The woman would never grow into her womanhood; the fact had been proven over the years. The heart of a child would always beat within her regardless of how much time passed. Though her body matured, her spirit did not. She carried more wisdom than she had in her younger days, but that wisdom was hardly ever put to use. There was no need for it when she had little chance to speak as it was. She had become something of a silent companion, speaking only when in need of something or when her excitement got the best of her.
When left alone she would delve deep into her womanly thoughts and do some deeper thinking. But her thoughts were often easily replaced when her mind wandered to him.
She had remained by his side for all these years and though their relationship had grown in some ways, it remained cold and hardened in others. As a child she had wanted nothing more than to be praised by him, as a young woman she had just wanted to feel his touch and as a grown woman she wanted so much more. She wanted to push past the boundaries and explore what was on the other side.
She was getting no younger and she would be damned if she died an old maid. She had chipped away some of the ice packed around his cold demon heart, but she had so much left to do before it was melted entirely. It would take longer than a lifetime to accomplish that task and her days were numbered.
He stood with his back to her just up ahead on the crest of the hill and she rubbed her palms against the fabric of her kimono. She spent every night watching him when she knew she should have been sound asleep and preparing for another day of travel. She hungered for him in more ways than she had ever hungered for another living soul. Her heart, body, mind, soul and everything else about her being belonged to him whether he wished for it to or not.
Rin assumed that he had to know; that he had to feel something in return. Even if it was small, she knew it was there and buried deep within him. She found it hard to believe that he was incapable of feeling love. Everyone was capable of love, even if only just a little. She just had to find the proper way to get him to express it.
She wrapped her arms around herself as a breeze blew past her and rustled her hair. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other as she continued to watch him gaze out into the night and she wondered what he could have been thinking about. Was he thinking about the many things left he had to do still or was he thinking about her? The latter sounded silly and she felt her cheeks turn a light shade of pink.
She was being ridiculous and she knew it. But it was worth hoping for, at least. She wondered how often she crossed his mind; even she even crossed it at all. Did he think of her when he was away? Did he ever wonder what things would have been like under different circumstances? She doubted it, but it was comforting to still have some hope that maybe he did; even if it was only every other blue moon.
Perhaps he would want to love her if she was prettier or stronger. She was both plain and weak. She couldn't defend herself from the weakest of demons and she was nothing compared to some of the other women they had come across, both demon and human. She was a human and a boring one at that. She was clumsy and uncoordinated. She was too thin and her hair lacked the brilliant shine that so many other women had. She had not grown into the stunning woman that had once dreamt of being and it was part of the reason she seemed to think Sesshomaru didn't love her as she loved him.
She had once considered seeking the help of demons to remedy this, but her conscious had gotten the better of her and she had quickly pushed the thought away, never to retrieve it again. It would have brought on nothing but her death and she knew that all too well. She had seen it drive too many humans mad and she would not be like them. She would earn his love and affection the hard way if she had to.
She felt a small smile tug at the corners of her lips as she closed her eyes and swayed back and forth, imagining how her life would change then. Jaken would not approve, but then again, Jaken approved of hardly anything. But it was so farfetched that she knew not to dwell too long on her fantasies.
Rin was surprised to find that her demon lord had spotted her when her eyes opened. She could feel the pull of his gaze from where he stood and before she could command herself to do otherwise, her feet were moving her towards him without hesitation and determination.