Tony staggered into the tower common area, his shirt riddled with holes, smoke coming off his clothes.
"Um…..Tony?" Rhodey asked. Tony held up a hand and went over to the bar. Grabbing a bottle, he reached for a glass, paused, then pulled his hand back and drank straight from the bottle.
"I have seen the end times, Rhodey." He said, gravely. Rhodey raised an eyebrow. Then comprehension dawned on his face and he grinned.
"It couldn't have been that bad." He said. "They're actually really good-" He was interrupted by a crash as Tony dropped the bottle, his eyes wide.
"WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT?" He shouted. "They're evil I tell you. EVIL."
Pepper waked in and bit back a smile at Tony's disheveled appearance. "How was your day?" she said, nonchalantly.
"Apparently, it's the end times." Rhodey deadpanned.
"This never happens to Banner." Tony continued, talking to himself. "And not Steve. Oh no. Steve's the best, they love Steve. Him and his stupid perfect hair and teeth." He grabbed another bottle and took a swallow. "and and and widow. They adore her. ADORE HER. Woman could probably kill them in her sleep, but its auntie Nat this and auntie Nat that." His voice was rising in pitch and becoming hysterical.
"I think he might be a bit jealous." Pepper said. "JARVIS, have one of the robots clean up the mess."
"HA!" Tony shouted. "Jealous? Bullshit."
"What happened this time?" Rhodey sighed.
"They're demons, I tell you." Tony shook a finger at him. "Adorable little lightning summoning demons who've made it their mission to destroy me."
Pepper shook her head, "I'm sure you wouldn't say this if Ororo and Thor were here."
"Damn right I would." Tony growled.
"Uh huh, did you share this opinion when they came to pick up the twins?" Rhodey asked.
"They haven't picked them up yet." Tony said.
Pepper looked at him in alarm. "Tony….where are they?"
"Don't worry." Tony waved dismissively. "They're okay. I've got them duct taped to chairs in the lab."
"You WHAT?" Rhodey jumped to his feet and ran to the lab while Pepper skewered Tony with her signature "you done fucked up" look.
"What?" Tony snapped.
"Let me get this straight:" Pepper pinched the bridge of her nose. "You…a mere mortal." Tony huffed. "Just duct taped twins, who have not one but two gods as their parents, to chairs...and you don't see anyway this could end badly?"
"First off. Not gods." Tony shot back. "Ororo's a mutant and Thor's an alien with weird alien biology. Secondly; why did we ever allow those two to reproduce? I mean if anyone were to create the beings that would herald in the apocalypse it would be those two."
"Um…Tony." Pepper said, looking behind him.
"I mean, they're twins. I'm pretty sure in some cultures they would have executed the little monsters for being bad luck, but not us. Oh no." Tony ignored her attempts to get his attention. "We have a rotating babysitting schedule for the brats. We bend over backwards to accommodate their parent's need to go off into a parallel dimension to hook up because they can't have sex without causing a category 5 hurricane." He glared. "They're probably off right now creating new hell spawn whose sole purpose in life will be to make Uncle Tony –"
"So…" A deep voice rumbled behind Tony. "I believe we can assume that you want to be removed from the list of determining the sitting of babies."
Tony paled and turned very slowly. Sure enough, Thor and Ororo were standing behind him, in full Asgardian clothes.
"Heeeeeeeeey guys" He said nervously. "…. Waaaassaaaaap." He turned to Pepper. "Why didn't you tell me they were behind me?" He hissed.
Ororo and Thor were standing there. Ororo's arms were crossed and she had an inscrutable expression on her face. Thor appeared amused.
"Our hell spawn?" Ororo asked, glancing around the tower common area.
"Rhodey's cutting them loose." Tony said. "I mean….giving them ice cream past their bed time?" He gave her a sheepish grin. "Have I mentioned how gorgeous you look today?"
"Well," Ororo tilted her head. "Going off to a parallel dimension to have category 5 hurricane sex does tend to bring a glow to one's cheeks."
Thor let out a rumbling chuckle.
"Are you…going to stay at the Tower?" Tony asked.
"Professor Xavier requires our presence at the institute." Thor replied.
The elevator opened and two children rushed forward, jumping into their parents arms. The two were referred to as the sun and moon by the Asgardian court. The boy was the spitting image of his mother while the girl took after her father.
"And how did you fare today?" Thor asked, twirling his daughter through the air.
"Uncle Tony showed us how to make duct taped wallets." Mwezi said, holding up a duct tape wallet. Tony's eyes bulged out of his skull.
"Did you behave?" Ororo asked, looking down at Balder. He nodded vigorously, his sister echoing his sentiment.
"Can we stay with uncle Tony again next time?" he asked sweetly.
"NO." Tony shouted. "I mean….I'm pretty sure I'll be busy taking care of a dead relative at a work function while being sick." He clapped his mouth shut as Thor shot him a cursory look. Ororo laughed.
"How about we take the children home." She picked up Balder. "Pepper, I'm assuming we're still on for our spa day?"
"The other girls are ready and can't wait." Pepper said, giving Ororo a hug and Balder a kiss on the cheek.
"Good bye Tony." Thor said. "We will certainly be seeking your excellent child care serives in the future."
Tony glared at the thunder god as he turned and walked out, his daughter grinning at Tony over his shoulder. Mwezi waved at Tony.
"This isn't over." Tony growled. "Oh no…it is only the beginning."
Pepper shook her head. "The great Tony Stark…out witted by 4 year olds." She muttered.
"Are our children truly so terrible?" Thor asked, lying on their bed in their room in the institute. The children were in the next room, sleeping. He turned on his side to watch Ororo, who was brushing her hair in front of the mirror.
"It's only Tony that they respond to negatively." She said, smiling at her husband's reflection. "I expect it's because they realize that he shares their maturity level and treat him as a peer."
Thor laughed and rolled back onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. "Perhaps we should no longer allow him to watch them without supervision of his own." He said, yawning.
Ororo put down her brush and got into bed, next to her husband. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.
"Are we certain that the threat has been neutralized?" she murmured, threading her fingers into his hair.
"Of course, my heart." Thor said, tracing his fingers over the wedding ring on her finger. "Heimdall confirmed it himself. The perpetrators of the plot are rotting in an Asgardian cell and the jinx has been removed from the Bifrost." He pressed his lips to her temple. "You were there during the interrogation." He grinned. "You were magnificent." He added.
"They threatened my children." Ororo growled and gripped his hand slightly.
"Which is why I agreed for you to proceed with the interrogation." Thor said. "If I had carried it out, there would have been nothing left to give answers." He grimaced. "You possess more self-control, which is what makes you such a formidable warrior."
Ororo hummed. "My beautiful hot tempered husband."
"My splendid protective wife." Thor replied. They lay in silence, listening to their children's soft breathing over the baby monitor.
"They're alright." Ororo murmured, as though trying to convince herself of this fact. She'd spent the entire jet ride back to the institute holding the two children against her while Thor watched over them.
"The two of us are more than a match for anything that would threaten them." Thor said. He let out a small laugh, shaking his head. Ororo looked at him, bemused
"What is it?" She asked. "Am I allowed to partake in this joke?"
"It is just…to think that Stark believed we'd left to have sex." Thor grinned at her.
"Well," she said. "You have to admit it would have been more enjoyable." Thor nodded his agreement. "And apparently he still believes that we can't do it without causing a major weather disturbance." Ororo rolled her eyes.
Thor grinned. "True," he sighed, "at most that only happened 3 times." His expression turned smug.
Ororo bit her lip. "Once…my love." She said, caressing her fingers across Thor's chest in an attempt to placate his irritation at her correction. He pouted.
"Twice?" He said. Ororo shook her head.
"That time in Alaska had nothing to do with us." She said, watching in amusement as Thor raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Would I lie to you, my love?"
"Not even to spare my ego?" He asked. She sat up and kissed him.
"Especially not to spare your ego." She said. Thor contemplated her words, then grabbed her and pinned her down to the bed. "Thor." She laughed.
"It has come to my attention that during our marriage my wife has not been properly satisfied." Thor said. "Understand…it is a matter of honor."
Tony frowned as the weather anchors tried to explain the flash rainstorms that had appeared in Westchester without explanation.
"Making more I see." He growled. "PEPPER." He called out. "If the Odinssons are mounting an army I need one of my own."
"Then go to the lab and build one." Pepper shouted back. "Because my ovaries aren't a Tony Stark minion delivery service."
Notes:
Mwezi is the Swahili word for moon (according to google)
Balder is a Norse name meaning light bringer
So literally, they are the sun and moon.