For the Character Admiration Tournament at The Golden Snitch.

Round Two: Lucius Malfoy (dark) vs James Potter (light). Task: Your character is stuck as a farm animal.

Duck!Lucius

"Oh, Merlin! Lucius, I'm so sorry!" Narcissa said in a loop, repeating the words until Lucius thought her completely mad. There wasn't anything wrong. Her spell simply hadn't worked and it wasn't enough for Narcissa, his proud and beautiful wife, to apologise like that. She hadn't apologised after she burned his favourite pair of lucky socks—accidentally, she claimed— so there was no reason for her to do it now and he tried to tell her, looking up to her (why was he on the ground?)

But the only sound that came out of his mouth was a loud quack.

Lucius must have heard wrong, so he repeated his words only to have the same ridiculous sound come out of his mouth, that suddenly felt a bit too long and hard.

"Morgana! You are so cute, Lucius!" Narcissa exclaimed, bringing her hand to pet his head. "Your feathers are lovely!"

Her words startled him and he quacked. Again. He tried to conjure a mirror so he could see his newly feathered self but his wand wasn't in his hand because he didn't have hands.

He was angry.

Lucius was so angry he quacked again, provoking a fit of laughter to overcome Narcissa. He paced around her, still quacking, and it only made her laugh even more. Soon, the sound of her mad cackling —must be a family thing; Bellatrix had the same laughter— brought someone whom Lucius never wanted to meet in a situation like this: the Dark Lord.

Narcissa didn't notice at first and she kept laughing, holding her stomach as if it hurt —Lucius begged to all the gods he knew to let her know only that pain and not something worse.

Granted, he stopped quacking and circling Narcissa but even when he tried to discreetly get her attention, he failed.

Duck Lucius looked up and saw the incredulous, confused face of his master and he laughed. Of course, he only produced that loud, horrible and humiliating quack that had Narcissa laughing still, now with tears falling from her eyes.

"Is that Lucius?" the Dark Lord asked, startling Narcissa who lost her balance and fell over a puddle (why were there puddles? As soon as Lucius was himself he would punish the help for being useless).

He saw the Dark Lord's puzzled eyes and Lucius couldn't help himself so he quacked in laughter again.

"He's moving his little butt!" Narcissa exclaimed, her fright forgotten at the sight of him wiggling his feathered butt. "I apologise profusely, my Lord, but look at him!"

And the Dark Lord did. He looked at him and Lucius felt dread until the inconceivable happened and the Dark Lord snorted and showed them the slightest, tiniest hint of a smile in that reptilian face.

It wasn't a pretty sight and it was enough to calm them down, quacking and laughter dying instantly.

"I won't tolerate ineptitude from my followers," the Dark Lord said, waving his wand and turning Lucius back into himself. "Don't let this happen again."

Narcissa bowed and thanked him deeply, and Lucius went so far as to kiss the man's robes before he stormed into the Manor, leaving them outside and alone.

Lucius looked at Narcissa, expecting to hear an apology. He only heard her laughter and it was enough to make him laugh again.