Quack Experimental Fanfic: Excel Crossovers
Fiction by rurouni Bob
Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga (property of Koshi Rikdo) or FLCL (property of Gainax), I'm just using them for my own twisted idea. Any other owned properties mentioned or appearing in this aren't mine either, nor am I profiting in any fashion from this stupid idea of my deranged mind. So, please don't sue me. Oh, and the easily offended or mentally fragile should probably avoid this story. - r.B.
Experiment 1: The High Speed Impact of Doom (sorta)
This story starts (sorta) in a certain city, in a certain prefecture, in a certain country; or rather, somewhere below it..."Excel, please explain the fact that you are over a week late to today's staff meeting?" sighed Il Pallazzo from his throne. A rather ragged looking Excel lifted her head. "Why Excel is a week late, Lord Il Pallazzo, sir? Weeeellll, I kinda ran into some weird trouble on that last mission..."
"HAIL IL PALLAZZO!!" cried Excel. *"Excel." "Yeah Lord Il Pallazzo?" "Just the parts I wasn't there for." "Oh, right."*
(flash- forward)
"OH SHIT!" Excel screamed as she dodged the speeding Vespa. "Damn Ha-chan, some drivers never watch where they're going" she said as she turned to her co-worker and sidekick. "I agree Senior. By the way, shouldn't you check on Ms. Menchi?" Hyatt said softly as her already pale face turned slightly more sickly. Somewhere in the background, an afro-wearing man in red was climbing a tree. Up the road, the scooter screeched to a halt. It's rider grinned widely. 'Not bad sister' she thought as she retrieved the blue Rickenbacher bass from her back. "Round 2!" she yelled as she gunned the Vespa directly for Excel and Hyatt. "Senior, there appears to be a noise gro..." BRAAAANNNNGGG!! echoed throughout F City as the guitar impacted Hyatt's skull. As blood sprayed all over Excel, a rather annoyed look crossed her face. "Oh crap! I really killed this one!" Haruko exclaimed as she jumped off her Vespa, running towards the now-fallen and thoroughly dead Hyatt. A moment later, something impacted her face. Blinking, Haruko saw a fuming Excel glaring at her with a Hiei-quality 'Glare of Death'.(Told ya there might be other references)"Now just how the hell am I supposed to complete my mission for Lord Il Pallazzo if Ha-chan is dead? I mean, an impact like that'll keep her dead for at least a day!" screamed Excel, her face turning a lovely shade of purple due to her exhausting her own oxygen supply. As she stood there panting, Haruko stared, a blank look on her face. "Nani?"
Ten or so minutes later
"So you're an alien?" inquired the hyperactively annoying blonde. Haruko groaned. "For the 6,381,954th time, YES!" she almost screamed. "Uh, what about your friend? Are you sure she's ok?" Nearby, blood continued to drizzle from the rather large dent in Hyatt's skull. "Hmm? Ha-chan? She'll be fine" Excel said in an unconcerned tone. "She'll revive in a few hours if we're lucky. You really clobbered her y'know" she added in an accusatory fashion. Haruko shrugged and resumed eating her instant ramen.
The next day, noonish
Haruko lay sprawled over a nearby bench, her limbs askew. Nearby, Excel was resting her head on Hyatt in a location that would make Watanabe blush and pass out. Momentarily, Excel's rumbling stomach caused two things. First, it caused Menchi, who was tied to a nearby tree, to panic and collide with said tree as she attempted to turn and run. Second, it awakened the now revived Hyatt, who noticed the drooling Excel's head on her, umm, hmmm. (Wow, Excel Saga Volume one was right. You really won't get anywhere focusing on that!) "Senior? Senior Excel? Would you please be so kind as to move your head from there?" Hyatt said softy, wiping away blood from most major places on her head. Groggily, Excel rose. "Oops, sorry 'bout that Ha- chan. My head WAS on your stomach when I fell asleep..." Excel trailed off as she remembered what little of the mission she could. "Hey Ha-chan, what were supposed to do today?" she asked. "I believe Lord Il Pallazzo wished that we investigate a new military weapon in development. He called it a "something or other suit"." Hyatt absently mused. Meanwhile, Haruko had gotten on her Vespa, taking off at top speed. "Something or other? What kinda name is that for a weapon?" "I couldn't remember the actual name, so I said 'something or other' Senior Excel." "Oh."
Today's Experiment...... Failed
Next time on Quack Experimental Fanfic: Excel Crossovers
Hi! Excel here! Next time me and Ha-chan are gonna be involved in some big- ass mecha battle. I don't know why but I guess that's just the direc.... err, writer's idea. Next time - ACROSS MS. See you soon!
Author's notes: Never fear, Haru-san will return in a later chapter. Meanwhile, I've decided to throw the Excel girls into stranger situations involving other animes, so keep a lookout.
r.B.
Fiction by rurouni Bob
Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga (property of Koshi Rikdo) or FLCL (property of Gainax), I'm just using them for my own twisted idea. Any other owned properties mentioned or appearing in this aren't mine either, nor am I profiting in any fashion from this stupid idea of my deranged mind. So, please don't sue me. Oh, and the easily offended or mentally fragile should probably avoid this story. - r.B.
Experiment 1: The High Speed Impact of Doom (sorta)
This story starts (sorta) in a certain city, in a certain prefecture, in a certain country; or rather, somewhere below it..."Excel, please explain the fact that you are over a week late to today's staff meeting?" sighed Il Pallazzo from his throne. A rather ragged looking Excel lifted her head. "Why Excel is a week late, Lord Il Pallazzo, sir? Weeeellll, I kinda ran into some weird trouble on that last mission..."
"HAIL IL PALLAZZO!!" cried Excel. *"Excel." "Yeah Lord Il Pallazzo?" "Just the parts I wasn't there for." "Oh, right."*
(flash- forward)
"OH SHIT!" Excel screamed as she dodged the speeding Vespa. "Damn Ha-chan, some drivers never watch where they're going" she said as she turned to her co-worker and sidekick. "I agree Senior. By the way, shouldn't you check on Ms. Menchi?" Hyatt said softly as her already pale face turned slightly more sickly. Somewhere in the background, an afro-wearing man in red was climbing a tree. Up the road, the scooter screeched to a halt. It's rider grinned widely. 'Not bad sister' she thought as she retrieved the blue Rickenbacher bass from her back. "Round 2!" she yelled as she gunned the Vespa directly for Excel and Hyatt. "Senior, there appears to be a noise gro..." BRAAAANNNNGGG!! echoed throughout F City as the guitar impacted Hyatt's skull. As blood sprayed all over Excel, a rather annoyed look crossed her face. "Oh crap! I really killed this one!" Haruko exclaimed as she jumped off her Vespa, running towards the now-fallen and thoroughly dead Hyatt. A moment later, something impacted her face. Blinking, Haruko saw a fuming Excel glaring at her with a Hiei-quality 'Glare of Death'.(Told ya there might be other references)"Now just how the hell am I supposed to complete my mission for Lord Il Pallazzo if Ha-chan is dead? I mean, an impact like that'll keep her dead for at least a day!" screamed Excel, her face turning a lovely shade of purple due to her exhausting her own oxygen supply. As she stood there panting, Haruko stared, a blank look on her face. "Nani?"
Ten or so minutes later
"So you're an alien?" inquired the hyperactively annoying blonde. Haruko groaned. "For the 6,381,954th time, YES!" she almost screamed. "Uh, what about your friend? Are you sure she's ok?" Nearby, blood continued to drizzle from the rather large dent in Hyatt's skull. "Hmm? Ha-chan? She'll be fine" Excel said in an unconcerned tone. "She'll revive in a few hours if we're lucky. You really clobbered her y'know" she added in an accusatory fashion. Haruko shrugged and resumed eating her instant ramen.
The next day, noonish
Haruko lay sprawled over a nearby bench, her limbs askew. Nearby, Excel was resting her head on Hyatt in a location that would make Watanabe blush and pass out. Momentarily, Excel's rumbling stomach caused two things. First, it caused Menchi, who was tied to a nearby tree, to panic and collide with said tree as she attempted to turn and run. Second, it awakened the now revived Hyatt, who noticed the drooling Excel's head on her, umm, hmmm. (Wow, Excel Saga Volume one was right. You really won't get anywhere focusing on that!) "Senior? Senior Excel? Would you please be so kind as to move your head from there?" Hyatt said softy, wiping away blood from most major places on her head. Groggily, Excel rose. "Oops, sorry 'bout that Ha- chan. My head WAS on your stomach when I fell asleep..." Excel trailed off as she remembered what little of the mission she could. "Hey Ha-chan, what were supposed to do today?" she asked. "I believe Lord Il Pallazzo wished that we investigate a new military weapon in development. He called it a "something or other suit"." Hyatt absently mused. Meanwhile, Haruko had gotten on her Vespa, taking off at top speed. "Something or other? What kinda name is that for a weapon?" "I couldn't remember the actual name, so I said 'something or other' Senior Excel." "Oh."
Today's Experiment...... Failed
Next time on Quack Experimental Fanfic: Excel Crossovers
Hi! Excel here! Next time me and Ha-chan are gonna be involved in some big- ass mecha battle. I don't know why but I guess that's just the direc.... err, writer's idea. Next time - ACROSS MS. See you soon!
Author's notes: Never fear, Haru-san will return in a later chapter. Meanwhile, I've decided to throw the Excel girls into stranger situations involving other animes, so keep a lookout.
r.B.