Beneath the River's Surface - First Part: Before Death
Chihiro Ogino has lost all her memories about the place beyond that abandoned carnival tunnel but that doesn't mean her memories want to be forgotten.
Chapter 1- Living in Reality
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A violent thumping is coming from within my chest. I suck in a breath to call for help but instead swallow water, making my lungs sting. I panic. My chest convulses as I regretfully gaze up at the filtered sunlight beyond my outstretched fingertips. I desperately need to reach the surface, but it's no use because I don't know how to swim. And so, like a stone, I sink further into the river's murky depths.
In a fleeting moment I'm consumed by a comfortable feeling that beckons me to sleep, so I close my eyes. Enveloped in darkness, I see images of my parents' smiling faces as those thumping beats start to slow right down.
Then, without warning, a powerful surge of cool, clean water rushes all around me. It feels like I have been thrust into a whirlpool or a freshwater slip stream. My eyes fly open and I'm confronted by a pair of enigmatic green eyes boring into mine, just inches away from my face.
"Ogino-san, if you can manage to stay awake through a single one of my lessons it would be a miracle," calls Sawada-sensei.
A hand takes hold of my arm, which is propped up under my chin for support, and pulls it out from under me. I don't get a chance to shift my weight and I fall forward, my face connecting with the hard wooden surface of the school desk. Still slightly disoriented, I rub my crushed nose and suck in a breath of musty classroom air. Immediately the watery depths evaporate. Realization hits me, I'm overwhelmed by a sinking feeling as I become aware of my surroundings. I lift my head ashamedly to the meet the gaze of twenty bemused pairs of eyes. Sawada-sensei however, is not amused. He grunts with annoyance and wears a look that reminds me of a stern Gorilla. I blush fervently and lower my eyes but he doesn't let up.
"Sleeping in class again? We need to have a talk about this when the lesson ends, Ogino-san," grumbles Sawada in a quiet but disapproving tone.
"I'm sorry S-sensei," I splutter, whilst bowing my head so low my nose touches the surface of the school desk again.
He lets out a disappointed sigh but merely beckons the class's attention back the characters on the whiteboard.
"How shameful, caught snoozing in class…" snickers a voice.
"…it's because she's a slacker," mutters one of the girls.
"…and a weirdo," adds another with muffled laughter.
I don't bother to look up and see which of my classmates were involved in the chatter. Instead, I try to block out their voices. Eventually the attention is finally shifted from me and I feel relieved. I smooth down my tousled fringe and shoot a side-glance to my friend, Yukiko Inoue. I wonder if she was the one who had pulled my arm out from under me. I throw her a questioning look but she doesn't seem to notice my gaze.
Inoue-san is someone who evokes awe from those of us who surround her. You could say that she's more like some kind of other-worldly creature than just a girl. Well, she's not the type to have long conversations over the phone with about cute boys or fashion or any unnecessary things. Actually, we have that in common.
To everyone else, Inoue is completely aloof. However, on the rare occasions that she's been in a fight, she can move like a cracking whip. Her fighting prowess, though, seems to intimidate the other students (especially the boys), so they avoid her. There's a rumour going around school that Inoue has a secret Dojo in her house and her father trains her.
Apparently, her father is a strict Jujitsu master, and he makes his daughter train everyday as if she were a son. According to the rumours, that's why she's so cold and unfriendly. But that's completely false. Truth is, Inoue is basically self-sufficient and her parents are never home. They travel a lot overseas. In fact, I've never met them. And she's not unfriendly, just reserved.
Once again, she is wearing her usual ambiguous expression. I can't tell if she is concentrating on what Sawada-sensei is writing on the whiteboard or if she is thinking about something completely different. I decide follow her example and stare at the board, but the information is not connecting in my brain. Instead, I'm mulling over that strange dream.
I've been having odd dreams for a few months now, so I'm not at all shocked. But I've never had a dream in which I drown before. Just thinking about the dream again leaves me with a deep sense of nostalgia…but how can that be? I've never experienced anything like that in real life. So why does it feel like more of a memory than just a bad dream?
I think about those emerald coloured eyes and a shiver crawls up my spine.
Something in my gut wants me to follow that train of thought. But to where? I don't recall ever seeing those eyes before either.
I think about whom they could belong to. Maybe the eyes belong to a singer on TV? Or maybe a Prince from a fairy tale? Or they could belong to a long forgotten child neighbour? However, nothing comes to mind.
Sawada-sensei dismisses the class seven minutes later than what he was supposed to. He had prattled on about how the economical downturn of the 1990's was due to the mass overproduction spurred on by the booming 1980's.
No way! I have actually learned something after all!
As my weary classmates file out of the room, I hope that Sawada has forgotten about wanting to talk to me, and I attempt to leave unseen.
"Um, Ogino-san, wait please." He looks up at me wearing that same disapproving look from earlier.
I groan and send Inoue a look that asks her to wait for me outside. She returns it with a blank glance but obliges me with a cordial nod.
Sawada impatiently runs his fingers through his thinning, pepper-grey hair. I quietly notice that the dark grey knitted sweater and neatly ironed tan trousers he is wearing seem to compliment the classroom's décor. Perhaps after I leave he would simply melt into the furniture only to emerge again for our next lesson, like a ghost.
He hadn't changed in six years. I know this because before he went to work in the high school section, Sawada-sensei was my fifth grade teacher. Unsure of what to say I remain silent and let my gaze fall to the floor. He finally spoke.
"I have already reviewed your report card, and I'm afraid that you are in the lowest range of the scores. The troubling part is that you were at the very top of the class when you first started here."
I feel embarrassed by this revelation, but I shouldn't be surprised.
"Do you have anything to say for yourself, Ogino-san?" he asks with a slight hope that I'll have a very good reason for turning into such a rotten apple.
What can I say?
"Sir, I haven't been sleeping at all because my nightmares are filled witches and ghosts…I can't concentrate at school...and also the anxiety of not knowing what to expect after I finish high school is really getting to me."
No.
What's the point of saying something like that?
"No, sir," I ultimately answer.
He lets out an exasperated sigh of finality. Not looking up, I don't know if he is wearing that disappointed face again. Shame tugs at my stomach. I don't want to know if he's making the face or not.
"Please try harder. This is your last year of high school education and your most important one. Now is the time to decide the best path to launch you into adulthood."
"Yes, sir."
I bow, still not looking at Sawada and hastily make my way out of the room. I don't feel good at all about myself now. I know I could do a whole lot better in school but…there is just something holding me back. I don't know how else to put it, but it's like I can't move forward into adulthood. I dream only of the past and never of the future. It's unfathomable to even picture myself grown up with children, my own home and…a husband. I'm not even sure if I want any of those things yet.
I get a familiar stab of anxiety in my chest. Instinctively, I rub the sore spot and decide to push away the thoughts for now.
In the hallway outside the classroom, Inoue is leaning against a wall, and next to her is Keisuke Fujiwara, my other friend. Kei-chan is facing the windowsill and is distracted by what appears to be a ladybug. He gently presses his fingertips to the ladybug's wings before it flutters away in annoyance. When he turns around he sees me and his face lights up.
"Heya Chihiro-sempai!"
His smiling face instantly makes me forget my worries. I beam at the short boy who, though only a year younger than me, could easily pass for five years younger. Kei-chan stands about a head shorter than me. His caramel hair has flecks of gold in it and hangs over his huge light brown eyes in a fashionable way. His bag is now packed with feathers that he must have collected on his way to school this morning. I look down and notice that the knees of his pants are covered in red dust similar to the dirt found at the park. I imagine that Kei-chan must have spotted a stray cat or dog in a tunnel and had crawled in after it. He is just fascinated with animals and plants, anything really. As a result every girl in school thinks he's adorable.
"Where are your legions of fans?" I tease.
"I had to give them the slip so that I could walk you two ladies home," he winks at me in a very 'I'm-a-total-pimp' kind of way.
I'm already used to this routine of his, so I smirk wryly and pat him on the head. He glares at me for inadvertently pointing out his shortness and pulls on my hair.
"Oi, you need a haircut. Get your mother to take you to the salon because you're beginning to look like a Keukegen monster!" he scolds.
"Keukegen? How rude," I scoff.
I resent his comment that I look like a mythological floating ball of hair. My hair isn't that long, but it reaches down my back. I just don't know what to do with it, so I'm resigned to put it up in a messy ponytail. Kei-chan undoes my ponytail and decides to tie my hair into a bow on my head like a present. I'm slightly annoyed, and I pry away his fussing fingers.
"Why should I care what others think about me. I'm not looking to impress anyone."
I scowl at him and start to mess up his carefully styled hair-do.
"Argh! Don't mess it up!" he howls in horror.
He tries to protect his hair, but my fingers are much faster than his blocking hands. Kei-chan runs over to the reflection of the windows and examines the damage. He gasps.
"Look what you did! I look like some clown now." He frowns.
I snigger and try to undo the knot he made of my hair. For a minute I had completely forgot that Inoue-san was standing by the window completely silent. She looks like she is lost in thought again.
"Inoue-san, are you feeling okay?" I ask.
"Yes."
Kei-chan's round eyes lock onto Inoue. He hovers over to her like a worrying bee to invade her personal space.
"Inoue-sempai~ Do you have a sore stomach? You look ill…" he says whilst peering at her with caring eyes.
Her palm moves like a flash of lightning and slams into his face.
"Gah! Wha's dat fo? Why a you so gru'py?" Kei-chan says indignantly whilst rubbing his nose.
"Let's walk home now, you two!" I say, waving at them, already a few steps in front.
We walk down the highly polished corridor which is almost deserted except for a few loitering students. The afternoon sun floods through the windows, bathing us in gold. A disgruntled Kei-chan is still rubbing his sore face. He is giving silent daggers to Inoue, who doesn't pay the slightest attention to him.
Outside is still quite warm for an autumn afternoon. The maple trees which line the asphalt court are shedding leaves in a variety of golden hues. Out across the field, I can see that our school's soccer team is already practicing for their upcoming season. They're weaving soccer balls around orange cones with precision. A group of girls are huddled close by, watching the session. They giggle when one of the soccer players looks over to them and flashes a cheesy smile, and then they roar with laughter when a rogue ball hits him square in the face.
The school gate is covered in bushes of pink chrysanthemums with petals that are beginning to wilt and fall off as the winter season approaches. I'm feeling better as I pick up their scent. Actually, right now I feel quite content for the first time all day because I'm walking beside my two friends.
Since arriving in Kyoto at 11 years old, they were the only two people who I'd bonded with. It's strange how I had met them both on the same day. I remember on that day I was so lonely, sitting on a bench at lunch time after being told by a mean girl named Mami Koike that I was a liar. Mami Koike already looked like a high-school girl and always got in trouble for wearing make-up at school. At 11, she already wanted a boyfriend, and a child's fantasies weren't interesting to her anymore, which was the complete opposite of me. Back then I believed in spirits and fantastical beings, and I would argue with anyone who'd dispute me of their existence. The other grade-schoolers started to call me weird, so I really felt like an outsider.
So anyway, I was moping on the bench wishing I could move back to Sapporo to see my old friends, and then a small sobbing boy with tears and boogers running down his face came tearing across the courtyard before falling on his knees. He was being bullied by this big jerk named Ichiba and his cronies.
"Ahahaha! What a cry baby! He's so pathetic, I'm surprised he hasn't pissed himself yet," cackled Ichiba.
Students were staring, but there were no teachers around at all. Nobody had the courage to stand up for the poor crying boy.
"Leave him alone," I warned.
I stood in front of Kei-chan, who looked up at me in confusion.
The guys just hooted with amusement because I didn't look intimidating at all.
"Is this your little girlfriend, Fujiwara?" asked Ichiba incredulously.
I glared at the bully, my jaw clenched with agitation. I was utterly fearless. Stupidly fearless.
"I don't know why you feel the need to bring down others, but it's time for you cut it out!" I spat vehemently.
Ichiba grew tired of my bravado and said, "Well I don't care if you are a girl. I'm going to beat you too."
Not knowing what to do, I just stood over Kei-chan protectively while the gang closed in on us. I shut my eyes and waited to be hit. Then, out of nowhere she came as swift as lightning, and forceful as a cracking whip. She threw Ichiba over like a sack of field grain rice. Then Ichiba sat up and bawled his eyes out. He was a bully, that was true, but he was also an 11 year old boy. From that day on I've been in awe of Inoue's formidable grace.
We've reached Tokoyama Bridge already. Kei-chan is reciting pop tunes enthusiastically as he skips alongside Inoue and I like a buoyant child. He spots a group of grade school kids in the distance who seem to be playing with a dog and runs ahead of us. I smile warmly as the children accept him into their fold as if he was just another kid, patting the dog vigorously until the whites of its eyes are showing.
Inoue looks intently at me for a moment. I glance back at her and detect a flicker of concern behind her perpetually stoic demeanor.
"What's bothering you, Inoue-san?" I ask again.
She looks as if she wants to ask me something but isn't sure of how to ask it. It's very unlike her.
"Chihiro-san…what were you dreaming about earlier?" she finally says.
I'm taken aback by the direction of her questioning, and I'm not sure where to begin. But before I can answer her, she speaks again.
"You kept gurgling a lot…it sounded like you were drowning. Were you dreaming about drowning?" Inoue asks vacantly.
Not wanting to lie, but too embarrassed to say anything, I nod.
She didn't say any more on the matter. Instead she turns around and stares at some bushes.
"Do you see him?" she whispers.
How could Inoue possibly know about the boy with the green eyes? My heart thumps a little faster.
"See who?"
"The boy that's following us…" she adds.
Eh?
"Hey, Chihiro, look I found a centipede!" shouts Kei-chan.
Kei-chan had lost interest in the grade-schooler's dog and is now standing by some muddy rocks. He is giggling happily as he holds up a little writhing insect.
I turn back to Inoue, but she looks like she is lost in her own little world again.
Minutes later we say goodbye to Inoue as we reach her house. Her house is the most impressive brick building in the rich neighbourhood. I feel sad though, that she is going home to an empty place with nobody to say "welcome home" to her as she walks inside. Not that my life is any better. My folks are always out, but at least they come home eventually. Inoue didn't seem to mind the solitude though.
Kei-chan looks up at me and beams.
"I know my house is closer, but let me walk you home first, pretty lady." He winks.
We grin stupidly at each other. It just doesn't seem right when Kei-chan says something flirtatious like that because he's so cute like a child.
"Why are you laughing? I'm hot. You should be grateful that I'm in your presence. Don't y'know girls are lining down the block to get some of this," he says seriously and points to himself.
"Where? I don't see any girls lining up," I say cheekily, and I search the street pretending to look for some hot girls.
"I think I saw one hiding in a trash can a way back," he adds jokingly.
After a minute or two he stops walking and frowns at me.
"I thought I could at least count you to think that I am cool." Kei-chan says.
I spot the silver trail running from his left nostril and sigh.
"Kei-chan, your allergies are playing up again." I pull out a handful of tissues from my bag and press them to his nose.
"ank'you," he sniffles behind the clean white tissues sullenly.
"And I do think you're cool," I smirk.
Before we know it, we both can't stop grinning at each other again.
"Ew gross, they're gonna kiss!" shouts Soichirou, an underclassman who is standing behind us. Soichirou is just another bully surrounded by the usual mindless cronies. His joys in life are the fine hairs growing on his chin and the thickening of muscles on his arms. He is as simple as that.
"Shove off, Soichirou," I warn.
I grab Kei-chan's hand and begin to walk off in the direction of home, fearing what would happen next.
Kei-chan evades my grasp and puffs out his little chest protectively.
"Bring it on, Soichirou, you ugly turd!" jeers Kei-chan.
Uh-oh. I was hoping to avoid this kind of confrontation.
"Whadya gonna do twerp? That scary girl you always hang with isn't here to protect you this time," laughs Soichirou. His cronies grunt in unison.
Kei-chan narrows his eyes fearlessly at the guys. I attempt one more time to pull Kei-chan away from danger, but like a rock, he isn't budging.
"You wanna fight then, good! I won't back down," Soichirou sneers.
Then, a glass bottle suddenly flies past Soichirou's arm and shatters onto the sidewalk. A tall boy I recognize to be Ryuichi Kibayashi, from class 2-b steps out from behind a tree. Everyone stares at him in confusion, wondering where he had come from. He takes his ear phones out and casually backhands Soichirou across the head. I notice that he towers over the bullies too.
"Oi you! This isn't your fight, Kibayashi!" Soichirou squeals.
"Yeah!" adds Kei-chan angrily, his fists clenched.
"What fight? Four fat bullies picking on two scrawny kids hardly seems fair,"
At once there were cries of "We're not fat!" and "It's muscles, you fool," as well as a "I'm not scrawny!" coming from an aggravated Kei-chan.
It seems that Kibayashi is trying to be helpful but in the end insulted us all.
Kibayashi doesn't pay attention to either boy because he is looking at me.
"Leave her alone," he says blushing.
"Ugh, why should I listen to the likes of you? Everybody knows you're a creepy stalker." Soichirou grunts and thrusts a stout finger at me.
"It's kind of gross how you're always stalking that girl." Soichirou adds.
Wha-? This boy, who I know little about, has been following me? I blush and look up at Kibayashi who seems to turn redder before my eyes.
…why?
"Ah…um no, I haven't been doing that!"
A deeper crimson blush settles on his cheeks.
EEEHH?
Soichirou laughs wickedly and then announces to his cronies, "I'm getting bored with these people…let's go kick in some vending machines."
The cronies cheer, and they all retreat.
Kibayashi finally looks at me with a gaze that leaves me feeling oddly uncomfortable.
During this awkward moment Kei-chan walks off sulkily, and I rip my eyes away from the tall boy named Kibayashi to chase after my friend.
Kei-chan is already several feet in front of me.
"Wait Kei-cha-"
He whips around and glares at me menacingly.
"Don't call me Kei-chan! I'm a guy!"
His angry expression falls immediately.
"Well, what kind of guy lets a girl use the 'chan' honorific for him? What kind of guy has two girls for best friends?" he mopes.
He turns around to hide his quivering bottom lip, "What kind of guy is so puny he can't protect his friend,"
Kei-chan always talks this way after a confrontation that challenged the manly perception he has of himself. Even though I've seen him act like this before, it always hurts to see my friend upset.
We remain silent for the rest of the journey to my house until we stop at the front gate. He had managed to hide his face from me up until that point. I peer into his face, too I see how gloomy he looks.
"You shouldn't talk like that Kei-chan…" I admonish him.
We stand in the street, and the sun is already going down. An orange glow falls on his sullen face.
"I don't care what anybody says, I know that you are a good guy Keisuke-" I say thoughtfully and then I put my hand on his chest, "…and it's the opinions of your friends that count…"
He seems to be stirred by my words.
"Kay thanks…" he grunts.
He is probably still feeling self conscious about his manhood. I pat him on the head with a smile. Then I turn around and walk toward my house.
He silently watches me go, but before I can get inside the door he calls after me again.
"Chihiro! I want to tell you something! I-I'm not what you..." he must regret the words that are coming out of his mouth as he is saying them because he stops himself.
"Huh? What was that?" I ask confused.
"Nothing,…uh bye!"
Kei-chan then smiles at me nervously and quickly runs down the road before I could question him further.
What?
I turn back to the front door of my blue house and ask myself again…
…what is going on with those two? First Inoue wanted to question me but didn't, and now Kei-chan wanted to tell me something but didn't…
What are they hiding from me?
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