Evidently I don't own the rights for Stargate Atlantis. MGM does, though.
"John. Don't."
"Sorry," He gave her his usual lopsided grin and left, leaving her alone on the balcony. She looked after him for a moment before looking at the watch in her hand, caressing it gently. Her thoughts returned to the experience she had just been through, going over and over again to the story the Replicator created for her.
Behind her, in the edge of the control room, John was sitting in the shadows. He watched her silently, neither talking nor moving. He watched her as she lowered her head, her brown curls moving as well, covering her face from everyone who might have been watching. He watched as she looked down at the gate, silently weighing the meaning of the reality that Niam created. He watched her every single breath, partly needing to make sure that the next breath would come.
That moment, when he stepped into her office and saw her passed out, was one of the worst moments of his life. He simply grabbed hold of her and carried her to the infirmary as soon as he could, half running and not caring about anything at all. The only thing that mattered was the woman in his arms.
Now that she was awake, he needed to make sure she was okay. He needed to make sure she will be okay. He needed to know that Elizabeth Weir, his leader and the only person who mattered to him this much in two galaxies, was safe.
He didn't know how long he sat there. There were only one thing he could see, only one thing he cared about. Every now and then he felt someone touching his shoulder gently and looked up to see a cup of coffee waiting for him. He didn't know who left them there; but he did know what they meant – even though Elizabeth wasn't aware that he was sitting there, the expedition team knew and approved. They, too, worried about their leader.
Eventually she turned to her quarters. He followed her silently, nodding to himself as he saw her going into her quarters. Going back to the control room, he asked Chuck to make sure she was going to bed. When the other man told him she did, he whispered to her, "Goodnight, 'Lizabeth," and didn't even know she heard.
After ordering everyone not to interrupt her sleep, not for anything in the world, John continued on with his daily schedule. He made sure teams returned on time, doing both his and Elizabeth's part of the job. He worked through mission reports, set up a schedule for the next week and even had briefings with two teams. He summarized each briefing and placed the summary on Elizabeth's desk, knowing she would like to know what happened when she wakes up.
He was in the middle of another briefing when he heard her voice coming through his earpiece.
"Hey," She said quietly, and he knew she was talking to him alone.
He signaled the team in front of him to wait and turned to the far end of the room. "Hey," He replied just as quietly. "How are you feeling?" She didn't reply. "Do you want something to eat?" He continued, knowing she didn't want to talk about it.
"I was just thinking about going-"
"I'll bring you something," He cut her off.
"You don't have to." Her voice was quiet. He wasn't sure if he imagined her shyness.
"I'll get you something from the mess hall." He glanced at the team still sitting around the table. "Gimme a few minutes to finish this briefing and I'll be there."
"Okay."
He returned to the team and finished the briefing as quickly as he could. He then ran to the mess hall and got her a salad and her favorite sandwich and hurried towards her room. He didn't know what he was about to go into, but a part of him thought he should have gotten into it sooner.
"Hi." She said as she opened the door to him, moving away from it.
"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly as he followed her into her quarters. She sat down on her bed, dressed with nothing but a short t-shirt and dark pants, and he found himself somewhat amazed at the sight of Elizabeth Weir in her pajamas. Leaving the food on the bedside table, he sat down in front of her on the only chair in the room.
"I don't know." She replied just as quietly. That answer left him shocked. Even though he knew her better than anyone else in Atlantis, even he rarely saw Elizabeth as shaken up as she looked in that moment. Even when she was going through a hard time, she would never admit that to anyone. It was the first time he heard her saying that something was wrong.
"Are you okay?" His voice was worried.
"I will be." He could almost think she was back to herself, but that look in her green eyes told him she wasn't. She still didn't feel quite safe.
"He won't touch you again," He found himself promising. She just nodded quietly as she started eating her salad, unsure what else to say. He looked at her silently for a moment before adding, "Listen, for what it's worth… I'm sorry."
She frowned. "About what?"
"I should have stopped him before he grabbed you," He replied. Ever since the moment Carson told him she was infected he couldn't help but blame himself for not stopping Niam sooner.
"How could you?" Her voice was somewhat soft. He knew she was trying to tell him to forgive himself.
"He said they were getting to him. Of course they'd try to harm you. Who else would they try to choke, Rodney?"
She laughed quietly. "He would have been a better choice," She stated.
"Nah. Rodney isn't the center of this expedition."
She looked up at him again, surprised. "What?"
He hesitated, inside his mind silently swearing for saying that. Eventually he decided to continue, even though deep down he was afraid something would go wrong. "You should have known that by now, 'Lizabeth," He said, his voice passionate but also clearly held back. "Without you, most of us wouldn't have even been here."
She raised her eyebrows. "I'm not the one who saved us from the Wraith over and over again."
"But without you, most of us wouldn't have been here. I definitely wouldn't have been here. I know others wouldn't as well. In a way, you're a part of the reason we're all here together. For most of us, you symbolize home." He didn't want to see she was the only thing that symbolized home to him, but he had a feeling she understood it herself.
She looked down, not sure what to say next. He could tell she was blushing and trying to hide it, and so he let her, not saying anything more on that subject. He let her eat quietly, just studying her.
When she looked up at him again, opening her mouth to say something more, they both heard Rodney's voice coming through their earpieces. He sounded irritated. "Colonel Sheppard, come in."
"What do you want, Rodney?" He replied immediately. Elizabeth looked amused at the sound of his tone, and laughed quietly when he mouthed, "At least you don't have to deal with him right now".
"Sheppard, are you listening?" Rodney asked, sensing the Colonel's mind was away.
"Sure." The look in John's eyes told Elizabeth he had no idea what the scientist was talking about.
"Yeah? What was I saying?"
"That you… wanted to see what more you can do before you accidentally blow up the city," He replied lightly, causing Elizabeth to laugh again.
"Ha ha ha." Rodney's voice was cynical. "Just get to the control room already."
"I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Hey, listen; are you in Elizabeth's-?"
John shut his radio off, ignoring the rest of Rodney's sentence. He then smiled slightly as he saw she was more relaxed now. "I should, uh, probably…" He started, getting up.
"Yeah." She got up as well and escorted him to the door.
"Um, listen…" He stopped in front of the door and turned to her. She stopped as well, not opening the door. "If you need, or, uh… want to talk, then… you know where to find me."
She gave him a playful smile. "I might actually force you to keep that word," She said.
His look was serious. "Whenever you need."
She stared at him for a moment, trying to understand what had just happened. She knew that more than almost anything, John Sheppard hated talking. He'd try to avoid it whenever he could. But here he was, telling her that if she needs him, he's there for her, even if it's for a conversation.
She bit her lower lip. "Thank you," She said quietly. She wasn't just thanking him for that day, and they both knew that. She was thanking him for all that he has been and done for her during these past two years.
He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around her.
She stood there, shocked, for a moment before gently hugging him back. She felt safe between his arms and smiled at the thought of him being there for her. Closing her eyes, she could feel his lips gently touching the top of her head, but he backed away before she could say anything, and realizing he didn't meant she'd notice it, she didn't talk. She just stood there with him, letting him express in one hug everything he couldn't put into words.
He moved away eventually, looking somewhat surprised at his own behavior. "I'll, uh, go see what Rodney wanted."
"Yeah. Right." It seemed as if for a moment, they completely forgot about the world they were now forced to get back to. She opened the door and watched him as he left, quietly whispering after him, "Stay safe, John."
She wasn't sure, but she thought he'd heard her.