No Way In Hell (a Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfiction) by Seth's Kiss:
A/N: Hi there, I'm Seth's Kiss. Any advice within your reviews is warmly and openly welcomed. Also, if this fic offends you, here's my very simple and lovely advice: Don't read.
Warnings: This fanfiction is rated M...out of sheer paranoia. See, my first fic (a Bleach fic) is very dark and I'd rather you didn't stumble on it if you're underage or faint-hearted: if you'll read any of my other fics, you'll be sure to notice that 'fluff' is not my forte... This fic however has no violence, no cuss words, nothing sexually inclined (okay, maybe a little...but it's just insinuations, nothing big): a thing I wrote out of the top of my head. Again, if these themes or anything else doesn't appeal to you, 'cause it offends you or anything: Do not read.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters, they belong to Kazuki Takahashi (who I very much ADORE for ever creating the Seto Kaiba); I do own everything else (such as the ideas used to create this plot). I'd also like to apologize beforehand if any of the characters are in any way O.O.C, so let me know when you believe they are: I mean, I'll try as hard as I can to keep them in character, but I tend to let my writing take over my imagination at times...
Official Summary: Kaiba Seto and Jounouchi Katsuya are VERY distressed to find out that their respective siblings, Mokuba and Shizuka, are dating in secret. Written just for laughs.
Chapter 1: Say What?!
Jounouchi Katsuya had a relatively simple if not slightly messed up life. He wasn't complaining about it though: it was majorly tolerable.
There were ups and downs, sometimes more downs than ups, but hey...some people had it worse. So yeah, his life was pretty fine...
However, while it was rare, the unexpected wasn't exactly something he dealt well with at all. And boy, today specifically, wasn't it just unexpected all the way?
Having the day off, Jounouchi was back home, in his flat, lounging around, which included watching the TV, reading magazines, reorganizing his cards and so on. Nothing odd there.
Then around noon or something like that, there was a phone call, his mobile's ringtone setting off and playing Victorious by Panic at the Disco (1). Again, nothing odd there.
It was the voice on the other end of the line that made everything odd: it was Kaiba. Seto Kaiba. THE SETO KAIBA...
Jounouchi had shut down momentarily as thousands of questions ran through his mind, the most pertinent ones being: Kaiba was calling him? Why? How the hell did he get his number?
He barely heard the other telling him to open the door for him in the upcoming three minutes that followed. Once that registered in, the blonde stared disbelievingly at the door when the bell rang, Kaiba having hung up three minutes ago.
Heading for the door and opening it, Jounouchi was indeed face to face with Kaiba, dressed in his trademark attire with the white coat and silver studs here and there, the brunet's face set in that permanent threatening scowl of his, making Jounouchi briefly wonder: did the other even have another facial expression?
"Are you going to keep staring on like that with me standing here in the doorway, or are you going to let me in?" resounded Kaiba's deep sarcastic voice as he crossed his arms.
Wordlessly moving aside, Jounouchi let the other slip in, the whole situation too surreal for him to retort.
By the time he got a grip on himself, the CEO was already sitting on the couch, having made himself comfortable, and was staring in Jounouchi's direction expectantly with a raised eyebrow, waiting for the blonde to initiate the conversation.
Which is what Jounouchi did as he leaned against a wall, not wanting to be anywhere too close to the other: "What do you want, rich boy?"
"I came here to talk to you..."
"Obviously" snorted the blonde with a roll of his chocolate brown eyes, leading Kaiba in turn to narrow his own icy blue eyes.
"Let me finish" stated the brunet firmly with an impatient pat of his long elegant fingers on his lap "I came here to talk to you because I'm deeply concerned about Mokuba."
Brown eyes widened slightly: "The kid? Haven't seen him in awhile... How is he?"
"I'd like to say fine, but..." trailed off Kaiba as he glanced sideways with raised eyebrows, as if debating with himself on how to formulate the rest of the sentence.
The rather uncharacteristic hesitation of the CEO led Jounouchi to question anxiously: "Did somethin' happen?"
"Unfortunately."
"It's not that bad, is it?"
"That's exactly what it is."
"Oh my God" uttered Jounouchi in slight horror as he instantly thought of the worst "Has he been kidnapped again?!"
Eyebrow twitching in faint annoyance when the other said 'again', Kaiba sighed: "Not quite."
The blonde frowned with confusion at the other's half-given replies before he demanded irately: "What is that supposed to mean?!"
Inhaling sharply before exhaling leisurely, the CEO drawled out grimly: "Mokuba is currently dating..."
"Uh...what?" interrupted the blonde incredulously all of a sudden, not really sure he heard right.
Genuinely aggravated at have being cut off, the brunet gritted out painstakingly: "You heard me perfectly well."
"Yeah, actually I did" confirmed Jounouchi before he snorted indulgently "Wait, aren't you bein' a little extreme? He's a big boy now - sixteen right? Give him some space, Kaiba."
The young blue-eyed man merely raised an elegant eyebrow at the other's reaction: "Again, you didn't exactly let me finish. He's dating your sister."
It actually took awhile for Katsuya Jounouchi to fully register what Seto Kaiba had just said - who patiently waited for the other to absorb the rather brutal impact - and when it did register within the blonde's head that had momentarily gone brain-dead, he saw red: "HE'S WHAT?! NO, I HEARD YOU! AND I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
The brunet would have laughed if the situation wasn't as dire on his end, so he just resorted to glare apathetically: "Who's being extreme now? And I have nothing to do with this."
Still livid, the blonde didn't believe the other for one second: "Why the heck are you tellin' me this then if it's not to rub it in my face, huh?"
"Actually, when I came here, it's because I thought you were behind this. Apparently not: you didn't even know. Then again, getting to me through Mokuba by using your sister would be a too elaborate plan for you."
"I really don't like what you're implyin'" grounded out Jounouchi venomously whilst a collection of veins throbbed in silent fury upon his forehead.
"I wouldn't worry. Most people don't" the other retorted smoothly, arrogantly even, whilst his lips quirked upwards into a subtle smirk.
Crossing his arms and turning his head away, the blonde huffed tetchily: "Tch! That kind of schemin' sounds more like your style."
Kaiba's expression instantly hardened at that: "I would never ask Mokuba to do such a thing."
"Yeah, well me neither" declared Jounouchi steadfastly and the other knew better than to doubt the honesty from within those chocolate brown eyes that never lied "I didn't even know Shizuka was with Mokuba, let alone datin' at all. How long?"
"It's been exactly eight months and three days."
Once again, the blonde freaked out: "EIGHT FREAKIN' MONTHS?! How the hell did I miss this?!"
"Because you're an idiot" deadpanned the CEO in all seriousness.
Jounouchi shot a nasty glare at the other: "How about you then, huh? When did you find out?"
"Three days ago."
"Then why the heck are you being so arrogant about it, hm?"
"I still found out before you."
"Why you..." seethed the blonde lividly before exhaling out loudly and running a hand through his hair "Does Mokuba know that you found out?"
"No. He doesn't know that I know. And I found accidently on top of that. Mokuba is far too careful, so I haven't found an effective way to pin him yet."
"So, now that we...that you know, what will you do?"
"I plan on ending their relationship. Subtly, gently - they're just kids after all - but I will end it. It just won't work out. Not with us in the background."
"I second that."
"Well, that's a first" commented Kaiba as a smirk lazily found its way back upon his face "Are you agreeing with me, Make-inu (2)?"
"Shut the heck up" spat out the other half-heartedly "But...that still doesn't tell me how you're going to do this."
"Do you wish for me to answer or to 'shut the heck up'? Make up your mind."
"KA-I-BA..."
"I'll work something out...Eventually."
"How...How deep is their relationship?"
"I told you. I found out about it only three days ago."
"So...you don't know?"
"Bravo. You're not so dumb after all."
"Hey, rich boy" grounded out Jounouchi cantankerously as he stomped over to the other and pointed a finger right at his face "In your castle, it's your rules, sure, but here, you're in my house. Stop slightin' me or get the heck out."
"As if I'd stay more than I have to" snorted Kaiba scathingly with a roll of his eyes, as he swiftly stood up and headed for the exit "Now that we got our facts straight, I have no reason to remain here any longer."
Staring wordlessly at the departing brunet, a sudden thought made the blonde run after the other: "Hey, wait up! Do you have...uh...spy-tech or somethin'?"
Turning to face the blonde in unabashed bewilderment, the young blue-eyed man spoke cautiously: "I'm a CEO, not 007. Still, why the question?"
"Well...Since you said you didn't get to pin Mokuba, I have an idea that might..."
"You? An idea? In the same sentence?" uttered the brunet disbelievingly before he raised his eyes upwards dramatically "The world must be coming to an end."
"Ka..."
"Don't give me that look. I'm not in your house anymore, meaning I can be myself again."
"You never stopped bein' yourself! Gosh, I hate you!"
"True. On both statements. And just so we're clear, the feeling's completely mutual. "
"Argh! Will you just give me a minute to hear me out?!"
"Are you sure a minute will be enough?"
"Carry on comin' up with snarky witty retorts and it won't!" yelled out Jounouchi vehemently whilst the other chuckled mockingly before relenting and letting the other expose his 'worth-a-minute-to-listen idea'... And the more the blonde spoke, the more it did actually sound like a decent idea...
"You know, Make-inu..." voiced Kaiba gradually once the other had finished talking "I have no clue right now if this idea of yours is sheer weirdness or pure madness...or genius."
At that, Jounouchi did a literal face-ground: "Why the heck did you put 'genius' at the end?! And why is it the only one to not have an adjective?!"
"We're doing it" decided the brunet irrefutably as he took hold of the blonde's wrist before opening the door and tugging the other along with him "Let's go."
"Wha...? Hey! Let me at least put my shoes on! Whoa, slow your horses down, rich boy!"
And thus, the two boys went off, determined to put their differences aside, long enough to collaborate, in order to put a halt, to their respective dearest siblings' romantic encounters...
To be continued…
(1) That song just seemed to fit Jonouchi...kind of. Actually not at all. I just happened to be listening to it when writing this fic and slipped it in.
(2) Make-inu: Japanese for 'Loser Dog', one of the nicknames Kaiba has for Jounouchi.
Next Chapter: No Way...
A/N: So...this fic is a three chapter thing...and I'll update as soon as I finish the other two... Ta-da! Sorry if I'm not that talkative, I have a little high fever :P But I'm grinning gleefully right now...I really had fun building this fic up as I quite enjoy using themes that I didn't find when browsing. I hope you liked this chapter and please look forward for the next one!