"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." - Proverb
Leonard: SARCASM SIGN!
"Insert a witty quote here."
- The Show
Soft pink petals. Creamy white thighs.
Sheldon Cooper awoke with an erict. An airect. A eirecti. A Boner and opened his cobalt blue eyes.
He listened to the rain on the roof going a pitter patter on the roof two floors up from him, thanks to his Vulcan hearing. It made him melonc. Maleoncholicy. Malincholy. Sad. But also happy because
Today was the day. He had finally reached puberty. He was very excited because he could finally have sex with Amy Farrah Fowler and buy a leather jacket so he reached for his cell phone and started text to the woman he loved most in the world:
Good news, Mom, your going to get 25 grandkids!
Creamy white thighs. A very large penis. Huge periwinkle blue eyes.
Amy Farrah Fowler woke up wet, the soft pink petals of her spongy, womanly sex sweetly moist–as if the morning had dewed on it and dewed HARD.
Amy thought of Sheldon and spontaneously burst into orgasm. Then she lay in bed, still shimmering with orgasm like a woman who had orgasmed very recently. Her nipples now very erict. Airet. Aieirect? HARD like the diamonds in her tiara. She imagined smushing them into Sheldon's granite hard abs. (Not that she had ever seen his abs she just was pretty sure they were granite HARD because...duh. Who doesn't like granite hard abs?)
She listned to the rain a pitter pattering on the roof 4 stories up, which she could do because Sheldon was teaching her his Vulcan hearing. Because better hearing, like a Vulcan, can be taught, see. But since she was secretly smarter than him by 3 very important IQ points, she could now do Vulcan hearing better than him and in despair she bit her lower lip, because that's what girls do when they are a wee bit worried about their boyfriends egos. Oh, Amy pressed a small white tooth into the sweet necturous bulge of her juicy lips and OH DEAR how how would she tell him that she was, indeed, smarter than him and this could destroy his ego...his pride... their love.
Oh alas.
But maybe not alas because maybe things where going to be different now?
She had a flashback to the night before; when he had spanked her. She vividly recalled the heart-stopping experience of nestling over his knees, resting her flushed and blushed cheek into her couch as he raised his manly, manly hand to smack her tiny, quivering, expectant, perky, welcoming, trembling buttocks.
Then, in the middle of this flash back she had another flashback!
Flashback: The sandwich was on the floor. She had worked so hard on that sandwich. Her father gestured to it. "Do you see the sandwich, wife?" which was in an English accent because he looked so much like Alan Rickman and her mother cried, "the sandwich, the sandwich is like us. It's on the floor." Yes, her father said, "It's on the floor."
Amy started to cry. Why did the peanut butter always fall face down?
End second flash, return to second flashback!
And Sheldon spanks her! A lot!
In bed, Amy orgasms again. "Hoo!"
Sorry for the cliffhanger. I hope you are not mad at the cliffs but the cliffs they must hang. – the Author
"Insert another witty quote here and pretend it's going to have some
meaning which relates to what I actually write."
The Show
It was oatmeal day. Sheldon was glad because oatmeal would probably help him recoupareate from his fevered masturbation session. Oh how he needed oatmeal to replenish himself of the spilled pearly seeds he had dropped into his argile socks that very morning Yes socks his dick was so large he had filled two, naturally.
Leonard came in and said something sarcastic about the Shamy.
Sheldon began to think about his bus pants.
Penny burst into the apartment to get coffee and call Sheldon "Moonpie," and Sheldon said, "This isn't a Shenny fan fic, Penny," and Penny said, "Oops, sorry," and she left to take a shower with Leonard.
Then Penny came back, her tight naked body glistening and wet with shower water. But Sheldon was not moved by this affront to his deep true sexual love for Amy. The blonde monkey chirped, "Sheldon?! Something is different?! Did you reach puberty last night?"
Sheldon said, "Yes."
Penny crowed, "Does this mean you're going to have sex with Amy Farrah Fowler?" Penny's nipples got hard just thinking about it.
"Of course it does you moronic blonde monkey," Sheldon snorted, but in a noble and nice way.
Leonard stormed down the hall, naked and wet with shower water. "The Shamy is going to have sex?" He demanded to know.
"Yes!" Penny squealed with excitement.
"How remarkable!" Leonard said, and he and Penny clasped hands and bounced around the apartment together in their fangirling of happiness dance. They bounced and bounced and bounced with excitement!
"Now I can give Amy that make over! This the best day ever!" Penny said as she tripped and fell onto the couch with her legs parting spread eagle.
"Totes balls amazing!" Leonard squealed, tripping himself and falling into Penny penis first. In their joy for Sheldon and Amy, they started having sex in Sheldon's spot.
Sheldon listened to the sounds of their sweet coitus and pondered all of the burning places on his body.
Amy had touched his hand, and it burned where she had touched it.
She had kissed his cheek and the spot still burned from the sweet press of her wine soaked lips.
His thigh burned from the place she had addicently touched it with her thigh under the table while they were eating tacos, and it burned, burned like the salsa in his manly nachos.
His shoulder burned from where she had rested her lily white hand on it, and Sheldon groaned and decided it was time to break out his ointment collection because seriously he could not keep burning like this and go to work.
He watched Penny and Leonard have sex on the couch with his blueberry blue eyes and noted, "So that is how coitus works. Looks fairly simple, especially for a genius like myself. Thanks guys. Now I know how to have sex with Amy."
Penny groaned and flipped over to let Leonard take her from behind and said, "You should still read that book we gave you."
"Quote Time!"
- The Show
The girls and Raj, since he could talk to women now, were all hanging around Penny's bedroom, because they were going to give Amy the makeover that was too long in coming! Everyone felt sure that tonight was the night Sheldon and Amy would finally have sex and they were very excited about it!
"Amy, you are going to look so hot!" Penny squealed, even as she pulled out some of her hottest dresses for Amy to try on. "Tonight is the night you lose your V-card! Yay!"
"Oh, Penny, don't talk so loud – I think my uterus can hear you!" Amy objected, squirming a little bit as Raj ripped off the last wax strip to clean up her bikini line. "HOO! Thanks you, Raj," Amy said, giving him a flirty little smile.
"My pleasure, Amy," Raj replied, giving her a big smile. "Now make sure that when you and Sheldon have sex tonight you make sure he knows I was a very helpful friend! I have two strikes, so it would be nice to get some good credit points with him." Raj picked up a pair of tweezers and spread Amy's legs further apart, hoisting one over his shoulder as he plucked at some loose hairs, "He better take advantage of this, Amy, or, Holy Cow help me, I just might do it!"
Amy giggled coyly, and fluttered her lashes at Raj, but said nothing, because she was still a lady like that, and she knew her heart truly belonged to Sheldon truly and only she thought of his perfect lips and deep royal blue eyes and felt Raj plucking her naked vagina and then she felt momentarily confused.
She lay back into Penny's pillows and placed her wrist across her eyes, her heart lifted up on golden wings as she imaged her boyfriends lanky, hot frame and it's bestest, sexiest muscles.
She fantasized about his shoes, which were really very large, and as she knew as a scientist, would directly correlate to his penis size.
Amy Farrah Fowler felt like a fragile flower, opening up to the glorious dew of love, and hoping a well-hung bee would come along and pollenate her.
She sighed, wondering what type of look Sheldon would get in those cobalt blue eyes when he finally pollanted her with his love juice. She could almost get wet right there thinking about it, and she sighed again.
"Ooooooo - I know what Amy's thinking about," Bernadette giggled, even as she started putting foundation on Amy's face, making her look so pale and romantic she just knew Sheldon couldn't resist her – not ever! – "Oh, sometimes I wish Howard and I could go back to it being our first time too. He and I have been having problems lately."
Raj finished Amy's bikini area, and started to rub her legs down with lotion, using long, firm strokes of his fingers, enjoying the sensation of knowing Amy's hot little body even if it would never be his. He sighed deeply, and bit his lower lip as he circled lotion into the back of her calf. Then he realized Bernadette had said something about Howard.
"How could you possibly be having problems? The two of you have the proper male/female height proportions that make you look like a cute couple – everyone knows that's the first basis of love. Why, if Leonard was just 5 inches taller, everyone knows his relationship with Penny would be much better."
"It's true," Penny said sadly, sitting down to help Bernadette apply a nice baby blue shade of eye shadow to Amy's face. It made her look a little bit like a street walker, but Penny knew that there was no room for subtly with Sheldon Cooper! "I don't know why, but Leonard and I haven't been completely happy either."
"Listen to me, Penny," Amy said patiently, "You know that if you just admit you love Leonard and stop with all of these commitment issues you'd be filling up this apartment with babies. And Bernadette, if you just start having babies too, you and Howard will be fine. Everyone knows that babies fix all relationship problems. You two should just get pregnant already. Then things will be fine!"
Penny and Bernadette blinked, and then they cried, "Why didn't we think of that?!"
"You're idiots," Amy said. "On the other hand, I'm very smart and a neurobiologist, so I intuitively know how to fix all of your most complex relationship problems. As a neurobiologist it's my job to be soothing and psychologically insightful."
"Dude, yeah," Raj agreed, even as he started to paint Amy's toes. He was going to give her the most beautiful pedicure ever, because he really wanted her to get laid tonight.
Everyone wanted Amy to get laid – Amy and Sheldon's sex life was really the only thing everyone in the gang could talk about; it was the most fascinating subject of all. And tonight they would find out! Would Sheldon give it up, or not?
If not, Raj was going to ask Amy out on his own, and take her away from Sheldon, because Sheldon didn't deserve a woman as special as Amy if he was not going to have sex with her.
Everyone knew this.
"We do," Penny said.
Knock Knock Knock Amy
Knock Knock Knock Amy
Knock Knock Knock Amy
Amy orgasmed, but she didn't know why. She let Sheldon in at the door, spinning to allow him to look at her in her catwoman outfit. Sheldon looked at her with lust in his sizzling cyan blue eyes and stepped into the room.
Amy went into the kitchen, swinging her ass sexily as she did do. She had anticipated all his needs and his tea was ready but she had to test his worthiness.
She set her car keys on the table. Suggestively.
Sheldon looked at her with lust in his eyes.
Amy picked up the elemental table and read it. Sexily.
Sheldon looked at her with lust in his eyes.
Amy asked, "Would you like some tea?" Flirtily.
Sheldon said "yes" with lust in his eyes. Amy orgasmed again but still didn't know why.
She gave Sheldon his cup of tea and he said, "Vixen." Huskily.
Sheldon said, "Amy I would like to propose an experiment." His eyes turned Catalina blue, which is kinda close to Egyptian blue but more of Liberty blue like azure blue just darker blue.
"Jinkies," Amy said, pretty impressed by the shifting eye color thing, "Okay."
Sheldon KISSED her that was the experiment! He tenderly but roughly grabbed her face and kissed her pouring in all of his love and the things he could not say. Amy's knees grew weak and she collapsed into his chest and because she was short her boobs pressed into his rock-like abs and she was able to feel his penis poking into her belly button at the same time.
Sheldon ordered Chinese food and said, "Well, we'll have had the greatest sex of our lives by the time that gets here, so come on."
Amy said, "Wait, what about marriage and kids? I'm not a whore you know."
Sheldon said, "Oh, do you have an issue with sex before marriage? I did not expect that but okay. Amy, will you marry me?"
And Amy squealed, "Yes! Yes! A million orgasms of Yes! Wait. But what about kids? I'd like to field my own athletic team of progeny once I turn into an incubator for your sperm."
Sheldon said, "Kids are icky so I'd only like about 25 of them. Like the cats – that was a good number."
Amy said okay and led him to her bedroom.
They took their clothes off and laid down.
Sheldon kissed her once and Amy was ready.
Amy told Sheldon to be gentle, and he said he would and then he "carefully" thrust his full manhood inside her. Sheldoned filled her and Amy was filled with so much sexual fulfillment it was very fulfilling and For the millionth time that day Amy shimmered with orgasm and Sheldon came at the same time, huffing manly as he his massive cock filled her with so much sperm she knew she was pregnant with twins. But She squeezed with all her love the soft spongy walls of her vagina and Sheldon came again and then Amy knew it was triplets now.
Amy's head bounced against the headboard but she didn't care until she remembered, "Oh! The Chinese food will be here soon!"
Oh right, Sheldon said, so they got out of bed and toweled each off, blushing as they wiped away each other's love juice from their bodies. Amy gave Sheldon a box of baby wipes and Sheldon melted for she knew him so well.
"That was so wonderful," Sheldon simpered. "We must do that every night. Having sex with you has cured me of all my mental problems and neurosis."
"Oh, I forgot about those," Amy said.
"Me too, Sheldon said,"But now I am rid of those, but I am going to retain just enough of my robot personality so that I can make sweet love to you each and every night like a machine. Would you like that, Vixen?"
"Affirmative," Amy agreed, just like Star Trek! And she jumping as she heard her doorbell.
"Chinese food!" They called out in unison.
"Bazinga! No! Double bazinga! No, triple bazinga!
Hahahaha."
- The Show
Epilogue:
Although he had always detested sports and had been horrible at them, Sheldon was now the best, most amazing coach to the Nobel prize winning soccer team he led made up entirely of his and Amy's progeny. Thank god they kept having them in twos and threes! Each one of their children was a super genius in the sciences too, and Sheldon was so very proud of them, and glad there were competing today for the World Cup in Hungary.
"You are a good father with a heart of gold," the referee said to him.
"It's true," Amy said as she delivered a wheelbarrow of orange slices as snacks to her waiting progeny who were award winning soccer players AND scientists AND about to win the world cup of soccer. "I love you, Sheldon Cooper."
"I love you, Amy Farrah Cooper-Fowler," Sheldon said, putting his arm around her waist and pulling her close for a orange-tinged kiss, enjoying the taste of acidic fruits on her lips.
"But what are you doing here? I thought you were teaching 20 Hungarian dolphins how to speak English today?"
"I did!" Amy said, "I have them writing fan fiction as we speak. Expect 20 more Shamy stories to go up on the internet tomorrow! The Nobel prize committee says they are going to give me another one for this."
"But where will we put ANOTHER Nobel prize among all of our children and the prizes we already have?" Sheldon complained, still jealous because 25 children, marriage and lots and LOTS of sex later a part of him still hadn't changed, see, he is in character, how dare Amy get a Nobel prize without him.
But Amy said they were giving him a Nobel prize for his beautiful ever-shifting eye color and Sheldon felt better and then noted, "But we still don't have enough room for more trophies?"
"Maybe we'll just give one to Leonard so he'll finally know what it feels like to have one!" Amy exclaimed, and she and Sheldon laughed. And laughed and laughed and laughed as the crowd roared for their love and their progeny scored SO MANY GOALS and the sky burst into a double rainbow and a herd of beautiful unicorns ran across the field and there was glitter and starlight and everyone cried for love is so beautiful, it's the most beautiful and important thing in the world and that is the moral of this story.
LOVE IS BEAUTY AND SHAMY IS LOVE, Y'ALL.
Then the Cooper-Fowler progeny won The World Cup and it was just another trophy among all of their so many trophies and sex toys in the living room and everyone was so happy, which is nice.
THE END.
Thanks for reading!
No really, thanks for reading. This story pays homage to Concupiscence66 and her amazing parody fic, "The Worst Shenny Fic Ever Written."
It also follows in the footsteps of "The Most Shameful Shamy Story Ever Told," by Tetrad. Congrats, girls, you beat me too it - thanks for taking the majority of flames for the fandom. Race you to chapter 2?
Speaking of: Flames ahoy, captain. Don't be scared to bring it.