Faithful Follower

'This,' Konzen said severely, 'is unacceptable.'

The chest-on-many-hundred-legs that he was addressing somehow managed to convey a shrug.

'I don't even know what you are,' he muttered.

The thing flashed its top (mouth?) open long enough for him to see a large amount of seawater and several pairs of clean white underwear. Surprisingly, the underwear was dry. Then again, Konzen had entirely lost the ability to be surprised after having the thing persistently following him around for the last hour. And after it had neatly swallowed Li Touten down and then kakked him back up with a surprisingly human retching sound.

It reminded him of Goku, for some reason. It had the same doglike devotion about it somehow. And it ate even faster than he did. Except that it wasn't nearly as cute.

He stalked off down the corridors to the library, where he knew he would find the one man who might actually know something about this. The thing followed, scurrying entirely too fast on those legs (and what sort of creature had that many legs anyway?)

He yanked the door open, glaring the books into not falling over him, and bellowed 'TENPOU!!' at the top of his considerable lungs.

A pile of books toppled over from the sonic blast to reveal Tenpou, minus the glasses, sitting up blearily. 'Yes?'

Konzen turned and kicked at the chest-on-legs viciously. It dodged. 'This.'

Tenpou slipped his glasses on and peered at it interestedly. 'Ah.'

'THE HELL YOU MEAN "AH"!'

'This is actually quite rare, Konzen,' he said, suddenly looking a lot more awake. 'A self-transporting sentient pocket dimension of some sort, I think.' He walked over and prodded the chest-on-legs with a finger and pulled his hand back as it snapped at it with several very white teeth. 'And it seems to have some bodyguard capacities as well. Impressive. Where did you buy it?'

'I didn't,' Konzen said as patiently as he could – which was not at all. 'It was in a box marked with my name; when I let it out it began following me around.'

'You do have a penchant for attracting the kind of being that does that,' Tenpou murmured as he examined it. Konzen glared at him, causing a bookshelf behind him to spontaneously combust. 'Now, now, Konzen, I've told you not to do that. Well, there's no known way of getting rid of something like this. Once they decide to stick with you, they're with you forever. Some even track down their owner's next incarnation or two.'

'I am not going to have this-this thing hanging around me for the rest of eternity!'

'Well, it is yours. These things have a way of carrying over to the next life, you know. You should be more careful what you carry around.' Tenpou hesitated. 'You weren't……nice to it by any chance, were you?'

'What?'

'I see not. But it seems to have imprinted on you, so I don't think there's much you can do about it. Who bought it for you anyway?'

'I don't know,' Konzen began before his eyes narrowed. 'No. No. It's impossible. She wouldn't have – she couldn't have–'

'Oh, but I did, Konzen dear,' Kanzeon said, draping herself over the window of the room. 'It's very interesting, isn't it?'

'I,' Konzen said, very quietly and deliberately, 'am already half-dead with trying to take care of the last thing you foisted off on me. If you try to make me take care of this as well I will hunt you down and rip off whatever part of that blasted dress isn't already transparent. In public. It should settle some long bets on exactly what you've got under there, shouldn't it?'

Kanzeon pouted. 'Oh, well. It wasn't for you anyway. I just told it to follow you around for a while to scare you.'

'WHY YOU–' Konzen began; Tenpou caught him in an efficient hold before he could lunge at his aunt, who was cackling.

'Oh, well,' she huffed. 'If you don't like this model, I suppose I'll just have to give you a traditional spandex space, then. Pity. I went to a lot of trouble getting this one for you. Well, it's not exactly you, but……'

'Who is it for?' Konzen asked in a slightly more polite tone.

'Oh, just someone.' Her smile was secretive. 'Nobody you know.'

And five hundred years later……

'Ow!' Gojyo yelped as the fan descended on his hapless head. In stereo, as Goku was the next to fall. Sanzo smirked and tucked the fan away in his skin-tight sleeves. Along with his cigarettes, lighter, newspaper, reading glasses, spectacle case, extra bullets and gun-cleaning kit, all of which appeared to materialise exactly when he wanted them. None of which, incidentally, made the slightest bulge in his incredibly tight clothing.

'Man, where the hell does he keep that thing?' Goku whined.

And Kanzeon smirked.

A/N: it seems that I adore Evil!Kanzeon – this is her third appearance in that role in my work. Oh well. Yet another Discworld xover, wow.