AN: So...it's been a few years, eh? I'm back for a little while. This story has been partially written on my hardrive since 2007. I've published the first two parts on my LiveJournal fiction account and now finally its making way to FF.
To the original OTP. Written for the LJ community 30_quills.
Fairytale Untold
{Part 1/3}
{1} No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.
At age fifteen, Seto can hardly keep his head from spinning. He remembers – through a vague and hazy mist – how he's gotten to where he is but it's a difficult thing to comprehend. It doesn't make sense, he thinks, because this – this, here, that he's become – is nothing like what he wanted. Nothing like he expected.
He owns his own company. He's his brother's parent now and he's world famous. But it isn't the fame that blurs his vision. He can deal with that. He's had training for that. Nor is his dilemma a result of the overwhelming responsibility or the money. It's something inside him that screams and rails against how he's gotten here, to this point of no return.
Once upon a time, in a time before Yugi Motou, he had thought he was happy. He was content and his life was, to him at least, easy enough to deal with. As in the fairytales he'd read to Mokuba when they were younger, Seto had vanquished the evil that he had himself brought into their lives. He'd paid for his sins and was making his way forward. It was a drive to give Mokuba – and, to an extent, himself – back all the things they had lost. He had never consciously considered himself Machiavellian.
Now, standing on the edge of a tower and being chewed out by an enraged (all of a sudden startlingly pretty) girl for having used a terrifying and underhanded means to an end, he realizes that he had learned more from his adoptive father than he had initially thought.
{2} I just want to flee from this nightmare and never return.
At sixteen he realizes that he has lived the past four years completely oblivious to the fact that his story, that awful train wreck of a fairytale-gone-wrong that is his life, is far from over. He has not, in fact, vanquished anything. That horrid, looming sin of his is still present and he is no longer the only one being abused. Mokuba has – finally – found himself in the thick of things whereas, previously, he had remained on the fringes.
It is a horribly, horribly frightening thought.
He does the only thing he can do and he pushes forward. He moves onward – constantly, constantly onward – and pushes everything out of his way. He pushes everyone out of his way. They do not know, they cannot help. She cannot help.
Anzu Mazaki, for all her good intentions and peculiar attachment to his family, cannot make this right through faith alone. If it were that simple… If it were that simple, he would willingly step into those open arms that look for all the world like escape, like waking from this nightmare that his life has become, and let her handle it.
He has faith in her faith but it will get them nowhere at the moment. So he pushes onward, through the flimsy physical, iron-willed barrier she makes and continues on his quest. His life is not a conventional fairytale but, occasionally (not now, not frequently, not when there is Mokuba to save), he dreams of a princess in a tower.
{3} The past shapes the future.
When he is seventeen he discovers things he doesn't believe in. Things he refuses to believe in because there is no way, no way, that this is what they say it is. He is not the reincarnation of an Egyptian priest, he did not fall in love a with duel monster and he is not inextricably connected to Yugi Motou. He refuses.
They try their might to convince him but what can he do about it? It is an explanation at best. He can change nothing. The past is over and done with. The antiquity of the events themselves make them meaningless. Even if they were significant, they cannot be undone. Had he that power he would never have met Gozaburo Kaiba, he would never have dueled Yugi Motou and he definitely would have asked Anzu out long before Yugi grew a backbone enough to draw her attention.
He sees things through to the end, however, because he has no choice. He watches Yugi duel himself (perhaps the oddest thing he has ever seen) and watches the Yugi that looks like the duelist Seto knows he's faced walk off into (as they tell him) the afterlife. And Seto's world has yet to alter. He feels as stable as ever and thinks that, even with an explanation, the life he lives now remains the same.
He is wrong, of course.
{4} In a world without words.
The day they travel back to Domino, it's his eighteenth birthday. Yugi and friends skipped school to make the trip while Seto makes appearances at school rather than actually attends. They use the Kaiba Corp jet because… Seto doesn't know why he gives them the ride home; it's become habit to tote them around by now anyways. Somehow, because Mokuba isn't there this time, he finds himself seated beside Anzu on the hours-long trip.
Four hours into the flight, he wakes to find everyone else is asleep except for the girl who is supposed to be beside him. He barely spots her reflection in one of the windows and, without really thinking about it, moves toward her.
He knows why she's crying. That version of Yugi, that was the one she liked. It bothers him a little, though perhaps not as much as it should. He is attracted, yes, but he's not attached. When she notices him, she swipes futilely at her cheeks and stares hard out the window. He has no words nor any intention of speaking. He simply stands there, unconsciously blocking her and the reflection she casts, from view of the others. She cries for ten more minutes.
When she's done, he casts one assessing glance in her direction and, finding that she is indeed composed, moves forward, pushing past her toward the cockpit. He is two steps away from her when she speaks.
"Happy Birthday, Kaiba-kun."
{5} Every moment hesitated is a moment gone from life.
Still eighteen, he lets Mokuba coerce (bribe, plead, threaten, trick) him into attending the remains of his final year of high school. He does and is startled by the fact that he is now considered one of them. It proves to be less taxing than he thought it would be, having friends. They seem to have learnt enough about him to know when to push and when to pull and when to leave it be.
Jounouchi is the only one who keeps pushing his buttons and Seto surprises himself by actually enjoying the pointless snark (in which he is consistently the one with the upper hand). Honda proves to be more than just a strange hairstyle. The boy knows a thing or two or twenty about mechanics and motorcycles and Seto owns a garage full of them so, oddly enough, Honda becomes his fastest friend.
He treads carefully around Ryou Bakura, unsure of the boy who led him to Egypt. In the end, the foreigner is deemed a harmless and a likewise quiet individual in a generally boisterous group. With Yugi, they are the ones who spend hours talking about Duel Monsters. Seto respects Yugi and theirs is a muted, easy friendship.
Of course, none of them know that this is where they stand. They know that something is different, they do not know that this the position. They would probably faint if they did.
Lastly, there is Anzu. Where there is Anzu, there is attraction, mystification, emotion and all round confusion. Seto avoids it so they never really progress beyond polite small talk and sitting in the same group talking to other people. When graduation rolls around, he feels something like regret for what could have become in the time wasted.
{6} The tragedy called history will just be repeated.
On Anzu's eighteenth birthday there's a post-graduation fete at the game shop that ties in with her "real" birthday party. She has another one, for all kids in their class and all the kids she knew in school, that Seto does not attend.
He sits in the tiny shop – expanding now, he thinks, briefly considering approaching Jii-san about a contract with Kaiba Corp. After all, the combined fame of Yugi Motou and Seto Kaiba would ensure customers for years to come – and listens to his friends chatter on. He wonders when he'll wake up because this – this normality and contentment – is not a feature of his life story. Still, everyone is smiling and laughing and Seto feels his own cheeks and realizes that he too is smiling (though it remains closer to a smirk).
Then it happens; the crash. After the cake (she stuck it with Mokuba before he fell asleep upstairs), they sit around a table and drink because they're finally all old enough (Jounouchi ribs Anzu about holding them back from the finer pleasures in life and she frowns at her beer bottle telling him that if this is a finer pleasure, she'd take a fat one, thank you very much. Seto hides his smile behind his hand as he takes a swig of his own beer). Someone, Jounouchi again probably, asks where they think they'd all be in ten years because that's the kind of thing you were expected to talk about at gatherings like this.
They all have their dreams, none of which are news but all of which seem so much more real (and threatening) because they're one step away from them now. She's headed to off to some dance school in America and he allows himself no hope because the country is huge. Then, they get to him and he does it. He rips the happy page out of his calamitous fairytale.
"We all know where Moneybags'll be in ten years," Jounouchi said. "Not like he isn't set for life already." And he raised his bottle in salute. "Ten years from now: here in Domino, CEO of Kaiba Corp – still – and married – for the third time – to some famous supermodel, eh?"
For a moment, Seto looks at Anzu who smiles straight through everything, including the marriage comment. Her eyes stare off into the distance past Yugi's shoulder. He shrugs and murmurs, "If I come back."
They're all looking at him now, curious and slightly disturbed. Honda asks, "Meaning?"
"Kaiba Corp has expanded to America. I've been advised to shift headquarters to New York. There's a fresh market and it needs the best attention. If you want something done right…" The silence stretches as they take it in. He hadn't known how much the stability of Kaiba Corp meant to them. Hadn't realized they thought of him as a rock before that. It was flattering and almost moving to think that they depended on him like that. But again, he'd never show it.
"When?" Her voice cuts through the hush gently.
He stares at her for while, looking for a sign of anything on her face and finds she's learnt to wear as mask as unreadable as his. He glances around the table, at the waiting faces, and tells the truth, "Not before Christmas."
That releases some of the tension. It's not tomorrow or next week and they have time so they're ok. Later on, as he retrieves Mokuba from Yugi's guestroom, they cross paths in the cramped upstairs hallway. The space seems far too small far too quickly.
She watches him for a minute, looks at him with Mokuba in his arms, then smiles softly. In a low tone, she thanks him for coming. He nods at her and they remain for just a moment too long. Then, like all the times before, he pushes past her and moves onward.
{7} The roads might be different, but the place we end up is the same.
At age twenty-two he sees her again, by chance, in a fancy little Irish grocery store in New York. Mokuba is not with him (school is stricter here) and he recognizes her all by himself. He doesn't know what compels him but he winds up standing behind her in the wine aisle and tapping her shoulder. She turns and he knows she recognizes him instantly. She smiles brightly and he remembers how pretty she can be as she hugs him. When she pulls away, he notices how beautiful she's become.
They make small talk as they shop, he purposely keeps browsing despite being sure he's gotten everything he wanted, and when they approach the cashier, he invites her to dinner. With Mokuba, because the younger would love to see her again. She tells him tonight is bad – he eyes the bottle of wine she's picked up – but would Friday be ok? Friday, of course, is even better as Mokuba won't have school the next day.
On Friday, Seto and Mokuba find out that Anzu graduated last year and now dances full time with the American Ballet Company. Seto has been up to the usual, along with earning his degree from Harvard. She asks how he had the time, she'd been hearing about KC America for years. Mokuba rolls his eyes and says, "He's a workaholic as usual, Anzu."
Later, the three of them sit out on the balcony because the air is pleasant, the sky is clear and the Kaibas' apartment is high enough above the city lights to allow a glimpse of the stars if you squint. She and Mokuba talk like old friends while Seto goes to get drinks. When he comes back, he hands Mokuba a Coke (he may be seventeen but he's still too young to drink during term time) and hands Anzu a beer. She raises her eyebrows at him and he shrugs, drinking from his own bottle.
"Strange, isn't it," she asks Mokuba, "how we both took different paths but wound up in the same place?"
Mokuba nods and when she looks up at Seto, he knows she's talking about more than New York. His is a contemplative, "Hm."
{8} I only want your happiness, knowing I can never be yours to share it.
Mokuba invites her to dinner (or lunch or whatever) often. Seto is present on most occasions but business will keep him some days. He is glad that he misses the day she tells Mokuba she's engaged. They had known about her boyfriend, of course. An American dancer in her company named Robert. She seemed happy and Seto thought her commitment dispelled any of the undercurrents that might have lingered in their friendship.
They'd existed like that for nearly a year. Robert has never met the Kaiba brothers and, for a while, it seemed as though their time with Anzu existed in a bubble. Which is what made Seto wary. Bubbles, he knew, were prone to bursting. Anzu popped this one with a none-too-inexpensive solitaire diamond.
Mokuba is hesitant to talk to him about her visit that night, as though he fears Seto's reaction – a completely absurd paranoia, Seto thinks, because what could they possibly say to anger him now? When Mokuba blurts it out, Seto can't move.
He's not angry, he's not surprised, he just feels…empty. Then he shakes himself and wonders why he should feel that way about the engagement of a woman he hasn't felt anything but friendship for in five years. He looks at his brother, who is studying him closely, and tells him that he's glad. He wants her to be happy and he'll send congratulatory flowers and card around first thing in the morning.
On the phone the next morning, he almost sends marigolds. Catching himself, he sends peonies instead.
{9} Those words were larger than any sin, and sweeter than any punishment.
In June of his twenty-third year, she marries. Her side of the church – she marries in a church despite the fact that she is not Christian, despite the fact that she had always dreamt of a traditional Japanese wedding – is full with friends and family and colleagues and the boys from Domino have rights to all of the second row behind her parents, nieces and brother-in-law. Seto sits among them, between Yugi and Mokuba, and watches.
The wedding itself is a lavish affair; Anzu's parents are far from penniless, he learns. The women present tell him it is beautiful (so beautiful) through dainty handkerchiefs and nearly pretentious tears. He supposes that, had he appreciation for flower arrangements and lace and silk and sentiment, he would think so too. Instead, he thinks to himself that there is but one beautiful thing in the gothic church and that is the bride.
At the reception he situates himself at the far end (or at least what he perceives to be the far end) of the circular table and listens disinterestedly through the speeches made by the grooms' side. Anecdotes about Robert as a child do not interest him, neither does the retelling of the day the man realized he was in love with Anzu. The Best man's speech has no meaning whatsoever.
When it is the bride's side turn to speak, her father does first. Seto can picture her a spunky four-year-old running circles around the tall, dignified man and almost smiles. The speech is concise but real and it makes Seto wonder if he will love his daughters like that, should he ever have any. Her sister is next and there is something in the way her speech is structured that hints at some sort of guardedness, some sort of quiet regret. It is subtle, though, and Seto thinks he might be the only one who notices it until he looks at Yugi.
Then Yugi himself speaks and it is even more obvious that something is amiss. Seto can see Anzu trying not to frown now, her face no longer the beaming picture of happiness it was moments before. It persists through Honda's and Jounouchi's toasts although what exactly is wrong with the day is not evident and he lets it go because, after all, she is laughing at Jounouchi's joke and Seto just might be hallucinating again. The people here (including the Ishtar siblings and Ryou Bakura) haven't all been in the same room since they were teenagers and they are known to mess with his head.
Finally, Mokuba toasts on behalf of the Kaiba brothers. "To Anzu, friend and savior, because you've always put your all into making everyone else happy and keeping us all safe. For the docks, the road and the tower; if this makes you happy, may it last forever."
The groom frowns as their table (and only theirs) laughs and toasts more sincerely than they have all night. Then Seto stares at the smirking Mokuba.
If this makes you happy…
Something about that doesn't sound like the happily ever after her story deserves.
{10} The line between friendship and love.
After the wedding, the boys (men now, really) go home and Seto's life continues almost as normal. However, there is no more arriving home to the sound of Mokuba and Anzu's laughter and the sweet, if not somewhat strange, smells of their combined efforts in the kitchen. She's on her honeymoon and Seto tells himself he does not miss her. She is not – and never was – his to miss.
Mokuba, on the other hand, has no qualms about it. Funnily enough, about a week after she departs, the phone rings around noon on Sunday. As she "checks in with her little brother", Seto can't help but raise his eyebrow at her having found time to call them (of all people). If he were Robert, she would hardly have breath to speak much less the time to call.
He blinks then and swears to never think that again. She is a married woman and he has been over this for years.
Mokuba ends his phone call with, "Sure, I'll tell him. I love you too, Anzu. Have fun."
"You shouldn't say those things to her," Seto tells him when the receiver is off. "I doubt her husband will appreciate it."
Mokuba looks at him hard. Looks at him in a way that makes him acknowledge the fact that the younger is now a man in his own right then replies, "You shouldn't. I can; it doesn't mean the same thing."
"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Seto asks.
Halfway down the hallway, Mokuba calls back, "There's a difference between love and friendship, Nii-san."
TBC
As always, comments and constructive criticism are much appreciated!