When The Fighting Stops
Disclaimer- I do not own TMNT or any of the characters therein. Some VERY rich dude does.
Rating - Mature Audiences
Story Warnings- Emotional distress, Anger, Depression, Swearing, Heartache, Brotherly affection, T-cest, Sex scene, (Don't like these topics? Do not read.)
Pairings -Raph X Leo, Mentions of OT4 (Don't like? Do not read.)
Universe- 2007
Ages- All turtles are 21 years of age (I made them this age to account for time passage in the series storyline.)
Summary- The verbal tongue lashings Leo gives Raph are nothing compared to the beatings the emerald turtle's own conscience gives himself. He's tired of the conflict, and sets out to end it once and for all, by whatever means necessary.
Chapter credits - Song : Beating Me Up by Rachel Platten
Bold Italics Print - Song Lyrics
When The Fighting Stops
**WARNING** THIS STORY CONTAINS A SEX SCENE! DO NOT LIKE! DO NOT READ! **WARNING**
Raph threw his head back screaming into the storm that raged around him, his voice competing with the crashing thunder for dominance of the rain soaked night.
"HOW! HOW!" he roared. "HOW! he screamed again.
He paced the short expanse of roof behind the wooden storage shed. His hand lashed out again and again, not caring that the owner would have to repair the damage his anger had wrought.
How!? How in all of creation was it that Leo could piss him off to the point of utter mindlessness? HOW!?
We threw words like they were sharp knives
Raph stopped, spinning around to slam his shell against the now cracked and broken wood of the shed. He banged his head against the wall, pounding his fists in futile frustration.
He stood there, doing nothing more than breathing. He slammed his clenched fists against the abused wood one final time before sliding his shell down the side of the shed.
He ran both hands over his face, his anger spent. This time he leaned his head against the wall, breathing deeply. He knew how Leo made him so angry.
Fell like we tripped over a landmine
And the leaf green turtle had nothing to do with it.
The truth be told, Leo could do nothing but sit in his room meditating, and if Raph were to see him, it would send the emerald turtle into a fit of rage so powerful, Raph would have to flee the lair to keep from injuring one of his brothers.
The question Raph needed to be asking was why. Why did Leo make him so angry?
He knew the answer to that too.
Love.
God help him, Raphael loved Leo.
Yeah, he loved his entire family, April and Casey too. It was different with Leo.
It was hard to describe. As close to impossible as one could get for the emerald turtle to put into words.
Everything about Leo was amazing. Sure, Raph admired Donnie and Mikey for countless reasons too, their skills, talents, who they were. But he admired everything about Leo. The way the leader moved, and not just fighting. Simply watching Leo walk across the lair was enough to bring the emerald turtle to his knees. Watching the leaf green turtle in the water... took Raph's breath away.
If only he could find the words, and the way, to say something.
You said we lost love
That was why they fought.
It was so much easier to hide his feelings under rage than to struggle for the words to voice something Raph barely understood. Safer to hide behind false anger than to risk rejection.
Sure, they had only each other to experience love, or rather sex, with. And the sex was damn good with all three of his brothers. But to know love. To risk everything on someone else, to give everything of yourself to only one person. That was some scary shit.
When you gave everything you had, everything you are, and hope to be to someone else only to be rejected...
How did someone come back from that? Was it even possible?
Raph was too much of a coward to take the chance.
A few more pieces of wood cracked and splintered.
There! He'd admitted it! He was a coward!
And his cowardice was driving Leo away. Raph was in danger of losing what little he had with Leo because of his fear.
You made your mind up
That's what resulted in Raph being out in a raging storm at midnight. It wasn't a meaningless argument about Leo enforcing rules Raph really didn't mind following. This time there hadn't been much a fight at all.
Leo said something. Raph said something back. Then when Leo turned to face him, the defeated look on his brother's beautiful face almost broke Raph's heart.
"I'm sorry you hate me!" Leo's voice had been so soft, Raph had to strain to hear it. "I'm sorry I can't avoid you every waking moment! I would if it would make you happy! I REALLY would, Raph! But I will NEVER apologize for trying to keep you safe!"
Hate him. Leo actually thought Raph hated him?
If he only knew!
And I just got quiet, my body went numb
"Damnit!" Raph shouted into the thunder. "Damn... it," he whispered. "How do I fix this?"
But he already knew the answer to that question too.
Leo sat in the quiet of his darkened room, and tried to meditate. It was a futile attempt, and he knew it.
The look on Raph's face kept flashing through his mind, Leo's own words replaying over the shattered image.
He didn't understand. It didn't add up. Raph acted like Leo was the last person on Earth the emerald turtle wanted to be around, but when Leo said Raph hated him... The look on Raph's face could only be described as... devastated.
And I pretend that I can handle it
Leo opened his eyes, sighing in defeat. With a sweep of his hand, he extinguished the circle of candles, then gathered them up, and put them away.
Nothing made sense. Leo figured Raph must hate him. Well, hate WAS a pretty strong word, but if the red banded brawler didn't hate Leo, he did a very good job of faking it. But what other reason could there be for all the fighting, all the friction between them? If not hate then what?
Why the shattered look? Leo's words had hurt, that much was obvious. But why? Leo hadn't raised his voice, he had been completely calm. He had said nothing Raph hadn't lead him to believe, so, why?
Leo sat on the edge of his bed, elbows on knees, fingers steepled in front of his face.
"Why?" he whispered.
And if I hold my head up, I won't drown
Leo jumped from his bed to the exact center of his room, swords at the ready when his bedroom door banged open. It took a few seconds for his mind to register the lair wasn't under attack.
"Raph?" Leo straightened, blinking at the dripping wet turtle standing before him. "What's..."
"We gotta talk," Raph took two steps into the room, closing the door behind him. "Now."
I can't let go, you're like a chemical
"Yeah, sure. Whatever you want," Leo opened the trunk that held his extra linens. "Towel?"
"Thanks."
Raph unconsciously rubbed the soft cloth over his skin. He could do this! Piece of cake! He was just going to have a talk with Leo. Talking was no big deal. He did it all the time! He was perfectly capable of sitting down with his brother and having a calm, productive, enlightening conversation. Yeah, just sit and talk.
In Leo's bedroom.
On Leo's bed.
His big, soft, bed... with blankets the color of Leo's bandana.
You're racing through me
The bandana that surrounded his deep, dark, hazel eyes.
Eyes that showed so much emotion, love, anger, determination... Desire.
"Raph."
Raphael came a good two feet off the floor.
"FUCK!"
My heart just pounds, pounds, pounds
Leo covered his mouth with a hand to hide his grin. It didn't really work. "You're going to rub the green off your arm."
Raph spun around, ready to tear into his older brother in his embarrassment. His burning anger died to embers, seeing the amusement in Leo's eyes.
Raph didn't remember crossing Leo's room. Didn't remember reaching out to his brother.
But he knew the softness of the leaf green skin his fingers touched.
"Laugh," Raph said, pulling Leo's hands away.
"Huh?"
"Laugh," Raph said softly. "T'ink 'bout what I jus' did, an' laugh."
It's getting louder and louder
Raph wasn't serious. Was he? He came bursting into Leo's room, soaking wet. He demanded they talk, then got so lost in his thoughts he tried to rub a hole in his arm, and freaked at the sound of his own name being spoken. And now he wanted Leo to... laugh? Was he serious? Really?
The water must have addled Raph's brain.
That's when he heard it. That soft chuckle that was more of a giggle than anything else.
The one sound that could make Raph's anger vanish no matter how out of control it was.
Every time I think about you, about you
It just came out. Leo hadn't meant to laugh, but he couldn't help himself. The image of Raph's brain, turned into a waterlogged mush with steam rising from it because of Raph's temper was just too much.
Leo had expected Raph to explode. The hothead's intolerance for being laughed at was well known. What Leo got was about as far from anger as you could get.
"I don't hate ya, Leo," Raph reached out, timidly tracing a finger down the side of Leo's face. "Jus' da opposite."
I'll be better off without you, without you
Raph couldn't believe it. He was doing it! He was telling Leo how he felt instead of hiding behind his anger.
Please. God PLEASE. Don't let Leo pull away.
He didn't. He leaned into Raph's light touch, adding to the conflicting emotions running through the emerald turtle.
"We need to talk," Raph murmured, bringing their lips within mere inches of each other.
"Okay."
I wish my heart would stop, wish my heart would stop
Their kiss was soft, tender, almost shy. It wasn't their first shared kiss, not by any means, but they both felt how the rules had now somehow changed.
Raph increased the pressure ever so slightly on Leo's lips. Had his brother always tasted this good? Like honey sweetened tea?
'Slowly. Don't freak him out!' Raph's mind screamed. The same moment Leo's arms circled Raph's shoulders, leaf green lips parted beneath emerald.
The message from Raph's psyche changed. 'Idiot! Shoulda done this a helluva lot sooner!'
Beating me up
The emerald turtle immediately told his mind to fuck off and pay proper attention to more important things.
All too soon, Leo broke their kiss, but remained in the circle of Raph's arms, his hazel eyes questioning.
"I don't hate you," Raph repeated. He saw Leo's quiet acceptance of that statement as fact.
Damn Leo could be so trusting.
"Then why?"
Raph knew he was going to be faced with this question. Leo needed facts, confirmation, information. He always had. It stemmed from the leaf green turtle's own insecurities. Raph accepted that facet of his older brother's personality long ago, and had striven to give Leo what the leader needed with his actions.
He'd almost messed up doing that.
Beating me up
Raph's eyes darted to Leo's bed. He wondered briefly if it might not be better to discuss this sitting down. Leo tightened his arms.
Raph threw that thought right out the window. They were perfect right where they were.
"I'm stupid." Why beat around the bush about it?
Beating me up
Raph loved the way Leo's eyeridges pulled together when the leaf green turtle frowned.
"I was scared too."
"Ppfftt, you're not scared of anything, Raph."
That was new.
You've moved on, I know I should too
Did Leo really feel that way about him?
"No. Not dis time. I was scared." Raph watched as his hand trailed along Leo's face of it's own accord. Leo's reactions to the feather light touches made him smile. "I thought you'd... say no."
"Say no to what, exactly?"
Raph swallowed hard. "Ta us... being a couple," Raph tightened his hold on Leo, fearing that what he was going to say next would ruin everything. "Ta us sharin' more dan our bodies. Ta us sharin'... ourselves."
"That is the most utterly ridiculous thing I have ever heard," Leo whispered.
My cuts are all gone, my pain feels brand new
This time it was Leo who pulled them into a kiss.
Raph pulled back, opening his mouth to speak.
"Shh," Leo placed a finger over his brother's emerald lips. "Later. Right now, just keep... apologizing," he smirked, sealing their lips together once again.
Who turned the lights down? Who took my flashlight?
THAT Raph would gladly do.
It felt so natural, and why shouldn't it? They'd done this a thousand times.
Leo lead. That was his job, to lead the mission, but like every good leader throughout history, he left the execution of the individual parts of the mission to his troops.
Translation.
Leo lead them over to the bed, but Raph had all the control.
Why does my heart sound like it might burst tonight?
Leo had bottomed plenty of times for his brothers, it wasn't anything new. But this time, something felt different.
Leo would willingly submit, and often did, but he always held some part of himself in check. The leader never let go, not like the other three. A part of Leo was always on guard, always wary, watching, ever protecting. Raph wasn't sure if the two youngest had picked up on it, but he sure had.
This time, Leo was completely relaxed, letting himself be vulnerable. His hazel eyes trusting, and... Raph knew that emotion. He'd seen it often enough staring back at him in the mirror.
Leo was scared.
It's getting louder and louder
Raph gently lowered them to the slightly rumpled sheets. "Ya sure about dis, Leo?" His brother didn't say anything, but Raph felt him nod. "Den why're ya scared?"
Raph knew he had nailed it as soon as his brother turned away. Gently, he turned Leo's face to look at him, lightly running a thumb along Leo's cheekbone. "Do ya t'ink I'll hurt ya? I know I've given ya enough reason ta t'ink I would."
Leo's expressions were comical when the leader was taken completely by surprise.
Every time I think about you, about you
"No. I trust you, Raph. I do. It's just... I..." Leo seemed to be looking everywhere but at his brother. "Do I... satisfy you?" Leo's voice dropped to a near whisper.
Now it was Raph's turn to be floored stupid. "Huh?"
"I mean, it's just... every time before when I... You seemed like it wasn't good enough. Like I wasn't... good enough."
I'll be better off without you, without you
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Coward! Asshole!
Raph felt about two inches high. He kissed Leo fiercely, passionately. "Hell no! Damn, Leo! It wasn't 'cause ya weren't good enough! It was 'cause I couldn't GET enough a ya!" Raph kissed Leo again with equal fervor. "I never wanted ta let ya go. I hated havin' ta let ya go ta yer room when I wanted ya in MINE! I wanted ta wake up every few hours an' have ya over an' over, all night long!"
Leo still looked skeptical.
"Let me prove it ta ya."
Slowly, Leo began to smile. He nodded, and Raph knew he could die a happy turtle.
But not anytime soon. He had things to do.
I wish my heart would stop, wish my heart would stop
A lifetime of things.
Like loving the turtle he held in his arms.
Ugh! When had he turned into such a sap?
Beating me up
Didn't matter. He could be however he needed or wanted to be here. The rules were different behind the closed door of their bedroom.
Their bedroom.
Raph smiled. He liked the sound of that.
He also liked the sound Leo made when Raph nipped the side of that beautifully slender leaf green neck.
That was going to be his new word for Leo.
Beating me up
Beautiful.
Raph slowly made his way across Leo's shoulder, nipping and licking.
Leo may be male, but no other word fit.
Lazy kisses were scattered down Leo's arm. The way Leo's muscles moved under that leaf green skin.
Beyond gorgeous.
Raph felt Leo shift beneath him to press a heated kiss to the emerald skin above Raph's scarred plastron.
"No," Raph murmured, pushing Leo down with kisses to his face. "Not this time."
Beating me up
"Raph..."
"I'm not. I'm not denyin' myself, Leo. I swear," Raph punctuated his words with light kisses. "I'm givin' in to somethin' I've wanted fer longer dan ya'd believe. Jus' dis one time, let me love ya, how I want ta," Raph's hand gripped possessively onto Leo's hip. "How I... need ta."
Any sound at all would have drowned out Leo's soft sigh. "I'm all yours, nushi."
Raph froze. Did Leo just call him... He looked, searching Leo's eyes for denial, confirmation, something.
There is was.
I wish my heart would stop
"Leo..." Raph buried his face in the crook of his brother's neck, blinking hard and fast. "I'm... I'm not worthy of... THAT."
"Are to me."
Leo said so much with so few words.
Raph's reply was to kiss his brother again. A kiss he hoped said everything the emerald turtle hadn't the words for.
Wish my heart would stop
He quickly pushed his overwhelming emotions aside. He'd deal with them later, and this time, actually DEAL with them. He had more important things to do right now.
Raph lift his leg over Leo's, pressing his well muscled thigh against the growing bulge in his lover's lower plastron. A deep, needy groan erupted from Leo's throat. Raph pressed in again, slightly firmer, wanting to hear that sound again.
It made him shudder.
I won't let you get the best of me
"C'mon, babe. Drop down for me."
Raph smirked when Leo's length slipped out. He knew that deep down Leo liked to be dominated.
Emerald fingers wrapped around that hardening flesh, as Raph let his weight settle on the crease of Leo's thigh. He squeezed firmly at Leo's loud churr.
Raph may be the one dominating, but Leo was the one in control.
How'd my heart become my enemy?
Raph released his own throbbing erection, then shifted to pin Leo's legs to the bed with Raph's own. Ever so slowly, Raph lowered his hips to lightly bump their cocks together.
Moaning, Leo arched up, seeking a more satisfying friction. With a snicker, Raph rose up, denying his brother.
"Uh-hu. Be good."
I won't let you get the best of me
Raph was pretty sure their father had heard THAT sound. Splinter? Hell, DONNIE most likely heard THAT. In the garage, wearing those huge, deafening ear protection covers he had, using the welder... or metal grinder. Or BOTH.
He wondered how long it'd take for those moans to turn into needy whimpers?
Raph was going to find out.
How'd my heart become my enemy?
Raph reached under Leo's mattress for the ever present bottle of lube that the oldest kept there. Raph grinned when he saw the bottle. All four of them had been using it not more than three days ago. It had been close to empty.
It was now full.
Leo was such a boy scout.
Raph found it adorable.
Beating me up, beating me up
This time, the emerald turtle was going to fully indulge himself.
Raph sat back on his heels, lifting Leo's legs to drape over his own, opening his brother to him. A gently smile crossed his face as Leo whined, fisting and twisting the sheets beneath him. His brother's breath came in quick pants with sweat beading along his forehead.
He hadn't really done anything yet.
Beating me up, beating me up
Watching his brother closely, Raph continued to tease, circling his fingertip around Leo's entrance.
Leo writhing in the throes of want and desire was the most erotic thing Raph had ever seen, bar none.
The emerald turtle had a sneaking suspicion he was about to become selfish and greedy when it came to loving Leo.
Here's hoping everyone else was understanding. If not... too damn bad!
It's getting louder, louder, louder
"Whatcha need, babe?" Raph murmured, stilling his teasing movements.
"More," Leo moaned. "Please... more."
An emerald fingertip slipped past the tightness, barely moving once inside.
"Raph," Leo panted out. "Please!" he keened.
"Since ya asked so sweetly." Raph pushed in deeper, pausing to hear each moan before continuing.
Every time I think about you, about you, about you
Within moments, Raph had Leo writhing on the bed, twisting to find more friction, to take Raph's digits in deeper. The leader was nearly sobbing in need.
Damn! What a fucking power trip! HE was making Leo act this way. HE was making Leo feel this good. And damn all the world to Hell, he was going to spend the rest of his life doing this very thing!
Leo whined in protest when Raph pulled away. "Shh, babe," he soothed. "It's jus' fer a sec," he nuzzled apologetically at Leo's neck. "I'll take care of ya," he pressed a light kiss to Leo's cheek. "Fer da rest a my life."
Raph slid inside, burying himself inside Leo's fire. He shuddered, fighting for control. Damn, all he wanted to do was pound into that compliant flesh and quench everything raging within himself.
And I'll be better off without ya, without ya, without ya
Leo deserved more than a fast rut.
Raph moved slowly, drawing out his brother's pleasure. Leo moaned, struggling against Raph's hands to move with the emerald turtle's movements.
Raph whispered words of love and adoration between kisses to Leo's heated skin. His brother clung to him, as if fearing some force would tear them apart.
I wish my heart would stop
"I'll always be here fer ya, Leo. I love ya. I. Love. YOU."
Raph quickened his pace. The air filled with churrs, whispered words, and sobs of joy.
Raph's hand closed over Leo's straining length. "I love ya, Leo. Cum fer me. Will ya do dat fer me, angel? Will ya cum fer me?"
Leo's cry split the air, pushing Raph into blissful oblivion with him.
I wish my heart would stop
Raph tipped his head to look at Leo when the unconscious turtle began to stir.
"Welcome back ta da land a da livin'," he teased.
Leo smiled, snuggling deeper into his brother with a happy sigh. "That was amazing," he muttered.
Raph pressed a kiss to Leo's temple. "Thank you."
Leo tightened his hold, sensing something was wrong. "For what?"
"Givin' me a chance. I was being a jerk."
Beating me up
Leo smiled. "Forgiven."
Raph smiled into their kiss. Damn, why? Why did Leo have to be so... forgiving? Adorable? Sweet?
Perfect?
Yeah. Leo was perfect. Perfect to Raphael.
"Just don't do it anymore."
"Sorry. Can't promise dat, bro."
Beating me up
Leo frowned, trying to pull away.
Raph tightened his grip. "Hear me out. I'm not goin' ta stop arguin' wit' ya 'bout da decisions ya make. I don't want ya ta get complacent. I want ya always thinkin'. Always on yer toes. If ya stay sharp, we'll always make it home." Raph turned very serious eyes to his brother. "If somethin' happens ta ya, it'd kill me, Leo. I may not be dead in body, but inside, nothin' would be alive wit'out ya beside me."
Leo settled back down beside his brother, thinking over Raph's words. Slowly, he nodded. "I can live with that. Then promise me you'll stop going off on your own. For the same reasons."
Something in Leo's voice triggered Raph's internal alarms. "What's goin' on, Leo?"
"I can't lose you either, Raph," he said softly.
Beating me up whoa, whoa
"Why? I mean, I ain't nuttin' but a fighter. Don's da brains, an' Mikey's got da insight."
Raph had never seen such fear in anyone's eyes not on the other side of his sai. To see it in Leo's was beyond disturbing.
"I'm responsible to keep everyone safe. From our enemies, from nightmares, from bad food, and starvation. Everything. I accept that. I want to do it. It's an honor for me to protect my family. But... me. I get scared. I feel threatened. I have nightmares. And until now, I never felt like there was anyone who could, or WOULD protect me." Leo's voice dropped low, "No one until you."
Wish my heart would
He never knew.
Raph latched onto Leo so tightly it was hard for the leaf green turtle to breath.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I did dat ta ya." Just as quickly as he had pulled Leo against him, Raph pushed him back, staring into his eyes. "I'll do it! I promise ya, Leo. I won't take stupid risks. I'll do everythin' I have ta, ta be here fer ya. But, I'm gonna suck at it in da beginnin'."
"Just as long as you try, nushi."
I wish my heart would stop
Damn! He'd never get used to that, but he'd work on that too.
"Aishiteru."
Leo snuggled deeper into his brother. "Aishiteru."
Beating me up -
Two green toned heads pulled back from Leo's bedroom door, grinning at one another.
"Well, it's about time," Donnie chuckled, holding his hand out for the slightly redesigned stethoscope Mikey was holding.
"No kidding," Mikey jumped up on Donnie's desk, swinging his feet as the genius stowed his equipment. "Think they'll straighten up now?"
Beating me up
"They should," Donnie grabbed his brother's legs, stopping their constant motion. "It worked for us," he grinned slipping between Mikey's legs.
Mikey wrapped his legs around Donnie's waist. "Wanna go do a little bonding of our own, bro?" he waggled his eyeridges suggestively.
"I'd like that," Donnie leaned in for a quick kiss. "I'd like that very much."
-
Outside the lab, Splinter turned and walked back towards the kitchen. He smiled, dinner could wait. It was nothing more than sandwiches and stew, easily kept cold and warm for a few hours. It was far more important to the old rat for his sons to tend to their ever fragile spirits than their stomachs anyway.
Food was plentiful for them now.
And hopefully, now, so was love.
Thanks for Reading.