Hawke really hates carolers. Woo-hoo, my first fanfic! Anyway, I don't own dragon age or its characters. I just played with a story idea.
Snow was falling in Kirkwall. Small children played ridiculous games in the streets. Jolly men and women bundled up in heavy fur coats caroled at wealthy people's mansions. Aviene Hawke had hoped, with all her heart that they would not come to her door. She had even made Cupcake Sprinkles, her fearsome mabari, guard the entrance to her luxurious home. This had made her certain that those damned carolers would not come to get her and murder her slowly by singing 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Nug' over and over. So naturally, she was upset when she heard the pit-pat of feet. Aviene wished they would just go away. But no, alas; the people coming toward the mansion knocked on her door.
"Oh Maker, NO!" Aviene groaned despairingly. She hoped Sandal would open the door and scream 'enchantment!' in their faces. But Sandal only came and got her, saying
"People at the door, Messere. Can I have some salamanders, please?"
"No, Sandal. I have no freaking salamanders." Sandal frowned. Aviene slid out of bed, threw on a loose bathrobe and slippers, and trudged downstairs. She went over to the door, yanked it open, and without looking, shouted
"I don't want to hear your songs Maker damn it!" and slammed the door. She then started to walk off back to bed, but heard the carolers demanding to see her. She decided to pick up a rotting fish out of the trash and slap them with it for being such cheeky bastards.
When she had her fish selected, she stepped over to the door, opened it, and swung the rotten fish with all her might. It hit the target.
"For the Maker's sake Serah Hawke!" The carolers shouted. Aviene finally realized the people standing at the door were Templars, not carolers! To make things worse, the one she had hit with the fish was none other than Knight-Commander Meredith! 'I'm screwed. I'm in such deep nug shit that I'm probably going to die by drowning in it.' Aviene thought.
"Knight Commander, I am so sorry! I swear I didn't mean to hit you with that fish. I thought you were carolers!" Aviene apologized, trying not to piss herself. It took a lot of effort to control laughter, and this was something Aviene was not good at.
"Well, I came here to give you this" the Knight-Commander shoved an envelope in her face, "so just take it. And I warn you, Serah, that next time you slap me with a rotting perch, I swear I will arrest you."
Aviene apologized again and bowed. She shut the door; but not to quickly. She didn't want to seem even ruder than she already had. Once she saw them leaving, she laughed so hard she almost did piss herself. She was rolling around on the floor, unable to escape the murderous giggle spasms that attacked every three minutes. This was how her mother found her. She was confused at first, then started to chuckle herself when Aviene had finally been able to gasp out the entire story.
"You are so much like your father. Now what's this business about a letter being delivered by Meredith herself? It must be very important." Mother opened it. Her face went pale as she read the letter. "Sweetheart, you had better read this." Aviene grabbed at the letter. She read it aloud;
"To A. Hawke,
Greetings from the Crows! We know about you killing a regiment of our assassins, something we were not to happy about. Unless you provide sufficient payment (30,000 Sovereigns) or join our order yourself, we will be forced to take drastic measures. Don't try to outsmart us; we have eyes everywhere and we also have that elf of yours. Come to the Hightown Plaza tonight at seven. And come alone if you want your elf to live.
With love,
The Crows of Antiva
Oh shit.