He was so soft in my arms, cradled gently on my chest, golden hair spilling over his shoulders and weaving through my fingers as I pulled them through the silky locks. He was the perfect person, the greatest thing to ever happen to me, the light in my dark world and the warmth in my cold heart.
He made me who I am, helped me through tough times and hardships, until I was whole again after all that had happened. After years of living with a frozen heart and wounded pride, he came, and lit the fire inside me. It was ironic really, he had been the flame alchemist at that moment, not me, him, he had warmed me, he had comforted me, he had been a solid anchor in my cast away life.
I couldn't live without him, and yet, he couldn't live with me.
Too many people wanted me dead, wanted the Fuhrer gone and war to come to Amestris, and he had gotten caught up in that. I knew he was struggling, he tried to protect me, and ignored himself, and eventually, it had gotten too much for him. He couldn't live with me anymore, and this was goodbye.
Tears rolled down my cheeks, spilling into his hair and leaving salty trails. This was my fault, I had put him in this situation, and tears would be of no help.
Tears did not bring back the dead.
Edward Elric had stopped breathing only minutes ago, his heart had stuttered, then ceased to beat. His golden eyes had grown distant and empty, glazed over as he left me, alone in this place, in this cursed alley that had taken him from me.
His body was rapidly growing cold and I knew that he was long gone. He couldn't possibly come back from this, not this time. But he had pulled through so many times before, going against the odds and springing back as good as new. But this was different, this was death.
Another assassin, another stranger wanting me dead, another moment in which Ed had ignored his own safety and protected me, another day for me. But today was different. Instead of catching the bad guy and going home feeling like heroes, we hadn't left this place. This assassin had been good, but not as good as Ed, the only reason this had happened was because I had been careless, one wrong move and I had left myself open for attack.
That was all it took, then it was over. The assassin had taken the chance, lunged toward me, and thrust his knife into flesh, cutting through firmly toned muscles and breaking bone. But it had not been my flesh cut, it had not been my blood shed, it had been Ed's.
He had protected me, like he always does, like he never would again.
Tears continued to spill from my eyes, and I could not help but wish they would have some sort of healing magic, like a phoenixes tears, and Ed would rise from the ashes and smile at me, like he always did, that flashy smile that was full of confidence and love. How I longed to see that smile again, for it to replace the empty gaze that had taken over.
Tears did not bring back the dead.
Everything was dull without Ed. My senses were dead and my mind was still, not a thought crossed it as I watched him, leaning into my chest, almost as if he were asleep, but his eyes told a different story, and I couldn't look into them. He was completely limp, a dead weight, but I refused to let him go, no matter how heavy the automail was, I would hold him forever if it meant I could be with him.
There was a vague sense of movement around me, but only one thing was clear to me, Edward. If there was another assassin coming after me, let him have the kill shot, let him take my life, let me join my little blonde in the realm of the dead.
Then someone tried to take him away from me. Hands tried to take him from my arms and pull him away from me, but I fought them, fought their greedy fingers and flitting hands. I swiped like a cat and batted them away, never taking my eyes of Ed, but they were persistent, and they came back to grab my lover again.
Finally I looked up. Hawkeye was trying to take him away, her eyes were shining brightly, almost as if she were fighting off tears, but there was determination in those brown eyes, determination that spoke in volumes.
Havoc was surveying the area, peeking back at Ed with shock several times before turning back to his surroundings; it was as if neither of them could believe that he was gone. I hadn't believed it either until his heart had finally stilled, and his body had stopped shivering. Now I was dead too, dead feelings and dead thoughts.
"Sir, you need to let him go." I shook my head, looking back down to Ed. The flush was slowly fading from his cheeks and tanned skin was growing pale as more warmth left his body. Funny, I thought he had gone cold long ago; he had seemed so chilly that I had assumed all the warmth had left him. But a spark of heat still flamed through his body as the last of his blood circulated.
Something I had been taught in the war was tugging at my sluggish mind, something important about his condition. It had to do with why Hawkeye was being so persistent why there was a determined look in her eyes.
Tears did not bring back the dead.
But medical treatment could.
I let Hawkeye take the small blond from me and lay him on the cold ground. I crawled to his side, still numb and shaking from shock and grief.
"Havoc, you have training, he hasn't been gone long, and you could still restart his heart." Havoc came at Hawkeye's order and she took his place guarding us. The dirty blond bit his lip and leaned down to place his ear on Ed's chest, listening intently. I knew he wouldn't find anything, but I didn't have the strength to speak up, so I stayed silent.
When he pulled back he looked up at me, asking permission with his eyes. I shook my head, only I could do this, and I leaned down to Ed, closer and closer until our lips met. I breathed into him, hoping, wishing, praying to a god I didn't believe in.
His chest rose, but fell almost as soon as I stopped breathing into him. That was when Havoc went to work, pushing on his chest in an attempt to restart his heart. I watched as he did this, emotions coming back to life and hope rising.
When he stopped, I leaned down again, breathing into Ed and hoping that this time, it would work. But he didn't respond, no matter how many times we tried. He wouldn't breathe on his own and no matter how hard Havoc tried, his heart wouldn't start.
"Come on." I whispered, finally gaining the strength to speak. Havoc was listening again, ear pressed against Ed's chest, eyes closed and a grimace on his lips. He was losing confidence; it was obvious "Don't give up Havoc." I ordered, and no matter how small my voice was, he wouldn't dare disobey. He opened his eyed and nodded. He straightened up and began compressing once more, determination flaring again.
I leaned down to press my lips against Ed's yet again, breathing deeply and giving him my life's breath. When I pulled away his chest once again fell as the air rushed out of his lungs.
Suddenly Havoc shouted in relieved surprise and Ed's chest rose in a gasp before he started coughing harshly. I stared at the blond before me, unable to move. All I could do was watch as he came back to life in a fit of hacks and gasps. Havoc had ripped off his jacket in a flash and wrapped it around the smaller male.
He was shivering and he curled up in a tight ball in an attempt to keep warm. It was then that I moved, reaching out to him and lightly brushing the back of my fingers across his cheek. He was still pale and cold, but there was life in him now, where there had once been nothing.
He had been fighting the darkness all along, if he hadn't he wouldn't have come back, I just hadn't seen that, I had allowed myself to believe that he was gone, and all I had done was help death take him with my lack of action.
I pulled him into my arms, once again cradling him close to my chest and wrapping my arms around his shivering form. My light was back, the ice that had settled in my heart was melting, and it was all because of Edward. He was more than my life; he was more than my special person. He was my entire existence, the reason I lived, the reason I went on when it would have been so easy to give up.
"R-Roy." He was watching me, tired golden eyes filled with weary life, but life all the same. I smiled down at him and kissed his forehead.
"I'm alright, you're alright, we're alright." I whispered. And it was true, now that Ed was with me again, everything was alright, everything was perfect. "I love you Ed."
He returned my smile with one of his, a small smile, but one filled with confidence and love, just like always. That smile I had longed for was now there, right in front of me, and I couldn't have taken my eyes off it for a moment even if I wanted to.
"Sir, he is wounded; we need to get him to a hospital." Hawkeye was calm as ever, even if Havoc was a wreak, he was flittering around nervously, as if he expected Ed to drop at any moment. But I wouldn't let that happen, never again.
I nodded, not taking my eyes off Ed, who had closed his eyes and was leaning heavily against my chest. I knew he would make it through this, just like always, and then we would be happy again, happy and safe. I would make sure no one hurt him again, no one would lay a finger on him, and we would live.
Tears won't bring back the dead. That's why this was so special.