O.K ...here is my first attempt at slash. Gulp.
Beta-ed by the fab melanie39.
Disclaimer- I own nothing to do with The O.C.
Close
You hold on like you never want to let go, you need so much just to feel the beating of another person's heart against you right now. This is what you crave, this is what you've always craved. You pull the body in tighter and squeeze. You desperately need to fill the empty void that has just ripped open in your world. You want to feel something other than the all consuming bitter disappointment you feel in yourself knowing that you've fallen for her empty promises one more time.
You can't quite believe she did it to you again and all she thought you were worth was a single wave…one fucking wave after sixteen years. Not much to show for all the shit and lies. Then it was 'bye, nice knowing you but I'm washing my hands of you now because its easier for me, tough shit about how you feel Son, because your feelings don't come into this, they never have.'
When you feel the hand rubbing slow circles on your back you feel comforted, part of something other than the fucked up world of the Atwoods. And when the hand creeps under your shirt you don't push away, you cling on.
You can feel that he wants you, he's hard and thrusting himself against your groin and that's O.K too because at this moment in time just to be wanted by another is so much better than the alternative. You open your mouth and let him invade inside with his tongue. You let yourself be carried along in the undertow, the eddy of emotions choking you are forced to the back of your mind, lost in this maelstrom that want has created.
As you look into his eyes you can see the fear and the uncertainty. You don't want to witness that and you're suddenly scared that he'll bolt and leave you alone again. You don't think you can cope with that right now so you shut your eyes and sink to your knees. You hold his hips firm and mouth him through the denim of his jeans…anything to make him want you, need you. Anything to make him stay.
You unzip him and reach your hand inside, the feel of him in your palm, hot and heavy, tells you that he still wants you and as you take him deep into your throat you feel connected to at least something that's tangible, something that's real. Not like the fantasy of a few hours ago when you thought that things might just be different this time. Anything that helps to block the look your mom gave you as she walked out of your life again is welcomed.
You plunge your head back and forth, trying to control your gag reflex but even that seems strangely apt to the situation and when he comes you swallow, just to let him know that this or he does not disgust you.
You wipe your mouth on the back of your hand and slowly get up. You try not to read anything into the way he won't meet your eye as he zips up his pants.
You reach out.
He backs away.
He stumbles from the room, slamming the door as he goes.
You stand still and wrap your arms around yourself.
He didn't even bother to wave goodbye.
Fin.