How To Fall In Love With An Insufferable Prat-By Lily Potter
Welcome dear readers; to 'How To Fall In Love With An Insufferable Prat' by yours truly; Lily Potter. James seems to think that this particular prologue isn't necessary, but I'll write it anyway. The following steps with teach you; well how to fall in love with an insufferable prat. However, take note that these first set of rules only apply to Year 1 of Hogwarts. Each Year has a different set of rules. Without further ado; how to spend your first year in Hogwarts if you ant to fall, in love with an insufferable part. While that doesn't sound all that nice; trust me it's worth it. Enjoy!
-Lily Potter
P.S; Only the bold is mine. The rest is a lovely addition by MY insufferable prat; James Potter, with occasional footnotes(actual footnotes-as in imprints of his foot) by Harry Potter.
Step 1:Accidentally Enter His Compartment On A Train On A Platform In A Wall
Lily Evans was a muggle-born ginger with freckles that coloured her petite little face, with a small nose that had been called all variants of the word cute who happened to be magical. Her best-friend was Severus Snape; who was also magical. However, Severus was from a family of witches and wizards(at least , from his mother's side); and therefore- much unlike Lily, knew what he was doing when he ran face-first into the brick wall that separated Platforms 9 and 10 in King's Cross on September 1st. Lily covered her eyes as she braced for her pale friend to slam against the wall, and slowly uncovered them when she didn't hear it. She then jumped back and banged into an old couple when Sev stuck his head out, the rest of him on the other side of the wall and said; "Well come on then. Don't want to miss the Hogwarts Express on your first day there do you?"
Muttering, "Well it's now or never," she pushed her trolley towards the wall; picking up a run and closed her eyes. She wasn't quite sure when she passed through the wall or stopped running but she got through and managed to bump into yet another person, though this time it was a boy her age; with the most beautiful hazel eyes and glasses. "I'm so sorry, I really did't mean to do that," she gestured behind her to the wall, "I was just running though that, and my eyes were closed and I didn't see and-Oh I'm incredibly sorry." He chuckled and waved off the apology; pushing himself off the floor and dusting his clothes. He leant down at the same time Lily did to pick up the fallen books and the two bumped foreheads and he somehow tripped over a book of hers and fell down again. "Jesus, I've done it again. I'm terribly sorry; I really didn't mean-." He stopped her apology by placing a finger on her lips, "It's fine honestly. It's a mistake. Nothing broken see?" He jumped up and down kicking his legs and wiggling his hands and fingers for effect. Satisfied that she was laughing, he grinned ear to ear and helped her get all her books in; before giving her mock salute and disappearing in the throng of parents and children.
She stared after him, a small smile playing on her lips; and was startled out of it by a tap on her shoulder. She jumped and turned around to see Severus looking at her anxiously. "Lily, are you okay? I turned around for a moment and then you just weren't there" His onyx eyes narrowed when he noticed the haphazard way her books were kept and the dust on her clothes, "Are you okay? Did some-one push you down?Tell me, I'll go sort out the prick."
Lily chuckled and waved off her friend's worries, "No; quite the opposite. I bumped into another student by mistake, and he helped me back up. I'm fine Sev." and she turned back around. But Severus didn't miss the small smile that stayed on his best-friend's lips; and he didn't like it one bit.
...
"Who you?" James turned at the sound of the voice to see a scruffy boy who was around his age at the door of the apartment. His black hair, much like James brunette hair; was haphazardly kept and his clothes were droopy over his wiry frame. "Potter; James Potter. And you Mr.I think I'll go for a dog's look?" The latter boy laughed at that and plopped himself down on the opposite seat, " Black. Sirius Black."
"Pureblood or Muggleborn?"
Sirius narrowed his eyes, "What's it to you?"
James shrugged,"Curious. Why, prejudiced family?"
Sirius rolled his black eyes "Snobbish little idiots; that's what the Black Family i known for." He puffed up his chest mockingly, "The pureblood are the pride and the very blood of the Wizarding World Sirius Black; and don't you forget it,"; before slinking back into is seat, "Bloody ridiculous if you ask me."
James threw his head back laughing, "Whose that? Your grandaunt?"
Sirius huffed, blowing a few strands of hair out of his eyes, "I wish. It's my mother." James sobered up immediately, "I meant no offence man. I didn't know. You just did it comically."
Sirius waved it off, "It's okay. I hate the bloody witch."
James just smiled in response and leant his head against the glass, his glasses falling off his nose. He was jerked away as the train jumped a bit and caught a snippet off the animated conversation of the two new arrivals into the compartment.
You'd better be in Slytherin."
James turned his head around at the outrageous notion. "Slytherin? Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave. wouldn't you?" he turned to Sirius for support. The mangly boy just ducked his head and said, "My whole family have been in Slytherin."
"Blimey," James said, "and I thought you seemed all right!"
Sirius grinned. "Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"
James lifted an invisible sword. "Gryffindor; where dwell the brave at heart! Like my dad."
The pale boy who had the previous ridiculous comment about how his ginger friend should be in Slytherin scoffed. James turned on him, "Got a problem with that?"
"No," said the greasy boy in question, "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy.."
"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" Sirius quipped
James roared with laughter and Sirius chuckled at the pompous look on the slimy boy's face. The ginger girl whirled around and gave James the most withering look, that even rivalled his mothers. She looked familiar; but he couldn't put his finger on it. She got up and motioned for the other boy to follow.
"Come on Severus, lets find another apartment."
"Oooooooo," the two boys chorused as Sirius stuck his leg out to trip the sl-Severus, "See you Snivellous!" James stuck his head and called to the corridor, before collapsing onto the seat; laughing.
It was only after the two boys descended the platform that James got a good look at the ginger; and realized that she was the girl with the cute-button nose who had crashed into him on the platform and then had rambled out apologizes.
Step 2: Be his partner for Transfiguration And Potions
Lily walked through the corridors to the Great Hall and plopped herself next to Alice Prewitt; her room-mate and best-friend in Gryffindor. She craned her neck; looking for Severus, her emerald eyes lighting up when she saw her and waved, before settling down. She had felt incredibly guilty that she had been sorted into Gryffindor when Sev was in Slytherin, but she soon learnt to enjoy herself, After all, she would see him in Potions. Speaking of Potions-,
"Hey Evans! How's my lovely ginger? She's looking a little peachy isn't she Black?"
"You are right James. She seems a bit off-weather. Remus, do you thunk you could look into it? You do go to help your mother out every month after all!"
Alice swatted James' hands away, before her childhood friend in a small hug; even obliging Sirius, "Leave the poor girl alone James, you know she doesn't like it." James tipped his head and lifted up a fake hat in mock salute, "Only for you Madame" before sauntering off to eat. Lily audibly sighed when the three, Pettigrew slugging behind disappeared. "Honestly Alice; how do you do it? I just cannot put up with them. And did you hear, the four have made some ridiculous name for themselves, 'The Marauders'.," she rolled her eyes, "'Four Lunatics' is more suitable; or rather, 'Two lunatics, a half decent one and a mongrel'."
Alice just smiled in response, "He grows on you; James does. Once you get to know him, he's honestly the nicest, most loyal person you'll meet. You could've committed murder and he'll still blindly trust you. He really is a sweetheart. And he's probably the most trust-worthy person I know; save for you and Sirius."
Lily gagged, "What if it's his murder that you've committed?"
"He'll smile and embrace you, before handing you the murder weapon and calmly sitting down; waiting."
Lily smiled, "Well that makes things so much easier."
Alice laughed, "For some-one who claims to hate him; you both are very similar."
Lily gasped and got off the table with a flourish, "Alice Prewitt how dare you insinuate such a thing? I'm very offended. Now, if you'll excuse me; I must go."
...
James and Sirius fell into the dungeons, their arms slung over each others shoulders, and their hair stuck in all places. Professor Mirkwood narrowed his eyes at the two of them, and marched up to the pair; swishing his wand. Oh their own accord, the boys robes straightened out, and their ties were pulled up. Th two stood straight immediately and the Professor smiled.
"Ten point from Gryffindor for tardiness and I shall place you with partners; unlike the other students who got to choose." He turned around and glanced around the class, "Snape; move to that empty bench at the back. Black, next to Snape; and Potter next to Evans." The four students broke into immediate protests and Mirkwood glared at the four; silencing them immediately. "As I had mentioned to the class; I shall be your Potions master till your OWLS. For that ridiculous noise; you four shall be paired with each other till then. That will teach you to make noise in my class."
Grumbling, James went over to Evans desk; while the ginger studiously ignored him and sent a mournful glance behind him to Sirius, before slamming his bag down and plopping himself down. He watched with amusement as Lily furiously scribbled down everything that Professor Mirkwood rambled on; making footnotes and star notes and diagrams and wrote down the various names of each ingredient; all the while ensuring she didn't smudge the ink. After class; she looked at him and asked him, " Are you quite done looking at me? You've only done it for the entire lesson."
He smirked and said, "No, one class is hardly enough time to count your freckles; there are simply too much."
Lily flushed a deep crimson at this and left the dungeon without a single word. James chuckled and walked after her, following her for Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall. Just to annoy her, he sat down next to her and refused to move; pretending not to hear her many protest s Sirius caught on and sat on the adjoining seat, effectively caging her between the two boys. To make matters worse, Remus and Peter occupied the only two free seats; so Lily had no choice but to sit down next to him. He smirked at her gasp of shock and awe and the black tabby cat morphed into McGonagall, and then scribbled down the meaning of an Animagus; and every other word that McGonagall said. His smirk turned into a full fledged smile when he heard McGonagall's final words, "These partners will be your partners till your OWLS; that way you won't have to adjust every year."
This was becoming something of a routine.
Step 3: Get your hair turned a lovely blue for an entire school day(And then turn his hair purple for an entire school week)
"Evans! How's my favourite ginger?" Lily pulled a beautiful, completely fake smile and lifted her emerald eyes to meet his hazel and said sweetly, "Just splendid. Then you and your little train of followers came along," before going back to her toast, smiling as Alice threw her blonde head back, laughing.
James gasped and put his hand to his chest, leaning back to Sirius' arms for emphasis, " You wound me my fair maiden. What could I have possibly done to deserve such treatment? Pray tell!"
Lily spit out her orange juice ungracefully [Now that's not true. James is just making that up, don't believe him. He's a bit absent up there, if you catch my drift] and coughed. Sirius and Remus roared with laughter, dropping James on the floor; starting off Lily and Alice [ Now that actually happened. He was the cutest thing ever then; is glasses all askew and a bit dazed as he didn't expect to be dropped] Once Lily has calmed down and James had regained some of his pride; she managed to splutter out, "What you have done? I could write an essay on that Potter."
James looked thoughtful at that, "All-right then. Do it. Write an entire essay on what I have done to you this school year by the end of this week."
Lily simply raised an eyebrow, "Or what Potter?"
James smiled devilishly, "You won't like it Evans. I can assure you that much. It'll be one more thing to add to that oh-so long list of what I've done with you."
Lily stuck out her hand, "Deal."
...
"Alice! Alice!" the blonde stuck her head out of the dormitory and looked at the ginger in confusion, "What is it Lily?" Lily looked a bit mad as she threw around books; "I can't find it!" The blonde walked up to her and made her sit down, "Find what Lily?" Lily lifted her blazing emerald eyes and said, "The essay!The one I wrote on Potter!It's gone!"
Alice's eyes widened, "Merlin! You're in for some real trouble. You've got to give that in," she looked at her watch and back at Lily, "Now."
As if he had heard them; James came bounding into the Common Room, Sirius in tow. "Well then Evans; lets have it."
"The one time you don't want the prick to come, he's bloody punctual Figures." Lily mumbled under her breath, before slowly walking up to James, her eyes wide and her biggest grin on. She caught a strand of her hair and started twirling it, looking up at James, "Well, the thing is- it was a stupid deal, right James? Why don't we just forget about it?"
James cocked his head to the side, his brunette hair falling on his eyes and catching onto his glasses, "Why on Earth would you say that? You were so eager to give it to me just a few days ago!"
"Well that's the thing. I kinda-lost it."
Sirius roared with laughter, "You-Lily bloody perfect Evans lost it!? Oh this is rich!"
Even James smirked, and shrugged, "A deal's a deal Evans. I didn't get my essay; so you shall get your payment," and the two walked off, James winking at her.
Alice went up to her downcast friend, "There's no nice way to put this; but you're in big trouble."
...
"Pottttterrrrrrrrrrr! I will murder you I swear!You will regret ever putting those hazel eyes of yours on me till the day you die!"
Lily stared aghast at her scarlet blue hair; running her fingers through it and she desperately tried to wash it off with shampoo in the shower. By the time she reached the Great Hall, her hair tucked into a beanie, a small smidge sticking out; and her fingers were completely pruned. No-one had bothered to turn her way and question the beanie or the blue tuft of curls until the subject of her torture and his mongrel of companions decided that they would make a spectacle of her.
"Evans!Whatever is the matter? Are you sick? Is that why you're wearing this beanie?"
Lily gritted her teeth and said, "Yes Potter. That's why I'm wearing the beanie." She even coughed twice for affect. Sirius smirked and bent down, while James stepped back; his hazel eyes gleaming. Sirius' black hair fell on his face and he whispered in her ear, "Lily darling; I invented the fake cough. Do you want to try that one again?" She whipped her head around and glared at Sirius; wanting nothing more than to slap that silly smirk of his of his tiny little face.
Sirius leant back up and stepped back, "She's all yours Potter." James smiled, and in one fluid motion, whipped off Lily's beanie and presented it to Sirius; who pulled it on and then promptly ran out of the Great Hall. "Blue hair suits you Evans, you should keep it," James said with a wink, before following Sirius. The two were closely pursued by Lily, who charmed their hair purple for an entire week.
Step 4: Have a screaming match with him where you are forced to admit that he is infact; one of the smartest people in your year
"You're a real pain in the backside you know that?"
James tipped his head in mock salute, "I learnt from the best . What would I have done without such a good teacher?"
That was it. Lily was so mad that she was seeing red. She stalked up to him and raised her hand to slap him on the cheek, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. Their faces were flushed and they were both breathing heavily, "Lilian Evans, you are not always right. Get your head out of your pretty little butt and accept that fact."
"Oh yeah? What are your reports like Potter? P for participation?"
"All Os Evans; for Outstanding. "
Lily stepped back and looked at the brunette boy with narrowed eyes, "Who did you copy from?"
Even Alice gasped in outrage at the idea. Before James could do anything, Remus; of all people stepped in front and stalked over to the ginger, "Lily; take that back. You can accuse Sirius and James of a lot of things, but the two boys are absolutely brilliant. They are easily the smartest in class, they just don't stick up their hand and answer all questions like we do. Take that statement back; I mean it."
Ashamed, Lily tore her gaze away from James and Sirius and said dejectedly, "I'm sorry Potter, Black. I didn't mean that, it was a heat of the moment thing. I'm incredibly sorry. It was a low, incorrect thing for me to say." The two best-friends just nodded and walked away, furious at the very notion of them copying.
Step 5: Cry in front of him about your first Year ending; and see the side of him your friend is always going on about
James looked around at the dormitory that had been his home for the past year. He was going to miss all the last night prank planning with Sirius, while Remus would shake his head in amusement at their antics, but would help anyway. It was in this very dormitory that they had come up with the name 'Marauders', and it was a brilliant year. But; there was always Owl wasn't there? He could definitely write to Remus, it was Sirius that he was worried about. His mother hadn't taken kindly to her son being sorted into Gryffindor; and that showed in the various Howlers to Sirius; and even some addressed to Professor Dumbledore. Those had to be the absolute best. It was quite entertaining to watch Professor McGonagall's face turn all shades of purple at the foul language that had used to call Dumbledore; while Dumbledore just listened to the Howler with a small smile playing on his lips.
He levitated his case and walked out of the dormitory, eager to go to the Great Hall to catch just one last meal, when he heard a faint sobbing sound from the girl dormitory. He walked up the stairs, and looked around to see Lily curled in a ball on her bed; sobs racking out of her. The last food at the Great Hall forgotten; he walked over to her and slowly eased himself onto the bed. She turned as the bed creaked and quickly brushed away her tears, "What do you want Potter? I'd prefer not to go home with spiders up my back or blue hair. "
He flinched at her harsh tone, but refused to leave. "No, I didn't come to pull a prank on you or tease you. I juts heard someone crying and came to see what it was about."
"Well, you've seen now you can go."
He shook his head resolutely, "I'm not going till you tell me what happened. Or at least until you feel better," He stretched out his arms, "C'mere Lily."
She curled up against him and started sobbing again, and he brushed his lanky finger through her ginger curls. He pulled her up until her head was resting on his chest and stroked her back comfortingly as she cried her heart out. The stayed like that for some time, until Lily's sobs subsided and she felt a little better.
She peered up at him with tear-glistened emerald eyes, and he brushed a few curls of her face, before fisting his sweater arm in his hand and wiping away her tears. On an impulse, she leant up and kissed him on the cheek, before whispering a faint "Thank you," and running out of the dormitory.
All through the train journey home, that kiss was all James could think about.
So that's chapter one of 'How To Fall In Love With An Insufferable Prat By Lily Potter'. It's going to be a small story, one chapter for each year-and all epilogue sort of chapter of their life after Hogwarts. Please leave a review of what you thought, I'd really appreciate it ^^
-A
(No I'm not a PLL fan)