Rogue12158
Hey all! I don't own Blood, but I still am waiting for a response from Darkhorse comics about the ownership of Haji's left ear...
This is for my friend's upcoming birthday!
Also, this idea was created by me and my real life friend, Coopertastic- Yeah, I'm cool-. I think this may go as a second chapter of her Your Mom story...
Your Mom
-:-:-
It was a day like any other. Although on this day, a young boy decided to try out the cello that was always on it's faithful master's back, for it was left unguarded. Little did the boy know, in doing this, he would cause intense and utter pain to himself, and to those around him, but mostly himself. The reason for the pain, is the anger that would arise when he broke one of the strings on this beloved cello, and the owner discovered the heinous act.
"RIKU!!" The owner of the cello nearly yelled, nearly due to his apparent inability to raise his voice above normal.
"Yes?" The boy asked, clearly fearing his own life, mainly because, although, the man in front of his was not yelling, his volume well exceeded past anything he had ever said.
"Did you break this string?" The angered man asked the frightened boy, holding the desecrated cello string as evidence while leaning over to make direct eye contact—a good interrogation tactic. (Hey! Haji had to do something while Saya was asleep, and he has a mild thing for cop shows... Moving on!!)
"Haji, do I look capable of doing such a thing as breaking your cello string?" Riku prayed that eluding the question would work out in his favor.
"That's not what I asked." Damn.
"Um..." How to respond without becoming a meal for Diva again...? "Your mom?"
Standing up to his full height, towering over the small boy, Haji said, "Oh, so that's how you want to play." He walked over to a randomly placed hope chest in the room they were in of the Red Shield's Headquarters. He took off his jacket, replaced it with an oversized blue and yellow sweatshirt, and put a matching doo-rag over his hair, completing the gangsta look as far as Haji could. He turned around and Riku could see the added 'bling.'
He went back over to Riku and told him simply, "Bring it."
What did do to get into such a painful and agonizing position?! Oh, wait, was it the breaking of the string...? Or maybe it was the whole, "...Your mom?" thing... Either way, Riku knew he was screwed, very screwed.
"Um... er..." C'mon Riku! You've heard Your mom jokes before!! Think back to when Kai had that unexplainable obsession with that show!! "Ummm," GOT IT!! "Your mom's so old, she got the first signed copy of the Koran."
"Well, your mom's so old that she co-wrote the fourth commandment!" Haji shot right back, not particularly caring that neither of them knew their true mothers, they just prayed Saya wouldn't walk in on this...
"Your mom's so poor she can't afford to go to the free clinic." For once, Kai has helped him in a way that only he can.
"Your mom's so old she left her purse on Noah's arc!"
"Your mom's so old that she remembers when the Grand Canyon was just a ditch!"
"Your mom's so stupid that at bottom of application where it says Sign Here, she put Sagittarius!"
"Your mom's so old that she has Adam and Eve's autograph!" Riku was now standing as well, glaring angrily at his opponent, clearly devoted to winning this fight.
"Your mom's so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran out with a spoon!"
"Your mom's so stupid that she sold the car for gas money!"
"Well, your mom's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and said, 'Yo, where's mah skittles at?!'"
-:-
Saya, after sneezing repeatedly for a few minutes, decided to go find Haji to ask where the allergy medicine was. And as she neared the room they shared, she heard yells. The voices sounded like Riku, and... Haji?
After getting closer, undetected by the voices inside, she could hear them more clearly.
"Well, your mom's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and said, 'Yo, where's mah skittles at?!'" She could hear Haji yell from within.
Why I never! She thought. Sure, she enjoys skittles, who doesn't, but she never thought she could get them from parking meters!
"Your mom's so old that she used to babysit Yoda!!" Saya sighed, Riku this time. Her younger brother did have a strange obsession with Star Wars...
She put her ear closer to the door to listen more.
-:-
"Your mom's so old that she's in Jesus's yearbook!!"
"Your mom's so stupid that she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!"
"Your mom's so poor that she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch!"
"Your mom's so fat that she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook!"
At that last outburst, Saya stormed into the room, clearly enraged. She went straight to Riku and held the point of her sword to his throat.
"I AM NOT FAT!! I JUST EAT LIKE I'M OBESE!!" She screamed at him.
Haji came up behind her and grabbed her, so that the sword fell from her hands. It wasn't like he was trying to save the young boy's life, it's just that the probability that she would come after him next was very, very great.
After she stopped struggling, he set her down on the ground.
"You guys are so mean!!" She yelled before fleeing the room.
But, however, she was not gone long. A few seconds later in fact, she came rushing back into the room, right up to Haji.
"Haji, razor." She held out her hand, waiting for him to place the desired object into it.
He searched through his pants pockets, and the pockets of the oversized sweatshirt, finding nothing. (A/N: I wanted to put, nothing but old pot, but decided against it.) He shrugged and said, "Sorry, I don't have anything sharp and pointy at the moment," kicking her sword further and further behind him with his foot.
Riku, however, pulled a razor blade out of his pocket. "Here, use mine," He said, handing it to her.
But, before Saya touched it, Haji yanked it out of his hand and threw it somewhere behind him, slapping Riku on the head in the process. Haji thought that it was a bad idea to actually give her a razor blade, despite her wishes.
"Why do you hate me so much!?" And with that, Saya once again ran crying out of the room, back to the kitchen, where Louis was making more stew. Ah, comfort food.
-:-
With Haji and Riku, there was an awkward silence. And Haji was the first to break it. "Where did you get a razor blade?"
"Hey, I shave, too."
"You're twelve."
"YOU HAVE DIVA EAT YOU AS A MIDAFTERNOON SNACK AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL!!" He followed Saya's lead and went sobbing out of the room.
Now it was just Haji alone in the awkward silence. He blamed it on the bling not being large enough.
-:-
A thought occurred to her as she was elbow deep in her pot, yes pot, of beef stew.
Why was Haji wearing bling?