Disclaimer: Not mine, not now, not ever.
Summary: The Uruk-hai smelled man-flesh and quickened their pace… or… did they smell something else? Something NOT so intone with their surroundings.
What the Uruk-hai REALLY smelled
'What is it? What do you smell?' The leader inquired, making his way back to the front after threatening the two terrified hobbits.
'Man-flesh,' was the Uruk's reply.
'There are many men around these parts, of course you smell man-flesh,' the leader replied, highly irritated.
'I smell daisies and lavender,' another piped up.
'They've picked up our trail. Let's move!' The leader ordered and the Uruks quickly started their cross-country run again.
Some miles back
Aragorn listened closely with his ear to a rock. He didn't like what the earth told him. 'Their pace has quickened. They must have caught our scent. Hurry!' He called back to his two companions.
'I told you two to bathe in that pool not so far back,' Legolas grumbled half annoyed.
'Now wait just a minute,' Gimli protested. 'We mortals just aren't as perfect as you prissy Elves. We can't help perspiring just as you can't help being too stubborn to die.'
'Back off, Gimli,' Aragorn called back. 'This is not helping anything.'
'No, really, Aragorn, tell me how they can tell one sweaty smell from another, especially a faint smell of sweat that's carried to them on the wind while they themselves kill everything in their vicinity with their stench,' Gimli pointed out, effectively stopping Aragorn in his tracks. He seemed to consider this for a moment before turning furiously to Legolas.
'Gimli has a point, sweat is sweat and is too faint to carry on the wind and make the Uruk-hai smell it over their own bodily odour,' Aragorn glared. 'What would catch their attention however…'
A wicked glint appeared in Aragorn's eyes and Legolas started backing away slowly with his hands into the air. Gimli almost immediately seemed to catch on to Aragorn's intentions and started advancing on the Elf too. Legolas tried to run for it, but somehow managed to be too slow and moments later found himself plunged into the nearest mud-pool.
'Serves you right,' Aragorn told him with a triumphant look on his face.
'I'd have to agree,' Gimli grinned with a satisfied glint in his eyes.
'Pray tell me what I've done to deserve this foulness,' Legolas demanded.
'Our scent blends in to the natural fragrance of the Uruk-hai. Daisies and lavender, however, are not commonly found in these parts or Arda,' Aragorn explained quite calmly.
'Maybe you should start using wearing 'essence of dung' as perfume rather than using daisy-soap and lavender shampoo,' Gimli suggested innocently.
'Why you little…' Legolas growled and Gimli managed just to get away in time gaining marvellous speed to stay ahead of the angry Elf. Aragorn laughed before giving chase, before realising something. 'Guys, they've gone the other way.'
A/N: I just had to defend out human honour. Hope you liked it. Please review.