Disclaimer: I still don't own FMA, never have. So just please read this.
Edward Elric
Call him short
Take away his automail arm so he can't do the "clappy thingy"
Force feed him milk
Force feed him milk while calling him short
Tell him Al hates him
Replace his oil for his automail with chocolate syrup
Send him to a small island in the middle of the ocean with a false lead on a philosophers' stone
While he's on the island sink his boat
Tell the homunculus where Ed is
When Ed gets back tell him you sent him to the wrong island and that it was the one next to it.
Send people who Ed has gotten arrested to the island where he is
Tell people he loves to be called short
Strap a sign on his back that says "kick the midget"
Get him a shirt that says "Edward Cullen is better than Edward Elric"
Remove his automail and transmute it into a giant butterfly and say Ed made it.