Author: Rose Williams.
Category: C.J/Toby friendship.
Spoilers: None.
Rating: PG (but there's nothing there)
Disclaimer: The characters in this piece belong to Aaron Sorkin and others associated with The West Wing. No infringement of any rights is intended, and I am not profiting from this.
Feedback is always welcome: majethrim@hotmail.com
Summary: C.J and Toby end up asleep on the couch in her office.
"I am God," C.J crowed, strutting down the hall.
"Yes, boss," Carol acknowledged tiredly, but she was grinning too.
Josh's head popped out of his office, interrupting C.J's glory.
"God?" he queried.
"Yes," said C.J, "I am, after all, tall enough, and I just averted a major crisis. And I can hurt you," she added.
"Okay, Lord." And Josh pulled C.J into a hug.
They danced wildly down the hall until Leo showed up.
"Everyone back to work," he demanded, just as Toby and Sam turned up to join the party.
"Leo, Leo, Leopold," C.J stood over him.
"Yes, you were great, C.J. Now back to running the country people."
"But we just got here," Sam moaned, putting an arm around Toby to pull him into the argument.
Toby glowered at Sam, and then turned the look on Leo. Leo threw his hands in the air and went back to his office. But he had achieved what he really wanted, which was to breaking of the momentum of no work.
Sam and Toby stayed long enough to congratulate C.J and all three boys pronounced her 'da man' before returning to their respective offices and piles of paper. C.J looked around at the now empty corridor. Carol called her boss back.
"Your father on line three, C.J."
"Thanks, Carol," C.J murmured wandering back into her office.
"Hi, dad," she said brightly into the phone.
"Claudia, you were fantastic." Her fathers ageing voice greeted her.
"Thanks, dad," C.J grinned. 'He's here,' she thought.
He congratulated her on doing a wonderful job and he started to ask question about the whole issue and how it had in fact been resolved.
C.J laughed, "I can't tell you that, dad."
"Why not?"
"Well, it's a government secret."
"Then how do you know?" he asked, beginning to sound concerned.
"Well, I work for the government, dad, for the President. And I even helped a little on the strategy."
"Yes, yes," he said distractedly.
C.J caught her breath. He sounded more like, 'I don't understand, but don't worry,' than 'I know that, Claudia.'
"So this President, his name?" her father asked.
"Bartlet, dad," she explained patiently.
"Don't know him," her father pronounced, "Is he a good man?"
'That's what I asked.' C.J had to blink back tears now.
She remembered that day vividly, that moment. She had been dripping went and more than a little pissed off at the world in general. But Toby had said yes and everything had begun to look better again. Her father had shared her excitement when she moved to the campaign.
"Yes," she told him again, as calmly as she could.
"Good," he said firmly, "Make him as proud of you as I am, Claudia."
"Thanks, dad," she said. She smiled through real tears now.
"I have to go now, your mother's calling me."
"Sure thing, dad. I'll talk to you later okay."
"Goodbye, Claudia."
"Bye, dad."
C.J put the phone down slowly and sat still. She tried to calm down, to stop crying. She managed to an extent. She looked now like the Press Secretary, calm and sure, but for the tears running down her cheeks. They didn't run fast, but they were there in frustration, anger, fear and sadness. She was concentrating so hard she didn't notice Toby open the door.
He stood quietly watching her for a moment. He could she what she was feeling, more than the tears. Carol had said she was talking to her father. Toby hadn't realised it was so bad. But he should have guessed, C.J had always played down things like that.
He closed the door slowly behind him. The soft click it made startled C.J out of her revive. She stood up and her tears stopped. But her face now showed what she was feeling.
"I'm sorry," Toby offered, "I didn't realise it was so bad."
"It's not," C.J said, "It's just today, and he wanted…"
But she couldn't say it. She stopped and just stood there, fighting for her self control.
"It is bad, C.J," Toby insisted, "You can't bottle it up, I know about that. You'll try now and it won't work. I couldn't see you hurt like that."
C.J now had Toby to fight against and regained her poise. She walked slowly around her desk to lean against it and face him squarely.
"Toby, I'm fine, it's my business; he's my father. You have no right to tell me how I can or can't manage this stuff."
"You were crying," he reminded her. He hadn't missed the forced strength in her voice.
C.J had to hold off fresh tears. It had scared her that her father seemed to have lost what was now. And it scared her again that Toby new her well enough to see that.
"You're allowed to cry about it, C.J," Toby told her with all his quiet confidence.
C.J shook her head and looked away. Her hands were holding tightly to the edge of her desk. Toby shook his head back at her. He crossed the three feet between them and she looked back at him. He looked at her. He took both her hands off the edge of her desk and wrapped them in his own.
C.J shook her head again, trying to put all of it off. But Toby wouldn't let her. He pulled her into his arms, hugging her close.
"C.J," he whispered, "He's not gone, go and see him. It'll be easier then."
She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder.
"I've got too much to do, Toby," she murmured into his neck. She breathed in his comfort. He held her and she felt safe there.
"I could never do this without you," she said quietly.
"You wouldn't be here without me," he reminded her.
She smiled, "Does that mean I can blame you?"
"No, but you can rely on me for help."
"Okay," she promised.
"Good," he smiled at her.
C.J hugged him closer before disentangling herself and sitting down on her couch. She stretched her legs out, crossing her ankles. With her hands together in her lap, she leant her head on the back. Toby came and sat next to her, settling himself in the corner between the back and the arm. They weren't touching each other, but C.J was comforted by Toby's presence, even more than she was annoyed that he knew she needed it. He was glad that he was able to help, even just by being there. C.J had helped him when his mother was ill. It was years ago now, but he could remember what it had been like and the support she had given him.
C.J lay still with her eyes closed. It had been a gruelling week. She had been good, damn it, she had been extremely good. And her father had been proud but then he didn't know what she had done, or whom it was for. Josiah Bartlet was good man, he would be proud of her too, thankful to her. He was as proud as her father was, and more so because he knew everything it meant. But the President was sick too, and one day he wouldn't know what his daughters were doing, and he wouldn't even be able to ask what it was. And after all that the week had been.
"It's not fair, Toby," she said, calm with anger.
"I know," he said, watching her carefully, "but it never is."
"My father now, and he never got to be all he could. And one day the President and he'll loose so much. Why them? and why now?"
"Because if it were anyone else it wouldn't matter, C.J. That's why it's them, that's why it's now, and that's why we'll get through it."
C.J looked ready to break and Toby couldn't bear it. He held a hand out to her and she moved closer to him. He pulled her into a rough hug, as much for his comfort as hers. C.J curled her legs up and dropped her head against his chest. She could hear his heart beat as she had her father's and he could smell her hair and he had his mother's. Their breathing quieted, and curled up together they fell asleep.
Josh open C.J's office door about half an hour later to see how she was. Toby woke up enough to see who it was and to shake his head. Josh nodded once and quietly shut the door as he left.
Toby rubbed C.J's arm to get her to wake up. She murmured something soft and curled up closer to him.
"C.J," he whispered, "C.J, you've got to get up now. C.J we have a country to run."
"Mmm…Toby?" she mumbled.
"Yeah?"
"I did good, huh?"
"Yeah," he said gently, "But you have to get up now."
She realised where she was and woke up pretty quickly. She pushed herself up and shook herself a bit. She smiled her thanks at him.
"Sorry," she said.
"No problem," he insisted, "I owed you one."
She smiled sadly.
"How are you?" he asked.
"Better," she nodded. She had slept away the need for tears and felt ready again for what ever this job had to throw at her.
Toby stood up and smoothed his suit down. He held a hand out to her to help her off the couch. She accepted the gallantry and rose gracefully.
"Josh pocked his head in a few minutes ago," Toby added.
"What'd he say?"
"I honestly think he understood," Toby said seriously.
C.J raised her eyebrows and he shrugged.
"Yeah," he said, "but if he doesn't get it…"
"I'll pass it on to Amy and Donna to sort out," C.J finished.
"That'd be great," Toby smiled. He thought that Josh was a lot easier to deal with now that you didn't really have to deal with him.
"Call me if you need me," he offered and he moved to leave.
"Thanks," C.J called to him as he left, "for everything."
Toby shrugged. "What are friends for?" he asked over his shoulder and then he was gone.
C.J went back to her chair and began to sort through the briefing notes she had. She'd managed to open the right folder and settle down to read it before Josh's head appeared around the door again.
"Hey C.J, how're you doing?" he asked cheerfully. He was, in fact, babbling, and a babbling Josh could be a scary thing.
"I'm very well, thankyou, Joshua," C.J replied as measuredly as she could. But she couldn't help smiling.
Josh grinned even more broadly.
"Claudia Jean," he teased, "I pocked my head in earlier and I couldn't help noticing…"
"Josh," C.J warned.
He raised his hand defensively.
"I know, I know, it was no more than what I saw."
"Toby said he thought you'd understood."
Josh seemed a little taken aback that Toby had thought so much of him.
"You do love him though," he insisted.
He thought he'd better amend that when C.J's eyes narrowed.
"Like I love…" he was going to say Donna, but thought better of it at the last minute and said Dr. Bartlet instead.
C.J cocked her head to one side studying him. Josh tried to look as sincere as possible. At last, C.J seemed satisfied and nodded.
"I thought so," Josh added smugly and had to dodge a pen C.J threw at him.
"I mean, I always thought there might be something…"
Another pen sailed past his head. And C.J grinned as he ducked.
"But now I don't think so."
An eraser this time.
"I mean, not that I'm against any such idea, really, it's just that…"
C.J picked up her fist sized paperweight and balanced it carefully.
"It's really none of my business," Josh finished.
"That's right," said C.J, "now, get out of my office."
"Your will, O mighty God," intoned Josh, and he bowed before he turned and walked out the door. A pen hit him in the back of the head as he left.