From the Darkness
Kourin Lucrece
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
Author's note: Please be kind, this is my first Harry Potter fan fiction. I really don't know why this popped into my head, nor if it's any good, so reviews would be much appreciated.
There were times when he wondered if the world would miss him. He would press he forehead against the cool glass of the window and wonder if the would have been better if he'd never been borne. He wasn't contemplating suicide, exactly, but something larger and darker. There was a place deep inside himself that seemed to always be missing something; some warmth or knowledge that he couldn't even explain. He didn't know what he needed, nor where the feeling came from.
Maybe it grew from the way his family's house felt more a prison than a home. Maybe from his mother screaming that he was an abomination and a traitor, or the fact that he knew only a father's contempt, and none of his warmth. Maybe it was the triumph on his brother's face at being the favoured son, the child who held all the promise of the Black family name. Maybe it was the torment from cousins, aunts and uncles over something as stupid as where he found friendship. Maybe it was the shame he felt for wanting his parent's love, for the family darkness the he occasionally recognized in himself. Most recently, it was the looks of disgust on the faces of his friends; disgust he knew he deserved.
Reflection like this never seemed to solve the problem. Instead, it grew until he felt as though he couldn't breathe. It was as though a hole had opened inside him somewhere, and he was unable to eat or sleep from the feeling of loss.
The summer when Sirius Black turned sixteen was the hardest he had faced, but until that night he had never truly thought about ending it all. That night was, in fact, no different from the others. The too-thin boy lay on his bed, his mother's screeches echoing in his ears and pain from his father's "punishments" dully filled his other senses. He looked out the window to the darkness of London beyond, and realized that nothing was ever going to change.
His family was full of hatred and darkness, and they were always going to believe that those whose blood was not "pure" did not deserve to live. They were always going to despise him for befriending people who were kind, and accepting, and wonderful. And, if he stayed, he would eventually become just like the rest of them.
Thinking of his friends once more, Sirius closed his eyes and tears escaped his eyes despite his efforts not to cry. He had two choices: he could kill himself, or he could leave forever. Getting up, he hastily began to throw what few belongings he had into his trunk for school and grabbed his broom. He might no longer deserve his friends, nor have their trust, but he was going to try to set things right. Better with them than in the "most noble and ancient house of Black".
Sirius pried the window open and magicked his trunk to be light. He didn't care if he was expelled for underage magic, he was freeing himself. Casting one final look around his prison of sixteen years, Sirius felt something ease in his chest and a new warmth fill in. He was going to change for the better, and he was going to do his utmost to change the world as well. Climbing onto the broom and out the window, he swore to himself that he would never return to his family's ancestral home, nor the darkness that lat within.
He flew into the star-filled night without a backward glance, and set his course towards Godric's Hollow. He could feel things getting better already.