I pinch myself. I feel the irritation and I smile at the redness on my forearm. I remind my self that no dead person can make themselves feel affliction. I am alive, but my heart and mind are bruised and scarred. Today I plan to avoid thinking about the past.

It's my birthday. I should be happy, so I am happy. Simple as that.

I smile at the warm presence next to me. My arms are wrapped around her waist. Her blonde hair all over the pillow we share and my left shoulder and neck. It kinda tickles.

I realize how strong she has been the past few weeks. She has been through the same difficulty as me but somehow she can remain fast asleep through the night while I haven't been able to close my eyes for more than ten seconds. I don't want the image of tartarus in my head and when there is darkness, there is tartarus.

I have made my way out of tartarus with her but I don't think we can ever be rid of tartarus. Tartarus will always be there, with us, in us, until we die.

No stop it brain, no more thinking.

After about fifteen minutes of me staring at the ceiling or at the girl next to me still snoring soundly, she stirs and opens her eyes. She yawns loudly and turns around to look straight at me.

"Happy Birthday, Seaweed Brain." She says. I smile at the old nickname.

"Thank, Annabeth. Did you sleep alright" I ask my girlfriend.

"Yeah, but I guess you didn't." She gestures at my bags and droopy eyes. I shrug. I try to look like I don't care about sleep but her calculating grey eyes make it difficult.

I decide to change the subject. "So, I'm seventeen. We're finally the same age."

"Eh. You still seem like the same age the day we first met." She laughs at my pouty look.

"Yeah, but when I was twelve I didn't look this hot, right?"

Whatever you say, Mr. Narcissus. So, how does it feel like to be seventeen?"

I pause to think. With an emotionless face I say "Numb and unreal."

"Oh." She looks down. I see her trying not to cry. My heart has just received another suckerpunch. I hold her tighter and kiss her forehead.

"I'm sorry, Annabeth. I shouldn't have said that. That was really stupid of-"

"No it's fine. It's just that I want this tartarus complication to end." It can never end.

"I know." Awkward, dead silence follows.

Just a few minutes pass, but they feel like an hour. I breathe in her lemony hair and whisper three special words to her. A tear streams down her cheek. I feel like I just made the situation worse but she says the same words back and we kiss.

The rest of my birthday was just as special.