For those of you that read Going to School, you know what you're in store
for. A bizarre hilarious story that will move often then not, break away
from the main story, just to throw in a joke. (A la' Family Guy or The
Critic) For those of you that haven't read Going to School, this is not a
continuation of the original story, but just another episode. However, I
feel you should go read the first one, because it needs more reviews. I'll
wait for you... ... ..
...
...
You're not going, are you? Well fine. Be that way. See if I care. You've made a powerful enemy today. When the revolution comes, and us sub- dwellers rise up to take the overworld, you will NOT be spared. Anyway... where was I? Oh yeah, I was doing an intro to this story. Oh and by the way, just a quick not, i sincerely apologize if the spacing of this story is off, fanfic.net is giving me grief about my spacing, so i hope its taken care of
Going to School 2: MORE MADNESS
ANNOUNCER: "Hello once again pokemon fans. NOW THIS is a familiar scene. Trees, grass, the sky, clouds!!! It looks like Ash and Company are somewhere on the planet. but. WHERE ON EARTH IS ASH KETCHUM?"
WE FLY DOWN A LONG FUTURISTIC TUBE AND IN A FLASH OF LIGHT THE SCENE DEVELOPS TO ASH, MISTY, BROCK, and TRACEY WALKING DOWN A DIRT ROAD.
Ash groaned. "What the hell type of opening is that?" Brock shrugged, "Yeah, Carmen Sandiego hasn't been popular for years! I don't think anyone will even GET that reference. Why not just do an opening like the Beverly Hillbillies?"
BANJO MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY.
And Brock, wearing clothes like Jed Clampid walks on screen. music plays...
"This is the story 'bout a boy named Brock, a horny kind of kid who plays with his."
INTERUPTING
"THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT!!!" Misty shouted, "What? We didn't get enough complaints from our last episode?"
Brock agreed, "Yeah, we got so many flames, our system was locked for days! The last time we received that many complaints about an episode was back when he had Melvin the Magician on."
Ash groaned again, "Tell me about it. That perve wouldn't stop hitting on me!"
"Pikachu pika pikaf pikau pikac pickk chyou!" Pikachu exclaimed. (He kept feeling MY ass!)
Everyone decided to drop it there, and just kept walking in silence.
Tracey finally broke the silence, asking, "So where are we going?"
WARNING: TYPICAL POKEMON EXPOSITION COMING.
Brock looked at the "pokemon watcher", and said, "We told you before we left. We are going to the pokemon festival just off Route 66. . It's held every year around this time."
Misty chimed in, "Yeah, there's food, games where you can win prizes, raffles, pokemon battles, lectures on pokemon breeding, and even a contest to see who's got the best pokemon! I'm hoping my Staryu takes the blue ribbon for the water-type division."
Brock then added, "The festival is over 100 years old, it started back when people thought we needed a new festival. They tried a pokemon festival and it really took off. Its a time where all trainers can come together proving that man and pokemon, no matter how different to each other they are.".
A tree branch falls down and lands on Brock's head knocking him down and out. "What the hell?" Misty exclaimed.
Ash looked up and saw Pikachu up in a tree with a hacksaw in its hands. "Good job Pikachu!" Ash called up, "You gotta stop Brock before he gets on a roll with his speeches. Because some people just don't know when to quit!!!"
SCENE CHANGE TO THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE
Bush is pleading with someone on the phone. "Look, I know it sounds crazy, but I think Saddam is developing chemical weapons with the aid of aliens. No, this isn't a personal feud I have with the man cause he made my daddy look like a fool. This is because aliens are here on this earth, and they are helping Saddam. What kind of aliens? Wookies and Ewoks mostly, but I think there are few from Melmac that are helping..."
The secret service man in the room look on... "Its really sad that he believes what he says, isn't it?" One says. The other replies, "What's really sad is that the phone isn't even plugged in..."
*SCENE CHANGE TO A MAN SITTING BEHIND A DESK
"We realized that the opinions of the writers of this story might differ from those that you, the reader has. We would just like to remind you that those of you that have opinions that differ from those of this story are probably stupid and should jump out the window to meet a quick demise so the smarter people can divide up your stuff. thank you for your time"
SCENE CHANGE TO PAULY SHORES HOUSE
We see his Pauly Shore's computer desk empty and his window wide open revealing a clear sky. As we move in to look out the window we see that it's only the first story window and Pauly is lying just under the window, face first in the dirt. "Looks like I got some groundage."
SCENE CHANGE TO MAIN STORY
"So I says to the director," Misty is telling her friends, "If this is suppose to be a nude scene for the movie, why are we in your office, and where are the cameras. Oh hey, we're back on."
Ash turns to Brock, "So how far away are we now."
"You just asked that a minute ago, and I told you then that we're already here!" Brock said exasperated. Sure enough, our heroes are amidst a very large group or people, tents, booths, and other colorful things related to a carnival atmosphere. Misty seemed shocked, "Ash, you didn't NOTICE that we were here?"
"Hey, I was lost in thought!" Ash said.
Misty nudged him and said, "I'm not surprised, its unfamiliar territory."
"You know," Ash complained, "I'm the star of the show, and I get no respect."
"You think YOU'VE got it bad?" Tracey reminds him, "Look at me? I have 3 crappy pokemon, no merchandising, and a stupid haircut." Tracey waves his hair in front of Ash screaming nearly foaming at the mouth, "WHO CUT THIS???? IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE PUT A BOWL ON MY HEAD THEN HACKED AWAY WITH A CHAINSAW." Tracey starts to bawl, "I HATE my lifeeeeeeeeeee."
There is a moment of very uncomfortable silence. Fortunately Brock helps him by saying, "Hey, look. a pidgey eating some bread."
Tracey quickly stops crying, and shouts, "HOT SHIT! I have to sketch that!!!" And leaps off in that direction. "I hate uncomfortable moments like that, don't you?" Ash asks Misty. Misty says, "You think that was bad. I've heard worse.."
SCENE CHANGE TO A CABIN IN THE WOODS.
Snow White is busily cleaning up the tiny little cabin where her and the 7 dwarfs live. To Snow White's curiosity, she hears a noise coming from her room. Whack. Whack. Whack.. A rhythmic noise. She opens up the door saying, "Is someone in here." And as she walks in, she sees a stunned Dopey and Sleepy, wearing her underwear spanking each other. Then the uncomfortable silence begins.
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
"That was an unsettling tale." Brock said, "Sounded like a porn."
"Yeah," Ash said, "but hey, Snow White wouldn't be the first Disney character to go into a porno."
SCENE CHANGE TO A BED ROOM WITH A VERY SCANTLY CLAD NATIVE AMERICAN WOMAN SITTING ON A BED
The director yells, "Alright, Scene 2 of 'Pocahotass', ACTION!"
In walks a man dressed in green tights, "Do you need Throbbing Hood for this scene?"
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
Brock laughs, "I love unmotivated Disney bashing."
Pikachu laughed, "Pikachus, pikah pikai chut chu chu" *TRANSLATION "Yeah, it'll teach those bitches who has the world's favorite mouse!"
Misty, being the voice of reason asked, "So what do we do first?"
Ash yelled out, "Let's go look at the rare pokemon"
Brock said, "Maybe we should get to the hotel and check in first"
Tracey said, "Why don't we go check out the dainty pottery? Oh how I just love to look shiny new pottery with pretty pink flowers and oh a cute little handle. They remind of new babies, smooth skin and beautiful to look at, but oh so fragile and precious too."
Everyone stared at him for a second, then red-faced Tracey retracted his thought and said, "Umm.. what I meant to say is, Lets go check into our hotel."
AT THE HOTEL
At the hotel Ash and Company try valiantly to get a room. "So, Mr. Valiantly, do you have any rooms left?" Brock asked. (I think I can actually hear the groans from that joke, well toughen up, cause there will be worse before this fanfic ends!)
The man replied, "Actually we have 2 rooms left. Normally we do not have any rooms this time of the year... but... thanks to Mr. Myers these two rooms. came up."
The man looks off to the left and we see the cops carry 2 body bags off into an ambulance. Off to the side of THAT there's some kids that say, "HEY, this looks like a cigarette ad to me!!!" And then carry in more body bags. Ash looks at Misty and scratches his head. "Do you have ANY idea what the hell is going on?"
Misty shook her head; "Nope, I've long since given up trying to understand anything that goes on around here. not since Professor Oak made that porno."
Ash Brock Misty and Tracey all shudder at that thought. Ash mutters, "What the hell was he thinking making 'How many CAN you stuff in a Snorlax?"
"I dunno, but seeing Professor Oak in Vaseline from head to toe." Tracey started to say.
"Stop. just stop right there" Misty ordered, "The nightmares have just recently stopped."
"You've stopped having nightmares?" Brock asked surprised.
"Well THAT nightmare anyway." Misty explained, " I still have that on-going night-terror where I'm stuck as Melvin the Magician's assistant."
SCENE CHANGE TO MISTY'S NIGHTMARE
Melvin. sounding A LOT like Woody Alan, is standing on stage, with Misty along side him in a typical magician's assistant attire. "And now, for our next trick. my younnggggggg assistant is going to lie on her back. And if you'll just let me pull out my magic wand." Misty screams and wakes up.
SCENE CHANGE TO MISTY IN BED
Misty sits up in bed and scratches her head. "Why am I at home and in bed? I should be out traveling with Ash." Misty is cut off as Woody Alan comes through the door. "You might be a little too old for me. but you have a cute butt" And he moves in closer as Misty screams again and wakes up again.
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
Everyone just gapes at Misty as she tells her dream. "What?" she asks, "you don't have dreams like that?"
"Anyway." Ash said breaking the moment, "What should we do first as long as we are here?"
Tracey suggested, "I hear that there's a big demonstration on Pokemon watching in Tent #4"
SCENE CHANGE TO TENT #4
We see a bunch of people staring at a Jigglypuff, like a bunch of zombies. Slack jawed, dim eyed staring. Beyond them we hear evil laughter. It's coming from the stockholders of Nintendo. "I think we just found our new Pokemon video game. Watching the Pokemon." (Hey, it can't be any worse then Pokemon Snap- - - -all 2 levels of it)
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
Brock scoffed at that idea. "I heard behind Tent #3 there's a thing on breeding."
"How cute!" Misty replied, "What pokemon are they breeding?"
"Pokemon?" Brock replied.
BEHIND TENT #3.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well kids, if you cant figure out what's going on at this tent, well, I would suggestion you go to one of the fine pornography dealers in your neighborhood. Remember to support your local porno stores, before giant pornography corporations take over your town, and run the small family owned porno shops out of business.
BACK TO MAIN STORY
"Are we TRYING to piss of the Censors?" Misty asked, "I mean if that's what we are trying to do, we can all just go naked."
Excitedly Tracey said, "Yeah!!! Ash, rip off your clothes!"
"What?" Ash asked.
Tracey quickly replied, "Umm. tip of your nose. Misty's guess of us trying to piss off the Censors was right on the nose"
Ash: *reluctantly* "Oh.but anyway, maybe we can go to Tent #1, they are having amateur pokemon battles. I bet I can beat anyone who challenges me!"
"Oh Ash. Your going to get all your hopes up again, and just be disappointed." Misty sympathized.
"Hey Misty," Brock reminded her, "You gotta be confident, and disappointment is just a fact of life."
SCENE CHANGE TO METROPOLIS, CLARK KENT'S BEDROOM.
.where we see Lois Lane and Clark in bed together. Clark looking embarrassed and Lois looking quite unsatisfied. "Hmmph." She says looking low and frowning at Clark. "Man of Steel my ass."
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
"Ok. that does it." Misty said, "I don't want to be affiliated with this episode. I'm leaving." And she does. she just up and leaves through a plot hole.
Ash looks puzzled. "Can she do that?"
Brock shrugs. Tracey stands there and quickly sketches the gaping hole in the plot..
"Well, I'm sure she'll be back soon enough," said Brock, "Why don't we go on to Tent #1, and we'll try our hand with the trainer battles."
AT TENT #1
Our 3 heroes enter the tent, still short one Misty. People are having battles all over the area, with a few spectators watching them.
"BOY, can you believe what happened on the way over here???" Brock said excitedly.
"No way!!!" Ash said just as hyped, "I cant believe it!!! But lets just keep it a secret. no one would believe us anyway. and to try to convince others of what we saw would just ruin the sacredness of it"
Tracey nodded, "Your right. let us never speak of it again."
Brock nodded, "Agreed."
"Yeah, your right" Ash reluctantly agreed, "Besides, we aren't the first people to ever keep a secret."
SCENE CHANGE TO SEASAME STREET
We find the cast of Sesame Street gathered around the bloody corpse of Mr. Hooper, who held in his hand a contract to work for Reading Rainbow. Big Bird grins evilly and says, "No one leaves our 'hood"
Ernie and Bert nod in agreement. Elmo says, "Elmo LIKES smashing turncoats skulls in!"
But, Prairie Dawn cries out, "But what about the cops."
Grover interrupts her, his blue fur tinged red, "We will tell them he had a heart attack and banged his head."
"Yeah." Big Bird agreed, "as long as we all keep the same story. they'll never convict us!!! What do you think Count?"
He shouts out, "ONE. ONE CORPSE!!!"
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
"Man." Brock said, "I never realized how tough of a neighbor hood Sesame Street is."
Ash replied, "Hell yeah. remember when Oscar the Grouch was beaten half to death during that hate crime?"
"Yeah, you know what Kermit said" Brock said, "It ain't easy being green, and don't even get me started on what Elmo's parents did to him to cause him to talk the way he does."
Tracey scratched his head. "Guys. aren't we getting a bit off topic?"
"Oh yeah. Aren't we suppose to be battling trainers at the pokemon thingy?
"You mean the Pokemon Festival?" Tracey reminded him.
"Yeah, like anyone gives a rat's ass anymore. Everyone probably has put on MTV by now."
SCENE CHANGE TO MTV
"You are watching Road Rules. after this, is 2 more hours of more Road Rules. Followed by 2 hours of the Real World. And tonight at 8:00. more Road Rules. At 8:30, Real World. At 9, an hour of advertisements about MTV. At the ten spot, a brand new Road Rules. But before we bring you back to Road Rules. a quick hypnotic message so you don't turn off this dreck. "TAERG SI VTM LOOC SI VTM NIAP LEEF LLIW UOY RO VTM HCTAW TSUM UOY"
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO POKEMON
"Man," Brock said, "I think its disgusting the when big businesses try to brain wash kids into watching or buying their crappy merchandise.
SCENE CHANGE QUICKLY TO.
A brightly flashing scene playing loudly, "GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL GOTTA BUY THEM ALL GOTTA BUY THEM ALL GOTTA BUY THEM ALL"
SCENE CHANGE QUICKLY BACK
There's an uncomfortable pause. "What the hell was that?" Tracey asked.
"I dunno. but suddenly I feel like I have to buy the new Pokemon video game." Ash replied, looking at a stand selling, "Pokemon Watching"
"Hey, they got that game out fast." Tracey admires.
"Ahem guys?" Brock reminded, "Aren't we here to do some battling?"
"Oh yeah," Ash said brightly, "I almost forgot!!! Just like you might forget that there's a brand new pokemon T-shirt out at stores now!!! . . .hmm. what an odd thing to say. I don't even know why I said it."
"Oh. you must have eaten some of that Pokemon cereal this morning, didn't you?" Tracey guessed.
"Pikachua pikas pis pikam pio pikachun chuk chue chuy" Pikachu scolded. TRANSLATION: "I just wanted to say something cute and make the fans love me more"
Ash looks at the camera and smiles, "I bet you wish you were reading a different story right about now. don't you?"
"Hey YOU!" a voice yelled out.
"Who. me?" Brock asked.
"No, you. with the stupid hair cut."
"Oh, he means you Tracey." Brock said, making Tracey bawl again.
Through the tears, he asked, "What?"
"I challenge you to a pokemon battle!"
"Ok. but why me?" Tracey asked.
"Well, the other 2 look tough. but I took a look at you, and I figured you should be an easy win!"
Ash smiled and said, "and how!"
"ASH!!! " Tracey yelled, "whose side are you on???"
"Sorry."
The kid then said, "My name's Horatio, and I challenge you to a pokemon battle right here, right now."
MEANWHILE OUTSIDE.
The less than illustrious Team Rocket plans a scheme. "Alright," Jesse said, "That kid Tracey is going to battle and it will be a great opportunity to take his Scyther."
"But Jesse," James asked, "I thought we always tried to take Pikachu?"
"What I want to know." Meowth replied, "Is what they meant by "less then illustrious"!!! I'm damned illustrious! I never get my fair due on this show! For god's sake, I can talk!!! Why am I not the star???"
"Because the Japanese are naturally afraid of cats." James explained.
"Really?" Meowth inquired.
"Oh yeah, ever since Hello Kitty went on that killing spree"
SCENE CHANGE TO A DARK ALLEY IN JAPAN.
In that dark alley, a small cartoon kitty walks up to a cowering man, who in his native tongue yells out, "What. what are you going to do to me?"
In a voice much deeper and darker then its body lets on. "I'm going to enjoy you. with fava beans, and a nice sake'."
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
The 3 members of Team Rocket just stood with their mouths gaped open. Breaking the silence Jesse asked, "Did that make sense to either of you?"
"Well I smoked a joint before this episodes started," James explained, "So its alllll good."
"I can't believe that!!" Jesse said incredulously. "You had a joint and didn't let me in on it?"
"Well there wasn't really much for two people." James defended. "Look, next time I'll get 3 bones, one for each of us, ok?"
"Well, alright" Jesse agreed, then realizing they were still on camera, "Oh I think we should tell the kids reading this about drugs."
1980's CARTOON PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
Jesse: "Kids, let me tell you something. Smoking weed. well. smoking weed is one of the single best things you can do in this earthly plain. It frees your mind from the drudgery of the real world, and makes you feel like your being hugged by a warm loving cloud. But ONLY if you get the good stuff. So kids, remember, only buy your drugs from people you know. That's the way to stay 'poke-cool'
Meowth yelled, "Would you stop it with the drugs??? Why would you tell the kids that???"
James shrugs, "Best they hear it from us then on the streets."
Meowth growls, "Don't you see what they are doing to you? Jesse, they make you have a short temper, and James, I can only hope the whole transvestite thing is because of the drugs!"
"Hmmph." Replied James, "You mangy furball, I just happen to like to put on women's dresses, that doesn't make me a transsexual."
"Right." Meowth retorted, "that's exactly what Fred said. It started innocently enough with that gay scarf, but soon enough, he wouldn't leave the house without wearing a full evening gown." (Now the question is. am I referring to the Flintstones, or Scooby Doo?)
"Enough of this nonsense." Jesse ordered. "There's a whole tent of pokemon in that tent, and I plan on taking them all!"
"I'll start digging the hole." James replied.
"No no, wait.." Jesse said grinning, "We won't be digging a hole for this one. I think that's a little redundant, don't you?"
"No more so then the motto." James said.
Meowth chimed in, "Or the fact that we always lose."
"Or that we appear in every single episode"
"Don't forget how we always yell something about blasting off again."
"Same old pokemon every time too"
"Oh yeah, or how we always makes fools of ourselves and lose EVERY SINGLE pokemon battle."
"Oh OH! And how our hair styles are always ridiculous!"
"ENOUGH!!!" Jesse yelled, "whose side are you on?"
James blushed, "I really don't know. I mean, I find some girls attractive but sometimes I just wake up and think."
The hollow smack that came next was Jesse fan smacking her partner upside of the head. "Now if we can get past this nonsense long enough, I have a plan that just cant fail!"
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO OUR TRIO
Ash wondered, "I wonder what Misty is doing right now?"
SCENE CHANGE TO MISTY SITTING AT A BAR WITH OTHER FEMALE CARTOONS
Misty sits with Wilma and Batgirl drinking Long Island ice teas. "You see, I love that Ash, I really do, but he can be so freaking stupid at times. Did I ever tell you about the time we got zapped into Wonderland?"
SCENCE CHANGES TO WONDERLAND
The Cheasure Cat looks down at Ash, Misty, Brock and Pikachu. "Well, you could go to the left, and see the Hatter. Or you could go to the right to see the March Hare. It doesn't matter, they are both quite mad."
Misty asked, "But we don't want to go amongst MAD people!"
"Oh you cant help it, Everyone is mad here, I'm mad, your mad, if you're here you MUST be mad!" Cheasure Cat replied, "But if you are to make it out of here alive, you must do one thing, you see."
But before the Cheasure Cat could finish, a pokeball flew up and ensnared it.
"YES!!!" Ash said dancing, " I finally caught myself a. what was that anyway?" Ash asked.
"Our only hope of leaving Wonderland alive?" Brock said deadpan.
"Ohh." Ash said looking at the ball. "That's kinda a weird name for a pokemon."
SCENBE CHANGE BACK TO THE BAR
"Oh you think you got it bad," Wilma complained, "Look at what I'm married to. When most girls complain that their husband is a Neanderthal, it's just a figure of speech. But mine really IS a Neanderthal! Do you know what it's like to have a child with a real caveman? When we we're trying to have Pebbles, Fred would rip out hair that just shouldn't be ripped out and then there's that smell when he."
Batgirl interrupted Wilma, "Wilma. if you finish that statement I will wake up screaming every night for the rest of my life."
WE INTERUPT THIS SCENE FOR AN EMERGENCY ANNOUNCEMENT
We are now face to face with a man behind a desk. "We interrupt the previous scene, mainly because it wasn't very funny and there was no tasteful way to end, to bring you a special announcement. A gang of kids and their dog has just uncovered a startling conspiracy about the JFK assassination; we bring you live to the scene."
SCENE CHANGE TO WASHINGTON DC.
"Well it all started," A young man with blonde hair and a gay scarf said, "when we came to Washington DC to see that groovy band, The Backstreet Buttfu...."
"NEVER MIND THAT. anyway. While we were staying in the hotel though, we were chased out of our rooms by the ghost of JFK!"
The dog with replied, "Rat's Right"
"And so after some digging we discovered that the head of this whole conspiracy was."
Interrupting him, the reported asked, "Hey, did that dog just talk?"
"Yeah he did, he always has been able to. well as I was saying you wouldn't believe how high up in the government this goes to. you see."
"That's amazing!" the reported replied, "A talking dog."
"Your not listening to me."
"A talking dog."
Shaggy looks at Velma, "He can talk for real? I thought it was the weed."
Velma looks shocked, then realizes, "that would explain why you had the munchies so bad you ate the dog food."
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY (ASH and Co.)
Ash looks around, "annnddd. where' back from that acid trip."
Brock, "What were we doing?"
The three stand around scratching their heads...
Horatio clears his throat.
"OHHHH oh right!" Brock said, "I except your challenge!"
Horatio: "I didn't challenge you, I challenged him!"
Tracey: *teary eyed* "Someone wants me!!!"
Horatio glares at the freak and then looks at Brock, "Ok, you know what, I challenge you instead."
But Tracey cries and cries until Horatio changes his mind and challenges him again. So finally Tracey excepts the challenge that was laid down so very long ago. "Alright, I except your challenge Horatio."
"Alright then, this will be a 2 on 2 battle. I choose Rastifari. oh wait. he was banned from this story after the letters we got from "Going to School" (READ MY OTHER STORY) Ummm. in that case, I choose Machoke." and in an instant a giant muscular lizard stood in front of Horatio.
"So. which one of your pussy pokemon are you going to use?" Brock asked.
"HEY!" Tracey defended, "They aren't all pussy pokemon!!!"
"Sure they aren't. you got a little blue water thing," Ash said, "You got a Scyther that is knock knock knocking on heaven's door its so old, and a little fuzzy bug thing. Nice team ya got. what's the matter, Magikarp to tough to deal with?"
Tracey turned red with anger, "YOU JUST WAIT, I'll win this match!!! GOOOO SYCTHER!!!" And in a flash Scyther, a giant green bug thing that stands on 2 legs and has blades for arms came out and stood toe to toe with Horatio's Machoke. "Quick Scyther," Tracey yelled out, "Use your slash attack!"
But unfortunately, the elderly Scyther just collapsed into death. "AUGH!" Tracey yelled in surprise.
Brock calls out, "Scyther is unable to battle because Tracey's pokemon suck."
Tracey yelled out "Damnit!"
Misty then came back into the story, and walked up besides Ash. "So, what did I miss?"
"Nothing much," Ash replied, "Some weak-ass battle between Tracey and Hamlet or something like that." "HORATIO!"
"Whatever." Brock said, "Its not like you even matter, your one of the thousands of extras we have on this show, you'll be on for about 10 minutes, and we'll never see you again."
Horatio: *disappointed* "Really?"
Ash: "Hey, just be glad this isn't Star Trek!"
*SCENE CHANGE TO STAR TREK*
Captain Kirk: "Alright, we're here on a desolate alien planet, Spock, you scan for life, Bones, you set up base over there. I'll scout for alien babes, and you, Ensign Ed, you know what to do."
Ensign Ed: "Yes sir" Ensign Ed walks a few feet, and a giant rocks immediately falls from no where crushing him to death.
Kirk checks his watch. "Hmmm, that took a little longer then usual."
*SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY*
"Alright then" Tracey said, reaching for a pokeball, "I'm going to win this one with, Maril!!"
And in a flash out popped Maril, a cute little round blue pokemon.
"You're kidding right?" Horatio asked. "Well, lets finish this up Machoke run up to it and give it a Cross Chop."
"Quick Maril", Tracey yelled, "Remember that movie, 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer'? Well, that Machoke was the head writer!"
A change came over the cute Maril. It's changed into a deeper blue/purple color and finally green. Its eyes grew red. Its teeth grew into large pointed fangs. It looked with searing hatred at the Machoke, who stopped in its tracks with fear. In a flash the blue pokemon flew at the Machoke sinking its teeth deep into its throat. The bloody carnage that followed only ended when Horatio called back his Machoke.
As quick as it happened, Maril went back to looking perfectly cute, and except for all the blood on the ground and smeared on its cute little mouth, you wouldn't have guessed what just happened. The crowd stood there aghast. Brock made a face and said, "It would seem that Maril is psycho and Machoke is lucky to be alive, but nevertheless, Machoke is unable to battle, Maril wins that round.
Horatio cried out, "Oh come on, that was REAL dirty pool!"
Tracey just shrugged, "You know strategy is a part of pokemon training. And you don't want to make my Maril angry... you WONT LIKE HIM WHEN HE'S ANGRY"
Misty sighed, "Ash, are you following ANY of this?"
"Not really..." Ash shrugged, and pointed "Hell, I'm just trying to figure out what Spiderman is doing here"
Sure enough, hanging from a tree, Spiderman was watching the battle, "Oh don't mind me kids, This friendly neighborhood Spiderman is just here cause I had to bring The Hulk here. See, there he is over there"
And over where Spiderman was pointing, The giant green monster, the Incredible Hulk, was humping into a Snorlax, who seemed to still be asleep. The Hulk just grunted out with each thrust, "More. Cushion. Better. Pushing."
"Thatta boy Hulk," Spiderman said, "We let him do this cause it makes him more docile. All that rage before? Just pent up sexual aggression."
Brock: "Why a Snorlax?"
Spiderman: "Well, given the Hulk's size and strength, A Snorlax is about the only thing that will survive a horny Hulk... well that and Rosie O' Donnel, but even the Hulk has standards."
Ash, a' la Ed McMahon: "Hi yoooooooooo!"
"Can we finish this battle already?" Brock asked, "I need to put take out my contacts in a bit"
Everyone just stared at him in disbelief. "I HAVE eyes!!!" Brock yelled.
But before we could go down that humorous avenue, a shrill cry filled the air. "Say hey, we're gay! No more battles today!" was the chant that rang through the air. And two teenagers, and a cat, dressed in hippie clothing, run into view holding up protest signs. The male yells out, "I'm Wavy Cox."
And the female cries out, "And I'm Moist Chasm. And we are officially protesting this whole event."
"That's right!" The Meowth spoke up, "The whole idea of enslaving pokemon so you can make them fight each other is a horrible idea!"
The lady waved her protest sign which read, "Freedom Unto Caged Karma" at Ash and Company, and said, "We who belong to Freedom Unto Caged Karma, believe that if the world will ever become a beautiful place, we have to let all our creatures live outside pokeballs, to battle only when they feel like it."
Ash leaned over to Misty, "Umm. The name of their group. isn't that an acronym for."
Misty interrupted, "Yes it is."
The protestors continued. "If you really want your pokemon to be happy, why don't you just give them over to us, and we'll release them back into the wild and Mother Earth will weep with joy."
Brock groaned, "Oh no, Poke-activists."
Ash, "Whets the deal with them?"
"Well, I've never heard of this particular group" Misty explained, "But I know other groups like them, and they're pains in the asses. Always protesting at gyms, spray painting other pokemon, demanding that pokemon should be able to vote, crazy stuff like that."
Tracey nods, "Yeah but they aren't the worst... remember last Christmas?"
*SCENE CHANGE TO THE NORTH POLE
It's the night before Christmas and Santa Claus is making sure everything is perfect for his ride. "Let's see, I have my list of who's been naughty and nice... the toys are packed, the reindeer are fed... Hey... where are the reindeer?"
We see outside where the reindeer are... a group of protestors are freeing them! "Go, you're free now! Live free!"
Santa comes running up, "Whets going on here?"
"FUR IS MURDER!!!" A girl shrieks when she sees what the big man is wearing. She promptly kicks him the groin and dumps paint on the jolly old elf. "Aw shit... I got paint on my leather gloves" She moans.
*SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
Brock replied, "Yeah protesters can be bad... mostly whiney people with too much time on their hands... who choose not to fill that spare time with million of pokemon products, but can you imagine a world without them?"
*SCENE CHANGE TO A LARGE FOREST
We see an elf in a suit and tie, obviously a reporter, standing in front of a large tree. "I'm standing here in front of Ernie Keebler's cookie factory. Today is the 100th year anniversary of this wonderful institution, why in there right now there are hundreds of elves and Ernie himself, making a brand new fudge cookie to commemorate this momentous anniversary. We hope to have a word with them in a just a minute, so if you at home would just... wait a minute... what is this...?"
We then see a group of lumberjacks run up to the tree, and begin to cut down the tree, we hear tiny little screams coming from inside, and a loud, "TIMBER!!!"
The tree starts to tip down, the reporter yells, "OH THE HUMANITY!!!""
*SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
"Yeah.... that's the good stuff, now we'll get in trouble..." Ash said happily.
"Hey guys..." Misty said, "I just had a thought... who else has a talking Meowth other then..." She walks up to the male of the group and pulls off his mask, revealing James of...
"TEAM ROCKET" Everyone around gasps! Jessie and Meowth remove their disguises as well.
Meanwhile a little further down, a young boy declares, "Hey! You're not Enrico Testicaclese, the famous pokemon trainer!" And then pulls off the man's mask revealing the 'trainer' to be a giant rabbit, "YOUR THE RABBIT!!!"
Everyone around yells, "SILLY RABBIT, Tricks are for kids!"
Brock looked at Tracey and said, "I thought tricks were for women in the red light districts?"
But even further down, we see a giant translucent Pikachu caught in a net, a young woman in glasses says, "Alright, now lets see who the ghost Pikachu of Tent 23 really is!" And Velma removes the mask, to unveil, an older gentleman.
Fred declares, "Hey, its old man Periwinkle, the owner of the hotdog stand! I bet he realized that this pokemon fair is on top of a diamond mind, and he was trying to scare everyone away!"
The man bitterly spits at them and says, "Yeah, and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"
Fred looks at him aghast... "Meddling? Meddling... you smarmy son of a bitch!!!" Apparently the gang of kids take offense to being called meddling so often, because they proceed to beat the living crap out of him.
I think this is a GOOD place to end this right now... Dont worry boys and girls, the second half is coming very soon, probably as soon as wednesday night or thursday afternoon, but while you're waiting, why not post a review! Remember, its up to viewers like you to keep low-quality crap like this story on the internet. So send in your pledges and reviews!
...
...
You're not going, are you? Well fine. Be that way. See if I care. You've made a powerful enemy today. When the revolution comes, and us sub- dwellers rise up to take the overworld, you will NOT be spared. Anyway... where was I? Oh yeah, I was doing an intro to this story. Oh and by the way, just a quick not, i sincerely apologize if the spacing of this story is off, fanfic.net is giving me grief about my spacing, so i hope its taken care of
Going to School 2: MORE MADNESS
ANNOUNCER: "Hello once again pokemon fans. NOW THIS is a familiar scene. Trees, grass, the sky, clouds!!! It looks like Ash and Company are somewhere on the planet. but. WHERE ON EARTH IS ASH KETCHUM?"
WE FLY DOWN A LONG FUTURISTIC TUBE AND IN A FLASH OF LIGHT THE SCENE DEVELOPS TO ASH, MISTY, BROCK, and TRACEY WALKING DOWN A DIRT ROAD.
Ash groaned. "What the hell type of opening is that?" Brock shrugged, "Yeah, Carmen Sandiego hasn't been popular for years! I don't think anyone will even GET that reference. Why not just do an opening like the Beverly Hillbillies?"
BANJO MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY.
And Brock, wearing clothes like Jed Clampid walks on screen. music plays...
"This is the story 'bout a boy named Brock, a horny kind of kid who plays with his."
INTERUPTING
"THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT!!!" Misty shouted, "What? We didn't get enough complaints from our last episode?"
Brock agreed, "Yeah, we got so many flames, our system was locked for days! The last time we received that many complaints about an episode was back when he had Melvin the Magician on."
Ash groaned again, "Tell me about it. That perve wouldn't stop hitting on me!"
"Pikachu pika pikaf pikau pikac pickk chyou!" Pikachu exclaimed. (He kept feeling MY ass!)
Everyone decided to drop it there, and just kept walking in silence.
Tracey finally broke the silence, asking, "So where are we going?"
WARNING: TYPICAL POKEMON EXPOSITION COMING.
Brock looked at the "pokemon watcher", and said, "We told you before we left. We are going to the pokemon festival just off Route 66. . It's held every year around this time."
Misty chimed in, "Yeah, there's food, games where you can win prizes, raffles, pokemon battles, lectures on pokemon breeding, and even a contest to see who's got the best pokemon! I'm hoping my Staryu takes the blue ribbon for the water-type division."
Brock then added, "The festival is over 100 years old, it started back when people thought we needed a new festival. They tried a pokemon festival and it really took off. Its a time where all trainers can come together proving that man and pokemon, no matter how different to each other they are.".
A tree branch falls down and lands on Brock's head knocking him down and out. "What the hell?" Misty exclaimed.
Ash looked up and saw Pikachu up in a tree with a hacksaw in its hands. "Good job Pikachu!" Ash called up, "You gotta stop Brock before he gets on a roll with his speeches. Because some people just don't know when to quit!!!"
SCENE CHANGE TO THE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE
Bush is pleading with someone on the phone. "Look, I know it sounds crazy, but I think Saddam is developing chemical weapons with the aid of aliens. No, this isn't a personal feud I have with the man cause he made my daddy look like a fool. This is because aliens are here on this earth, and they are helping Saddam. What kind of aliens? Wookies and Ewoks mostly, but I think there are few from Melmac that are helping..."
The secret service man in the room look on... "Its really sad that he believes what he says, isn't it?" One says. The other replies, "What's really sad is that the phone isn't even plugged in..."
*SCENE CHANGE TO A MAN SITTING BEHIND A DESK
"We realized that the opinions of the writers of this story might differ from those that you, the reader has. We would just like to remind you that those of you that have opinions that differ from those of this story are probably stupid and should jump out the window to meet a quick demise so the smarter people can divide up your stuff. thank you for your time"
SCENE CHANGE TO PAULY SHORES HOUSE
We see his Pauly Shore's computer desk empty and his window wide open revealing a clear sky. As we move in to look out the window we see that it's only the first story window and Pauly is lying just under the window, face first in the dirt. "Looks like I got some groundage."
SCENE CHANGE TO MAIN STORY
"So I says to the director," Misty is telling her friends, "If this is suppose to be a nude scene for the movie, why are we in your office, and where are the cameras. Oh hey, we're back on."
Ash turns to Brock, "So how far away are we now."
"You just asked that a minute ago, and I told you then that we're already here!" Brock said exasperated. Sure enough, our heroes are amidst a very large group or people, tents, booths, and other colorful things related to a carnival atmosphere. Misty seemed shocked, "Ash, you didn't NOTICE that we were here?"
"Hey, I was lost in thought!" Ash said.
Misty nudged him and said, "I'm not surprised, its unfamiliar territory."
"You know," Ash complained, "I'm the star of the show, and I get no respect."
"You think YOU'VE got it bad?" Tracey reminds him, "Look at me? I have 3 crappy pokemon, no merchandising, and a stupid haircut." Tracey waves his hair in front of Ash screaming nearly foaming at the mouth, "WHO CUT THIS???? IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE PUT A BOWL ON MY HEAD THEN HACKED AWAY WITH A CHAINSAW." Tracey starts to bawl, "I HATE my lifeeeeeeeeeee."
There is a moment of very uncomfortable silence. Fortunately Brock helps him by saying, "Hey, look. a pidgey eating some bread."
Tracey quickly stops crying, and shouts, "HOT SHIT! I have to sketch that!!!" And leaps off in that direction. "I hate uncomfortable moments like that, don't you?" Ash asks Misty. Misty says, "You think that was bad. I've heard worse.."
SCENE CHANGE TO A CABIN IN THE WOODS.
Snow White is busily cleaning up the tiny little cabin where her and the 7 dwarfs live. To Snow White's curiosity, she hears a noise coming from her room. Whack. Whack. Whack.. A rhythmic noise. She opens up the door saying, "Is someone in here." And as she walks in, she sees a stunned Dopey and Sleepy, wearing her underwear spanking each other. Then the uncomfortable silence begins.
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
"That was an unsettling tale." Brock said, "Sounded like a porn."
"Yeah," Ash said, "but hey, Snow White wouldn't be the first Disney character to go into a porno."
SCENE CHANGE TO A BED ROOM WITH A VERY SCANTLY CLAD NATIVE AMERICAN WOMAN SITTING ON A BED
The director yells, "Alright, Scene 2 of 'Pocahotass', ACTION!"
In walks a man dressed in green tights, "Do you need Throbbing Hood for this scene?"
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
Brock laughs, "I love unmotivated Disney bashing."
Pikachu laughed, "Pikachus, pikah pikai chut chu chu" *TRANSLATION "Yeah, it'll teach those bitches who has the world's favorite mouse!"
Misty, being the voice of reason asked, "So what do we do first?"
Ash yelled out, "Let's go look at the rare pokemon"
Brock said, "Maybe we should get to the hotel and check in first"
Tracey said, "Why don't we go check out the dainty pottery? Oh how I just love to look shiny new pottery with pretty pink flowers and oh a cute little handle. They remind of new babies, smooth skin and beautiful to look at, but oh so fragile and precious too."
Everyone stared at him for a second, then red-faced Tracey retracted his thought and said, "Umm.. what I meant to say is, Lets go check into our hotel."
AT THE HOTEL
At the hotel Ash and Company try valiantly to get a room. "So, Mr. Valiantly, do you have any rooms left?" Brock asked. (I think I can actually hear the groans from that joke, well toughen up, cause there will be worse before this fanfic ends!)
The man replied, "Actually we have 2 rooms left. Normally we do not have any rooms this time of the year... but... thanks to Mr. Myers these two rooms. came up."
The man looks off to the left and we see the cops carry 2 body bags off into an ambulance. Off to the side of THAT there's some kids that say, "HEY, this looks like a cigarette ad to me!!!" And then carry in more body bags. Ash looks at Misty and scratches his head. "Do you have ANY idea what the hell is going on?"
Misty shook her head; "Nope, I've long since given up trying to understand anything that goes on around here. not since Professor Oak made that porno."
Ash Brock Misty and Tracey all shudder at that thought. Ash mutters, "What the hell was he thinking making 'How many CAN you stuff in a Snorlax?"
"I dunno, but seeing Professor Oak in Vaseline from head to toe." Tracey started to say.
"Stop. just stop right there" Misty ordered, "The nightmares have just recently stopped."
"You've stopped having nightmares?" Brock asked surprised.
"Well THAT nightmare anyway." Misty explained, " I still have that on-going night-terror where I'm stuck as Melvin the Magician's assistant."
SCENE CHANGE TO MISTY'S NIGHTMARE
Melvin. sounding A LOT like Woody Alan, is standing on stage, with Misty along side him in a typical magician's assistant attire. "And now, for our next trick. my younnggggggg assistant is going to lie on her back. And if you'll just let me pull out my magic wand." Misty screams and wakes up.
SCENE CHANGE TO MISTY IN BED
Misty sits up in bed and scratches her head. "Why am I at home and in bed? I should be out traveling with Ash." Misty is cut off as Woody Alan comes through the door. "You might be a little too old for me. but you have a cute butt" And he moves in closer as Misty screams again and wakes up again.
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
Everyone just gapes at Misty as she tells her dream. "What?" she asks, "you don't have dreams like that?"
"Anyway." Ash said breaking the moment, "What should we do first as long as we are here?"
Tracey suggested, "I hear that there's a big demonstration on Pokemon watching in Tent #4"
SCENE CHANGE TO TENT #4
We see a bunch of people staring at a Jigglypuff, like a bunch of zombies. Slack jawed, dim eyed staring. Beyond them we hear evil laughter. It's coming from the stockholders of Nintendo. "I think we just found our new Pokemon video game. Watching the Pokemon." (Hey, it can't be any worse then Pokemon Snap- - - -all 2 levels of it)
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
Brock scoffed at that idea. "I heard behind Tent #3 there's a thing on breeding."
"How cute!" Misty replied, "What pokemon are they breeding?"
"Pokemon?" Brock replied.
BEHIND TENT #3.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well kids, if you cant figure out what's going on at this tent, well, I would suggestion you go to one of the fine pornography dealers in your neighborhood. Remember to support your local porno stores, before giant pornography corporations take over your town, and run the small family owned porno shops out of business.
BACK TO MAIN STORY
"Are we TRYING to piss of the Censors?" Misty asked, "I mean if that's what we are trying to do, we can all just go naked."
Excitedly Tracey said, "Yeah!!! Ash, rip off your clothes!"
"What?" Ash asked.
Tracey quickly replied, "Umm. tip of your nose. Misty's guess of us trying to piss off the Censors was right on the nose"
Ash: *reluctantly* "Oh.but anyway, maybe we can go to Tent #1, they are having amateur pokemon battles. I bet I can beat anyone who challenges me!"
"Oh Ash. Your going to get all your hopes up again, and just be disappointed." Misty sympathized.
"Hey Misty," Brock reminded her, "You gotta be confident, and disappointment is just a fact of life."
SCENE CHANGE TO METROPOLIS, CLARK KENT'S BEDROOM.
.where we see Lois Lane and Clark in bed together. Clark looking embarrassed and Lois looking quite unsatisfied. "Hmmph." She says looking low and frowning at Clark. "Man of Steel my ass."
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
"Ok. that does it." Misty said, "I don't want to be affiliated with this episode. I'm leaving." And she does. she just up and leaves through a plot hole.
Ash looks puzzled. "Can she do that?"
Brock shrugs. Tracey stands there and quickly sketches the gaping hole in the plot..
"Well, I'm sure she'll be back soon enough," said Brock, "Why don't we go on to Tent #1, and we'll try our hand with the trainer battles."
AT TENT #1
Our 3 heroes enter the tent, still short one Misty. People are having battles all over the area, with a few spectators watching them.
"BOY, can you believe what happened on the way over here???" Brock said excitedly.
"No way!!!" Ash said just as hyped, "I cant believe it!!! But lets just keep it a secret. no one would believe us anyway. and to try to convince others of what we saw would just ruin the sacredness of it"
Tracey nodded, "Your right. let us never speak of it again."
Brock nodded, "Agreed."
"Yeah, your right" Ash reluctantly agreed, "Besides, we aren't the first people to ever keep a secret."
SCENE CHANGE TO SEASAME STREET
We find the cast of Sesame Street gathered around the bloody corpse of Mr. Hooper, who held in his hand a contract to work for Reading Rainbow. Big Bird grins evilly and says, "No one leaves our 'hood"
Ernie and Bert nod in agreement. Elmo says, "Elmo LIKES smashing turncoats skulls in!"
But, Prairie Dawn cries out, "But what about the cops."
Grover interrupts her, his blue fur tinged red, "We will tell them he had a heart attack and banged his head."
"Yeah." Big Bird agreed, "as long as we all keep the same story. they'll never convict us!!! What do you think Count?"
He shouts out, "ONE. ONE CORPSE!!!"
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
"Man." Brock said, "I never realized how tough of a neighbor hood Sesame Street is."
Ash replied, "Hell yeah. remember when Oscar the Grouch was beaten half to death during that hate crime?"
"Yeah, you know what Kermit said" Brock said, "It ain't easy being green, and don't even get me started on what Elmo's parents did to him to cause him to talk the way he does."
Tracey scratched his head. "Guys. aren't we getting a bit off topic?"
"Oh yeah. Aren't we suppose to be battling trainers at the pokemon thingy?
"You mean the Pokemon Festival?" Tracey reminded him.
"Yeah, like anyone gives a rat's ass anymore. Everyone probably has put on MTV by now."
SCENE CHANGE TO MTV
"You are watching Road Rules. after this, is 2 more hours of more Road Rules. Followed by 2 hours of the Real World. And tonight at 8:00. more Road Rules. At 8:30, Real World. At 9, an hour of advertisements about MTV. At the ten spot, a brand new Road Rules. But before we bring you back to Road Rules. a quick hypnotic message so you don't turn off this dreck. "TAERG SI VTM LOOC SI VTM NIAP LEEF LLIW UOY RO VTM HCTAW TSUM UOY"
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO POKEMON
"Man," Brock said, "I think its disgusting the when big businesses try to brain wash kids into watching or buying their crappy merchandise.
SCENE CHANGE QUICKLY TO.
A brightly flashing scene playing loudly, "GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL GOTTA BUY THEM ALL GOTTA BUY THEM ALL GOTTA BUY THEM ALL"
SCENE CHANGE QUICKLY BACK
There's an uncomfortable pause. "What the hell was that?" Tracey asked.
"I dunno. but suddenly I feel like I have to buy the new Pokemon video game." Ash replied, looking at a stand selling, "Pokemon Watching"
"Hey, they got that game out fast." Tracey admires.
"Ahem guys?" Brock reminded, "Aren't we here to do some battling?"
"Oh yeah," Ash said brightly, "I almost forgot!!! Just like you might forget that there's a brand new pokemon T-shirt out at stores now!!! . . .hmm. what an odd thing to say. I don't even know why I said it."
"Oh. you must have eaten some of that Pokemon cereal this morning, didn't you?" Tracey guessed.
"Pikachua pikas pis pikam pio pikachun chuk chue chuy" Pikachu scolded. TRANSLATION: "I just wanted to say something cute and make the fans love me more"
Ash looks at the camera and smiles, "I bet you wish you were reading a different story right about now. don't you?"
"Hey YOU!" a voice yelled out.
"Who. me?" Brock asked.
"No, you. with the stupid hair cut."
"Oh, he means you Tracey." Brock said, making Tracey bawl again.
Through the tears, he asked, "What?"
"I challenge you to a pokemon battle!"
"Ok. but why me?" Tracey asked.
"Well, the other 2 look tough. but I took a look at you, and I figured you should be an easy win!"
Ash smiled and said, "and how!"
"ASH!!! " Tracey yelled, "whose side are you on???"
"Sorry."
The kid then said, "My name's Horatio, and I challenge you to a pokemon battle right here, right now."
MEANWHILE OUTSIDE.
The less than illustrious Team Rocket plans a scheme. "Alright," Jesse said, "That kid Tracey is going to battle and it will be a great opportunity to take his Scyther."
"But Jesse," James asked, "I thought we always tried to take Pikachu?"
"What I want to know." Meowth replied, "Is what they meant by "less then illustrious"!!! I'm damned illustrious! I never get my fair due on this show! For god's sake, I can talk!!! Why am I not the star???"
"Because the Japanese are naturally afraid of cats." James explained.
"Really?" Meowth inquired.
"Oh yeah, ever since Hello Kitty went on that killing spree"
SCENE CHANGE TO A DARK ALLEY IN JAPAN.
In that dark alley, a small cartoon kitty walks up to a cowering man, who in his native tongue yells out, "What. what are you going to do to me?"
In a voice much deeper and darker then its body lets on. "I'm going to enjoy you. with fava beans, and a nice sake'."
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
The 3 members of Team Rocket just stood with their mouths gaped open. Breaking the silence Jesse asked, "Did that make sense to either of you?"
"Well I smoked a joint before this episodes started," James explained, "So its alllll good."
"I can't believe that!!" Jesse said incredulously. "You had a joint and didn't let me in on it?"
"Well there wasn't really much for two people." James defended. "Look, next time I'll get 3 bones, one for each of us, ok?"
"Well, alright" Jesse agreed, then realizing they were still on camera, "Oh I think we should tell the kids reading this about drugs."
1980's CARTOON PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
Jesse: "Kids, let me tell you something. Smoking weed. well. smoking weed is one of the single best things you can do in this earthly plain. It frees your mind from the drudgery of the real world, and makes you feel like your being hugged by a warm loving cloud. But ONLY if you get the good stuff. So kids, remember, only buy your drugs from people you know. That's the way to stay 'poke-cool'
Meowth yelled, "Would you stop it with the drugs??? Why would you tell the kids that???"
James shrugs, "Best they hear it from us then on the streets."
Meowth growls, "Don't you see what they are doing to you? Jesse, they make you have a short temper, and James, I can only hope the whole transvestite thing is because of the drugs!"
"Hmmph." Replied James, "You mangy furball, I just happen to like to put on women's dresses, that doesn't make me a transsexual."
"Right." Meowth retorted, "that's exactly what Fred said. It started innocently enough with that gay scarf, but soon enough, he wouldn't leave the house without wearing a full evening gown." (Now the question is. am I referring to the Flintstones, or Scooby Doo?)
"Enough of this nonsense." Jesse ordered. "There's a whole tent of pokemon in that tent, and I plan on taking them all!"
"I'll start digging the hole." James replied.
"No no, wait.." Jesse said grinning, "We won't be digging a hole for this one. I think that's a little redundant, don't you?"
"No more so then the motto." James said.
Meowth chimed in, "Or the fact that we always lose."
"Or that we appear in every single episode"
"Don't forget how we always yell something about blasting off again."
"Same old pokemon every time too"
"Oh yeah, or how we always makes fools of ourselves and lose EVERY SINGLE pokemon battle."
"Oh OH! And how our hair styles are always ridiculous!"
"ENOUGH!!!" Jesse yelled, "whose side are you on?"
James blushed, "I really don't know. I mean, I find some girls attractive but sometimes I just wake up and think."
The hollow smack that came next was Jesse fan smacking her partner upside of the head. "Now if we can get past this nonsense long enough, I have a plan that just cant fail!"
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO OUR TRIO
Ash wondered, "I wonder what Misty is doing right now?"
SCENE CHANGE TO MISTY SITTING AT A BAR WITH OTHER FEMALE CARTOONS
Misty sits with Wilma and Batgirl drinking Long Island ice teas. "You see, I love that Ash, I really do, but he can be so freaking stupid at times. Did I ever tell you about the time we got zapped into Wonderland?"
SCENCE CHANGES TO WONDERLAND
The Cheasure Cat looks down at Ash, Misty, Brock and Pikachu. "Well, you could go to the left, and see the Hatter. Or you could go to the right to see the March Hare. It doesn't matter, they are both quite mad."
Misty asked, "But we don't want to go amongst MAD people!"
"Oh you cant help it, Everyone is mad here, I'm mad, your mad, if you're here you MUST be mad!" Cheasure Cat replied, "But if you are to make it out of here alive, you must do one thing, you see."
But before the Cheasure Cat could finish, a pokeball flew up and ensnared it.
"YES!!!" Ash said dancing, " I finally caught myself a. what was that anyway?" Ash asked.
"Our only hope of leaving Wonderland alive?" Brock said deadpan.
"Ohh." Ash said looking at the ball. "That's kinda a weird name for a pokemon."
SCENBE CHANGE BACK TO THE BAR
"Oh you think you got it bad," Wilma complained, "Look at what I'm married to. When most girls complain that their husband is a Neanderthal, it's just a figure of speech. But mine really IS a Neanderthal! Do you know what it's like to have a child with a real caveman? When we we're trying to have Pebbles, Fred would rip out hair that just shouldn't be ripped out and then there's that smell when he."
Batgirl interrupted Wilma, "Wilma. if you finish that statement I will wake up screaming every night for the rest of my life."
WE INTERUPT THIS SCENE FOR AN EMERGENCY ANNOUNCEMENT
We are now face to face with a man behind a desk. "We interrupt the previous scene, mainly because it wasn't very funny and there was no tasteful way to end, to bring you a special announcement. A gang of kids and their dog has just uncovered a startling conspiracy about the JFK assassination; we bring you live to the scene."
SCENE CHANGE TO WASHINGTON DC.
"Well it all started," A young man with blonde hair and a gay scarf said, "when we came to Washington DC to see that groovy band, The Backstreet Buttfu...."
"NEVER MIND THAT. anyway. While we were staying in the hotel though, we were chased out of our rooms by the ghost of JFK!"
The dog with replied, "Rat's Right"
"And so after some digging we discovered that the head of this whole conspiracy was."
Interrupting him, the reported asked, "Hey, did that dog just talk?"
"Yeah he did, he always has been able to. well as I was saying you wouldn't believe how high up in the government this goes to. you see."
"That's amazing!" the reported replied, "A talking dog."
"Your not listening to me."
"A talking dog."
Shaggy looks at Velma, "He can talk for real? I thought it was the weed."
Velma looks shocked, then realizes, "that would explain why you had the munchies so bad you ate the dog food."
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY (ASH and Co.)
Ash looks around, "annnddd. where' back from that acid trip."
Brock, "What were we doing?"
The three stand around scratching their heads...
Horatio clears his throat.
"OHHHH oh right!" Brock said, "I except your challenge!"
Horatio: "I didn't challenge you, I challenged him!"
Tracey: *teary eyed* "Someone wants me!!!"
Horatio glares at the freak and then looks at Brock, "Ok, you know what, I challenge you instead."
But Tracey cries and cries until Horatio changes his mind and challenges him again. So finally Tracey excepts the challenge that was laid down so very long ago. "Alright, I except your challenge Horatio."
"Alright then, this will be a 2 on 2 battle. I choose Rastifari. oh wait. he was banned from this story after the letters we got from "Going to School" (READ MY OTHER STORY) Ummm. in that case, I choose Machoke." and in an instant a giant muscular lizard stood in front of Horatio.
"So. which one of your pussy pokemon are you going to use?" Brock asked.
"HEY!" Tracey defended, "They aren't all pussy pokemon!!!"
"Sure they aren't. you got a little blue water thing," Ash said, "You got a Scyther that is knock knock knocking on heaven's door its so old, and a little fuzzy bug thing. Nice team ya got. what's the matter, Magikarp to tough to deal with?"
Tracey turned red with anger, "YOU JUST WAIT, I'll win this match!!! GOOOO SYCTHER!!!" And in a flash Scyther, a giant green bug thing that stands on 2 legs and has blades for arms came out and stood toe to toe with Horatio's Machoke. "Quick Scyther," Tracey yelled out, "Use your slash attack!"
But unfortunately, the elderly Scyther just collapsed into death. "AUGH!" Tracey yelled in surprise.
Brock calls out, "Scyther is unable to battle because Tracey's pokemon suck."
Tracey yelled out "Damnit!"
Misty then came back into the story, and walked up besides Ash. "So, what did I miss?"
"Nothing much," Ash replied, "Some weak-ass battle between Tracey and Hamlet or something like that." "HORATIO!"
"Whatever." Brock said, "Its not like you even matter, your one of the thousands of extras we have on this show, you'll be on for about 10 minutes, and we'll never see you again."
Horatio: *disappointed* "Really?"
Ash: "Hey, just be glad this isn't Star Trek!"
*SCENE CHANGE TO STAR TREK*
Captain Kirk: "Alright, we're here on a desolate alien planet, Spock, you scan for life, Bones, you set up base over there. I'll scout for alien babes, and you, Ensign Ed, you know what to do."
Ensign Ed: "Yes sir" Ensign Ed walks a few feet, and a giant rocks immediately falls from no where crushing him to death.
Kirk checks his watch. "Hmmm, that took a little longer then usual."
*SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY*
"Alright then" Tracey said, reaching for a pokeball, "I'm going to win this one with, Maril!!"
And in a flash out popped Maril, a cute little round blue pokemon.
"You're kidding right?" Horatio asked. "Well, lets finish this up Machoke run up to it and give it a Cross Chop."
"Quick Maril", Tracey yelled, "Remember that movie, 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer'? Well, that Machoke was the head writer!"
A change came over the cute Maril. It's changed into a deeper blue/purple color and finally green. Its eyes grew red. Its teeth grew into large pointed fangs. It looked with searing hatred at the Machoke, who stopped in its tracks with fear. In a flash the blue pokemon flew at the Machoke sinking its teeth deep into its throat. The bloody carnage that followed only ended when Horatio called back his Machoke.
As quick as it happened, Maril went back to looking perfectly cute, and except for all the blood on the ground and smeared on its cute little mouth, you wouldn't have guessed what just happened. The crowd stood there aghast. Brock made a face and said, "It would seem that Maril is psycho and Machoke is lucky to be alive, but nevertheless, Machoke is unable to battle, Maril wins that round.
Horatio cried out, "Oh come on, that was REAL dirty pool!"
Tracey just shrugged, "You know strategy is a part of pokemon training. And you don't want to make my Maril angry... you WONT LIKE HIM WHEN HE'S ANGRY"
Misty sighed, "Ash, are you following ANY of this?"
"Not really..." Ash shrugged, and pointed "Hell, I'm just trying to figure out what Spiderman is doing here"
Sure enough, hanging from a tree, Spiderman was watching the battle, "Oh don't mind me kids, This friendly neighborhood Spiderman is just here cause I had to bring The Hulk here. See, there he is over there"
And over where Spiderman was pointing, The giant green monster, the Incredible Hulk, was humping into a Snorlax, who seemed to still be asleep. The Hulk just grunted out with each thrust, "More. Cushion. Better. Pushing."
"Thatta boy Hulk," Spiderman said, "We let him do this cause it makes him more docile. All that rage before? Just pent up sexual aggression."
Brock: "Why a Snorlax?"
Spiderman: "Well, given the Hulk's size and strength, A Snorlax is about the only thing that will survive a horny Hulk... well that and Rosie O' Donnel, but even the Hulk has standards."
Ash, a' la Ed McMahon: "Hi yoooooooooo!"
"Can we finish this battle already?" Brock asked, "I need to put take out my contacts in a bit"
Everyone just stared at him in disbelief. "I HAVE eyes!!!" Brock yelled.
But before we could go down that humorous avenue, a shrill cry filled the air. "Say hey, we're gay! No more battles today!" was the chant that rang through the air. And two teenagers, and a cat, dressed in hippie clothing, run into view holding up protest signs. The male yells out, "I'm Wavy Cox."
And the female cries out, "And I'm Moist Chasm. And we are officially protesting this whole event."
"That's right!" The Meowth spoke up, "The whole idea of enslaving pokemon so you can make them fight each other is a horrible idea!"
The lady waved her protest sign which read, "Freedom Unto Caged Karma" at Ash and Company, and said, "We who belong to Freedom Unto Caged Karma, believe that if the world will ever become a beautiful place, we have to let all our creatures live outside pokeballs, to battle only when they feel like it."
Ash leaned over to Misty, "Umm. The name of their group. isn't that an acronym for."
Misty interrupted, "Yes it is."
The protestors continued. "If you really want your pokemon to be happy, why don't you just give them over to us, and we'll release them back into the wild and Mother Earth will weep with joy."
Brock groaned, "Oh no, Poke-activists."
Ash, "Whets the deal with them?"
"Well, I've never heard of this particular group" Misty explained, "But I know other groups like them, and they're pains in the asses. Always protesting at gyms, spray painting other pokemon, demanding that pokemon should be able to vote, crazy stuff like that."
Tracey nods, "Yeah but they aren't the worst... remember last Christmas?"
*SCENE CHANGE TO THE NORTH POLE
It's the night before Christmas and Santa Claus is making sure everything is perfect for his ride. "Let's see, I have my list of who's been naughty and nice... the toys are packed, the reindeer are fed... Hey... where are the reindeer?"
We see outside where the reindeer are... a group of protestors are freeing them! "Go, you're free now! Live free!"
Santa comes running up, "Whets going on here?"
"FUR IS MURDER!!!" A girl shrieks when she sees what the big man is wearing. She promptly kicks him the groin and dumps paint on the jolly old elf. "Aw shit... I got paint on my leather gloves" She moans.
*SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
Brock replied, "Yeah protesters can be bad... mostly whiney people with too much time on their hands... who choose not to fill that spare time with million of pokemon products, but can you imagine a world without them?"
*SCENE CHANGE TO A LARGE FOREST
We see an elf in a suit and tie, obviously a reporter, standing in front of a large tree. "I'm standing here in front of Ernie Keebler's cookie factory. Today is the 100th year anniversary of this wonderful institution, why in there right now there are hundreds of elves and Ernie himself, making a brand new fudge cookie to commemorate this momentous anniversary. We hope to have a word with them in a just a minute, so if you at home would just... wait a minute... what is this...?"
We then see a group of lumberjacks run up to the tree, and begin to cut down the tree, we hear tiny little screams coming from inside, and a loud, "TIMBER!!!"
The tree starts to tip down, the reporter yells, "OH THE HUMANITY!!!""
*SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY
"Yeah.... that's the good stuff, now we'll get in trouble..." Ash said happily.
"Hey guys..." Misty said, "I just had a thought... who else has a talking Meowth other then..." She walks up to the male of the group and pulls off his mask, revealing James of...
"TEAM ROCKET" Everyone around gasps! Jessie and Meowth remove their disguises as well.
Meanwhile a little further down, a young boy declares, "Hey! You're not Enrico Testicaclese, the famous pokemon trainer!" And then pulls off the man's mask revealing the 'trainer' to be a giant rabbit, "YOUR THE RABBIT!!!"
Everyone around yells, "SILLY RABBIT, Tricks are for kids!"
Brock looked at Tracey and said, "I thought tricks were for women in the red light districts?"
But even further down, we see a giant translucent Pikachu caught in a net, a young woman in glasses says, "Alright, now lets see who the ghost Pikachu of Tent 23 really is!" And Velma removes the mask, to unveil, an older gentleman.
Fred declares, "Hey, its old man Periwinkle, the owner of the hotdog stand! I bet he realized that this pokemon fair is on top of a diamond mind, and he was trying to scare everyone away!"
The man bitterly spits at them and says, "Yeah, and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"
Fred looks at him aghast... "Meddling? Meddling... you smarmy son of a bitch!!!" Apparently the gang of kids take offense to being called meddling so often, because they proceed to beat the living crap out of him.
I think this is a GOOD place to end this right now... Dont worry boys and girls, the second half is coming very soon, probably as soon as wednesday night or thursday afternoon, but while you're waiting, why not post a review! Remember, its up to viewers like you to keep low-quality crap like this story on the internet. So send in your pledges and reviews!