Summary: Who would've thought that the Hyuuga prodigy can't do what us regular people can do... smile!
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto-sensei.
"That Hyuuga Neji, what a charming boy!"
"Oh I could just faint at the sight of him! That Hyuuga Neji…"
"Hyuuga Neji is the prodigy of our clan, very proud him, we are."
"Neji's youthfulness is top class! Only second to my precious Lee of course!"
"Hyuuga Neji can do anything he wants, I'm sure he'd make it to a jounin in no time!"
And that's exactly what happened.
At sixteen, Hyuuga Neji became the most promising jounin newbie of his generation. A year later, having passed his ANBU exam in flying colours, the Hyuuga prodigy was unquestionably promoted to captain of the fifteenth squad. But not only has Neji achieved this high ninja ranking, he has also effortlessly become the topic of everyone's discussion. Talks about his good looks, good brains, good skills, good status is only a daily conversation between the genins, the chuunins, the jounins, the ANBUs, the village elders, the retired, and certainly, most particularly, the special Kunoichi Association Group (KAG) members...
"Did you see Neji meditate this morning? His chakra was positively alluring!" A blonde chuunin exclaimed, eyes beginning to form heart-shapes. Then, her friend, a brunette, exclaimed with equal enthusiasm.
"No! No! You should've seen him yesterday, at the jounin's lounge. He was absolutely dreamy." The brunette who was also a jounin added, and the two squealed giddily.
"Not to mention his utterly charming and gorgeous phys-"
"People, people, I live under the same roof as him," a particular Hyuuga KAG kunoichi interrupts, "And all those things you two said will never measure up to the way he trains with Hiashi-sama. The way his silky hair flows as he expertly executes his Hakke Rokujūyon Shō is perfectly…well…perfect!"
All three kunoichis gave out a girlish scream in agreement simultaneously, annoying the original founder of the KAG.
"Man…who invited those three buffoons? I mean, talking about this topic over one KAG lunch meeting is fine but every single one of them for the past three gatherings? They've been on about it for the past hour no less! It's no wonder Sakura-chan and Shizune-san chose hospital duty over this. Seriously, don't medic-nins have lunch breaks?" Tenten sighed, glancing over to her beautifully dressed blonde haired friend, who decided to join back into the discussion about Neji. "INO! Are you even listening?"
With a grin on her face, the said kunoichi turned to her friend. "Aww…you're just sour because Neji turned down your offer to lunch yesterday. And Forehead and Shizune-san are obliged to do checkups this lunchtime, don't feel bad!…Say, didn't you have a really good time with Lee instead?" Ino hinted innocently.
"Okay. That first comment was completely uncalled for. And yes, I did have a pleasant time with Lee, as a friend, end of discussion." Tenten glared knowingly at Ino. It didn't take a genius to understand the workings of Ino's mind. "What I'm irritated about is the fact that ever since we formed the KAG, we've made NO progress at all! We're not getting the special female chuunin vest approved, nor are we getting the kunoichi appreciation event organised. All we've been doing is gain a couple more kilograms of fat from eating all these different flavoured dangos, trying these colourful cupcakes and visiting all those different patisseries. This is bad."
"Okay, alright, you have a point. But I don't see Hinata complaining about those cakes though…" Ino looked at Hinata, who has officially gone to paradise after one bite of her chocolate marshmallow cheesecake. "Look at her, doesn't she seem so happy?" Ino smiled.
The two kunoichis watched the Hyuuga heiress, as she chewed her bite in a slow, dream-like state as if she'd had died and gone to heaven, her eyes all glassy from tears of happiness.
"Besides, what's wrong with talking about Neji? Apart from his cold demeanour, he is very charming and hot, you've got to admit…" Ino trailed off, her mind swimming in mental images of topless Nejis.
"Speaking of cold demeanour, did you know, that Neji can't smile? …As in, he is incapable of doing it?" Tenten pointed out, taking a bite of her sinfully delicious whipped-cream-covered lemon curd, and she too felt all the worries in the shinobi world slowly melt away into pure bliss.
In her momentary retreat to her happy place, the room suddenly became all too quiet for the typical KAG lunch gathering, bringing Tenten back to reality, as she felt five pairs of doe eyes staring at her, a sign of complete attention. Tenten quirked an eyebrow.
"Tenten-chan, tha- that's not true. Neji-niisan has smiled before. Like that time, during our first chuunin exam…" Hinata reasoned.
"No Hinata-chan, I mean, a proper smile. Not an annoying I'm-better-than-you smirk. Not a smug I-know-something-you-don't grin like what he likes to do. Grrr…" At this point, Tenten was reminded of a certain incident during a training session where the Hyuuga prodigy failed to warn her of a tree she was running into, opting instead for that very same smug grin that left her confused until the very ungraceful impact to the giant plant. His reason for being a horrible friend was that "A shinobi should always stay focused and be aware of their surroundings." Damn that insensitive Hyuuga! Shaking her head aggressively as she fumed, "My point is, that Neji is incapable of forming a real genuine smile!" Tenten finally exclaimed, to prove her point, she continued.
"We tried forcing one on him during one of our genin missions back in the days. We were stuck protecting her highness the snobby daughter of one of Grass country's nobles, and she was set on having Neji as her prom date." Tenten took a sip from her oreo cream milkshake.
"The baka can't even fake a smile to save the extra monetary bonus she was offering…" Tenten sighed. "I was going to use that bonus to buy the limited set of engraved shurikens…"
The rest of the KAG members became silent, looking at each other, and then slowly began discussing this matter quietly in pairs. Some, sympathising with poor Tenten.
"True, true. What Tenten said is dead accurate. Of all the wonderful things in the world that Neji can do, what he can't do is something as simple as a smile"
"Do you think that is a physical defect?"
"No, no. I think it's mental. He is just a mentally unhappy boy…just think of his scarred childhood!"
"That's true. But I still think there's some bodily dysfunction that he's suffering. Like the lack of cheek muscles?"
"That can't be right. They always say that it takes thirteen muscles to smile and thirty-three to frown. And he sure does frown a lot."
"Okay. Who's they?" One of the girls eyed the other suspiciously.
"Girls! We are going off topic!" Ino hollered, grasping everybody's attention, "The main point is: Neji is incapable of smiling!"
Ino's notorious loudmouth managed to shake the entire patisserie, making it impossible for the customers, and the pedestrians and other shops within 5 metres radius, not to have heard the announcement. Unfortunately, the object of everyone's discussion was also in the very same patisserie, who had been enjoying a nice cup to tea long before the arrival of the loud KAG group. Neji was decidedly ignoring all their fussing before his ears perked up upon hearing of what he can't do.
Neji, the perfectionist, the overachiever, who has always been miles ahead of others since he was a baby (his grandma always told him that he was the only baby in Konoha who managed to grow most teeth, walk a couple of steps and say "mama" after only seven and a half months of his birth, which was a couple of months in advance of any other baby), will never settle in being associated with incapacity. Deciding that he's heard enough, he put fifteen ryous on the table before quietly slipping out of the shop and disappearing from the proximity in a poof of smoke, narrowly missing the main event that would be announced between the KAG members.
"Okay ladies, spread the word," Ino continued. "This will be THE most exciting event since the Kunoichi Association Group was founded.."
"You mean THE only event since the KAG was founded" Tenten sighed in defeat, earning a lovely smack to her head.
"To all the kunoichis out there that deserve a week's luxury spa treatment in Sunagakure served by topless Suna-nins…" Ino was drooling a little at this point.
"Oi, oi.. Ino, have you gotten Gaara Kazekage-sama's approval of this!" Tenten panicked, tugging Ino's arm frantically, earning herself another affectionate smack for bring Ino back from her little daydream.
"This will be a secret competition. Whoever illicits the first genuine smile from the most sought after Hyuuga bachelor with evidence," she stressed "will be the victor of this paid vacation!" Ino finished with a triumphant smile, finding herself so proud of this ingenious idea.
The KAG girls cheered. Other kunoichis that overheard cheered. Tenten shook her head in exhaustion. The rest of the public spread the word on in quiet gossip. And very quickly, this competition became the talk of town without the knowledge of our very stoic protagonist.
"Neji will not like this..."
Thanks for reading. Hope you all enjoyed that.