The Easter Bunny: Chapter One
King Theoden of Rohan was sneaking suspiciously around his home at 4:59 AM dressed as a giant, fluffy white bunny. He held a pink basket filled with shiny green and purple Easter grass and colorful plastic Easter eggs. See, his hopeless niece Eowyn stil believed in the Easter bunny, and neither Theoden or her brother Eomer had the heart to break it to her that he just. Wasn't. Real.
Eowyn was freaking 24 years old (Ha! I googled it!).
Everyone had always told King Theoden that he didn't have to go as far as to even dress in a bunny costume, since Eowyn would be sleeping when he put the basket by her bed anyway. But he was always afraid that she'd wake up while he was in there, and didn't want her to see that it was only him and break her heart.
Quiety, very quietly, Theoden snuck into her bedroom, where golden-haired Eowyn lay snoring loudly in bed, clutching her sword to her chest like a teddy bear. Then he placed the basket on the floor by her bed and scurried off as quickly as he could manage in that darn bunny suit.
As he ran back to his bedroom, he ran into his lovely nephew Eomer, who was on his way to the loo for an early-morning pee. "You know," said Eomer, "You're going to have to tell her soon."
"I know." sighed Theoden, taking off the creepy-looking bunny head to wipe his brow. He was sweating profusely inside the thick fleece costume. Eomer nodded seriously and went on his way.
Two hours later, he was woken again by his sister's squeals of delight. "OH! OH! LOOK WHAT THE EASTER BUNNY BROUGHT ME!" A lovely basket full of tasty morsels- rich chocolates, sweetbreads, cheeses and fruits! Eowyn's eyes bulged out. "WOW!" She laughed- showing her big, white donkey teeth. "HEE HAA HEE HA!"
Suddenly, she noticed a fat white stranger with ears darting away. Was she hallucinating? (It was actually the bunny costume-clad Theoden, who'd been so tired he's fallen asleep right there in the hallway after talking to Eomer and had only just woken up.) This time her eyes practically popped out and her mouth dropped wide open. In a heartbeat she was running after the furry stranger, screaming with joy and almost tripping over her own feet. "EASTER BUNNY! HEY, EASTER BUNNY! WAAAIT!" She chased the darn thing all over. Finally, without thinking, the "Easter bunny" darted outside and towards the town, the crazed Eowyn at his heels. "WAAAIT! STOP! Oh, this is the best Easter EVER!"
Eomer stood outside the door shaking his embarrassed head as the two figures grew smaller and smaller. "Lord help my little sister. And Lord help my uncle to live this down, too." He murmured.
That day, all the folk of the nearby town had lots to talk about concerning their King running like lightning through the town dressed as a fat white bunny while his niece chased him, elated. Yeah. And it was also the day Theoden decided to tell her.
"I must stop this mad bunny-Eowyn chase!" The royal Theoden realized how absolutely absurd he looked. The townsfolk were gawking and pointing at him. Fortunately, at that moment Eowyn ran quickly back home to get herself all nicely dressed up for the Easter bunny.
He asked them all to gather around. In an instant, they obediently and peacefully came to him. King Bunny Theoden told his story of niece and loyal uncle Conejo. He took off the bunny head and began to speak. "Er… em… ahem. People of Rohan," his face was burning up with embarrassment, " Please forgive my niece. You see, my sweet, childlike Eowyn still believes in the Easter bunny…" At that, half the crowd burst out laughing, while the other half had that look on their faces you have when you've heard someone fart and you're pretending you didn't hear. "…And every year I play Easter bunny for her. Only, this year it's gone a little too far. I am sorry. I am planning to tell her the truth later today. Thank you, kind subjects. You are dismissed."
Then he put the bunny head back on and began walking home in uncomfortable silence. Once there, he went straight to Eowyn's room. He found her in her favorite dress, excitedly combing her pale locks of hair 'till split ends formed and putting flowers in it. She held a little gift box adorned with shimmery silver ribbon.
When she saw the "Easter bunny" standing in her doorway, she just about flipped out. "Oh, Easter bunny! You came back!" She an to him and hugged him tightly. Theoden-Bunny hugged her in return, awkwardly patting her back. "I have a gift for you!" she practically shrieked, handing him the little box. Inside was a lumpy clay figure of a rabbit. Aww! How adorable! How am I ever going to break it to her? thought Theoden. Eowyn stared at him adoringly. Her expression was like that of a nine-year-old about to dig into a big slice of birthday cake. The bunny patted her head, and then took off his head, revealing the face of King Theoden.
Eowyn screamed.