A/N: SPOILERS - AT LEAST IN THE A/N.
It has been a while since ME3 - and no matter what Bioware says, my head-canon exists. My mShep, Paragade and insanely in love with Major Alenko, made it to the beam of doom. He was the catalyst in combination with the Citadel and Starbrat was Harbinger who tried to coax the reaction in the right direction. But - I chose destroy. This little piece - maybe one of several, though I am not 100% sure yet - is my therapeutic writing in response to the Mass Effect 3 ending - and though it is not nearly finished and most likely not perfect, I am quite fond of it. Maybe I can coax some reactions of some of my few readers - if I do, I have already won. Enjoy.
I do not own Mass Effect but Bioware - if I did, the ending would have been less of a mess...
Everything was dark and silent.
-Breathe!
What had happened? Where was he?
-Breathe dammit!
The voice sounded familiar somehow. Who was it? Maybe if he listened...
A deep breath that felt like fire on frozen skin. A life-giving gasp that made him wish he would die. A devastating agony that told me he was still alive – despite everything and against all odds.
-Get up!
He couldn't shut out that voice. He couldn't control it.
-Get up! Move!
And yet he couldn't help but listen and obey.
-We're not done yet!
He had to trust it. He moved or tried to. It wasn't even possible to pinpoint the origin of the pain, it was impossible to tell where his flesh was raw, his skin burnt and where broken bones were grinding against each other.
-We can't let that stop us!
He couldn't remember what there was to stop but he know it was true. There was no time to rest and no space for weakness but moving – it was so unreal. The pain seeped through every fiber of his being, every move seemed to be in slow motion and the ongoing darkness made it more than difficult. But at least it wasn't freezing – it wasn't even chilly – not like the first time.
Yes, he had died before. Funny – and yet a horrifying thought, even more so because he knew he was just a step away from facing death again. He just knew it – one wrong move and he would fall off the cliff and into unexistence. It was doubtful that he would return this time.
-But we won't die again. Not yet!
He admired the strength and determination of that faceless voice and somehow it made him want to believe it.
He fell. He didn't remember how he got on his feet in the first place only that as soon as he had been standing, his body had screamed under the strain and had given in. Lying on the cool ground silenced it – soothed it. But he would have to get used to the screaming and made it back to his feet.
-Open your eyes!
A bright flash – too bright. He shut his eyes again in a heartbeat, the effect of the light continued to feel like searing needles piercing his skull.
-Again!
His left eye fluttered open slowly and somewhat prepared and a few rays made their way. It was bearable and moments... minutes later, it was not nearly as bright anymore. He opened the right eye... he couldn't. It remained closed, hiding whatever was out there or maybe it was hiding from it. But there was nothing to hide from but dust and rubble. With his one eye he scanned the ground slowly before he eventually decided a path. Always towards the light.
Steps and stumbles brought him forward and when he fell again, he realized for the first time that his right hand was clutching a gun. He couldn't remember how he got it or why he had it but he knew that he didn't want to part with it.
-Get up!
The voice was persistent and once more he listened. Finally moving again, his body continued to scream and it never stopped. It became louder, shriller and unpleasant and eventually it was unfamiliar – alien.
Something moved. It looked like a rock but then it grew arms and legs and a head. Two blue fires burnt in its skull and his body screamed in alert as the rock screamed back.
-Shoot!
It all went silent after the echo of the gunshot subsided. His body was calm and the blue fires extinguished. He didn't understand it but it felt right – for the first time since he had woken up.