Author's Note: This is my telling of Mockingjay, picking up from Chapter 23, when Katniss awakes to find Peeta and Gale talking, through the epilogue. This is my first fanfic. Enjoy! Also - random italics that aren't flashbacks or memories are quotes taken directly from Suzanne Collins.

I slip back into consciousness and become aware of a quiet conversation. Peeta and Gale. I can't stop myself from eavesdropping.

"Thanks for the water," Peeta says.

"No problem," Gales replies.

"I wake up ten times a night anyway."

"To make sure Katniss is still here?" asks Peeta.

"Something like that," Gale admits. There's a long pause before Peeta speaks again.

"That was funny, what Tigris said before. About no one knowing what to do with her."

"Well, we never have," Gale says. They both laugh. It's so strange to hear them talking like this. Almost like friends. Which they're not. Never have been. Although they're not exactly enemies.

The laughing fades and the tone of their conversation shifts. "When this is all done, Gale, which I think it will be soon… You need to watch out for her. I don't know in what capacity she'll want both or either of us in her life, but you've always been her best friend. She's going to need that." Peeta says quietly.

"That's all I've ever tried to do," he replies back, his voice mirroring Peeta's serious tone.

"What I said before, about the pill… I mean that. And I think you agree with me."

My heart begins to pound in my chest. My body stiffens and I lay very still, keeping my eyes glued to the wall ahead of me.

"I killed a member of our team today. I'm sure Mitchell has a family - God, what if he has..." Peeta pauses. "Had kids?" They both fall silent. "I'm not in control when I'm like that. And there is no way to keep me from triggers when we don't know what they are, let alone what's around the corner." More silence.

"She would never forgive me, Peeta, and you know that." Gale whispers back.

"She doesn't have to know." His voice is dripping with urgency. Frustration. "I'm not who she thinks I am. After I came to and I realized I killed Mitchell, I…" I hear his breath shaking. Peeta is trying to hold it together. I want to reach out and take his hand, but I stay in my cocoon of furs, paralyzed. "I felt sick. Once the fury of the venom subsided, and it was just me, I thought I was going to vomit. But then I felt happy."

I hold my breath. He felt happy over killing someone? Peeta?

"I don't believe for a second you were happy you killed Mitchell, Peeta," Gale snaps back.

"I wasn't happy I killed Mitchell. I was disgusted. But I was happy that I was disgusted. What kind of person thinks like that? Like I need to reaffirm I'm a good human being?" He holds his breath. "I see his face when I close my eyes. I hear his body being eviscerated by those blades. There is no saying that won't happen again, and the fact that I feel regret does not make me safe. I could get any one of us killed. I could kill any of us. I could kill her, Gale."

This time Gale sucks in his breath.

"You know I'm right. I barely held on in the tunnels earlier, and I only did because Katniss helped me. What if we're in the street, or in the President's mansion, and she puts me ahead of the mission? Me ahead of any of you? Me ahead of her?"

It's quiet for a long time. I hear my heart pounding in my ears. Peeta has always been good with words. Persuasive. I understand the logic behind his plea.

"Just… give me the pill, uncuff me, and I'll go and do it away from here. She'll just think I got away somehow, and when they find me after… I'll just be another casualty of the war."

"She will want to go looking for you," Gale says.

"That's where you come in. Keep her focused. You need to keep her safe now."

"She's too stubborn. You know that, too."

"Katniss already mourned for me, Gale. Prim told me how she was back in Thirteen. I'm not who I was. I'm not the same person who was going to meet her at midnight. That person is gone. Deep down, she knows that."

"She'll never let you go," Gale says with a hushed bitterness.

They are quiet again. I feel bile rise in my throat.

"I don't even remember choking her," Peeta confesses. I feel my heart stop, and my fingers involuntarily trace where his hands had circled my neck. "When we were on the Victory Tour, when we were trying to convince everyone the berries were about us and not about rebellion, we realized toward the end that we weren't doing enough. We weren't convincing anyone, let alone Snow. We were in District Four, at one of the parties, and Katniss grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the crowd. We snuck down a hall and found an open room - it looked like an office or something."

I remember that night vividly. I sat on the desk and looked at him.

"I think they should catch us." I say, as nonchalantly as I can manage.

"Catch us what?" Peeta smirks back at me.

"You know… in a compromising position."

He gives me a lopsided smile and sits next to me on the desk. "Very funny, Katniss."

"I'm serious!" I scowl at him and swat his arm.

"You need to work on your seduction skills." I feel my cheeks flush red. He smiles at me, "Everyone still thinks you're so innocent, Katniss, I think we should keep it that way. Make them want to keep you safe."

"They watched me shoot an arrow through Marvel's throat, Peeta, no one thinks I'm innocent." I turn away from him, staring at the wall and trying hard to blink the tears out of my eyes before they threaten to ruin my prep team's make-up. I push the thoughts of Marvel and Rue from my mind.

"I can't even say seduction without you blushing. Besides, can you imagine the earful we'd get from Effie? I can hear her now… 'Manners!'" I break into a smile at his Effie impression, and look back at him over my shoulder.

"Then maybe just… leave a mark."

"Leave a mark?"

"You know, like… on my neck." I trace my finger along my exposed neck down to my collarbone. I watch as Peeta's eyes widen. "So the cameras catch it when we go back out."

"Are you sure?" he asks me, his eyes full of trepidation. I nod my head. Peeta gets up from the desk, walks across the room, and turns the lock on the door. I straighten my back and smooth my dress on my lap as he crosses back toward me. My heart starts hammering rapidly in my chest with each step he takes, his blue eyes lock with mine.

I spread my legs and Peeta settles in between them, standing in front of me as I sit on the desk. I can feel his pulse racing as I expose my throat to him. He traces it lightly with his fingers, and my hair stands on end. "Here?" he asks. I nod my head.

Peeta lowers his mouth until his lips brush the skin at the nape of my neck. I can feel his hot breath as he exhales. He lifts his mouth to my ear and whispers, "Do you really want me to do this?" I slowly nod my head again, and he draws his lips back down my neck. When he finally latches on, I gasp quietly. He abruptly stops and looks up at me. Our gazes lock, both of us wide-eyed. This is more intimate than I thought it would be. I thought this would be clinical. I have kissed Peeta a thousand times in front of the cameras, but this is the two of us - alone. I remind myself it is still for the audience. I nod my head at him, and his mouth returns to my neck.

The feeling is instantaneously overwhelming. I feel heat shoot through my body, tingling from my feet to the tips of my fingers. Peeta rocks forward toward me, and out of instinct I wrap my legs around his waist to force him closer. My hands move to his hair, knotting my fingers in his blonde curls as his tongue began to paint circles on my neck like I am a canvas under one of his paintbrushes. I grab a hold of his tie and wrap it around my hands. I feel his hands run up my back. His mouth keeps sucking and a moment later I feel his teeth gently nip that same spot. My eyes roll into the back of my head.

A series of persistent, short knocks rap at the office door. We break away from each other instantly.

"Katniss? Peeta? Are you in there?" we hear Effie call out in her clipped Capitol accent.

"Just a minute, Effie." Peeta calls back, his voice huskier than I have ever heard it before.

"What are you two doing in there? Your guests are waiting!" she persists through the closed door. "And now I'm raising my voice at a party! Imagine!"

Peeta looks flushed. His lips are swollen and his eyes dart around the space. "I need a minute," he states before sitting down on a couch across the room.

"We'll be right there, Effie," I call out to our escort. "I just had a headache. Maybe I shouldn't have tried that champagne." I hear her heels clicking as she paces in front of the door. I try sitting next to Peeta, but he shakes his head and pulls away from me. Is he mad at me?

"I just… I need a minute," he says again and gives me a shy, boyish smile.

"Okay…" I walk across the room and catch my reflection in a small, gilded mirror on the wall. "Oh!" I say I examine the bruise on my neck. It is dark pink and quickly turning more purple by the second. "I think that will get them gossiping!" I say as I turn around to show Peeta.

"Yeah…" Peeta says softly, finally standing and crossing to the thick, oak door. He twists the lock and the frigid air from the hallway floods the room. I hadn't realized how humid the small office had become.

"There you are! Let's head… Oh my! Katniss, dear, what's on your neck?!" When Effie takes a look at the love bite darkening on my neck, her eyes bulge out of her head. "You two! This is completely inappropriate. I'll get the prep team. In all my years…"

"It's fine, Effie," I say, taking Peeta's hand. "Let's go back to the party."

"You can't possibly go back with that… that… monstrosity on your neck! It's all anyone will talk about!" she shrieks.

Peeta and I exchange knowing smiles. He squeezes my hand and escorts me back the party, with Effie chasing us down the hall waving different powders and compacts she has pulled from who knows where. "A woman is always prepared, Katniss," she calls out, but we swing open the door to the party and greet the next guest.

I listen as Peeta recounts the story to Gale, leaving out the heavy panting and making it sound more mechanical, more how I intended it to be than how it actually was. "I remember smiling at that bruise on her neck all night."

"If you are trying to get me to give you a nightlock pill by pissing me off, it's not going to work," Gale whispers heatedly.

"No, it's just… I remember being so proud of it. It took weeks to fade, and I smiled every time someone noticed it. The prep team kept the bruises covered for the most part, but I just loved every second of it." Peeta gets quiet again, "When I strangled her, I don't remember it, not really. I was so blindingly angry when she came in, I blacked out. But when I saw the bruises on her neck later… I remembered the night in the office, and I felt sick. I'm sick, Gale. I'm a danger. That's who I am now, and the residual parts of my old self are just here to torture me between spells when the Mutt-version takes over. I don't trust myself. I've already proved none of you should trust me. If I'm the Mutt, I'm a threat. If I'm me, I'm a vulnerability for all of you. She'll die protecting me."

I know he's right, but I don't care. When I hear the velcro tear away from Gale's pill pocket, I can't stay silent any longer.

"If either one of you moves, I'll kill you both." I say sternly, continuing to stare at the wall.

"Katniss, please…" I hear Peeta plead.

"Shut up," I say sharply. I sit up and face them, scowling. "Go. To. Sleep."

The two of them exchange glances, and then look back at me. I sit up straighter and prop my back against the wall. "I wanted to sleep tonight, but now I have to babysit you two. I can't trust you not to kill yourself," I motion at Peeta. Then I glare at Gale with a viciousness I had once reserved for the Careers, not my best friend. "And I can't trust you not to help him. Gale, trade places with me."

Gale starts to protest, but I shove him out of the way and take the spot beside Peeta. "I will know if either of you moves. Now stay where you are, and go to sleep."

"Katniss, I don't think you should be so close to him," Gale warns as he stands over my old spot on the floor.

"I trust him more than I trust you right now." Gale shakes his head and lays on his back, carefully keeping his eye on us through his periphery. Years of hunting and stalking prey could not be trained out of him.

"Katniss…" Peeta starts, and I quickly hiss back, "I don't want to hear anything from you either."