Clary would have denied it if she had run into anyone and was asked, but she was looking for Alec. He was not in the expected places - his room or the training room - so she was looking elsewhere.

She found him in an isolated corner, looking through a window, looking outside into the night. He must have seen her reflection, because he spoke as she drew near to him.

"Clary," he said without turning around.

"Hey, Alec," she replied as she moved to stand next to him and looked out of the same window. She saw the city lights and wondered what he was thinking about, when he spoke again.

"How's your mother?" he asked.

He had turned to face her now, so she faced him. "She's good," Clary said, smiling a little. "She's in the shower. It turns out that, after being in suspended in a coma, or spell or whatever, she wants to clean up, to look into a mirror and make sure everything is just the way she wants it."

Alec nodded and turned to look outside again.

"I told her she looked great," Clary continued, but still she..." Clary let herself trail off, unsure if he was really listening to her.

She turned to look outside as well. "How's yours?" she asked. Before he turned to look at her again, she saw the confusion on his face. "Your mother," she clarified quickly.

Alec shrugged. "Embarrassed, humiliated."

"I'm sorry," Clary said without really thinking.

"Why?" Alec asked, turning to face her again as he spoke. "It wasn't you, it was me."

Clary hesitated. This wasn't really the reason she was looking for him, but she felt some responsibility for what happened. "If we had just given the Mortal Cup to the Clave like you said, none of this would have happened."

"I'm not sure that's what humiliated her." Alec said, softly.

"Well, it didn't help. And now Valentine has the Cup."

"Hodge would have found a way to get it to Valentine no matter what we did," Alec told her.

Clary had to break eye contact, so she looked outside again. "Maybe, but I'm sorry about Lydia, too."

"That was your fault - at least a little."

Clary's head jerked back to look at him. "What? What did I do?"

Alec didn't look at her, and didn't respond immediately, though she continued to stare at him. He hesitated a few seconds, then finally turned to her.

"When you came to us, to the Institute, I couldn't stand you,"

"I could tell," Clary said under her breath, unsure if he heard. If he did, he didn't respond, but continued as if she hadn't spoken.

"Jace was doing things for you, taking risks. He was changing because of you. I guess he was falling in love with you."

Clary bit her lip and looked down.

"You thought that was what bothered me, and you were right. But it wasn't that I wanted him to be in love with me, like you thought."

Her eyes flew back to his, she could feel the confusion on her face.

He shrugged again, "I mean, I wouldn't have complained if he did, but that wasn't it. I could see the effect you were having on him, and," he took a breath before continuing, "you were having the same effect on me."

Clary couldn't pull her eyes away, but she wanted to. After a few seconds, Alec turned to look outside again.

"I didn't know how to deal with that, so I didn't treat you all that well. But when I realized I felt something for you, it opened my eyes, in a way. I was hearing about our family's reputation and how it needed to be restored, and because of you I knew I could feel something for someone who wasn't..." he shook his head before continuing, "so I ..."

"So you took a chance with Lydia?" Clary interrupted, glad to have the attention off of herself for a little. "But your family's reputation wasn't your fault."

Alec snorted. "And neither were your problems with your parents. You still had to try help with that, and so did I."

Clary nodded, understanding. "Lydia is a good person - she did the right thing in the end," she noted.

"She wanted to do what was right all along," Alec said. "She followed the law as far as she could. The law and what is right are not different very often."

Clary felt that the comment was meant to criticize her, so she defended herself. "The Clave just wanted the Cup, they didn't care about the law."

"Lydia cared about the law, but she figured it out." Alec shook his head. "Anyway, that's over."

"But now you have Magnus," Clary noted, trying to be encouraging.

Alec laughed a little. "I have a date with Magnus, maybe. It's more of a promise to get a drink with him sometime. I did learn something about him though, I learned that I'm not the only one he's ever loved - if he even loves me."

Clary scowled. "Camille's a bitch. You know she set you up."

Alec nodded. "I do. The point still stands. I'm not sure what to do with it yet. I'm not sure how I feel about it, just like I'm not sure what to do with what I feel for..."

He looked at her, as if not wanting to finish the statement. Then he changed the subject. "Did you want something from me?"

Clary hesitated, then nodded. "I wanted to thank you for, for keeping me from going into the portal."

Alec nodded. "Losing Jace was enough. I didn't want to lose you as well."

She wasn't sure how to respond, wasn't sure exactly what she was feeling. "We'll get him back," she finally managed to say, "And the Cup." Then she shook her head. "I can't believe Valentine messed with his mind like that."

Alec looked a little confused, so she continued. "Jace told me he didn't know who he was anymore. He thought something was wrong with him."

"After he found out that he's your brother?" Alec asked.

Clary nodded, feeling herself flush just a little.

"And you? Do you feel the same?"

It was Clary who shrugged this time. "I told him we'd figure it all out."

"But you have no idea how," Alec continued when she didn't finish. He was looking at her intently again.

Clary could only nod, then shake her head. She looked away as she repeated "No idea." She hesitated and turned back to him. "I should probably go back to my mother," though she did not turn to leave.

Alec nodded. "You're welcome for keeping you from jumping into the portal. And with things so screwed up, I wanted you to know that you and Jace - the way I acted wasn't why you thought. You helped me, you made me see that I needed to take a chance, with Lydia, and with..." He trailed off.

"The other think you told me," she finished for him.

Alec nodded.

"I don't know what I...I..." She closed her eyes and took a breath. "I can't do anything, think anything until we have Jace back."

Alec's face remained somber as he nodded.

"He was so upset about things," she added. "I have no idea what he's thinking anymore."

"I don't know either," Alec said. "But I have known him a little longer than you have." He looked like he might say more, but it looked like he changed his mind and he just shook his head.

"And?" she prompted.

"Maybe, just maybe, he wanted to make sure if Valentine had the Cup, he would be there as well. Maybe he's looking for a chance to bring it back."

Clary wanted to believe that was it, but wasn't sure it mattered just then. She tried to force a smile, but knew it hadn't worked. "Maybe," she said as she turned to leave.

She took a couple of steps, but turned back to him. He was facing the window again, looking into the night.

"Alec," she said and waited for him to turn around. "Since you told me...what you did...you should know something as well. When I was running to the portal and you grabbed me, all I wanted to do was get away, to follow Jace. But when you told me why you did it, what you were keeping me from...when you pulled me close as I watched the portal close, I knew that with you is where I needed to be. Where I wanted to be. I didn't want to be anywhere else."

Clary closed her eyes and took a breath. "I don't know what it means. I can't even think about it until..."

"Until Jace is back," Alec interrupted. "I know."

Clary nodded, turned around and went to join her mother.