Disclaimer - It's not mine. It never was. The song 'My Mother' is property of whomever wrote it, and is used in the movie 'The Chipmunk Adventure'. It's not mine, either. I'm just using it.
My Mother
By: Avonnalay-Ariemay
The wind was slowly picking up speed as three people, cloaked in black, stepped out of a small car and began walking away from the main road that ran through the cemetery. They were all stern faced, and somber; appropriate for what they had come to do.
The young woman clutched her white-haired companion's hand, and he gave her a sad smile as they came upon the headstone that was slowly beginning to lose its luster from exposure to the elements. On her other side, another young man, this one with short black hair and the same blue eyes as she, knelt and placed a single long stemmed lily at the foot of the headstone.
Three years.
It had been three long years since Atricia Higurashi had died.
And her children and son in law were still feeling the raw pain of the unexpected loss.
The three companions bowed their heads as a prayer was murmured from their lips. The two men, their duty done, stepped back and walked a distance away, just like they did every time they went with Kagome to visit the gravesite.
Kagome looked down at the cool tomb and felt the sadness well up in her, just like every time she came here. Her mother had died unexpectedly from a heart attack at the age of forty-two.
It's hard to remember
A summer or winter
When she hasn't been there for me.
It was hard to remember anytime when her mother had never been anything but a strong rock of solid support for her. It still shocked her when she walked into the family house and didn't hear her mother walking down the hallways, or in the kitchen cooking.
Even after three years, Kagome still hoped that one day she would walk into the house and see her mom's smiling face berating their grandfather for doing something he shouldn't have done, or praising Souta for getting good grades in school
Anything was better than nothing. And Kagome was willing to do anything just to hear her mother's voice one more time.
She'd have shattered the Shikon jewel and gathered all the pieces on her own if it would bring her mother back.
But it wouldn't. And she knew this, despite what her mind said to the contrary.
Friend and companion
I can always depend on
My mother.
That's who I need
She had depended on her mother so much during her teen years, especially after finding the well that had led into Feudal Japan. Atricia had always managed to fix Kagome's screw ups in one way or another. And she was the most understanding person Kagome had ever known. Atricia was willing to do what she had to in order to make her children happy.
And Kagome always knew that no matter how far away from home she wandered, she could always come back and be welcomed by her mother's open arms. She had held that sense of security deep within her heart all through her lifetime as she fought demons for the jewel shards and watched as Inuyasha went to Kikyou's side.
'I can mend broken skin and bones.' she had said once. 'But mending a broken heart is something I can't do. You have to work through it yourself. But always know, I'll be by your side every step of the way, Kagome.'
But her mother was there for her to cry on when she came back through the well to her own time. Kagome had cried to her mother so many times that she was amazed the woman had not eventually just told her to get over whatever was bothering her and move on.
I've taken for granted
Seeds that she's planted.
Kagome knew she had taken for granted that her mother would always be there. No one ever really expects that the woman who loved them unconditionally, who gave them life and raised them on her own would die. Atricia was too strong to die, to leave her children alone and on their own…or so Kagome had always thought.
But she had been proven wrong.
Atricia had planted the seeds of herself in Kagome. And Kagome was seeing it more and more as she herself grew older. She looked more like her mother, and people who had know Atricia swore that walked and moved just like her mother. She was proud that she was so much like her mother. Proud to say that she was directly related to such a person as her mother, a person who seemingly carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.
She's always behind everything.
A teacher, a seeker.
Atricia had taught her to look beyond the visible, and into the invisible. Her mother had taught her to understand the way people thought, the things they felt. She had taught Kagome to understand the circumstances surrounding a person, and take that into consideration before jumping to conclusions.
She was the one behind Kagome's strong sense of self worth. She was the one who had given Kagome hope when there seemed to be none, had boosted her self esteem when Kagome had doubted her self worth. And she was the one who had instilled in agome a sense of right and wrong.
I'll go far to reach her.
My mother.
That's who I need
Kagome would have done anything to bring her mother back when she'd found out about the heart attack. She'd have went to the end of the Earth, beneath the darkest ocean, or the deepest pit of Hell to bring that one soul back to its rightful body.
But even as the guardian of the Shikon jewel, Kagome was helpless to stop the natural procession of life and death. Not being able to bring back to life the one person she'd never thought would die had been a jolt of reality for Kagome. Sure, she'd seen people of the Feudal Era die at the hands of famine, war, or invaders, but it had never sunk in how fragile a person's life was. It had never meant anything because Kagome didn't know those people.
But death was different when it was someone she loved.
Wish I could slow down
The hands of time
Keep things the way they are.
Kagome felt the tears swell up in her eyes as she remembered all the times she, Souta, and her mother had shared. It didn't matter if they were grocery shopping, cleaning the family temple, or just sitting on the porch steps watching the wind blow the branches of the trees.
She was there, and that was enough for them all.
There had been so many times that Kagome wished she could somehow stop life, rewind it a couple of years back, and relive her time with her mother with the knowledge and realization that Atricia wouldn't always be there.
There was so much that she would change, so many things she would have done different.
So many times she would not have taken for granted that her mother would be there forever and always.
If she said so, I would give her the world.
If I could, I would.
Atricia had done so much, and asked for so little in return. Kagome had never really realized the stress she had placed on her mother when she was jumping between worlds. Now, she just wished she could have made up for her long disappearances by doing something to honor her mother, something to help out, to show her appreciation.
Something to show her undying love and gratitude.
But it did not take long for Kagome to realize that there was absolutely nothing in the world that she could have done or given her mother that would have equaled what she'd given them.
Atricia had given them life. But more importantly, she had given then unconditional love, and a place to call home. When it seemed life got too rough, she was the first one they ran to. Because, after all, she was mom.
And mom could do anything.
My love and my laughter,
From here ever after,
Is all that she says that she needs.
Laughter.
That was the one thing that Atricia loved the most about her children, she had told Kagome that many times. As a mother, it was the best feeling in the world to know that her children were happy, and safe.
Kagome remembered back when she was eight years old, and had asked her mother what she wanted for her birthday that year. Mrs. Figurate had simply smiled and gathered Kagome and Souta into her arms, hugging them tight and saying that she had the best present in the world right there in her arms.
She said she couldn't have asked for more.
And Kagome had believed her, simply because she was 'Mom'.
Friend and companion
I can always depend on
My mother.
That's who I need
She'd been the one that had talked her through the rough spots with Inuyasha in the beginning of their rocky relationship. She'd been the one that had told Kagome to follow her dreams, and her heart, and let them take her where they would.
Atricia was the one who had finally gotten Inuyasha to open up to her daughter. She had taken the hanyou in as her own son, and treated him just as wonderfully as she had treated her own children. Kagome could always depend on her mother to step in and intervene when she herself went off the deep end with the hard headed hanyou.
If it wouldn't have been for her mother, Kagome highly doubted Inuyasha would have stayed around after the jewel had been completed. He'd been so confused about his feelings, and had admitted so much to her mother. Atricia had helped him to come to terms with his emotions, and guided him as much as she could.
Things like that were priceless.
My mother, that's who I need
Kagome had needed her mother so many times in the past three years that it hurt to think about it. Her marriage to Inuyasha only a year and a half ago had been nothing of the fairy tale wedding day she had envisioned for herself. She had no father to give her away, and no mother to cry tears of joy for her. Sure, she had her friends from school, and the few friends of the family that had been invited.
But it just wasn't the same. Especially when she had gotten a bad case of nerves and almost bolted out the church door right before the ceremony, only to be calmed down by her brother Souta.
Kagome had cried in her brother's arms that day, wishing that their mom was there to give her some words of wisdom, some comfort or assurance that she was doing the right thing.
That's who I need. Kagome had needed her then. And she had needed her half a million times afterwards.
When Souta proposed to his own girlfriend Hitomi of three years.
When the well had closed up, no allowing her or Inuyasha to go back to the Feudal Era.
When she had went to the doctor and found out she was pregnant.
They were all times when she could have used her mother's solid presence as a ballast in the storm of life, and craved that internal need for protection from the unknown.
That's who I need.
Kagome swallowed the lump in her throat, wiped the tears on her face away, and knelt down to unwrap a small plaque from some tissue paper she had hidden in her coat. The plaque was small, with a few lines carved into the surface. She wiped some imaginary dust from the tomb, and then placed the small plaque in the center, rearranging the flowers around it. She stood, and looked down at the carved stone, smiling slightly at the truth that was etched into it.
"Kagome?" came a slightly wavy voice. The woman turned and looked back to where her husband and younger brother were standing, somber expressions on their faces.
"You okay, Kagome?" Inuyasha asked, coming to her side and placing an arm securely around her.
"Fine." she answered, sniffling a little as her tears began to lessen. "I miss her."
"We all do." Souta said, instinctively taking his older sibling's hand in a reassuring gesture. The wind picked up again, and Inuyasha's ears twitched when the slight rumble of thunder reverberated throughout the cemetery.
"Rain's coming." he said quietly. "We should go."
"He's right, sis." Souta said carefully.
"You two go on. I'll be there in a minute." she said, nodding towards the car parked along the main road. The two men nodded in assent and began walking slowly away, glancing over their shoulders every few moments to check on Kagome.
Kagome simply walked back over to the tomb, knelt down and placed her own rose on the foot of it. She glanced down at the plaque one more time, and smiled sadly.
"If only words were the same as actions. I'd have had you back here so long ago." she said, running her hands over the words as she read them one more time.
If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven,
And bring you home again.
The rain began falling then, and Kagome slowly turned away from the resting spot, leaving the plaque alongside the other mementos to mark the spot where Atricia Higurashi was resting for eternity.
They would come back again many times before next year, and add more flowers to the grave. But the fact would still remain that their mother was gone. Kagome and Souta both knew it was pointless to keep thinking she was coming back, but there was always a feeling deep down that she was watching over them, guiding them even when she couldn't be seen.
And it was that feeling alone, and the warm memories it brought, that kept the Higurashi siblings able to carry on with their lives in spite of their mother's death.
A/N - This was written on the three year anniversary of the death of my own mother, a wonderful woman whom could never be replaced. There are not words adequate enough to describe what she gave up for my brother and I, the pain she endured, and the hell she put up with until she was taken from us that morning three years ago.
I can't do anything to bring her back, because the Lord above knows I would if I could. But I can honor her memory the best way that I know how.
I love you, momma.
6/26/06
Review if you want.
I just had to write this and get it out of my system before I exploded. And if there is anyone out there who is currently fighting with their mom or dad or anyone you love, take a fool's advice and smooth things over with them.
Because trust me, once they're gone, you don't realize what you had with them. No matter how strained the relationship is, it can be fixed if you're willing to try. Once they pass on, you've lost your chance.