To the soul, there is hardly anything more healing than friendship.

Thomas Moore

CHAPTER 1:

Feelings

I wasn't sure where I was. My mind was fuzzy and my eyes were heavy. I tried to move, but nothing really happened. Soon I began to hear noises. I couldn't make out what it was and there were several of them. Words? Were those words I heard? I couldn't understand what they were saying; I only caught pieces of it. I tried to find my voice. Nothing. Damn it. What happened? Am I dead? What was I doing before this? As I lay there and time marched on, I began to remember.

Aizen, war, blood, Halibel, shouts, wind, ground, pain, tears, names, gasps, laughs, Gin, light, cold, fear, yells, grips, movement, darkness.

My eyes shot open and I gasped for air. The sudden view of light burned my eyes. I went to cover my eyes with my hands, but found only my left hand came up. Was my right broken? I suddenly felt a wave of pain and I shot up. My left hand went to grab my right arm, but I found myself grabbing my side instead. What the hell? I cracked my eye open to see what was going on, only for them to shot open again. My right arm was gone. But how? It felt as if it was still there? There was a wave of pain again and I didn't even know I was screaming until I felt hands on me.

I must've fallen asleep because I awoke with a little more strength. It was quiet. I slowly sat up. The pain wasn't as bad as it was before. It was also dark. I mean I could see my hands, well, hand, but otherwise it was dark. I took in slow, deep breaths. I turned my head to the right. Yup, no arm. I began to remember what had happened. Halibel had released her zanpakto. After that, everything was in fragments. I sighed and shifted under the sheets, swinging my legs over the edge. I slowly put weight on my legs. It took me about a minute before I could stand with wobbling. I opened the door slowly and peeked outside. I was in the Fourth Division, which didn't surprise me. What did surprise me was that it was quiet. I slipped out and walked. I wasn't really sure where I was going, especially since I was only in pants and hand bandages nearly all over. I found myself by a lake. I sat down and placed my legs in the water, it felt good since my legs were aching; my right leg was killing me. I rubbed my right shoulder. Tears began to sting my eyes and I quickly rubbed them away. Why was I getting so worked up? It was just an arm. It wasn't like a life or anything, was it? I mean, it affected how I would do some things, but otherwise it was just an arm. I felt myself shaking. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"What are you doing here?" I hear a voice say. I flinch and turn around.

"Kurosaki?"

"You should be resting, considering what happened a few hours ago," Ichigo said as he came and sat beside me. I'm assuming he's talking about when I first woke up. I noticed that he too had no shirt and was bandaged quite heavily as well. I'd say we were equally damaged. Of course, he had both arms. Damn it, what the fuck, it's just an arm. Normally I enjoyed silence, but this silence was hurting me.

"You look like you should be resting too," I said quietly, he obviously heard me, cause he blushed a little.

"Well, yeah, but…I……" He huffed and looked away.

I pulled my legs out of the water, wrapped my arm around them, and buried my head in my knees. Why am I feeling this way?

"Are you okay?" Ichigo asked me. What a stupid question. I didn't answer. I heard him stand up. "We should be getting back; we'll probably get in trouble." He placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" I shouted. I wish I hadn't. Not only because Ichigo didn't do anything wrong, but because my voice was cracked and tears slid down my cheeks. Forget this, I don't care anymore. I buried my face in my knees again and cried. I felt Ichigo touch me again, his arms wrapping around me. Soon I was lifted off the ground. I didn't protest, I didn't yell or shout. I kind of welcomed it. Ichigo had picked me up like a child, and instinctively I wrapped like legs around his waist and my arm around his neck. I cried into his shoulder. I felt his hand rubbing my back and his soft shushes in my ear. I felt my feet touch cloth, that's when I realized he was sitting on a bed. I hadn't even noticed the room. I didn't want him to see my face so I kept my face buried in his shoulder. Then I heard something. Was that a giggle? I suddenly felt his lean back into the bed. So basically he was lying down and I was on him. I wiggled my left arm free from under his head and held it close against my chest. I was wondering if I was hurting him with my weight, but then again I probably don't weight much to him. The rhythm of his chest moving up and down made me drowsy. His arms were still around me and it made me feel…safe.

I unburied my face and laid my head on his shoulder. I took a glance up and saw that his eyes were closed. He also had a very small smile on his face. I wondered why, but I soon found my eyelids to be very heavy. I felt as if I was being rocked to sleep on his chest by every breath he took. His warm body felt so good for reasons unknown to me. And to hear his heartbeat, a heartbeat that I hoped would never die away.

I woke up alone. I had to say I was quite disappointed. I had wanted to talk to Kurosaki. About what, I really don't know, but I did know I wanted to be with him. I felt something when I was around him, but I wasn't sure what that feeling was. A few minutes later, Unohana had come in to check up on me. She went through her usual routine, asked me how I felt, where it hurt, and so on. Then she had told me what had happened after I was injured. To be honest, I didn't hear much. I heard that Kurosaki had returned to the real world, that there was an espada cero, everyone survived somehow, and that Orihime healed me. That's where I stopped her. She had told me what happened to me. I had lost my entire right side. I asked her how, how was I alive. She told me about Orihime and her power. That girl's pretty amazing. She told me how my right arm wouldn't heal, wouldn't return. That puzzled me. Why was that? I thanked her and left.

Soul Society was quiet. I figured because everyone was still recuperating. I heard that Matsumoto and Hinamori had been released from the day before. So far I hadn't run into them. I walked with my head down and ignored anyone who greeted me or tried to talk to me. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to be alone.

Well…that wasn't completely true. I did want to be with Kurosaki. I haven't seen him since I fell asleep last night. I found myself back at the lake. I sighed and sat down against a tree. I pulled my legs up to my chest and buried my face in them, something I was doing a lot lately. I don't know how much time passed until I heard footsteps.

"How are you feeling?" a voice said. I was both happy and angry to that he was here.

Happy because I didn't want to be alone all of a sudden.

Angry because now I'll have to talk, I don't want to talk. I did the best shrug I could while keeping my face buried, hoping he got the message.

"Don't wanna talk, eh?" Thankfully he did. I heard him take a seat and sigh. Exactly what I did, except in the opposite order. "You don't mind if I just talk, right?" he asked. I shrugged again, I didn't mind hearing his voice, and it made me feel safe for some reason. I was really confused why I felt this way with Kurosaki. It's not like we were friends. Comrades, yes, but not close enough to get called friends.

"I can't believe the war is over." He began. "It kinda feels like a dream. It's also amazing that no one got killed. When I was told that, it was the first time cried in a while. To know that everyone was okay,"

Except me. I'm not okay. Something's bothering me and I don't know what the fuck it is. Suddenly a cool wind blew and sent a chill down my spine.

Then it hit me like an iron fist in the face.

Where was Hyorinmaru?

My head shot up.

"Where is he?" I whispered.

"Where's who?"

"Hyorinmaru. Where's Hyorinmaru?!" I began to shout. I was frantic. I couldn't feel Hyorinamru's presence. "Where is he?!"

"Oi, oi, calm down." Kurosaki put his hands on my shoulders. "I'll take you to him, just calm down."

As we walked I grabbed onto the back of Kurosaki's shirt, frightened that I might get separated from him. I didn't care at all the people looking at me; I just cared about getting to Hyorinmaru. I bumped into Kurosaki as we stopped outside the Twelfth Division.

"Why'd we stop?" I asked then noticed. I saw that Ukitake was standing outside the Division as well.

"I thought you were headed this way, Hitsugaya-kun," he said with a small smile.

"Ukitake-san," He looked tired.

"Come I'll take you to him." He said and began to walk in. I began to follow him then stopped. I had noticed Kurosaki wasn't following. "What are you waiting for, come on!" He looked surprised, but followed me in. I don't really know why I asked him to come. Maybe it was because he helped me get here. I don't know, but I did know I wanted his company.

When Ukitake brought me to the room where Hyorinmaru was being kept, I felt strange. I felt tears beginning to form in my eyes. I felt empty, weak, and when I saw Hyorinmaru, I felt broken. Hyorinmaru was nothing but a hilt.

'Toshiro' I heard a weak voice say. I gently picked up Hyorinmaru.

"Toshiro, are you alright?" Kurosaki asked, was he concerned about me?

I sniffed slightly. "Yeah, I'm alright." I turned around. "Thank you for taking me here Kurosaki. Ukitake, if it's alright, may I take Hyroinmaru with me?"

"Of course."

"Thank you," I bowed then quickly walked passed them, holding Hyorinmaru close to my chest.

The next morning I sat in my office, staring out the window. There was a soft knocking at my door.

"Toshiro? Are you in there?" said a voice.

"Kurosaki?" I said quietly "Yes, come in."

He opened the door and gave me a soft smile. I found myself returning it. Strange. I looked away at my hands, they suddenly became very interesting. "What can I do for you?"

"Um, nothing really. I just wanted to ask you something."

I looked up at him, was he blushing?

"I'm going home today." he said.

"Oh," I felt a little disappointed hearing that. Would I miss Kurosaki?

"I was wondering if you'd like to come with me?"

"What?"

"I mean, things are peaceful here, but you seem a little tense. I thought that maybe some time away from here might help relax a bit. I mean I understand things are going to be different for you." My hand automatically went up to my right shoulder. "Maybe I can help you out a lit--"

"Kurosaki..."

"Huh?"

I studied Kurosaki for a little, then smiled softly.

"That sounds nice."

"Heh, so you wanna come." The mood seemed to have lifted a little.

"I'd like to, but I have to ask the Soutaicho permission first."

"I already did that, he said that sounded fine!"

"You already....." I just stared at him. Could he have known what I was going to say? I felt the heat rushing to my face. It was this feeling again.

"I'll help you pack, if that's okay?"

"Uh, yeah, thanks."

I walked with Kurosaki to the gate. We had run into Matsumoto and Hinamori on the way there. I was happy they were okay. They were a little upset that I would be gone for a little, but I told them it wouldn't be that long.

"Hold my hand," Kurosaki said as the gate opened.

"What?" I asked, why would he ask something like that?

"Wouldn't wanna get separated now would we?" He said.

"Oh, um, yeah." I slowly took his hand. It was warm and strong, yet his grip was so gentle.

"Ready?"

"Y-yeah."

We jumped into the gate. It was then when I figured out what I was feeling.

It was love.

Love for Kurosaki.

I was in love with Kurosaki Ichigo.