you. If I can ever repay your kindness, please let me know," he whispered sleepily. "Oh, I just remembered. My name is Edward Masen. What's yours," he slurred out.
I chuckled quietly at his obvious attempt at staying awake. "Hello, Edward. My name is Jasper Whitlock. If you're tired, you might as well sleep; we've got a long ride ahead of us." I felt him nod against my back as he seemed to snuggle into me.
"Your name's pretty, just like you and your hair. G'night, Jasper," he whispered in a barely audible voice. As soon as he spoke, I felt him slump more of his weight on me, signifying his drift into unconsciousness. My brows furrowed as I thought over his words. Surely, they had only been spoken due to his delirious state. Shaking my head, I decided to let it go, before nudging my mare and urging her to go faster.
"So, pretty girl. I think I needa give you a name. You're much too beautiful to go around without one. Now, what do you think about that," I questioned my mare as we slowed at the sight of an approaching town. It was dusk now. I was pretty sure that we had made good time; better, even, than I had hoped. I had a good feeling that we could make it to mama's farm by early afternoon, even if we stopped for the night.
The horse snorted at me, as if to say 'what took ya so long to figure that out?' I chuckled as I absently went through a list of names for her to state her approval to. "Let's see. How about Emmelie? No? Alright then. Hmm what about-" I cut myself off as I heard Edward groan behind me; it was the first sound he had made in about seven hours. Slowly, I felt him shifting around.
"Hello, Jasper," he whispered into my shoulder. I smiled, knowing he was more stable now.
"Good evening, Edward. How was your nap," I asked jovially, completely forgetting about the horse naming I had previously been working on. He groaned quietly, most likely in embarrassment.
"It was good, I guess. Um, Laila," he said quietly.
"What?"
"Laila. You should name her Laila," he whispered as he, once again, snuggled into my back, arms still wrapped tightly around me.
"Laila. Laila. Hm, I like it. What do you think, girl," I patted my mare on the neck. She snorted happily, seeming pleased with her new name. "Laila, it is then." We rode in silence for a few minutes as we edged nearer to the town. Realizing I had not told Edward my plan, I spoke. "I'm gunna stop us here for the night so we can rest and grab some food. I've got some money that'll get us a room and everything."
"I.. thank you, Jasper. What I said earlier, I still mean it. Please let me know how I can repay you. Most people wouldn't.." he trailed off sadly. I absently patted his arm in reassurance, knowing what he meant. Honestly, I had no idea of how to respond to him because what he said was true. Most people in the south would never have helped him, but I did. As we reached the town, I pondered my actions. I knew I would never have stopped for just anybody; I was in too much of a rush to get away. Yet, I stopped for him. There had to be some reason he was different from everyone else. Something had to make him special.
As we came up to the inn, I smiled, completely ready for sleep. I knew, instantly, that I would give the bed to Edward, simply because he was injured. I could deal with sleeping with a blanket and a pillow for one more night. Edward slowly removed his arms from my waist, almost as if he was reluctant to let go. I let the thought pass out of my head almost instantly; there was no way that he was like me.
I hopped off of Laila before silently holding my arms out to Edward. He blushed and gave me an adorably sheepish smile before pulling his leg over the saddle and placing his hands on my shoulders. I grabbed his hips and slowly lowered him to the ground. A loud laugh escaped me as he stumbled into my chest and looked up at me with embarrassed and quite possibly adoring eyes. He really was quite adorable in this helpless sort of way.
Wrapping my arm around his waist as he leaned into my side, I quickly tied Laila to a post in front of a water trough. Edward waited silently until I was done. We slowly made our way up the old wooden porch to the creaking front door. Stepping inside, the scent of stale whiskey overwhelmed me. I smiled, remembering a trick my grammy had taught me. Edward plopped into a rocking chair placed conveniently near the doorway. The old woman standing by the counter smiled graciously before noticing Edward's state.
"Is he alright, dear," she questioned worriedly.
I shook my head before fabricating a story. "He got hit in the leg earlier today while we were riding back home. His horse ran off so we're stoppin' here for the night. Can I get a room, ma'am," I asked politely. She nodded as she grabbed a key from the hooks behind her. "Oh, ma'am can I also get some whiskey," I added as an afterthought.
She looked at me shrewdly, trying to guess my age. "How old are you, boy," she questioned.
I did not hesitate to answer her. "I'm nineteen ma'am. But it's not for me to drink. My grammy taught me a trick. If ya pour alcohol on a wound, it'll help to clean it out. 'Course it'll sting a right lot, but it does the job."
"Oh! I've never heard of that! Bring him with me and we'll get him fixed up. I'll send for the doctor; he should be able to stitch 'im up in a jiffy," she said pleasantly. I smiled graciously at her before heading back to Edward. He nodded, apparently having heard our conversation, before he limped over to my side and rested his weight on me.
We followed the woman down a hallway that led to a stuffy sitting room. The entire room smelt of dust and mothballs. I gently placed Edward down onto one of the oversize couches that littered the room. We watched as the old woman bustled in and out of several different doorways before coming back with a pint of whiskey and a towel. I felt something poke into my arm, so I turned to Edward with a questioning look. "Is it going to hurt a lot," he asked quietly.
"I'm not gunna lie to you. Yes, it'll sting. But it'll be over after a minute or two. Trust me, okay? Have I done you wrong, yet," I asked him. He shook his head before lying his head back on the couch with his eyes closed, face scrunched up in anticipation.
I knelt before him and slowly unraveled the cloth from his leg. He hissed a few times as the fibers separated from his skin. I turned to the old woman and blinked in surprise. She had brought me a bowl of water as well as another towel and cloth. "Thank you," I whispered. She simply nodded. After a moment she started.
"Oh! I should call for the doctor," she exclaimed as she rushed out of the room. Turning back to Edward, I saw him watching me in fascination, a strange look in his eyes. I shook my head before grabbing a towel and dipping it into the bowl of water. I gently pressed it to the skin of his leg, wiping away all the dried blood. Slowly, I got closer to the wound. Every couple of seconds I soaked the towel once again. Eventually, I began to wash away the dirty scab that was starting to cover the bullet hole.
Edward cried out in pain, before gripping onto my shoulder with a slightly harsh amount of strength. I shushed him, quietly reassuring that it would all be over soon enough. Looking up, I saw tears falling from his closed eyes. The sight broke my heart; he did not deserve this pain. I resolved to do whatever I could to take it away.
Placing the blood soaked towel in to bowl, I slid the pint of whiskey closer to me. After a moment of thought, I placed the bowl of water under his raise calf. "This is going to be the hard part, Edward," I warned him quietly. His whole body tensed at my words. Slowly I raised the glass and started to pour the alcohol over his wound.
"Oh, God. P-please make it st-stop-p, Jasper," he whimpered. I said nothing, knowing I could not take this pain away. His entire body shook from the force behind his sobs. I watched in fascination as white foamy bubbles formed over the place where the bullet hole was. Placing the glass down for a moment, I wiped away the residue with the clean towel before starting again.
The process was long and tedious; my heart constricted with each cry that escaped Edward's lips. After what seemed like forever, the process was finished. Patting his leg dry, I moved the bowl away from him. I looked around for a moment before spotting the clean cloth. Quickly, I wrapped it around his leg.
Just as I was finishing, the old woman walked in followed by three other people. First, came a handsome blond man, whom I could only assume was the doctor. Behind him, two small teenage girls, not much younger than me, stood watching anxiously. One had long mahogany hair and a brilliant blush about her as I met her eyes; obviously, she was a shy thing. The other had short black hair and seemed to be bouncing in place. Despite their obvious differences, their dark eyes matched, giving light to the fact that they were sisters.
My attention was called back to the doctor as he spoke. "I see you have sterilized the wound. Very good, young man. If you don't mind, I would like for you to unravel the cloth. Mrs. Swan informed me that he was hit by a bullet. I'll have to stitch him up," he explained with a kind authority. I nodded as I did what he told me to before sliding up onto the couch beside Edward.
Looking around the room, I noticed a pair of crutches leaning against the doorway; the doctor must have brought them. I noticed how the tiny, hyper girl was paying attention to me; she would have no luck there. My eyes moved to her sister who was absently chewing her lip and looking at Edward, lust obvious in her eyes.
My attention was called back to the situation at hand as Edward arched his neck and grabbed my arm, almost violently. Knowing what was going on, I whispered quietly to him, telling him it would be alright. He simply turned his head, letting his tears fall into the crook of my neck, gripping the hair on the back of my head painfully. Soon after, the doctor stood up, a smile on his face. Looking down, I noticed that he had even re-wrapped Edward's leg.
I smiled at him as Edward spoke, "thank you, doctor-" he trailed off, not knowing his name.
The handsome doctor smiled and simply said "Cullen," before grabbing the crutches and handing them off to Edward. "You can keep these, son. No one here needs them and I have a few sets left at home; I can always make more," he said before nodding at us and heading gracefully out the door. The two girls smiled at us, the tiny one looking much more knowing, before quickly leaving the room, their whispers and giggles fading with them.
Edward groaned as he lurched to his feet, swaying uneasily on the crutches. "What room are we in," he asked. Fishing the key out of my pocket, I looked at the number engraved on it, eleven. I dazedly told him as I made my way back down the hallway, towards the staircase at the front of the inn. Edward stumbled along behind me, trying to get used to the crutches.
I clenched my fists, desperately telling myself not to offer him help; this was something he had to do for himself, no matter how much I wanted to be of assistance. I quickly stopped at the desk and dropped five dollars in front of Mrs. Swan before continuing towards the stairs.
Silently, I let Edward pass and hobble up the stairs in front of me. I may not have been willing to help him, but I could surely prevent him from falling to his death. Reaching the top of the stairs, Edward gasped for breath, obviously unused to moving in such a manner. I stepped around him and spotted our door. Upon opening it, I smiled. The room had two small beds in it. There would be no fight about who would sleep on the floor.
I flopped onto the bed nearest the window, coughing as a slight cloud of dust erupted from the mattress. I watched as Edward nudged the door shut with his shoulder before hopping over to the other bed.
He laughed morosely when the dust cloud erupted from his mattress. I continued to watch as he dropped his crutches to the floor with a thunk. His whole body seemed to sigh as he stretched to pull his creme colored muslin shirt over his head. I choked, quietly, at the sight of his muscled, slightly freckled back. He was no where's near as bulky as Emmett. He held more of a quiet strength; sinewy muscles built for speed. I could instantly tell that with his lean form, he had been a fast runner.
He let out a laugh as he shook his head, muttering something about what his parents would have thought of his surroundings, if they were still alive. He slowly bent over the side over the bed. Two distinct thumps were heard as he dropped his shoes off onto the floor, obviously having previously untied them.
Once he was settled under the covers of his bed, eyes shut, I stood up and began to undress. A yawn escaped me as I dropped my shirt to the floor. Toeing my shoes off, I almost lost my balance, but caught the dresser before I could actually fall. I heard Edward snort behind me and I tensed, flushed in embarrassment.
Shaking off my mortification, I climbed into my bed, sneezing at the dust that rose around my head. Of course, my sneeze could not possibly come out manly, no such luck for me. A feminine squeak came out of me, followed immediately by the sounds of Edward's amused laughter. "G'night Edward," I whispered before turning my back on him.
"Good night, Jasper," he said with a laugh. I fell asleep soon after, completely unaware of the curious green eyes staring at me through the dim light in the room.
A minute later, I woke with a jolt to the sound of someone banging rapidly on the door. Opening my eyes I looked toward the window and realized that it was actually morning. I groaned and burrowed further down into my blankets. I could hear the sound of crutches clicking across the floor before a door opened.
"Hi! I'm Alice! I brought you some breakfast. Grammy said it's on the house since you both went through so much yesterday. What's your name," a high, bell-like voice rang out behind me; how she could possibly speak so much in one breath amazed me.
"Erm.. I'm Edward and that's Jasper. Thank you for breakfast," I heard Edward mumble quietly. With a groan, I sat up and turned towards the door. Edward looked at me sheepishly, an apology on the tip of his tongue.
"Don't worry. I was awake. Thank you for breakfast, Alice," I murmured, flashing a dimpled smile at her. She blushed, but that quickly went away as a mischievous, knowing look popped up in her eyes.
"Now, don't you try charmin' me, Mr. Jasper! I know who you really wanna charm," she said in a sing-song voice. My jaw dropped open in shock.
"H-how?!" I squeaked.
She simply chuckled. "Oh, I know things. Just like I know who Edward wants to cha-arm," she sang. "Oh, believe me. You two have more in common then you know, even if you only met just yesterday." Edward and I stared at her with wide eyes. How could she possibly know that we only met yesterday? We had told Mrs. Swan a story that made it seem as if we had already known each other.
As Alice was opening her mouth to speak again, a hand clamped down over her face. Her sister stood behind her flushed and gasping for breath. "I'm so sorry. Sometimes Alice tells people things she shouldn't. She always guesses right, but it scares people. Papa doesn't think there's anythin' wrong with her, though," she said in a rush. Turning to Alice she spoke, "Leave their breakfast and come on. We have to tend to the cows."
Alice quickly dropped the tray of food on a dresser near the door before following her sister out of the room. "But, Bella! Don't ya think they should know who they're gunna love," Alice cried as she followed her sister down the stairs. Edward and I stared at each other, both with wide, panicked eyes. For a moment I wondered why he would be panicked.
"Let's eat, then. It's already eight o'clock," Edward muttered as he hobbled over to his bed. Nodding, I grabbed the tray and place it across from him. I sat down on the other side of the tray, facing him. Refusing to meet his eyes I grabbed a jam covered roll, shoving it viciously into my mouth. I heard Edward laugh and assumed he has seen my display of terrible manners. "You eat like a pig, Jasper."
"I do not!...okay maybe I do. But not normally! This is just 'cause I've been eatin' goop for months."
"I have too, but I'm not eating like that," he laughed. I shook my head at him before making a purposeful display of my southern manners, cutting into my eggs and slowly eating. As I ate I gave him an angelic smile.
"See, I have manners. I use them all the time at home." He just chuckled quietly as he continued to eat. We ate in silence for a while before I remembered what he had muttered last night. "Edward, what are you gunna do now that you're technically a traitor? Won't your family miss you?"
I watched as he stilled, toast halfway to his mouth. He slowly dropped it down to his plate, seemingly contemplating how to answer. "Um.. I don't have any family to miss me. My mother and father died last year. I… I joined the army because it was what my father would have… wanted from me. I didn't really want to do it. I guess," he paused for a moment, trying to hold back his tears.
"Edward, remember what I said 'bout real men," I spoke quietly. Once my words registered with him, his tears started to fall down his face. Shamed, he tilted his head down. I shifted putting my hands under my legs, desperately trying not to reach out and comfort him.
"I-I have nowhere to go anymore. M-my house is gone," he hiccupped. A band seemed to constrict around my heart as I watched him fall apart. He had no family and no home. I wished that I could do anything for this beautiful boy. "I j-just wish I c-could go home. B-but that's not in Ch-chicago, anymore."
My brows furrowed as I tried to solve his problem. I knew mama would be willing to take him in. I had no idea, though, if he would willingly take the help. My eyes widened as I thought of something he could do. "Edward," I called quietly. When he ignored my call and steadfastly stared at his lap I called again. "Edward, look at me." He immediately looked up at my sharp tone, eyes wide and tear tracks lining his face. "You can live at my house. You can talk when I finish, okay? It's only me and mama livin' in the house 'cause daddy died 'bout ten years ago. If it makes you feel better, you can earn your keep once your leg's better."
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to decide what to say. "Um, thank you. But.. I-I um, I don't know how to work on a farm. I can't even ride a horse by myself. I lived in a city," he finished, an adorable pink tinge on his cheeks. I smiled widely at him; I just could not help it. He was much too cute for his own good.
"Don't worry 'bout the farm work; I'll teach you everything. Plus we'll be sharin' the chores, anyways, so I'll probably be with you. And as for the horse, I can teach you today, on the way."
"H-how?!"
"You'll ride in front, today."
"But what if she doesn't like me and decides to flip me off her back, thus eternally wounding my spirit and ego."
I laughed; I simply could not stop it from happening. His seriousness about that statement was entirely too hilarious. "Trust me, she won't. Have I lied to you, yet?" He shook his head slowly. At that I smiled and continued eating my breakfast, the best I had had in many months.
Stepping outside, I held the inn's door open for Edward. The warm, morning sunshine felt amazing on my skin. I had not allowed myself to experience it this freely since before the army. Sure I spent my time in the sunlight every morning, but that had been an escape from my life. Now, now I could say it was my life again. I did not have to consider it a rare commodity.
Laila snorted happily at us as we approached and untied her. Turning to Edward, I wordlessly held out my hand. With a sigh, he hobbled over to my side. As, he had done yesterday, he grabbed onto the reins and held himself upright, balancing on his good leg.
After tying his crutches onto Laila's side, I turned back to Edward. "Ready," I asked. He simply nodded at me, once again, blushing at the situation; so very interesting. I stood behind him and gripped his hips tightly. Once he was lifted high enough, he threw his leg over. As promised, I hopped up behind him.
Settling myself, I wrapped an arm around his waist. Using the other one, I grabbed the reins and placed them in his hands. As he held them, his hands shook slightly. "Okay, it's really simple, actually, to ride a horse. You've gotta hold the reins loosely, which you're already doin' so you're good there. Now, relax into the saddle. You don't needa sit like a cat on a cactus, Edward."
Immediately, I felt him relax backwards into my chest, almost snuggling into my warmth. Smiling at the gesture, I continued. "If you wanna go right, pull the reins to the right. If you wanna go left, pull 'em to the left. If you wanna stop, pull 'em back to your chest." He nodded in front of me, understanding, so far.
"To make 'er go, nudge her sides, gently, with your boots. If you wanna go faster, nudge 'er again, only a little harder. Got it?" He nodded once again. "Okay, last thing, if you wanna, for some reason, turn around then pull the reins hard to the right or left, dependin' on what way ya wanna turn." I waited for him to process the information.
"I think I understand. Can we go now," he questioned, excitement obvious in his tone. I patted his arm and told him to go before I wrapped both arms tightly around his waist. Laila took off confidently under Edward's lead. He seemed to be thinking about something and after a few minutes said "Jasper, which way should I go? And, can I go faster?"
I smiled at his joy; it was infectious. "When we get to the end of this road, we're gunna go left. Follow that road all the way to the end. That'll take a couple of hours. At the end we'll stop for some lunch. I'll tell you the rest when we get there. And yes you can go faster." At my words, he immediately kicked Laila into a much faster pace, laughing at the new experience.
We rode in silence for the most part. Every now and again, Edward would point something out that he'd never seen before and ask what it was. I found it amusing that someone from the city had never at least heard of things like tumbleweeds.
"Jasper, what's your mother like," Edward asked about three quarters of the way down the second road. The longing in his voice was clear as day. I knew, instantly, that he was missing his mama. I did not answer right away, unsure of exactly what to say. He must have taken my silence as reluctance to speak because he mumbled something about not having to say anything. I shook my head, even though he could not see. Had he not yet figured that it was impossible for me to say no to him? I was beginning to think that I would give him the universe if he asked it of me.
"No, I was thinkin', Edward. Let's see. Hm, mama's really kind to everyone she meets. It doesn't take 'er much to love someone. She'll mother anyone who gives 'er the chance. She's quiet but she'll fight for what she believes is right. She's an amazin' cook. 'Er food, Edward, it's like heaven on a plate. Oh, and neva call 'er Mrs. Whitlock; she says she feels old when people say that. 'Er name's Esme, but don't call 'er that until she actually says it's fine." I added as an afterthought.
Edward sighed wistfully. "She sounds perfect. My mother never cooked for me; she never learned how and we had a cook to do that. I kind of wish she would have." I had no idea of how to respond to that, so I stayed silent.
Soon enough, we came upon the tiny rest stop sized town. I hopped off Laila and bounced on my now partially sore legs. Turning back to Edward, I helped him down of the horse before untying his crutches. As he hobbled into the nearby saloon, I tied Laila to a post, pumping more water into the trough.
Following Edward inside, I blinked my eyes rapidly to get used to the darker atmosphere. Looking around I spotted him at a table. Two bowls of stew and two cups of water sat in front of him. I smiled at him in thanks. Obviously, he had spent his money on me, surely trying to make up for what I had done for him.
Sitting down, I dug into the food heartily. After a minute or two, Edward started to eat as well. Looking around, I noticed that the room was practically abandoned except for the few older men sitting at the bar. I smiled slightly when I noticed that they were trying to charm the much younger barmaid.
We finished our meal in silence before heading back outside and repeating the routine to get Edward on top of Laila. Much quicker than in the morning, we left the small town. "Okay, Edward. See that road up ahead on the right? Turn there and we're gunna follow that for about an hour. Soon, we'll make a left and that'll bring us to a road that we'll follow for about two hours. It's gunna bring us to the town where I live." He nodded before setting off at a fast pace, obviously excited to get to his new home.
Pulling back on the reins, Edward let out a sigh and leaned further into my chest. I watched as he looked around, taking in the white farm house, the apple trees, the barn, the wide fields where at least ten horses roamed freely. I took a deep breath, already feeling the calm and serenity that came with this area. "Your home is beautiful, Jasper," Edward spoke in an awed voice.
"It's your home now, too, Edward," I responded as I hopped off Laila's back. Edward went to slip his leg over the horse, but I stopped him before he could. "Do you really think I'm gunna make you hobble all the way up the drive to the house?" He gave me a sheepish smile before settling back into the saddle.
Pulling the reins from his hands, I led Laila up the drive to the front porch. Tying her up, I turned to Edward. "Now, you can get off." He nodded before turning sideways and waiting for me to lift him down. As his feet touched the ground I held his waist for a moment longer than I should have. Looking in my eyes, I could see a question burning in his. Settling him on the porch steps, I turned and quickly untied his crutches, desperately trying to avoid his eyes; I could not let him see what I was really thinking. As I handed them over to him, I spoke. "Mama's gunna be really surprised, so I'm just warnin' ya, she might cry."
He pulled himself to his feet and climbed the porch steps with a smile. Slowly, I pulled open the screen door, passing the big glass door that mama always liked to keep open on warm spring and summer days. We quietly made our way into the house, passing the empty dinning room and foyer.
I smiled as I looked into the parlor. Mama was curled up on the couch; asleep with a book lying across her lap. Motioning to Edward, I told him to take a seat in the arch chair by the fireplace. I slowly made my way towards the couch and crouched down.
Lifting my hand, I ran my fingers through her long caramel colored hair. She shifted in her sleep, slowly starting to wake up. "Mama, wake up. It's me, Jasper. I'm home, mama," I whispered in her ear. Smiling, I watched as her eyes flickered open.
A gasp fell from her lips as joyful tears filled her eyes. "Jasper, is it really you? Oh, please tell me you're really home?" I nodded, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. My vision blurred slightly before my own tears began to fall. I laughed in shock as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. "My baby's home! I've missed you so much, sweetheart! You have no idea how worried I've been about you, young man. I swear if you eva do that again I may just- Oh, and who is this," she cut off in the middle of her rant, noticing Edward for the first time.
"Oh, mama, this is Edward Masen. I offered him a home and he's promised to help with chores once he's all healed up." She started at my words, eyes narrowing, immediately searching out Edward's injury. She frowned as she noticed the bandage and his crutches.
Edward smiled charmingly at her before speaking "pleased to make your acquaintance, miss. I do very much appreciate Jasper's offer of lodgings, but I'd like your approval as well."
"My! With that voice you've gotta be a Yankee. Hm, I think I need to hear the story behind this whole situation," she decided with a sweet smile. He nodded and slowly began his tale.
"I'm from Chicago and a year ago, my parents died. My father wanted me to join the army so when the time came, I joined out of respect for him. I hated it from the moment I got there. Then yesterday, our camp got ambushed by Jasper's company. I was shot in the leg so I tried to escape. I got about a mile away before I collapsed. Jasper found me and took me with him. We went to this small town and Jasper paid for a room. He helped clean my wound, too, before the doctor stitched it up. This morning he taught me how to ride a horse and now we're here," he finished with a flourish, looking proud of himself for explaining so quickly.
Mama turned to me with an arched eyebrow, silently asking for my explanation. I took a deep breath before launching into my half of the story. "It was nothin' like what I thought it'd be, mama. It was horrible. I made a friend, Emmett McCarty, but that didn't change the terror. So yesterday morning, before the ambush, I told Emmett I was goin' home and to tell everyone I was dead. I packed my stuff and hid it. When the battle was goin' on, I snuck back to camp to grab my things and a horse. While I was riding past the battle, I stopped for a moment. That's when I found Edward and where our stories merge."
She looked at our hopeful faces before standing and moving over to Edward. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around him in a fierce, mother-like hug. "Welcome home, Edward. Oh, and please do call me Esme," she whispered into his hair. I watched as his face contorted in relief, knowing he was trying to prevent relieved tears from escaping.
"Real men, Edward, real men," I said quietly from my place on the floor. He nodded before his tears slowly fell. Esme turned her head towards me, eyes lit with recognition of my words. When I nodded at her, she turned and wrapped Edward more tightly in her embrace.
The next month passed peacefully. Edward and I got used to sharing a room. Esme mothered Edward as if he was her own, stuffing him with more delicious food than he had seen in years. Edward slowly healed. Today was Edward's birthday; he was turning nineteen.
I woke early that morning, quietly making my way downstairs, towards the kitchen. I let out a quiet yelp when I saw Esme sitting at the table already sipping a cup of warm tea. Seeing me, she smiled knowingly. "I know why you're up, baby. It's really quite obvious how see him, even if he can't tell, yet."
My jaw dropped in shock. I had thought my feelings toward Edward had been well hidden. She laughed and continued. "Really, Jasper. Have you eva heard of someone givin' a horse as a birthday present if they didn't sincerely love the other person?" I thought over her words.
Love. Love. Love. Was I in love with Edward? Sure, I liked so many things about him from his adorable blush to how he pinched the bridge of his nose or ran his fingers through his hair when he was frustrated or nervous. I loved how he let me comfort him when he believed he was not worth my time. I loved how he always worked to do things perfectly, even if it was just making his bed. I loved how he was annoyingly overprotective. A gasp escaped me as I realized I did love him. I loved him entirely.
Upon my epiphany, I broke down crying. Mama immediately got up and wrapped her arms around me. She cooed in my ear until I was calm. I sniffed as I thought over how impossible my situation was; there was no way he could love me back. He was a man and he'd never see me in the way he should see a woman. "Mama, what am I gunna do. It's not right for me to think this way. He'll neva think this way," I sobbed into her shoulder.
"Hush, darlin'. Love is neva wrong. As long as you're happy, I don't see a thing wrong about it. Now, as far as how Edward thinks, don't always assume, baby. I know things," she said with a wink before heading towards the parlor. Stunned by her words, I walked out the back door and into the hazy June air.
Humming to myself, I walked into the barn and over towards the last stall on the right. I bent down and opened the crate that sat against the wall. Inside, a huge blue bow sat, ready to be tied onto Edward's present. Looking over the stall door, I smiled as I saw the young colt in front of me.
Our neighbor's horse had given birth to a beautiful black horse with a white stripe down his nose. When I had heard, I knew he was the perfect gift for Edward. It would give Edward something that he could truly call his own. He would be able to form a bond with the little guy, just as I had done with my first horse, Macey.
Turning in a circle, I spotted a fresh bale of hay. I grabbed a handful before opening the colt's stall and slipping inside. He let out a high pitched neigh before coming to grab the hay out of my hand. "Here you go, boy. You get to meet Edward today. You'll love 'im just as much as I do," I whispered to him as he ate. Smiling, I tied the bow around his neck. I could not help but laugh at his affronted face. He shook his head viciously, trying to get the monstrosity off. "Don't worry, boy. Edward'll take it off soon enough."
After attaching a lead rope to the colt's neck, I opened the stall door and led him out of the barn, up towards the house. I had to yank on the rope a few times as the colt got distracted by the apple trees. He hopped in place as I tied him to the railing of the front porch. I patted him on the nose before dashing up the steps and back into the house.
As I walked towards the parlor, I heard Edward clomping down the stairs; he had gotten rid of his crutches two weeks ago, determined to be able to walk normally soon. Now, he was only walking with a slight limp. I stopped and looked up the staircase.
He smiled brilliantly at me before rushing down the stairs as fast as he could. He stopped short, crashing into my chest, at the bottom. I let out an embarrassing squeak as we tipped over and crashed, this time on the floor. I smiled up at him, excited to give him his gift. "G' morning, Edward. Happy Birthday!" My smile grew as I realized that he was still on top of me.
I laughed as he blushed and rolled onto the floor next to me. "Morning, Jazz. And thank you," he said, head turned towards me. At the sound of clicking heels, we both looked up into the smiling face of my mama.
"Well, this is an interesting sight! What are you two doing on the floor? Oh, and Happy Birthday, sweetheart," she said quietly, smiling sweetly. "I'm sure you're gunna get everything you're lookin' for. Everything." I looked sideways just in time to see his mouth snapping shut, as if it has just been dropped open in shock.
Chuckling, I stood up and reached a hand out to him. He blushed as he grabbed my hand and allowed me to pull him to his feet. He looked at me like a little kid on Christmas morning. In a way, today was like Christmas for him. I had been dropping hints for a few days to the effect that I had gotten him something. "So, I guess I should show you your present now, if you really want it," I said in a casual, passing manner.
"I want it," he said excitedly, in one of his rare happy moods. Holding his hand, I pulled him toward the front porch. Stepping outside, I heard him gasp besides me. "Is-is that mine," he asked in an awed voice. Laughing I pushed him towards the baby horse.
"Sure is! It's a boy and you get to name 'im," I answered. I watched as Edward moved toward the dancing colt. He chuckled quietly as he stuck his hand in front of the colt's muzzle, receiving a slobbery lick across his palm. I slowly followed him down the steps, standing at his side.
"So, I can name him anything," he asked. I nodded at him as he thought to himself. "Then, I'm going to name him Hero, because you got him for me and you were my savior." I felt my eyes go slight misty at his words. Seeming to notice, he smirked at me. "Real men, Jasper, real men." Shaking my head, I laughed as a few tears fell down my face. Before I could wipe them away, Edward's hand shot out, swiping away the salty moisture. Shocked, I looked at him with wide eyes, just in time to see him turn away with a bright blush across his cheeks. "Well, come on! We should put Hero out in the pasture with the other horses," he said as he untied the colt and dragged him towards the back paddock and the other horses that were freely roaming.
Once Hero was set to roam free, we leaned against the fence and watched him run. Edward's short lived good mood seemed to fade as we stood there. "Jasper, you didn't have to get me something so big. I would have been just as happy if you got me something smaller. I'm really not worth that much. Honestly I don't even help around here that much," he sighed, sadly. I shook my head. I had been wondering when his self hatred would come out again. Before I could speak, he had pushed off the fence and started limping moodily towards the barn.
I watched him go for a moment, before thinking of how to make him feel more useful and less leech-like. "Edward, wait up! Come on, Edward! Please stop," I cried as I ran toward him. He turned to me with a defensive glare. "Stop it. I know you're just upset with yourself." Obviously, I had hit the nail right on the head, as I could see him visibly deflate, anger flowing out of him immediately. He looked at me sadly, searching for reassurance.
"Edward, you are not worthless. If we thought you were, we'd neva let you stay here, darl-" I cut off before the endearment completely slipped out. "If you wanna start workin', I can teach you how to do some things." A small smile grew on his face, thankful that he would finally be allowed to help me. I silently led him inside the barn.
After a few hours, Edward looked at me with a smile. I had taught him how to do most of the chores on the farm. I was saving one more for last. I sincerely hoped that all the other chores had tired him out. That way, chopping logs could go on for only a short while. He rocked on his heels, eager to learn more. "So.. what's next?"
Chuckling, I started to walk around the barn, jerking my head to indicate that he should follow. Stepping into the field behind the barn, Edward gaped at me. "We're chopping logs?" I nodded, waiting for his typical can-do answer. "That'll be easy. I mean, how hard can it be? Everything else was pretty easy to do." And there it was.
Chuckling, I simply said "we'll see, Edward, we'll see." I walked over to the axe that was lying with its head under the side of a log. As I pulled it out, I smirked over in Edward's direction, knowing he could not possibly pull this off on the first couple of tries; it would take him a long time to get this one down.
Edward followed me as I walked toward a ten foot long log. I smiled at him one time before setting about showing him what to do. He watched with wide eyes and a dropped jaw as I repeatedly raised the heavy axe over my head before swinging it down hard into the log, until it finally broke off. Gasping slightly, I wiped the sweat off my brow. I found it slightly odd how Edward seemed to be gasping almost as much as I was. My eyes narrowed as I saw how he held his hands, folded in front of him. Shaking off my suspicion, I called him over. "Come on over, Edward. Are you ready to give it a try?" he nodded as he slowly moved over to me.
"Okay so hold one hand by the end and one by the head. Raise it above your shoulder. When you bring it down, slid your hand from the head to the other hand." He nodded at me, already seeming more reluctant to begin this new task. Smiling I continued, "put one foot in front of the other; make sure it's the one opposite the side that you're gunna hold the axe on. Oh, and make sure you bend down to the log when you swing, so you don't hurt your back."
I slowly back away after handing the axe off to him. Once I was far enough away, I gave him the okay. The old barn scratched my back as I leaned on it. My smile was impossible to hide as I stood watching his fruitless attempts. Each time he brought the axe down he was unable to get any real force behind it. After about fifteen minutes, he dropped the axe to the ground. Looking at the barely dented log, he bent over and groaned. Chuckling, I figured it would be appropriate to offer my help.
"So, it's not as easy as ya thought, huh?" he simply glared up at me, tears of frustration and exhaustion in his eyes, from his hunched over position. "Well, do ya want me to help?" He nodded as he slowly rose to his full height. I blushed as I realized what I was about to do; I had not been this close to Edward since our trip home. "Okay, get into position and hold the axe up, but don't swing it." With a shuddering breath, he followed my instructions.
My breathing sped up as I moved up behind him. Grabbing his hips, I moved his body around until he was in a stable position. Unfortunately or fortunately for me, that meant he was continually brushing up against me. I shuddered as I felt his back press into my chest.
Swift, hard shakes of my head did nothing to diminish the lustful fog addling my brain. I slowly raised my arms, placing a hand over each of his. "You have'ta make sure you put a lot of force behind your swing, or else you're gunna get nowhere," I murmured in his ear. He took a deep breath before nodding. "I'll do a couple a swings with you, but then, you're gunna finish yourself."
Drawing in my strength, I helped him swing the axe down into the wood, making a nice clean cut, bending down over his back as I went. Standing back up, I noticed how ragged my breathing was becoming. Maybe, I thought, this had not been one of my better ideas. We repeated the process about five times before I stepped away and could see Edward gasping for breath just as badly as I was.
"Trying for yourself now, Edward," I murmured as I sat down on a log a few feet away from him. I watched wide eyed as he brought the axe over his shoulder before slamming it down into the wood perfectly. He looked over his shoulder and smiled at me in triumph. My jaw dropped as I took in the sight of his muscles flexing over and over again as he repeatedly swung the axe. Too soon for my liking, the wood broke off and Edward screamed joyfully.
He took unhurried steps towards me as I slowly stood from the log. I nearly lost my balance as he threw his arms around my neck. Shocked for a moment, I froze before I slowly wrapped an arm around his waist. "Thanks, Jazz," he whispered in my ear before I felt the soft touch of a pair of lips on my cheek.
I tensed immediately at the warm, lingering touch. Never in my life, had I felt such a jolt run through my body as I had when he kissed me. I stood frozen, completely shocked. Misreading my reaction, Edward started to squirm, desperate to get out of my hold. Finally, he escaped.
"I-I.. I'm sorry Jasper..," he choked, tears heavily brimming his eyes. "I didn't m-mean to do that-t," he sobbed before he took off running around the barn. I stared after him as he went, a small smile lighting my face. Mama was right; he was like me. I remembered with a start, the girl in the inn who had said she knew who we would love. Had she meant each other?
A small frown marred my smile as I understood the meaning of Edward's tears. He had risked himself and my view of him to possibly have his heart stomped on and crushed. My reaction had surely seemed as if that was my exact intention. I screamed in frustration before punching the jagged wall of the barn. Pulling my fist away, I did not even care about my now bloodied knuckles.
My feet kicked up clouds of dust as I stomped up the drive toward the main house. When I got to the porch, I saw mama standing there anxiously. I opened my mouth before deciding not to speak. "Edward just ran past here, into the apple trees, with tears runnin' down his face. What happened, baby?"
"Mama, he kissed my cheek. You have no idea how happy I was. I completely froze, though. Mama, he thinks I don't love 'im, that I was disgusted or somethin'. I don't know what to do." I looked up at her helplessly. She had always been able to fix my mistakes and I was counting on her help here. I just could not lose my chance to be with Edward. I watched as a sad concern came into her eyes. Marveling, I noticed how quickly she was able to pull herself together.
She turned towards one of the wicker rocking chairs and sat down, patting the one besides her. The chair creaked as I plopped down in it. "Okay, baby. It's simple. He's hurt, right now. He needs time to think, even if what he's thinkin' is wrong. It's late so he'll probably skip dinner and go straight to bed when he decides to come in. You're gunna have your dinner with me and once you're done, go upstairs and be that perfect southern gentleman you were raised to be. Make that boy believe you love him. He needs someone to take care of him." With that she stood and regally made her way back inside.
Birds flew in the air as I watched the apple trees, hoping to catch even just the tiniest glimpse of Edward. My back popped as I stood. Raking my fingers through my curls, I practically stomped inside to the kitchen.
Mama and I ate our meals in silence, waiting for Edward to come back inside. As the clock struck nine, we finally were able to relax. The screen door creaked open before we heard Edward quietly making his way up the stairs. Mama looked at me in warning, silently telling me not to go yet. I figured I should wait until he had had time to settle down in his bed.
Mama's fork made a screeching sound on the ceramic plate as she scooped up a bite of food. About ten minutes later, we finished our meals. My hands shook as I stood to bring my plates to the wash basin. Mama intercepted me with a stern look. "Give those to me, baby. I'll take care of them. Go; he needs you right now," she finished with a caring smile.
My palms were sweating and my heart was pounding as I shakily made my way up the stairs to Edward and my room. Slowly opening the door, I cringed at the loud way it creaked. Edward was lying on his side, shoulders visibly shaking. My heart clenched at the physical sign of his heartache. He seemed to become tense as I walked into the room. I had no guide as to his facial expressions since he was facing the window, away from me, and the blanket seemed to be covering everything but his unruly hair.
Walking slowly, I made my way to his bedside. I knelt down next to him, putting my mouth close to his head. I thought to myself, well here goes nothing. "Darlin', please don't hide from me. I've been worryin' 'bout you for a while now," I whispered quietly, hoping he had not missed the new name. I smile slightly as his entire body stilled. He made no noise, save for the occasional hiccup. "Come on, sweetheart. Lemme see those pretty green eyes," I murmured against his hair.
Still, he did not move. I sighed as I stood, thinking of another tactic. My smile grew as I thought of something he could never ignore. I slowly put one knee on the bed, placing my hands on both sides of his head. I smiled as I heard him taking in a shaky breath. Finally, I threw my other leg over his body so that I was crouched over him on all fours.
My arms shook as I bent them slightly, just enough to place my mouth right on the blanket, directly above his ear. "Darlin', you don't have'ta hide from me anymore. I promise I'm not mad at you. You just shocked me earlier. I could never be mad at you, baby," I whispered, my voice coming out husky from all my pent up emotions.
The fabric of the blanket slid roughly against my lips as Edward slowly pulled it off his face. I moved back slightly so that I could look into his eyes. They were red rimmed and slightly dull, but at the same time they glowed with hope. His bottom lip quivered as more tears slipped out and fell into his hair. Taking a deep breath, I called on all the courage I had to get myself to say what he really needed to hear. "There is no way I could ever be mad at you. I'm pretty sure it's not possible to be mad at someone when you feel how I do. I..I-I love you, Darlin'."
He stared up at me with wide eyes. Slowly, my words sunk in and a weak smile grew on his face. I chuckled as a few more tears fell from his eyes. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he whispered adoringly. "I love you, too, Jazz. I'm sorry for runni-mmmph"
I cut off his apology by gently leaning down and kissing him. My entire body shook from the jolt that ran through me at the feeling of his lips on mine. Hearing him sigh, I could not help smiling into the kiss. Tentative pecks were passed back and forth before I pressed more firmly against his lips.
A gasp escaped me as I felt his fingers moving, one hand sliding under my shirt to hold my waist, the other moving higher to tangle in my hair. Hesitantly, I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth, running my tongue over the silky smooth surface. Edward groaned as I gently bit down on his lip.
Releasing him, I gasped sharply as he licked across the seam of my lips, my mouth instantly dropping open. A hesitant tongue made its way slowly into my mouth, lapping at my tongue. He tasted exquisite; there was a mix of apple flavor and something so unique that I could only call it Edward. I heard a low noise and was surprised to find that I had made the sound.
As Edward's tongue wrapped around mine, I began to suck on it, nearly losing my balance as he produced a drawn out, seductive moan. Sooner than I hoped, we ran out of air. Resting my forehead on his, I smiled with my eyes still closed. "Do you really think I have pretty eyes," a quiet voice asked from below me.
I chuckled at the simplicity of the question. "Yes I do, Darlin'. They're actually part of the reason I helped you in the first place. I just can't say no to them."
"Hmm, well then look at me, because I want to ask you something," he whispered. Groaning, I pulled my head back and opened my eyes. I was eternally thankful that I had, as I had never seen a more beautiful sight. Edward's eyes were darkened to a deep forest green, his eyes half closed in pleasure. He smiled beautifully at me before continuing. "Can you stay with me?"
I smiled as I watched a blush light up his cheeks. Shifting, I pulled the thick blanket away from his body until I was able to slip underneath, besides him. I smiled as he immediately turned into the crook of my arms, placing his head in the space between my shoulder and chin. I felt him place a soft kiss on my neck before settling his weight against me, legs intimately intertwined with mine.
His hand slowly trailed over my chest to rest above my heart. Lacing my fingers through his, I closed my eyes and whispered "forever."
please leave me some reviews. this is my first slashy so i want to know how i did. a lot of you have read my other stories on a different account, so hopefully you all like this too =D